Someday
by tessnotbess
Summary: John and Natalie meet in high school. John has to show Natalie she's not worthless, and she learns to love him. Their lives are perfect, until one day, Natalie disappears. Five years later, John is dealing with the murder of his father and still trying to learn to live without her.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: It's been quite a while since I've posted anything. I've been working on this for something like six months, so it seemed like I just had to publish it. This is a Jolie fic- in case anyone had any doubts of that. It's completely AU, inspired by a fic I read once on BoP (speaking of which, if anyone has the ability to, could they tell me how to get back to BoP?), a book I read a while back, and a fic I started working on forever ago, but never finished. Anyway, I hope you enjoy. I'm probably only going to do a little updating at a time, it's super long, so it would take me forever to upload it in one sitting. Review please!

 _He hated the bus. There was something about putting fifty people on a large vehicle at this hour of the morning that really made him want to punch people. When it wasn't this time of day and they weren't being so loud, he actually liked the people he was currently trying hard to ignore. He was counting down the days until he had his license. Of course, then he would need a car, but that was a separate battle. He wished he had brought his headphones today, it seemed like everyone was louder._

 _Maybe they were in anticipation._

 _He'd made some decent progress in ignoring the idiots around him when the bus pulled into its next stop and the noise that erupted caused him to look up._

 _There was a new kid on the bus. A girl. She had bright red hair piled into a sloppy bun at the top of her head and she was wearing men's clothes that were at least four sizes too big._

 _It was like she was trying to stand out._

 _Moreover, she needed a seat and she wasn't having much luck up front. He'd secured his loner seat long ago, and he was hopeful that she found one before she got to his seat. He didn't want to be branded as her friend, and he didn't want to interrupt his mornings of solitude, either._

 _But she was getting closer and the other loner seats didn't make any eye contact._

 _"Sit down!" the bus driver bellowed from up front._

 _The kids behind him were already beginning their torment of her, calling her names and wolf whistling. She was approaching his seat, with a begging look in her eyes. Silently, he moved his bag to his lap and she sat down._

 _She didn't say anything and she kept as much space between them as possible. He felt slightly at ease that she didn't want to talk anymore than he did._

He woke with a start. He panted, a cold sweat rushing over him. He sat up, suddenly unsure of what he was supposed to be doing.

Where was she?

"John?" he heard, and shut his eyes, everything coming back to him in a rush.

"I'm fine, sorry. Bad dream, go back to sleep"

She fell back asleep instantly, and he got up, heading to the kitchen. He needed a drink. He grabbed a beer from the fridge, gulping down almost half of it before coming up for air. Lately, the dreams of her had been coming more often and he kept waking up like this. He didn't know how much longer he could take it.

 _She was reading the book he brought on the bus with him. He wasn't sure when she'd started, but he knew she was reading them. They weren't that interesting, just anthologies of poetry, something he used to pass the time on the bus, but he wasn't sure anyone but him would find it interesting. He began to turn the pages slower and make sure she was getting everything out of each of them._

 _Then one day, seemingly out of nowhere she started talking to him. Well, he supposed it had something to do with him oversleeping and not grabbing his book._

 _"So what kind of guy bring poetry on a school bus, anyway?"_

 _She sounded- spunky was the only word that came to mind._

 _He shrugged, "Me"_

 _"Isn't that the type of thing guys get beat up for?"_

 _"You think they're paying any attention to me?" he asked back, and to prove his point one of the idiots began howling, which started the chain throughout the bus._

 _"You may have a point there" she said, "I'm Natalie, by the way"_

 _"John" he answered._

 _"I've heard. John McBain"_

 _"Oh, you've heard? About what, precisely?"_

 _"You play football"_

 _"Yeah, I guess" he said, "So why haven't I heard about you?"_

 _She shrugged, "Guess there's not much to say"_

 _"Do you have a last name?"_

 _"Balsom"_

 _"Well, you liked the poetry, then?"_

 _"Yeah" she almost smiled, "Some of its pretty good"_

 _"Then I guess if they every figure me out, you're going to go down with me"_

 _"I don't think they need another reason to pick on me, do you?"_

He began to unpack the box. He'd just moved from a desk in the squad room to his own office. He'd gotten here early, trying to get unpacked before all the others came in so it seemed like he was capable of this job. He knew he was, but he also knew how it looked. Like he'd just gotten this promotion because of his dad, but that wasn't entirely true. He'd solved more cases for this precinct than any other uniform had. Add that to his years at the ACPD and the FBI, he was more than qualified.

But that didn't stop the whispers he heard that stirred up the doubt in him.

As he unpacked, he stopped at her case file. He hadn't picked it up in a while, and he again thumbed through it. It didn't make sense. It never had. He stopped to look at her picture. He must have looked at this picture a thousand times, but it never failed to make his heart break for what had happened.

 _They'd begun talking every morning and every afternoon. About anything and everything. It was getting to the point where they both got sad when she had to get off at her stop. Where the weekend seemed unbearably long because that was two days of not talking to her. He'd been trying to convince himself for two weeks to ask her, but he chickened out every time._

 _Finally, there came a Friday where he knew he wouldn't make it through the weekend. They'd run into each other at school that day and she'd done her cute half smile at him and said she'd see him later. He couldn't explain why that gave him so much excitement, but that had put him over the top._

 _When she sat down next to him on the bus that day, he didn't bother to build up to it, he just asked._

 _"Can I have your phone number?"_

 _"You want my phone number?"_

 _He nodded._

 _"You want my phone number?" she asked again, as if it was the most ludicrous thing someone had ever asked her._

 _"What's so strange about that?" he asked._

 _"No one's ever-" she looked down, unable to look at him to see the pity that would be in his eyes. His perfect, crystal blue eyes. Why did he have to be so perfect to her all the time?_

 _"Oh" he said, "Well, I do"_

 _"Why?" she asked._

 _"Because two days is too long to go without talking to you"_

 _She looked back at him. He couldn't know she felt the same way. Like the weekend was the longest two days of every week because those were two days where no one looked at her or listened to her like John did. She'd sworn to herself she'd leave her home life out of this, that she'd just enjoy him while she could, before everything went to hell again. She searched for a way around the truth._

 _"Natalie-"_

 _"I don't have a phone" she said, feeling smaller than ever._

 _"oh" he said._

 _She looked down, sure that he was pitying her now. She hated that. This was the one thing she'd been happy about, and now he knew. Knew that she was worthless._

 _He took her hand, interlocking fingers. He didn't know why he did it, but it seemed that was only thing he could do right now. He couldn't describe the feeling he got from holding her hand. It was like something in him clicked and this caused it, like he hadn't been whole before he'd done this. He couldn't imagine not doing it after this._

 _She looked down at her hand, now in his, and she was unsure what this meant. She knew she'd never look at her hand the same way again. She didn't know how such a simple gesture could make her feel so safe, especially when every other instance in her life told her not to feel safe. Yet, he had that power over her._

 _They looked at each other again, though they didn't say anything. She was comforted in the fact that she had this to remember for the weekend, even if she couldn't talk to him. God, she hoped he did it again on Monday. She saw that he wasn't looking at her any differently, either._

 _"You okay?" he asked._

 _She nodded._

 _"I guess this will have to tide me over til Monday"_

Under that case file was the other one he'd held onto. The only other one that was still open. His dad's case. It had much less in it, but it was much newer. He knew he had to focus on his dad's case before hers, as much as it pained him to do so. His brother and his mom needed that closure, and he did too, but they'd all moved on from Natalie's case. He only wished he could do the same, but he knew he probably never would.

He continued to unpack the box, putting out the pictures he brought for the office, one of the family, one of he and his dad. He organized his office supplies and turned on his coffee maker. He could do this. He could make his dad proud. He could make Natalie proud.

 _They could still talk about anything. The only thing they didn't talk about was them. They held hands every morning and every afternoon, and sometimes she leaned into him a little more than usual, but they didn't talk about what they were._

 _So, when one morning she came on the bus looking angrier than normal, he immediately took her hand, he knew she liked it because that was one of the only times she didn't have anything to say._

 _"You okay?" he asked after a minute of silence._

 _She leaned into his shoulder, "I'm good now" she said._

 _"Do you want to talk about it?"_

 _"My stepfather- he and I just got into a fight" she tried to simplify it._

 _"That sucks" he said, "Are you close?"_

 _She laughed, "No. He's an ass. I hate him"_

 _"What about your mom?"_

 _She shrugged, "I don't know, she's- she's my mom. That's really all there is to that"_

 _"You going to be okay?" he said, "When you go home today?"_

 _"He won't be there when I get home"_

 _"Is there anything I can do?"_

 _She looked down at their hands, then smiled at him._

 _"You're doing it"_

 _"GO BIG RED"_

 _They'd been chanting, but they only just now heard them because of the lull in their conversation. Natalie noticeably paled, and turned to face the front of the bus, away from him. She went to let go of his hand, but he wouldn't let her._

 _"Natalie-"_

 _"John, you don't have to be dragged into this too"_

 _"If it concerns you, it concerns me"_

 _"Why let them bother you?"_

 _"Because they're bothering you"_

 _He didn't let go of her hand as the bus stopped and they immediately got off. The chanting didn't stop. He knew exactly who was behind it, Jeremy, the one who always had a comment about how she looked. Normally, it didn't bother him, it was just some offhand comment about what she was wearing, but this was meant to publicly humiliate her. When they were off the bus and the cheering continued, he slung off his backpack, left it on the ground in front of her and went to turn towards him._

 _"John, you don't-"_

 _"They shouldn't be talking about you like that"_

 _"Who are you angry for right now?"_

 _"What?"_

 _"Are you angry for me? Because I don't want you to do anything" she said, "But if you're angry for you-"_

 _"How can that not bother you?"_

 _"Because they don't matter" she said, "Now, c'mon, if you're doing this for me, I'd much rather you walk me to my locker" she said, and he seemed calmer. He nodded his head in agreement, "Okay" she said and bent down to get his backpack._

 _Jeremy wolf whistled, "Get it, Red"_

 _"That's it" John said, and turned towards him._

 _Before either Jeremy or Natalie could process it, John had punched him across the face, and was continuing his assault on him._

 _"Don't talk about her like that"_

 _"John, what the hell?"_

 _"You are not going to say that about my girlfriend" he yelled._

 _Natalie was shocked by that confession, but it was at that moment that Jeremy regained his composure and began to fight back. She watched in horror as Jeremy gained the upper hand and began to punch John. Shortly, teachers were pulling them apart._

 _John sat in the office, waiting for his dad to get there. His face hurt, his hands hurt, and he was sure Natalie was pissed at him. He was sure his dad would be mad, too, and his mom, well, his mom had refused to pick him up. His dad said nothing to him until they were alone in his truck._

 _"Your mother is not happy with you" he said, "You're lucky she's on shift, she'll have some time to calm down before she comes home"_

 _"I'm sorry, Dad"_

 _"The principal said you were standing up for someone"_

 _John didn't say anything. They only knew a little about Natalie, and he wasn't quite sure how they felt about it._

 _"So it was the girl"_

 _"He whistled at her, Dad. She bent over and he whistled at her. Like she-"_

 _"You did the right thing" he said, "the wrong way, don't forget that part,but you did the right thing"_

 _"Dad-"_

 _"this is a girl you care about. They were making fun of her, you defended her" he said, "I would have done the same thing. I'm not proud of it, but I would have"_

 _They didn't say anything else on the ride to the house, and when they got home, John went right to his room, both because he was sure he would be sentenced there for a long time and because all he wanted to do was sleep. He hadn't broken anything, but he was sure his face was pretty beat up and it hurt a lot._

 _John wasn't on the bus that afternoon. She'd supposed that when teachers pulled him and Jeremy apart, he wouldn't be back in class that day, but she was still surprised when she was by herself on the bus. She still had his backpack, and she wanted him to have it. If for no other reason, that gave her a chance to see him. She didn't want to think about that too much, why she wanted to see him so much, or the feeling that had come over her when he'd called her his girlfriend. She got off at his stop, not really knowing where his house was. She asked Tracy, who happened to be Jeremy's girlfriend, but he wasn't on the bus either. She didn't look to happy to answer the question, but she told her anyway._

 _She knocked on the door, not quite sure what to expect. A man opened the door. His dad, she finally realized._

 _"Hi" she said, not quite sure how to introduce herself._

 _"You must be Natalie"_

 _"Yeah" she said, "I have John's backpack"_

 _"Well, come in, I'm sure he'll be glad to see you" he said, and headed into the house._

 _She followed, and in short order was in John's room. It was very boyish, not something she'd expected, but she found it cute just the same. His dad let her in, not saying anything, so she just went in._

 _"John?" she asked quietly. It looked like he was sleeping._

 _"Natalie?" he was groggy._

 _"Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up"_

 _"Don't be" he said._

 _"I brought your backpack"_

 _"Thanks" he said._

 _She put it down, lingering in the doorway._

 _"Come here" he said. She came closer, but still stood a good distance away, "Natalie, sit down"_

 _"Is that allowed?"_

 _"Yeah, come here"_

 _She sat down next to him, "How are you?"_

 _"I've been better" he said, "It's not as bad as it looks"_

 _"Well you look pretty bad"_

 _"You should see the other guy"_

 _"You did quite a number on him"_

 _"He got three weeks suspension"_

 _"Oh yeah, and what about you?"_

 _"Two days"_

 _"You got off easy"_

 _"Yeah, well, I haven't been in seven fights this year"_

 _"No one bothered me all day. Apparently having a fight over you is a pretty big deal"_

 _"I thought you'd be mad at me"_

 _"For what?"_

 _"I called you my girlfriend"_

 _She didn't say anything._

 _"I know you don't want to talk about- us"_

 _She still didn't say anything._

 _"Natalie, I care about you. A lot. I'm sorry if I-"_

 _She closed her eyes, finding the strength to have this conversation, "John" she said, getting him to stop, "I- I'm not mad" she said, "And-God this is embarrassing, you can't bring this up ever again" she paused, "When you-when you called me your girlfriend, I kind of, I don't know, it felt good"_

 _"Really?"_

 _She nodded, "So I guess, if that's what you want-"_

 _"That is what I want"_

 _"As long as my step dad doesn't find out, I think I want that too"_

 _"So I guess this fight was worth the face"_

 _"Consider this your one act of chivalry" she said, "This is not what I signed on for"_

 _"Noted" he said._

 _"How's your face?"_

 _"It's fine"_

 _She leaned over and kissed the side of his face._

 _"Thanks for sticking up for me" she said, "but don't you ever do that again"_

 _"Okay" he agreed, "Are you going to be okay to go home?"_

 _"As okay I'll ever be"_

 _"Because you can stay for awhile if you want"_

 _"And you can keep your girlfriend in your bedroom?"_

 _"As long as the door's open" he said, "that's the rule"_

 _"There's a rule. That implies precedence"_

 _"Now you're going to get all smart on me?"_

 _"John" they heard from his doorway. It was his mom, "Oh, hi" she added when she saw Natalie._

 _"Hello" she said, "I guess I'll be leaving" she said, "Bye John" she squeezed his hand and left._

 _"The fight was over her?" his mother started the second Natalie was gone. The disgust in her voice was so thick John saw red._

 _"Yeah" he said, "He whistled at her"_

 _"John McBain" she started on a tirade. But none of that mattered. He'd listen to her tirade him for his whole suspension. It didn't matter, because Natalie was his girlfriend, and nothing was going to take that away._


	2. Chapter 2

Paperwork was the bane of his existence. Especially since this was all a formality, anyway. Opening a case on his father's murder was pretty much a done deal, that was why he got this job in the first place. Because he had the skills to do it. Because he could stay objective and distant. Because he could keep his emotions in check.

Easy.

After all, that was what people thought of him. That he was cold and unfeeling. Little did they know that once, he'd been the picture of emotional health, that he'd freely given his heart away.

But that had all changed once she'd disappeared.

 _Natalie was coming over for dinner. It shouldn't be a big deal. Yet, he was nervous, and he could tell she was nervous._

 _"Hey" he said, holding her hand, "You okay?"_

 _She nodded._

 _"Don't lie to me"_

 _"What happens if they don't like me?"_

 _His mom didn't like her. That much was obvious. She figured it had to do with the whole dressing in tattered clothes, never having her hair clean, her son got into a fight defending her thing. John had told her all about his family. His dad was a cop, his mom was a singer that held a job as a nurse's aide and he had a brother that was younger than they were, but older than Rex._

 _"They won't"_

 _"John, be real"_

 _"They know you're important to me. So you're going to be important to them too"_

 _"And if I'm not?"_

 _"Are you afraid?"_

 _"No" she said defiantly, even though it sounded fake to her own ears._

 _"I didn't think so" he said, "Now c'mon"_

 _They'd had their powwow on the porch and they headed into the dining room. Natalie did her best to impress them and be polite. Even though his mom still had some look of disapproval on her face, she thought she did pretty well with his dad and brother. And the food. She ate everything. If only she could tell Rex about it, or steal him some for when she went back home. It was more food at one place than she'd ever seen. They invited her for a movie after dinner, and she knew John wanted her to stay, but she couldn't rationalize leaving Rex alone in that house any longer._

 _"Well, John, walk her home then. It's dark out" his dad said._

 _The two of them went outside and he immediately took her hand._

 _"And you were afraid"_

 _"I was not"_

 _"You did good" he said._

 _"You know you can't walk me home, right?"_

 _"I can walk you halfway, can't I?"_

 _She smiled and nodded, "You can walk me halfway" she said, "And I did want to stay for the movie, you know that, right? I just-"_

 _"I know. You have to take care of Rex" he said, "Someday you'll stay"_

 _"Yeah, someday" she said._

 _"I know you have to get home to Rex, but-"_

 _"What?"_

 _"Can we make a pit stop on the way?"_

 _She nodded, "Let's go"_

 _They began walking, but shortly out of the driveway, John pulled her into the woods. A few feet in and they were in a small clearing. John held her around the waist._

 _"I like this pit stop so far"_

 _"Me and Mike used to play here a lot" he said._

 _"He's a cute kid" she said, "It must run in the family"_

 _He pushed her hair out of her face, "I wanted to have you to myself for a few minutes"_

 _"I'm yours"_

 _"Because I want to kiss you" he finished._

 _Natalie didn't respond and before she could even formulate a response, his lips were on hers. She didn't know what to do, and yet, like her body was an expert on this, she opened her mouth and her arms wound around his neck. He pulled her closer, and her heart was on overdrive, her stomach fluttered and she wasn't sure she'd ever felt so much all at once. They parted to breathe, but after only a breath, she leaned up and into his lips again. It was just as wonderful the second time. When they parted, they both panted softly. She unwound her arms from his neck, but he didn't let her go, so she rested her hands on his chest. Their foreheads were resting against each other and she could feel his heartbeat under her hand and his breath on her face. It was incredibly intimate and she was still reeling._

 _"I think I'm in love with you" he whispered._

 _"John"she whispered, unable to say anything else right now._

 _"You don't have to say anything" he said, "I just wanted you to know"_

 _"I think you might be the best thing that's ever happened to me"_

 _"Same here" he said and kissed her forehead._

 _"That was-something"_

 _"Good something?"_

 _"Very" she said._

 _"I hope you feel comfortable coming over more often now"_

 _"Your mom still doesn't like me"_

 _"She'll come around"_

 _"How are you so sure?"_

 _"You remind me of her a lot"_

 _"Excuse me?"_

 _"Alright, I walked into that one" he said, "You don't give up. My mom's been singing for, I don't even know, she's still going at it. That's what I meant" he said, "She'll see that, sooner or later"_

 _"Thanks" she said._

 _"I guess we should get going"_

 _"Yeah, we should"_

He touched his lips. He wished he could figure out why the onslaught of memories was coming now, when he should be focusing on anything but her. That was the reason all of his pictures of her were stowed safely away. First in his apartment so that no one would see them while he was working and ask questions, and so, at least for a little while, he could pretend he wasn't still thinking about her with every spare moment he had. Then, they all moved to his closet. He still wasn't too proud of that, but it was better than answering the questions that would inevitably come.

With everything unpacked, he went to make coffee to get him through the day.

 _He, Michael, his mom and his dad always went to the supermarket on Christmas Eve. Every year, he questioned why, because it was hands down the most crowded place he ever was all year. He was already miserable because he was out of school, which meant no guarantee of seeing Natalie for almost two weeks._

 _And then, like his own personal Christmas angel, there she was. They locked eyes immediately. He wanted to hug her, but then he saw immediately behind her her brother, and a small blonde staggering around that he assumed was her mother._

 _"Are you going to say hi?" Michael asked him._

 _"Mom, I'll go grab that frozen pizza for you" Natalie said loud enough so he could hear her and then took off._

 _He turned to his parents. They made eye contact and then his dad turned to him._

 _"Go ahead" his dad said, then waited for John to leave before turning back, "Not til we're home, Eve"_

 _Meanwhile, in frozen foods-_

 _"Hey" she said._

 _"Hey" he said, "Nice move with the pizza"_

 _"I miss you" she said._

 _"I miss you, too"_

 _"Why is your whole family here?"_

 _"I honestly have no idea. What about you?"_

 _"Mom forgot to buy food. My stepdad wasn't home, so she brought us with her"_

 _"Well, good timing, I guess"_

 _"I wish there weren't so many people around" she said._

 _He put a hand on her hip, as much physical contact he thought was appropriate right now, "Me too"_

 _"I guess I'm going to have to tell Rex about you"_

 _"That okay?"_

 _She nodded, "I've been wanting to, I just- didn't know how. He's a smart kid, I'm sure he saw what I was doing"_

 _"When will I see you again?"_

 _"Not soon enough"_

 _"Come over"_

 _"I'll work on it" she said._

 _"I'm not going to make it through two weeks without you"_

 _"How do you think I feel?" she said, "I really do want to see you, it just takes a lot of thinking. I can't leave Rex alone with my step dad, I have to have a cover-"_

 _"I know" he said, "I just don't want to go that long without seeing you"_

 _"You won't" she said, "Best Christmas present I got"_

 _"Someday it won't be this hard"_

 _"Yeah, someday" she said._

 _"John?" they heard Michael at the other end of the aisle._

 _"I should have known" he said, "I'm sorry"_

 _"We had to leave sooner or later"_

 _"I love you" he said._

 _She smiled._

 _"I'll see you soon?"_

 _"As soon as I can get away"_

 _He kissed the side of her face._

 _"John, c'mon, Mom and Dad are ready to go"_

 _"Yeah, yeah, let's go"_

 _"Merry Christmas, Natalie"_

 _"Merry Christmas, Michael"_

 _Later that night at Natalie's-_

 _"Spill, Nattie" Rex said the second they were alone, "I saw the guy. You made that show about going to get pizza and you were gone"_

 _"His name's John" she said, "I've been-seeing him"_

 _"So he's your boyfriend"_

 _"Yeah, he is" she said, "Listen, please don't-"_

 _"I'm not going to tell them, Nattie" he said, "You looked happy"_

 _"He is a good guy, Rex"_

 _"So when you're not here, you're, with him?"_

 _"I'm sorry"_

 _"Don't be" he said, "I know, I know I'm just you're little brother, but, there is going to someday come a day when you have to worry about yourself and not just me"_

 _"Never" she said._

 _"So when are you going to see him again?"_

 _"I don't know" she said._

 _"You have to see him over break. It's two weeks"_

 _"I will, I just don't know how to cover"_

 _"Don't worry about me"_

 _"I'm always going to worry about you"_

 _"I can take care of myself"_

 _"John knows it's going to be hard for me to get away, alright?"_

 _"How much does he know?"_

 _"Just that" she didn't want to have that conversation._

 _"Merry Christmas, Natalie"_

 _"Merry Christmas, Rex"_

 _Meanwhile-_

 _"Eve, I need you to remember our sons are going to be able to hear you"_

 _"That woman was drunk in the supermarket" she was pacing, "And it's not just Natalie, she has a brother, did you know that?"_

 _"No, I didn't" he said._

 _"If that woman was drunk at a supermarket-"_

 _"Eve, you need to calm down"_

 _"Thomas, our son's girlfriend is living with an alcoholic"_

 _"Eve, sit" he said, "She's her mother"_

 _"She's unfit"_

 _"We've brought her in before"_

 _"Alcohol related?"_

 _"Yeah. And- gambling"_

 _"Gambling?"_

 _"We're in AC, Eve"_

 _She shook her head, "I made that poor girl feel so unwelcome here, and for what? Because John got into a fight because of her. That's his fault, not hers"_

 _"He was defending her"_

 _"What are we going to do?"_

 _"We can't do anything"_

 _"You're a cop"_

 _"I can't do anything. Even if I did, I'd be arresting Natalie's mother. I know what you think, but-"_

 _"We can't make that decision" she put her head in her hands, "Do you think John knows?"_

 _"I think John knows something"_

 _"Natalie always eats everything on her plate, I thought she was trying to be polite or win me over, or something. She's probably hungry. and that brother, Natalie can come here, what does he do?"_

 _"You can start sending her home with food"_

 _"I just feel so helpless"_

 _"It's that kind of situation" he said, "But, you see how much John cares about her. We must have done something right-"_

 _"He's a good kid" she said, "I should apologize"_

 _A little while later-_

 _"Johnny?"_

 _"Yeah, mom?"_

 _His mom came in and sat down on the bed next to him._

 _"You really care about Natalie, don't you?"_

 _He loved her. But he wasn't sure his mother would respond so well to that._

 _"Yeah, I do"_

 _"Do you know anything about her home life?"_

 _"she doesn't talk about it much" he said, and his mother waited for him to continue, "but, from what she has said, I know it's not-" he didn't know what word to attach to that._

 _"Yeah, that's what I thought" she said, "I just had a talk with your father. We want you to feel comfortable having Natalie here whenever. She can always stay for dinner if she wants to"_

 _"Mom?"_

 _"I'm sorry for how I acted towards her. I thought she was bad for you, because of the fight, but that was a pretty stupid judgement on my part. That's you being stupid, not her"_

 _"She said the same thing"_

 _"And, you're sixteen. You're going to have your license soon. I can't stop you from making your own decisions. You have a good head and a good heart, I should have known better than to second guess your judgement"_

 _"Thanks, mom"_

 _"Did you get Natalie anything for Christmas?"_

 _"Yeah"_

 _"Make sure she gets it"_

 _John sat on that through the night and all through the next day. He wasn't quite sure what had changed, though he was pretty certain it had to do with the fact that Natalie's mother had been drunk last night. He had to see her. He waited for everyone to be asleep, and then snuck out. It wasn't the first time he'd done it, and he knew it was risky, but he also knew his parents couldn't hear the door he was using from their room. He'd only been to Natalie's house once, and that was only in passing. She'd made that crystal clear, he was never coming to her house, but he had to give her his present. He knew based on what she'd said where she slept, but he also knew she shared a room with her brother and that this was risky. He threw a rock at the window, ready to run if it wasn't Natalie's eyes he saw._

 _Lucky for him, she opened the window and motioned to head over the school next door. He stood waiting, hopeful that this was what she meant and not that she wanted him to leave. After a few minutes, she appeared._

 _She was crying. She was trying to hide the fact that she was crying._

 _"Hi, what are you doing here?"_

 _"Natalie, what's wrong?"_

 _She shook her head, the tears coming down her face. He acted before he thought, bringing her into a tight hug and letting her cry. She cried for awhile, and he rubbed her back to try and soothe her. When her tears slowed, he made her look at him and he wiped the tears away._

 _"What's wrong?"_

 _"I can't talk about it now" she said._

 _"Natalie, you can tell me"_

 _"I know I can, I just-really don't want to right now" she said, "Why'd you come?"_

 _"I had to see you" he said, "Merry Christmas"_

 _She smiled, "You saw me yesterday"_

 _"Still too long"_

 _"You want to sit?"_

 _They sat down on the stoop of the school._

 _"How was your Christmas?"_

 _She wiped a tear away, "That's part of the not talking about it"_

 _"Sorry"_

 _"Don't be" she said, "I am glad you came. I really wanted to see you, too"_

 _He put a hand on her leg, "And we're alone, so added bonus"_

 _"For sure" she said._

 _"I really came to give you this" he said, handing her the present he'd kept in his pocket._

 _"John, you shouldn't have-"_

 _"It's not a big deal" he told her._

 _"It's a very big deal"_

 _"will you just open it?"_

 _She gave in, carefully tearing the wrapping paper off. Inside, she found a necklace. It had a gold chain and a small charm on the end, a golden flower. It was beautiful, and she felt another tear spill out. Why did he have to be so nice to her?_

 _"Hey, what's wrong?"_

 _"Nothing, it's beautiful" she said._

 _"Will you wear it?"_

 _"Everyday" she said._

 _"Here, let me"_

 _He'd wanted to put it on her from the moment he bought it. Maybe that was why he bought it. She pulled her hair out of the way and he fastened the clasp at the base of her neck. She turned back towards him._

 _"It looks good on you"_

 _"I love it" she said._

 _"I know it's risky, with your stepdad, but-"_

 _"He won't notice"_

 _"I just wanted to get you something nice"_

 _"You did" she said, "Thank you, so much" she looked down._

 _"What is it?"_

 _"I didn't get you anything"_

 _"You didn't have to"_

 _"No, I should have, I- you've been so good to me and I care about you so much-"_

 _"Natalie-"_

 _"And I didn't even-"_

 _"Natalie" he said, "You didn't need to do anything. Being here, with you, right now, that's enough for me"_

 _She leaned up and kissed him. Shortly, they turned into a full out make out frenzy. Somehow, she was straddling his lap and her hands had dug into his hair, and his hands were all over her. It felt so good, she didn't want him to stop._

 _God, she felt good. He didn't quite know how she'd ended up straddling him, but that felt good, too. He could himself heighten with the feelings, and felt himself getting hard. He didn't know what she'd think about that, or if they should stop. But she felt so good, he didn't want to stop._

 _When they leaned out for air and he could feel himself losing control, he knew they'd probably gone too far._

 _"Natalie" he said, barely above a whisper, "we need to stop"_

 _"What?" she breathed, panting and resting her forehead on his._

 _"We need to stop"_

 _"I don't want to"_

 _"I don't want to , either, but-" he said, "I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to make it"_

 _"What?'_

 _"You must feel that, what you're doing to me" he said, "Natalie, I'm hard"_

 _"Oh" she said, finally getting it, "Should I move?"_

 _"Probably"_

 _She sat next to him, and he took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself._

 _"I'm sorry" he finally said._

 _"It's okay" she said, "I didn't know-"_

 _"Don't worry about it" he said, "Natalie" he said, getting her to look at him, "It's really okay"_

 _"I've never done anything like that before"_

 _He leaned over to kiss her head, "Me neither"_

 _He put an arm around her shoulders and she leaned into him, hugging her knees to her chest._

 _"I wouldn't have told you to stop" she said, "it felt too good for that"_

 _"It felt so good, Natalie" he said, "I don't want to think about how long its going to be til we can do that again"_

 _"I can come over now" she said._

 _"Just like that"_

 _"I'll tell you about why later, but something changed and- I don't have to worry about as much as before I"_

 _"So tomorrow?"_

 _"Yeah, tomorrow's fine"_

 _"Oh, and me and my mom had a talk"_

 _"About me?"_

 _"She's sorry for how she treated you. She said she was really mad at me for getting in the fight but taking it out on you and that wasn't fair"_

 _"Well, it was pretty stupid of you to do that"_

 _"I'm never going to hear the end of this"_

 _"So, what, she suddenly likes me now?"_

 _"I guess" he said, "Not so hard to imagine, is it?"_

 _"Very hard to imagine actually"_

 _"Well, she said that you're welcome any time and she and my dad said you have an open invitation to stay for dinner"_

 _"What brought all this on?"_

 _"I have no idea" he said, "but I'm not about to look a gift horse in the mouth, either"_

 _"And the door open rule?"_

 _"Still in effect"_

 _"Alright" she said, "I'll come over tomorrow"_

 _"The only trouble is we won't be alone"_

 _"I can live with that" she said._

 _"Are you okay?" he said._

 _"I'm fine" she said, "They're asleep, believe me, we would have known if they heard me sneak out"_

 _"Okay" he said, "I'll see you tomorrow. I love you"_

 _"I'll see you tomorrow"_


	3. Chapter 3

It was still early. No one else was here. He had to put something on his walls, they were so bare. The dartboard, for sure, and maybe an Eagles poster. She would have been so proud of him, decorating an office like this. She'd been in charge of all that when they were together, making everything look nice. He'd never really cared, that was probably why his childhood bedroom had his childhood toys displayed until his parents had sold the house. It had been over five years and he still thought of her over simple things like this. Their lives had been so intermingled for so long that was impossible not to think of her sometimes. He just wished he had an off switch for it for times like these when it seemed she was still waiting for him to come home.

 _It had been two wonderful months of bliss. Natalie came home with him after school and stayed til dinner or later. It was almost Valentine's day, and he had a small surprise for her. Lucky for him it fell on a Friday and she wouldn't worry about school in the morning. Clearing it with his parents had been a breeze, and he was honestly a little surprised at how well they took it_

 _"Happy Valentine's Day" he said the second they got off the bus._

 _"You, too" she said._

 _"So I have a surprise planned for tonight"_

 _"Really?"_

 _"I'm going to take you on a date"_

 _"What?"_

 _"You know a date; dinner and a movie people who are dating typically do these things"_

 _"Yeah, i got that part, how?"_

 _"Part two of the surprise I guess, I got my license"_

 _"You what?"_

 _"Me and Dad went last week"_

 _"Why would you do that?"_

 _They'd made it to his driveway and she'd dropped his hand._

 _"Because I've wanted my license for a long time, you know that" he was confused about why this was a big deal._

 _"But why now?"_

 _"Are you angry?"_

 _"This changes everything"_

 _"This changes nothing" he said, "Natalie, why are you so mad?"_

 _"So you won't be on the bus anymore?"_

 _"What are you talking about?"_

 _"You got your license, why would you take the bus anymore? Why would you want to spend any time with me at all, for that matter?"_

 _"Natalie, of course I want to spend time with you"_

 _"How would I know that?"_

 _"I don't have a car" he said, "so I'm still going to be on the bus" he said, "My mom's letting me borrow hers for the night" he said, "And for the record, even if I had a car, I'd still take the bus to be with you. Or drive you to school with me"_

 _"I'm sorry" she said, "I just get scared" she said, "You're the best thing to ever happen to me and I'm afraid one day you're going to see me the way everyone else does"_

 _"And how do you think everyone sees you?"_

 _"Like I'm invisible"_

 _"Like you could ever be invisible" he said._

 _"Maybe there's another reason"_

 _"You can tell me"_

 _"Rex is gone" she said, "My aunt came, took him , brought him back to Michigan with her"_

 _"That's why you can come over all the time"_

 _"Yeah"_

 _"This is what happened on Christmas"_

 _"Yeah, they took him on Christmas"_

 _"Are you okay?"_

 _"I don't know" she said, "All I ever did was take care of him, that was my whole life, and now- he's not there anymore"_

 _"Why didn't they take you?"_

 _"I don't know" she said, "I just miss him"_

 _"I'm sorry, Natalie" he said, "Why didn't you say anything?"_

 _She shrugged, "I don't know. I guess I didn't want it to be real"_

 _"Can I do anything?"_

 _"No, I just wanted you to know" she said, "I'm sorry about-this"_

 _He shook his head, "You wouldn't be you if didn't pick arguments every now and then"_

 _"So we're really going on a date?"_

 _"With a car and everything"_

 _"Where are we going?"_

 _"Anywhere you want. I thought movie first, an early showing and then we could grab dinner somewhere and walk around"_

 _"That sounds great" she said, "When do you want to leave?"_

 _"It's 3, how about 4?_

 _"Alright, I'll go home and change into- something and do something to my hair"_

 _"You don't have to look any different"_

 _"I'll come back in a half hour" she said and leaned up to kiss him._

 _True to her word, when she got back to his house, her hair looked a little less uncontrollable, but she was still wearing one of her typical too big shirts and jeans._

 _"Hey" she said._

 _"Hey, you look pretty" he said and kissed the side of her cheek._

 _"Hi Natalie" his mom said, "Did John tell you his good news?"_

 _"Yes, he did, Mrs. McBain" she said, "Thank you for letting us borrow the car"_

 _"Anytime, I'm happy for the two of you" she said, "John, what time did your dad say to be home by?"_

 _"9"_

 _"You have til 10, then. I'll cover for you" she said, "Have fun"_

 _With that, the two of them were off and in the car._

 _"I guess I have actually won over your mother"_

 _"Oh, God, she loves you now" he said, "Which reminds me, we have to stop doing homework in front of her. The second you leave I hear it about how you're soo smart" he teased._

 _"Why'd she give us the extra hour?"_

 _"My dad's a little more religious than she is. He's afraid of what we'll do if we have too much time on our hands" he said._

 _"Where'd he get that idea from?"_

 _"No, not from you or us, he's just always been that way. My mom tries to keep him practical"_

 _"Always been that way?" he said, "So you have had a girlfriend before"_

 _"fine. one." he said, "I had a girlfriend in sixth grade I kissed her once" he said, "but that was five years ago and-"_

 _"And what?"_

 _"And no one's ever going to compare to you"_

 _After the movie, they had dinner at a small burger place not that far from the theater. Afterwards, they strolled the boardwalk hand in hand._

 _"this has been perfect" she said quietly as they walked._

 _"I'm glad" he said._

 _"I'm just sorry I didn't think to do anything for you today"_

 _"Don't be. You came, we got to spend time alone. That's all I could have wanted"_

 _"Someday I'll be better at this"_

 _"Sure, someday" he said, "So what are your thoughts on prom?"_

 _"Prom?"_

 _"Would you consider going?"_

 _"Is this real?"_

 _"As real as it gets"_

 _"I don't know, John" she said, "That would take a mastermind to pull off"_

 _"But do you want to go?" he said,"with me, just to clarify"_

 _"That wasn't the part I was worried about" she said, "I don't know. That doesn't seem very us to me"_

 _"But I'd get to see you all dressed up"_

 _"Where am I going to get a dress?"_

 _"I'm sure you could use one of my mom's old ones"_

 _"And this hair?"_

 _"My mom has been asking about doing your hair, you may recall"_

 _"If I said maybe, if I can find a dress, I'd go with you, would that be an acceptable answer"_

 _"I'm going to get my mom on that dress"_

 _"You're only going to take yes aren't you?"_

 _"You guessed it"_

 _She rolled her eyes and smiled at him, and that was all the answer he needed._

 _They stopped to overlook the ocean for a bit._

 _"I love watching the waves" she said, "There's something about it, that's relaxing or something"_

 _"Yeah, I like that, too" he said, "Maybe we'll get an apartment down here someday"_

 _"Yeah, someday"_

 _She leaned up to kiss him._

 _"We should head back to the car" she said._

 _He nodded, and taking her hand again, they headed back to where they'd started from. When he turned the car on they both saw the time._

 _"It's only 8" he said._

 _"How long does it take to get back?"_

 _"Half hour" he said._

 _"Plenty of time to kill" she said, noting there was no one around._

 _She leaned over to his seat and kissed him. He deepened it, attempting to wrap his arms around her. Eventually, she was straddling him as their kisses got more passionate. He leaned up to get closer to her, and her back hit the horn on the car. They broke apart laughing._

 _"John" she said._

 _"Yeah?"_

 _"Should we- should we use the back seat?"_

 _He nodded. She carefully climbed off of him and jumped over the middle console to the back seat, and he followed suit. Immediately, he was kissing her again and he pulled her flush against him. God, he felt so good and strong as she was pressed against him._

 _She was so soft, her lips, her skin, her breasts pressed into him. It all felt so good, and he wondered for a fleeting moment what her skin would feel like against his. He leaned out for a minute and pulled his t shirt off._

 _She'd wondered many times what he'd look like with his shirt off, and her dreams had not done him justice. He was toned, not overly muscular, but his chest was defined, as were his biceps. She ran her hands over his bare skin, relishing the feel of him. and then, she wanted to feel his skin against hers, and she took her shirt off, too._

 _God, she was beautiful. She was everything he'd imagined and more. Her big shirts hid her breasts astonishingly well and he wasn't sure he'd ever seen a more beautiful sight._

 _"Natalie" he breathed._

 _Then they were kissing again, and her flesh felt so soft on his. She laid down, and they continued their make out. Her hands were tangled in hair to keep him close, but one of his hands were on her breast, squeezing gently and her hips instinctively bucked against him. He went to kiss her neck, and she let out a low moan. His lips descended to her breasts and she was panting in anticipation. She didn't know it could feel this good, that human lips could make her feel so much. His lips got to the fabric of her bra and they both went to unfasten it, eventually succeeding in getting it off of her. He backed up, looking at her, into her eyes. God, she hoped that he didn't want to stop. Then, he was kissing her again, his hand back on her breast, and dear lord, she saw stars. He was so gentle, but damn, it felt good. He began kissing her skin again, leaving a trail of fire in his wake. Her heartbeat accelerated as he kissed her breasts, and then, ever so lightly, he sucked on her nipple._

 _"John" she managed to get out to express how good that felt._

 _He leaned back up to kiss her and when she dug her hands into her hair, he fell onto her, his noticeably hard member pressing against, what she was now realizing was wet, the juncture between her legs. They broke apart._

 _"Natalie" he whispered._

 _"John" she moaned._

 _"We need to stop" he said, going to sit up again and taking a deep breath._

 _She sat up as well, now putting her clothes back on. She took a deep breath as well._

 _"Are you okay?" he asked._

 _"I don't know that I've ever felt this good" she said, "How are you doing?"_

 _"I'm okay"she said, and then after a pause added, "You don't have to feel bad"_

 _"I don't. I probably should"_

 _"Why?"_

 _"We're in the backseat of my mom's car" he said, "and- I should be able to control myself"_

 _"Hey, there were two of us here"_

 _He looked at her, "I just don't want to hurt you"_

 _"Believe me, you won't" she said, "Are you trying to tell me that wasn't good for you"_

 _"No" he said, "That felt really good"_

 _"Then don't feel bad"_

 _"God only knows the next time we'll be able to do this"_

 _"Too long" she said, "but you can walk me home"_

 _"Halfway home"_

 _" "Same thing" she teased._

 _He nodded, and put his shirt back on._


	4. Chapter 4

Lastly, he pulled his new name plate out of the box. Lt. John McBain. She would have been so proud of him. She would have insisted they celebrate, go out to dinner, talk him up to all their friends, and then she would have gotten him in their bed and they would have made love all night. He ran his hand across his nameplate. If only, he thought. No one would ever compare to her, try as they might. She'd always been proud of him, no mater what he'd done, something like this would have sent her over the moon. He wished she was still here to tell him that.

There was a knock on his door, and he put his name plate down.

"Yeah?"

"You're here early, John" Bo said, walking in.

"I figured I may as well unpack before everyone gets here" he said, turning to face his boss.

"Your dad would be very proud of you, John"

John looked down, "He'll be proud when I find that bastard that killed him"

"Listen, I felt bad about keeping this from you, but I wanted to wait until you were back-"

"What is it, Bo?"

"Here" he said, handing John the case file that was in his hands, "Thomas was investigating Natalie's disappearance independently. I thought you might want it"

"I didn't know" he said.

That was just like his dad, he thought. He knew Natalie had a special place in his dad's heart, he'd loved her like a daughter, his mom had, too. He just wondered why he never told him, his dad had to have known he was looking into it, too.

"I think, maybe he hoped he could give you some closure on it"

Like that would ever happen. He didn't say anything.

"John, you okay?"

"I just- he has so much stuff in here"

"He'd started the case before he started here"

John opened the file, and he saw her picture stapled to the left hand side of the folder, the same picture that was in his file. And then on top of the pile of papers in the file was his dad's handwriting, notes, he guessed, dated eleven years ago. The day that everything changed. The day his relationship with Natalie had gone from child to adult overnight.

 _"So guess what I found out today?" he said as he sat down on the bus with her._

 _"What they're serving for dinner tomorrow?"_

 _He hadn't given up on the prom thing and she was constantly teasing him for it, skillfully avoiding the topic in doing so._

 _"I got an A on that Lit paper"_

 _"John!" she said, "I'm so proud of you" she said, and kissed the side of his face, "Your mom's going to be impressed"_

 _"Yeah" he said, "So, you're proud?"_

 _"So proud. You worked really hard on that"_

 _"Proud enough to finally tell me if you're actually going to come to prom with me tomorrow?"_

 _She sighed, "Fine. I'll ask your mom about the dress"_

 _"You mean it?"_

 _She nodded, "Will she be home when we get there?"_

 _"Probably" he answered._

 _Of course, she was. Once they got in the door, they found her in the kitchen._

 _"Hello" she greeted them, "How was school today?"_

 _"John has something to tell you" she said._

 _"I got an A on that paper" he said._

 _"Well, great job. You worked on that pretty hard" she said, "Natalie, it looks like you're finally rubbing off on him"_

 _"And Natalie has something to tell you" John added._

 _"Since he got the A" Natalie started, "I agreed to go to prom with him" she said._

 _"That's wonderful"_

 _"Um, he said you had a dress I could borrow?" she said._

 _"Oh, do I. You can pick, c'mon let's go look. And does this mean I can finally play with your hair?"_

 _He went to follow them up the stairs but upon reaching her closet his mom shooed him away._

 _"No, no. This is girls only. Don't you have homework to be doing?"_

 _"But-"_

 _"No, the dress is supposed to be a surprise" his mother said, "Now go"_

 _"Alright" he said, "I'll be in my room. Just yell help if you need back up" he told Natalie, and she laughed._

 _"Shoo" his mother told him again._

 _He retreated to his room, starting to do some homework. He could hear Natalie and his mom every so often, laughing or shrieking. When his dad got home, he realized how long they must have been at it._

 _"What in God's name is going on in there?" he asked._

 _"Well, Natalie finally agreed to go to prom and Mom's taken over since then"_

 _"How long have they been at it?"_

 _"A few hours"_

 _"So take out for dinner, then?"_

 _"I'd guess so"_

 _"So you got her to agree to prom?" he asked, "how'd you manage that?"_

 _"It's stupid, really" he said, "I got an A, so I guilted her. I think it was more the relentless references I made that wore her down"_

 _"She happy about it?"_

 _"I think so. She may change her mind when Mom's done with her, though"_

 _"Are you going to take her anywhere after?"_

 _"Probably not, she hasn't told her mom or her step dad yet. They probably won't let her stay out that late"_

 _"Well, there's always next year"_

 _"You think she's going to agree to this again?"_

 _"Maybe if you get straight A's" he mused, "I'll order dinner. Pizza?"_

 _"Sounds good"_

 _That night, John pulled her into their secret spot and kissed her before taking her the rest of the way._

 _"If I'd known going to prom would get this-"_

 _"Thanks for agreeing" he said, "and for humoring my mom"_

 _"It was kind of fun. She's really excited"_

 _"What were you guys doing anyway?"_

 _"Apparently, prom is very complicated procedure" she said, "She's going to start on my hair the second we get out of school"_

 _"Well, what color dress did you decide on?"_

 _"Apparently, that's a secret" she teased._

 _"Will black match?" he said, "Cuz I only got one tux"_

 _"Yeah, black will match"_

 _"Have you thought about what you're going to say?"_

 _"No" she said, "I'll figure something out. How late does it go?"_

 _"10"_

 _"Maybe a birthday party" she said._

 _"Someday, it won't matter"_

 _"Yeah, someday" she said,"I really should get home"_

 _And when she did get home, she heard the yelling. It was fairly common, but for some reason tonight, it freaked her out. Instead of trying to sleep through it like she normally did, she sat up in her bed, trying to listen._

 _After John had come back and said goodnight, Eve and Thomas went to their room as well. Once they were in bed, Eve started the conversation they'd both been avoiding._

 _"She was wearing long sleeves, Thomas"_

 _"Eve-"_

 _"It's seventy degrees outside and she's in long sleeves and long pants"_

 _"You've seen what she wears. She only has those three shirts. Maybe she doesn't have any short sleeves"_

 _"You don't believe that" she said._

 _"It's not up to us"_

 _"She wouldn't try on any of the dresses, not in front of me" she said, "she would change in the bathroom and then change out right away. She wouldn't let me see a dress on her"_

 _Thomas stayed silent._

 _"And you see the way she acts towards you"_

 _"Yeah, I know"_

 _"Isn't there anything to be done?" she asked, "I fear for that girl every day when she leaves and goes home"_

 _"I know" he said, "but Eve, we can't know anything for sure"_

 _"You're a cop, Thomas, I'm a nurse. I know what abuse looks like, and I know you do, too, so don't you dare tell me you haven't thought about this"_

 _"I've started the paperwork for an investigation six times" he said, "And every time, I get halfway through and I think about what would happen"_

 _"She'd get out of that house"_

 _"What if I find something? Then I have to go arrest him, probably her mother, too. They'd get put away for neglect or domestic violence because I am sure there is ample evidence. And then she becomes a ward of the state. She and her brother could get separated, she could end up God knows where" he said, "And I would have been the one to take the girl Johnny loves away from him"_

 _"This isn't right"_

 _"No, its not" he said, "but John loves her, and I can't take that away from him. Or from her"_

 _"There has to be another way"_

 _"I'm open to suggestions, Eve" he said, "but I don't know"_

 _"I just- if something ever happened to her and I didn't do anything-"_

 _"Yeah, I think of that too"_

 _"I wonder how much John knows" she said._

 _"I don't know" he said, "I'm not sure I want to, either"_

 _"He does love her" she said, "I guess I can take some comfort in that"_

 _They were fighting about her. One of her step dad's friends had seen her with John (or "some prick" as he'd been referred to). She closed her eyes against the tears. She'd been so careful, how had she let this happen? Where had they slipped up? She tried to find out based on the yelling, but he wasn't giving anything up, just attacking her mother, demanding how she hadn't known. Her mother defended herself, saying the friend must have been mistaken._

 _And then, mid sentence, her mother stopped talking. The house was silent._

 _Her heart hammered in her chest. She had to leave._

 _Silently, she was out of her room and halfway the door._

 _"Stop right there"_

 _She froze, mostly in fear, because every instinct she had told her to run far away. He grabbed her by the wrist, hard, and she knew there'd be a bruise. He pulled her in, close to him, and she could smell the liquor on him._

 _"Where do you think you're going?"_

 _She knew better than to answer him._

 _"You think you can whore around and live in my house?"_

 _He smacked her on her bottom and she hoped he didn't hear the whimper she let out._

 _"You think you're so smart, that I wouldn't find out you've been whoring yourself out?" he said and pushed her away hard, "You fucking bitch, you're no better than your mother" he said and slapped her across the face. She didn't have time to recover before he slapped her across the face the other way. She tried not to cry, but it was probably useless right now._

 _"Well, I've got news for you, if you're going to put out for someone else, you're going to put out for me, too"_

 _"No" she said, and she knew it sounded weak._

 _He laughed, "Like you have a choice" he started towards._

 _Her heart hammered. No, not like this. She tried to think of a way out of here. He backed her into a wall, and had her cornered. Before she could think of a better plan, she kneed him in the groin. He fell to the floor, doubled over in pain._

 _She ran._

 _"I'll kill you, you bitch" was all she heard before she was out the door._

 _She didn't know how much time she had before he'd come after her, and he could use his truck. She ran faster than she ever had, right to John's house. She ran around the back, where John's window was. She threw a pebble at his window, praying to God he heard it._

 _He'd been only half asleep, imagining what Natalie would look like in a prom dress when he heard a distinct thud against his window. He looked out to find Natalie standing directly below, and scared out of her mind. He ran downstairs, opening the door to their porch and Natalie ran in._

 _"Natalie, what-"_

 _And then she was in his arms, full on sobbing._

 _"Natalie, what's wrong?" he whispered as he rubbed her back, trying to get her to talk to him._

 _"He-he's going to kill me, he found out and now he's going to kill me" she cried into his chest._

 _"What? Who?" he asked, and looked at her for a second, for the first time realizing the bruises that were there, and suddenly, it seemed very real, "Natalie, who did this to you?"_

 _She shook her head and burrowed back into his chest still crying. John felt a pit of rage in his stomach because someone had hurt her. Slowly, everything started to make sense._

 _"Natalie" he said, "Was it your stepdad?"_

 _She nodded into his chest, and the rage only increased. He held her a little tighter, and willed himself to find something to say._

 _"John? What's going on?" they heard his dad make his way into the room._

 _"Natalie, what-"_

 _They turned towards him, and he stopped dead in his tracks. She had bruises on her face and she was crying. John held her, and he saw the pleading in his son's eyes for help._

 _"Let me go get your mother"_

 _"John, he's a cop, he's going to-"_

 _"He's going to help" he said, "I promise"_

 _"I can't go back there, he's going to kill me"_

 _"You're safe now"_

 _"He's going to look for me"_

 _"He won't find you here. As long as you're here you're safe. I'll make sure of it. Dad will make sure of it"_

 _She was literally shaking with fear. God, he wished he could do something to help. Momentarily, both his parents came down the stairs._

 _"Natalie" his mother exclaimed, "Oh, my God. What happened? Let me get you ice"_

 _The poor girl looked so shaken, Thomas didn't know where to start. He followed his wife into the kitchen, grabbing the bottle of whiskey on the top shelf and four glasses._

 _"Thomas-"_

 _"Eve, I'm not going to be able to do this sober. The poor girl's shaking"_

 _The two of them went back to the living room. Natalie and John hadn't moved._

 _"Sit" Thomas said, and they sat next to each other on the couch. John kept an arm on her back. He handed each of them a glass, "Drink this"_

 _No one said anything for a minute as Eve gave Natalie the ice. Thomas downed his drink and started._

 _"Natalie, I want to help you, okay? We're all here to help you" he said, "As long as you're here, you're safe, you know that right?"_

 _She nodded, and took a drink from the glass. It burned, but it matched how she was feeling right now._

 _"Who hurt you?"_

 _She looked to John, and he gave her a reassuring nod._

 _"My stepdad" she said._

 _"Can you tell me what happened?"_

 _She looked into the drink._

 _"Natalie" Eve said, "We want to help you. You know how John feels about you, but we care about you, too, very much. You can tell us"_

 _"He and my mom were fighting, about me. I guess he found out about me and John and was taking it out on my mom, and then, he must have knocked her out because all of a sudden she stopped talking and I tried to run cuz I knew he'd come for me. But, he, he grabbed me and hit me and called me a whore, and then-" she nearly broke down again, and she felt John rub her back and was reminded she was safe, "He said-" she paused, gathering her strength, "he said that if I was going to put out for someone else, I had to put out for him, too"_

 _Eve gasped and John stood up._

 _"John, sit down" Thomas said, calmly, "And drink some of that" he motioned to John's still untouched cup of whiskey._

 _"What happened after that?"_

 _"He cornered me, so I kneed him in the groin and ran for it"_

 _"Anything else happen?"_

 _"He said he'd kill me"_

 _"He's not going to find you here, Natalie" Thomas said, "You're safe here"_

 _She nodded._

 _"Is your brother in the house?"_

 _She shook her head, "My aunt came and took Rex away on Christmas"_

 _"But left you there?"_

 _She nodded._

 _"And your mother?"_

 _"I don't know. I didn't see her. I don't know if she's hurt or not. God, what did I do?"_

 _"Ssh" John said, rubbing her back._

 _"Natalie, its not your fault. You did what you had to do, okay?"_

 _"Are you going to make me go back?"_

 _"No, Natalie. I'm not going to make you go back there" he said._

 _She didn't say anything else. Eve and Thomas both saw the look in John's eyes. He hadn't taken his eyes off of her since they sat down. He'd put himself between her and her stepfather if it came to that._

 _"I love you" she whispered, turning to him._

 _That broke both their hearts. She was so scared she was going to lose him and the look in her eyes was one of sheer terror._

 _"I love you, too" he whispered right back._

 _Eve and Thomas looked at each other._

 _"Um, me and Eve are going to talk about what to do next" Thomas finally said, "John, will you and Natalie wait in your room? We'll come get you when we're done"_

 _John led Natalie up the stairs._

 _"John" his dad said to stop him, "I need you to worry about her. I need you to let me worry about everything else"_

 _John nodded and followed Natalie upstairs._

 _Thomas immediately went to refill his glass, downing that one quickly as well._

 _"Oh my God" he finally said, shaking his head._

 _"Thomas, what are we going to do?"_

 _"I don't know, Eve"_


	5. Chapter 5

_John immediately took her in his arms when he got into his room. She cried again, but much more in control this time. He kissed her head and rubbed her back, trying to soothe her._

 _"You're okay" he whispered, "It's all going to be okay"_

 _"How do you know that?"_

 _"Dad's going to figure it out, I promise"_

 _"What happens now?"_

 _"We wait, I guess"_

 _"I meant it, you know. I love you"_

 _"I know" he said._

 _"When he-said that to me, I thought of you. That's why I fought. Because I want my first time to be with you"_

 _"Someday"_

 _She nodded, "Someday"_

 _"Are you in any pain"_

 _"Just a little"_

 _Gently, he leaned down to kiss her._

 _"This doesn't change anything, Natalie. At least not between us. I love you"_

 _She nodded, "What if I have to leave? If I get put in foster care or something?"_

 _"That's not going to happen"_

 _"It could"_

 _"Look, right now, you don't have to worry about it. My parents are going to take care of it" he said, "No matter what happens, Natalie, you're not going to lose me"_

 _"Can we lie down? I feel off"_

 _He nodded, and they lied down on his bed. Naturally, as if they'd done it before, Natalie rested her head on his shoulder and he put one arm around her._

 _"It's the whiskey, I'm starting to feel it, too"_

 _"Your dad gave us whiskey?"_

 _"Yeah. I'm surprised too"_

 _"What do you think they're talking about?"_

 _"I don't know" he said, "they do care about you, they're going to do the right thing"_

 _"It's nice that you have so much faith in them" she said._

 _"They haven't steered me wrong yet"_

 _"this is nice" she said, running her hand over his chest._

 _"Yeah, it is"_

 _"I wish you could hold me like this every night"_

 _"Someday" he said, softly,_

 _"Someday"_

 _A few hours later, Eve and Thomas finally figured out the best thing to do. They headed upstairs, finding John and Natalie sleep with the door open and the light on. They just looked at the two of them for a minute. John had fallen asleep with his head turned towards her, which probably meant he'd been watching her sleep before he had._

 _"We should wake them up" Thomas said._

 _"It's late. They were probably tired"_

 _"They shouldn't be sleeping together"_

 _"They fell asleep with the light on and the door open. I don't think anything happened"_

 _"Still-"_

 _"I think she's been through enough tonight, don't you? The last thing she needs is to be embarrassed that she fell asleep with her boyfriend"_

 _"You're right. I guess we keep them home from school in the morning"_

 _"It's probably best. They had a rough night"_

 _"Leave the door open" he said as she shut off the light and they went back to their room._

 _"John?"_

 _"Michael get down here"_

 _They heard as they woke up._

 _"John?"_

 _"Hey" he said, smiling at her._

 _"Did we fall asleep?"_

 _"I guess so" he said, "And overslept apparently, if Michael's getting ready for school"_

 _"Does he know I'm here?"_

 _"I don't know" he said, "He'll be gone in a few minutes"_

 _"Is your dad going to be angry that we slept together?"_

 _"Considering the only thing we did was sleep, I think he'll be fine. Someone had to have turned the light off"_

 _"This is what it would be like to wake up with you"_

 _"Feels right" he said._

 _"Someday"_

 _"Someday"_

 _She leaned up to kiss him._

 _"Thank you" she said._

 _"For what?"_

 _"Taking me in like that and taking care of me last night"_

 _He shook his head, "I couldn't have turned you down"_

 _They heard the front door close._

 _"Mike's gone. You want to go downstairs?"_

 _She nodded._

 _"Good morning. Did you guys sleep okay?"_

 _"We fell asleep waiting for you to back"_

 _"Yeah" she said, "We didn't realize how late it was" she said, "We saw you were asleep, we figured we'd just talk in the morning"_

 _"We're late for school"_

 _"You guys are going to stay here today, no school" she said, "Your father will be back soon, he had to go to the station, we'll talk when he gets back" she said and they just nodded, "Can I make you breakfast?"_

 _John nodded, "Thanks, mom"_

 _Shortly after they'd eaten breakfast was when Thomas came back. The four of them sat in the same configuration as last night in the living room._

 _"Natalie, you remember we said we care about you?"_

 _She nodded._

 _"We know you two are older, and we're dealing with some pretty grown up stuff, and we tried really hard to respect that when we made these decisions last night"_

 _John and Natalie both nodded._

 _"I went to your house this morning" Thomas said, "Your stepfather's been arrested for what he did to you last night" he said, and when she didn't respond, he continued, "From here, I can't control or make promises about what happens to him next"_

 _"I know" Natalie responded, "What about my mom?"_

 _"She's getting checked out by a doctor"_

 _"So what about me?"_

 _"Obviously, if you want to go home, that option is available to you. But, there's no guarantee that your stepdad is going to stay in jail forever and there is record of the incident so-"_

 _"So I'm going to Child Protective Services"_

 _"It could happen" he said._

 _"If I go into Child Protective Services, I could end up anywhere"_

 _"How do you know that?"_

 _"My mom told me, she told me and Rex that-" she paused, knowing how this was going to come out, "that was why I should never trust a cop"_

 _"Do you trust me?" Thomas asked._

 _"Yeah, I do"_

 _Thomas looked to Eve, "We know what we would like for you to do" he said, holding Eve's hand, "You can stay here, with us"_

 _John and Natalie both looked at them as if they weren't serious._

 _"Listen, you already spend most of everyday here, we know you're a good kid. We have a guest bedroom, we can turn it into your bedroom. Mikey adores you, we care about you, you know how John feels about you" he said, "You're sixteen. By the time they put you into the Child Welfare system, you'll be close to seventeen, and then you'll age out at eighteen. It doesn't make much sense to me to put you through all that when you can stay right here where people you know care about you"_

 _All of this information was hitting Natalie like a ton of bricks. They wanted to take her in? They wanted her around?_

 _"Natalie" Eve said, "we do mean it. We care about you, we want to see you be taken care of. If you went back home, I'd worry if you got sent away, I'd miss you so much. It's been so wonderful to have another girl in the house, and you make John so happy. I already feel like you live here, and, we'd really like for you to move in"_

 _"Natalie, do you have anything to say-"_

 _"This is all happening so fast" she said._

 _"I can imagine you're probably overwhelmed" Eve said, "You've had a rough few days"_

 _"I just- what if John and I don't work out, what happens then?"_

 _"Natalie-" John started._

 _"I'm trying to be realistic, John, it could happen. One day, you could wake up and realize I'm not worth it-"_

 _"That's never going to happen" John said._

 _"Natalie" Eve said, "You may have come into our lives because your John's girlfriend, but that doesn't mean that's all you are to us. If you decide to move in, you know, you'd essentially be like our daughter. So if something happened between you two, you'd still be welcome here. You'll always be welcome here"_

 _"It might be awkward, and it might suck" Thomas said, "but we can take it one day at a time, we'll figure it out if it comes to that" he said._

 _"You mean it?" she asked._

 _"We mean it, Natalie" Eve said._

 _She looked to John, she saw it in his eyes. He wanted her here. He wanted her safe, where she'd never have to hide her bruises ever again. She'd be closer to him, just up one flight of stairs. She could kiss him goodnight every night._

 _"Okay" she said, looking back to his parents, "If you'll have me, I'll stay"_

 _Thomas and Eve smiled, and John squeezed her hand, and she knew she'd made the right choice._

 _"I'm so glad" Eve told her._

 _"Well, then, there's just one more thing to discuss-" Thomas started, "Since you two are teenagers and you are going to be living together, we do have some rules we want to lay down"_

 _John mentally groaned. Of course his dad would lay down the rules right away. He'd never get to sleep next to her again. He nodded anyway._

 _"Just like always, if you're in either of your rooms, the door has to stay open" he said, "You need to be in your own rooms by 10 on school nights, 11 on the weekends. And if you go out, we do still expect you to stick to whatever curfew we set"_

 _"That seems more than fair" Natalie said, "And thank you, so, so much. I won't be a hassle, I promise-"_

 _"We know that Natalie" Thomas said._

 _"Let's go take a look at your room, and you look at the clothes that don't fit me anymore" Eve said, taking Natalie's hand._

 _John went to follow her, but Thomas interrupted._

 _"John, can I talk to you for a minute?"_

 _John sat right back down._

 _"Well, here's your bedroom, I know its small, but-"_

 _"It's bigger than the room I shared with Rex" Natalie said._

 _"All of my old clothes are in this closet, I've been meaning to go through it to get rid of some of it. Of course, when everything's settled I'll take you shopping-"_

 _"Mrs. McBain, you really don't need to do that-"_

 _"Let's sit for a minute, dear" she said and they sat on the bed, "First off, I think its about time you start calling me Eve"_

 _"Okay" Natalie said._

 _"Listen, I know you and I didn't start off on the right foot, but Natalie, you know that's all changed, right? I mean, I've gotten to know you, I know you thought that fight was as stupid as I did"_

 _"Yeah" she laughed._

 _"And you're so smart and so polite, and you've got spunk and sass. And you must be incredibly strong to have lived with your stepfather like that" she paused and Natalie looked down, "And Johnny- well, he thinks you hung the moon"_

 _"I love him, Eve"_

 _"I know you do. And you're so good for him. He's never talked this much, he's never smiled this much. I don't know what you did, but he's so happy and- Natalie, he's trying in school and he's wanting to do things. You did that, there's no other explanation"_

 _"I doubt that. Sometimes I wonder what he sees in me"_

 _"You're special. That's what he sees in you. I know, cuz that's how I see you, too" she said, "And one day, Natalie, you're going to see yourself that way, too"_

 _"I can't believe how lucky I got"_

 _"Can you tell me something?"_

 _"I think I owe you that much"_

 _"What do you want to do with your life?"_

 _"What?"_

 _"After you graduate, what do you want to do?"_

 _"This is so stupid, but I never thought about that" she said, "To be honest, so much of my time was spent figuring out how to get me and Rex through the day, I never thought about life after school"_

 _"Will you do me a favor and think about it?" she asked, "You're so smart Natalie. John, he wants to be a cop, he's going to the Academy right after he graduates, but you, you might be smart enough to go to college"_

 _"College?"_

 _"Just think about it"_

 _"I will, I promise"_

 _"And one more thing I wanted to talk to you about" she paused, "I'm sure John's told you about his father's- beliefs and why he's so strict about the time you two are together"_

 _"Yeah"_

 _"Look, I'm not going to be naive, and I get that he's my son, and you probably don't want to have this conversation with me, but, I get it, okay? You two aren't going to have much time alone anymore, not that you really had that before, and I'm really going to try my best to get him to lighten up on the two of you"_

 _"It's really not that strict"_

 _"And i just- did your mother ever talk to you about protection?"_

 _"No, but, I had to take sex ed-"_

 _"Okay" she said, "I just want you to know you can talk to me or ask me anything-"_

 _"thanks" Natalie said, "Um, I actually do have a question about that-"_

 _"Anything"_

 _"How do you know it's right, or that you're ready, or-"_

 _"There's no answer to that, Natalie. When you're with the right person, and you feel safe with them and you feel you're ready- you'll just know"_

 _Natalie nodded. John was most definitely the right person, and she felt safer with him than anyone. When he held her, she got this feeling, like she was safe and protected and that that spot, that was where she was supposed to be. Yeah, she was sure, John was meant to be her first, and quite possibly her only._

 _"You know why we have to put these rules down, right John?"_

 _"yeah, Dad, I know" he said, though in his mind he completely disagreed._

 _"Good. I just want the two of you to be careful"_

 _John just nodded. His dad would probably hit the roof if he knew how far he and Natalie had gone already or that she haunted his dreams and that last night they'd all but told each other that someday they would go all the way._

 _"You're young John, it should be this way. Last night was different, there were extenuating circumstances. That won't happen again"_

 _"Dad, we fell asleep. That was it"_

 _"I know, but-"_

 _"I'm going to marry her, Dad"_

 _"You can't know that"_

 _"We've been together for eight months" he said, "How long did it take you to figure out you were going to marry Mom?"_

 _"About six months, I guess" he said, "but John, you're still a kid"_

 _"So? It's not like it's going to happen anytime soon, but I know it's going to happen someday" he said, "So all that considered, I don't see what the big deal is if we fell asleep together last night"_

 _"You love her"_

 _"Yeah, I do" he said._

 _"I saw how you looked at her last night. How angry you got"_

 _"He hurt her"_

 _"He was probably hurting her for a long time"_

 _"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"_

 _"You wanna be a cop, right?" he said and his son nodded, "Things like this happen all the time"_

 _"Not to her" he said, "This is completely different"_

 _"Point being, I've seen this before. someday, you're going to see it again" he said, "When someone has been subjected to that for a long time, certain things, they kind of build up in them and, Natalie probably is subject to some of those things" he told him, "It takes takes a special kind of love to get someone to come back from that"_

 _"What do you mean?"_

 _"How long have you been telling her you love her?"_

 _"A few months"_

 _"And how long has she been telling you?"_

 _He looked down, "Yesterday"_

 _"She probably doesn't believe she can love you, or that you could love her. The people that were supposed to love her didn't treat her the way they were supposed to. She might not believe she deserves to be treated well. It's been ingrained in her brain that's she's never going to be good enough" he said, and John didn't say anything, "I know you love her. That's why I'm telling you all this. She's going to need you. You need to be the one to show her it's not all bad. To get her believe that you and me and your mom, we're not going to give up on her. That she does deserve to be loved" he said, "So you up to that?"_

 _He nodded, "For her, I'd do just about anything"_

 _"She's going to need that kind of love" he said, "You did good, Johnny. Handling all of this. I'm proud of you"_

 _"I couldn't have done anything differently"_

 _"I just want you to know" he said, "And Johnny, it's not going to be easy, but being mad, being angry, it's not going to do her any good. Everything that can be done about what happened to her has been done. Now, you need to focus on her"_

 _"I know. It's just hard"_

 _"That's all I wanted to talk to you about"_

 _"Thanks, Dad"_

 _He took a minute to look at her before he knocked. She was being so cautious as she looked through the closet. His mom had gone to work and his dad was somewhere in the house, but he wanted to see her. He knocked and she looked over._

 _"Hey" she said, as he came in._

 _"Nice digs" he said, teasing._

 _"Well-"_

 _"You doing okay?"_

 _She nodded, "I think so. It still doesn't feel real"_

 _"I bet" he said, "Anything I can do?"_

 _She shook her head. He pushed her hair back, resting his hand behind her head._

 _"I'm sorry, Natalie. If I'd've known-"_

 _"Then what, John?" she said, "You couldn't have done anything. He was a bastard. Some people are just unlucky like that"_

 _"I guess. I just feel like I should have done something"_

 _"There was nothing to be done" she said,and he didn't respond, "I'm sorry, too. I know you're upset"_

 _"What do you have to be sorry for?"_

 _"We didn't get to go to prom like you wanted"_

 _He looked down for a second, then looked back at her, "You think that's why I'm upset?"_

 _She didn't say anything. He walked away from her, and she felt immeasurably guilty. She turned when she heard music playing behind her._

 _"Want to dance?" he asked, holding out a hand._

 _"What are you doing?" she asked, taking his hand._

 _"Bringing prom to you" he said._

 _He wrapped his spare arm around her waist, bringing her close to him and they swayed to the music._

 _"What is this?" she asked._

 _"It's jazz. I swiped one of Dad's cassettes"_

 _"I like it"_

 _"It's my favorite"_

 _"I'll go with you next year" she told him._

 _"I'm going to hold you to that" he said, kissing her hair._

 _"Wanna tell me why you're upset?"_

 _He sighed, "He hurt you"_

 _"He won't anymore"_

 _"I know" he said._

 _"Tell me" she pressed._

 _"How could you think we're going to break up?"_

 _"That's not what I meant"'_

 _"But you thought it"_

 _"I don't have anything good in my life anymore. My mom married that bastard, we moved to that stupid house. Rex left" she explained, "You're it, John. If every other good thing had to end-"_

 _"This is different" he said, determined, "And that- all that stuff is behind you now" he said,"Natalie, when I say someday, I mean it"_

 _"I know" she said, quietly._

 _"I thought you meant it, too"_

 _"I want to" she said, "It all sounds so perfect, but nothing is that perfect"_

 _"This morning you told me someday you wanted to wake up next to me everyday"_

 _"I do"_

 _"So believe that it could happen. It will, Natalie"_

 _"How are you so sure?"_

 _"Because you love me. That's all I need to know" he said._

 _"You make it sound so simple"_

 _"What you said about you not being worth it-" he paused, "Natalie, you're worth-" he couldn't find the words._

 _"Nothing" she said, looking down._

 _He put his hand under her chin, making her look up, and into his eyes, "Everything" he whispered, "Don't you know that?"_

 _He leaned forward to kiss her._

 _"The door's open" she whispered against his lips, her eyes still closed._

 _Gently, he shook his head, "We're going to have to get used to it" he said, going to kiss her again._

 _The backed down after that kiss._

 _"I believe you" she said, quietly._

 _"You should"_

 _"Eve's pulling for us"_

 _"I know" he said, "But, we'll need to get creative in how to get time alone"_

 _"We'll figure it out"_

 _"I'm going to work this summer, to get a car. That will make it easier"_

 _"John, don't-"_

 _"That was always the plan, Natalie. This is just extra motivation to do it"_

 _"What's Michael going to think?"_

 _"He'll be thrilled" he said, "he adores you"_

 _"This really happening. I'm living with you"_

 _"Not quite, but-"_

 _"I love you"_

 _"I love you, too"_


	6. Chapter 6

John stared at them, he couldn't even bring himself to read them. He sat down on the edge of his desk, trying to comprehend the information in front of him. He could feel his heart hammering away in his chest and he felt like he couldn't breathe. That night changed everything- Natalie had started living with them and they'd spent their first night together and he'd still never been that angry. All the feelings he'd had that night surfaced and he couldn't figure out how to process any of that.

"John?"

"I'm sorry, Bo, what did you say?" he finally looked up at his boss, away from the page in front of him.

"I didn't, you just got pretty pale and sat down. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine"

"So then what's up?"

"The first page in the file-"

"I told you, he started that before his time here"

"He started it before she even went missing"

"What?"

"The first page, it's dated from the night- " he stopped, unable to continue along that train of thought, "He started the file when she came to live with us"

"Oh" he said, "that long ago?"

"Yeah, but why?" John wondered.

"You okay?"

"Fine" he said, "Thanks, Bo. I'll look through it"

"Let me know if you make any headway"

John nodded as his boss left, sitting back down in his chair. He had more questions about Natalie now, and he wasn't even sure that there was anyone to answer them. Why has his dad started his file on Natalie that night? He supposed he could have taken them from the file on her stepfather, but that file would have needed those notes as well.

"What the hell, Dad?" he whispered to himself, still not finding it in himself to read the notes.

 _"So, you happy? sad?" she said, playing with her straw._

 _"About what?"_

 _"Your last game is tonight"_

 _He shrugged, "I don't know. I guess its just one of those things"_

 _"Care to elaborate?"_

 _"You know, I played my whole life, made varsity, now its senior night. Its just the way it goes"_

 _"You're not going to miss it?"_

 _He shook his head, "It's time, you know?"_

 _"Your dad's excited"_

 _"Yeah, well, you've seen Mike, I don't think Dad's going to get another chance to walk his son out"_

 _"That's true" she said, "But he is proud of you"_

 _He smiled, "There's going to be a party after"_

 _"Oh yeah?" she asked._

 _"You want to go?"_

 _"It's your night"_

 _"Is that a yes?"_

 _"If you want me to go"_

 _"I'll have more fun with you there"_

 _"It's your night, I'll go"_

 _"If it's my night-" he said, running a hand up her arm._

 _She grabbed his hand, "You don't know when they're going to tell us to be home"_

 _"I'd leave early"_

 _She smiled, "Yeah, we can make time for some of that, too"_

 _"You know what I want to do" he said, his voice low._

 _"And you know how easily we'd be figured out" she said. "We've been over this"_

 _"I know, I just-"_

 _"John" she said, "I want it, too. We just have to wait for the right time"_

 _"We're never alone" he said._

 _"I know" she said, "but I want it to be special"_

 _"I know" he said, "It will be. It'll be worth the wait"_

 _She smiled, "Doesn't mean we can't do some other stuff"_

 _He smiled, too, "He's not going to give us that much time tonight, we already had a date today"_

 _"Ask Eve"_

 _"True" he said._

 _"Why'd you want to go to dinner tonight, anyway? Not that I mind, but with the game-"_

 _"Celebration, I guess. More free time's coming my way"_

 _"That's right. Homework time is back again"_

 _"Come Monday, you can show me up again"_

 _"Should we go? You need to get to the school soon"_

 _"yeah, I'll take you home" he said._

 _"So, how was John?" Eve asked as they got their seats._

 _"You know John" Natalie answered, "He wouldn't talk about it. I think he's excited"_

 _"He started playing when he was little. Thomas had very few demands, but his boys playing football was one of them" Eve said._

 _"I'm not playing ever again" Michael added._

 _"Sports never were your thing" Eve agreed._

 _"Thanks, Mom" Michael said._

 _"They're not my thing, either" Natalie said, "I'd match rather watch other people participate than do so myself"_

 _"I knew I liked you" Michael said._

 _"I wish it was warmer" Natalie said._

 _"You and me both" Michael whispered, "Do you get weirded out, thinking about it?"_

 _"About what?"_

 _"Next year, when John's not around"_

 _She paused for a minute. That very thought was what haunted her when she couldn't sleep. John wouldn't talk about it, she'd figured that out quickly, and she didn't know how to feel about that. He'd gotten her through the transition into really living with his family, gotten her used to feeling welcome and wanted. She didn't know she could feel that way without him._

 _"I don't know" she said, "Me and my brother, we always said that we just had to take it one day at a time. That's how I'm thinking about it. Moments like these, we'll miss them if we keep worrying about next year"_

 _"Are you afraid of losing him?"_

 _"Am I-" she didn't know how to answer that._

 _"Because you won't" he said, "That might be the one thing I am sure of about next year"_

 _Natalie didn't have time to answer as the announcer started to call in the players. The three of them waited for John and Thomas to be announced and to walk through, and cheered loud for them when they did. Once the parents were back in the stands, the game started. John was a wide receiver, so he made some plays throughout the game and assisted one touchdown. By the end of the game, they had won and after the crowds had dissipated, all the families waited for the boys to come out of the locker room. When John finally re-emerged, he went to Natalie first._

 _"Great job" she said, and he slung an arm around her waist, leaning down to kiss her lightly, "Best game I've seen all season"_

 _"Thanks"_

 _"You did good son" Thomas said._

 _"So you do you feel now that it's over?" Michael asked, "Nostalgic? Remorseful? Over it?"_

 _"You smart ass" John retorted._

 _"I'm proud of you" Thomas said._

 _"Thanks, Dad"_

 _"So is there a celebration somewhere?" Eve asked._

 _"Yeah, actually" John said, "Harvey's having some people over, I was going to ask Natalie to come with me?"_

 _Thomas nodded, "Be home by midnight"_

 _"Why don't I have a midnight curfew?" Michael asked._

 _"You don't have a car"_

 _"Good night, guys"_

 _John and Natalie headed towards his car and he kissed the top of her head._

 _"Eve almost cried" she told him._

 _"Yeah, I bet. She's sentimental like that"_

 _"Michael's pretty freaked out about next year"_

 _John didn't say anything._

 _"Alright then" she said._

 _"Natalie- I just-" he paused, "I have a night with you. I finished my short-lived career in football, and we're going to a party. I just want to have fun tonight"_

 _"Okay" she said._

 _He kissed her head again, "I can finally show you off to the team"_

 _"I go to every game"_

 _"But you have yet to wow them with your wit and charm" he said as they got in the car._

 _As they got to the party, they heard their high school chant from the car. Upon entering, his teammates clapped him on the back and introduced themselves to her. Natalie found some of her few friends there and began to socialize while John was off with his teammates. Shortly, he circled his way back to her with a drink of his own and one for her._

 _"You going to be okay drive" she asked, taking her drink from him._

 _"Irish blood, babe" he joked._

 _She rolled her eyes at him, and they continued to socialize. After a few hours there and a short detour home in his car, they were back home._

 _"Did you have fun?"_

 _"Yeah" she answered, "What about you? Enjoy your last night as a football star?"_

 _"I think star is pushing it"_

 _"Well?"_

 _"You were there. So it was pretty damn good"_

 _"I'm glad" she said, leaning up to kiss him._

 _Without warning, he deepened the kiss, and she was pulled against him, wrapping her arms around his neck._

 _"What a goodnight kiss" she whispered, not moving._

 _"That wasn't goodnight" he whispered back, leaning back down._

 _After another lengthy, passionate kiss that had her reeling, he leaned out._

 _"I love you" he whispered._

 _"I love you too" she whispered right back, "It's past midnight"_

 _"Someday I'll sleep next to you"_

 _"Someday" she said, "but for now, good night" she leaned up to kiss him lightly._

 _"Good night" he said, and after one more light kiss, he headed up the stairs._

His first day had been a complete bust. He couldn't bring himself to focus on his dad's case, or anything else with all that new information on Natalie. Normally, he and Mike hung out at Rodi's after work for a little bit, but Mike had a double shift at the hospital today and honestly, John didn't think he'd be able to get through it today with everything that had happened. He opened the door to his apartment, happy that it was empty. He set the folders down on his coffee table, retrieving a beer from the fridge. He wasn't going to be able to do this sober.

All he wanted to do was combine the files, but he knew to do that he was going to need to read all the stuff his father had, and that started with the notes on that night, and maybe figuring out why his dad had done that in the first place.

"Alright old man, what were trying to do" he whispered.

The notes from that note were all so clinical. They described her bruises, what she'd said, what had happened. After that was the report of her stepfather's arrest and her mother's stay in rehab. His dad had the report cards from her junior and senior year, all A's, because she'd been so smart, and then there were some pieces of paper he didn't understand- hospital records and such, he knew what they meant now, but he wondered if his dad had any idea when he'd found them.

Three beers in, and he found his mind wandering. He couldn't focus on the papers anymore. After his fourth beer and some notes he didn't remember reading, he grabbed a fifth and went into his closet. There, in the back left corner, was a box. He was always confused how after living together for six years that everything that was hers fit into one box. Minus the clothes, because his mom had taken care of those before he could tell her not to. The top of the box held the pictures in an envelope, because they had been the last things to go in the box. As he began to flip through them, he found himself smiling.

 _"What a day" she said, getting in the car._

 _"For you, too?" he said, starting his car._

 _"No Michael?"_

 _"No, he had something, I forget"_

 _"You had a bad day, too?"_

 _"Yeah"_

 _"Want to talk about it?"_

 _"Do you?"_

 _"That bad, huh?"_

 _"Do you want to get a cup of coffee or something?"_

 _"What?"_

 _"I just don't want to go home yet"_

 _"I didn't know you drank coffee"_

 _"I don't" he said, laughing, "It just seemed like the right thing to say"_

 _"Alright, let's go try coffee"_

 _He laughed, "How do you do that?"_

 _"What?"_

 _"Make anything seem okay?"_

 _She shrugged, "It's a gift"_

 _They pulled into a coffee shop that was between home and school and each tried a cup of coffee with a lot of sugar. John liked it, but Natalie was possibly in love._

 _"God, how have I been missing this my whole life?"_

 _"Should I be jealous?" he teased._

 _"You're hilarious"_

 _"You look pretty"_

 _She smiled, "Do you think it tastes like this at home?"_

 _"I think that coffee probably tastes the same everywhere"_

 _"I feel so adult"_

 _"So what happened?"_

 _She shrugged, "People are stupid"_

 _"Oh, very. Care to elaborate?"_

 _"I had a pop quiz and then, I heard- its so stupid, if I hadn't been so stressed out about the pop quiz it wouldn't have even bothered me-"_

 _"What?"_

 _"Just some girls talking about you. Cheerleaders"_

 _"So what?"_

 _She shrugged, "I don't know, just bothered me I guess"_

 _"Hey" he said, "You should know by now, I only got eyes for you"_

 _"I do know that" she said, "but, you know, they're just so pretty-"_

 _"They couldn't hold a candle to you"_

 _She smiled and looked down, "Well, what happened to you today?"_

 _"Oh" he said, "We got sized for caps and gowns"_

 _"What's so bad about that?"_

 _He looked down, unsure of how to answer._

 _"John" she said, getting him to look up, "You don't have to be afraid of graduation. It's a good thing"_

 _"I'm not afraid, I'm ready to go to the academy, but-"_

 _"I'm not going anywhere"_

 _"I've been thinking, I don't have to move out-"_

 _"John" she said, "You've been talking about getting your own place since we met. You should do it"_

 _"But I won't see you everyday"_

 _"Don't you think we've been through enough that that's not going to be an issue?"_

 _"That's not what I'm worried about"_

 _"John, I'm not going anywhere" she said, "And I'm sure as hell not giving up on you"_

 _"There you go again" he said, "No problem seems too big with you around"_

 _"You graduating is not a problem"_

 _"We should probably go" he said._

 _"John" she said as they got to the door._

 _"Yeah"_

 _"Someday we're going to live together again. For real"_

 _He nodded, "Someday"_

Under the pictures was the note she'd left him that day.

 _J-_

 _Sorry I had to leave so early, I had to get some of my sample work from a professor to give to the PD so they can look at it before they give me an interview. I'll see you later, I'll be the one in the cap and gown you can't take your eyes off of._

 _Love you,_

 _~N._

He smiled and went deeper into the box. There were some of her books, her jewelry box, the bathrobe she wore when they were just hanging out. And then there was the box that held the ring. He opened it, imagining again how beautiful it would have looked on her hand. He'd hunted for weeks for the perfect ring, had found it, of all places, in a small jewelry shop on the boardwalk. The only person he'd told was his dad, everyone else was supposed to be as surprised as she was going to be.

 _"Why do you have to be so smart?" he asked once they got home._

 _Midterm grades had just come out and she'd gotten all A's again. His was a cluster of As, Bs, and Cs._

 _"What can I say, it's a gift"_

 _"Grades came out?" Eve guessed when the two entered the kitchen._

 _"Natalie got straight A's again" John said._

 _"And you?"_

 _"The usual"_

 _She shook her head, "Well, I guess all's well and normal then"_

 _"Yeah, I guess" John said, "You want to do homework in my room today?"_

 _"Yeah, in a minute, I was going to talk to Eve about something first"_

 _He nodded, heading upstairs._

 _"Yes, Natalie?"_

 _"Well, I've been thinking about life after high school and what you said when I first moved in"_

 _"Really?"_

 _"Yeah" she said, "We just did this, like, section in chemistry about forensics. And I found it really interesting and I understood the chemistry behind it and, well I've been doing pretty good in chemistry and I talked to my teacher about it, and he said that there's some physics involved, too, but I'm going to take physics next year, so-"_

 _"Natalie"_

 _"Right, sorry I'm rambling"_

 _"Go ahead"_

 _"Well, I looked into careers on it, forensics"_

 _"You've been around us too long" she said._

 _"I mean, I'm sure that there was some influence there, but it's not as dangerous as police work, it's mostly lab stuff, matching blood types, running DNA tests-"_

 _"Well, I suppose I've rubbed off on you, too, then"_

 _"The thing is, it's a pretty specialized field, so-"_

 _"So?"_

 _"I'd have to go to college" she said, "I've thought about this too. I can get a cheap apartment, I'll be totally out of your hair, I'll take out loans and get a summer job to save, I just might need someone to co-sign the loan-"_

 _"Natalie, we'll figure it out, okay? I'm proud of you, so, so proud of you"_

 _"Thanks"_

 _"We'll start talking colleges in the summer. I'll talk to Thomas about it, too"_

 _"Thanks, Eve"_

 _"Go tell John, he's going to be excited, too"_

 _She headed upstairs to find him doing math problems._

 _"Hey" she greeted him._

 _"Hey" he said, "So what was all that about"_

 _"I think I figured out what I want to do with my life"_

 _"Yeah?"_

 _"Forensics" she said, "I'm probably going to go to college"_

 _"I knew you would"_

 _"I never believed I'd say those words"_

 _"You're smart enough to do whatever you want. If that means slumming it with cops like me, all the power to you"_

 _"You think I can do it?"_

 _"That and so much more"_

 _She finally sat down next to him, "Eve said so, too. She said you guys were rubbing off on me"_

 _"So-"_

 _"So what?"_

 _"So in theory we could move in together after you graduate"_

 _"I'm not so sure how well that's going to go over"_

 _"We'll work on them"_

 _"You're rather optimistic"_

 _He pulled her into his lap, "You really want this?"_

 _"I think I do"_

 _He smiled, "We can do whatever you want as far as I'm concerned. As long as you're happy"_

 _She kissed him, "I'm so lucky" she said, resting her forehead on his._

 _"We're both pretty lucky" he said, pushing her hair back and kissing her again._

 _Before they could get too carried away, they heard footsteps on the stairs and she scooted off his lap next to him on the floor. Michael came in and began telling them about the extra experiments he was running with his biology professor._


	7. Chapter 7

John woke with a start. He went to sit up and his head was pounding a little, and he'd fallen asleep holding Natalie's robe. Looking into his other room, he could see the box still out of the closet. He didn't have the heart to put it back right now, so instead he took a shower and went right out the door.

Today, he was determined to make headway on his dad's case. He combed through the file, adding notes to potential leads. The doctor who'd operated on him drunk had already lost her license to practice, but hadn't been arrested because of the settlement his mom had agreed to. John disagreed with it, but he supposed it wasn't his place to say anything.

He had to find out who called 911. His dad hadn't radioed that he'd been shot because he didn't have his radio on him, he'd been off duty. That meant someone saw what happened and had called 911. This was the starting point. He used his computer to get the number the witness had called from, and would then run a check to get him an address from the phone number.

He heard a knock on his door.

"Come in"

"Hey Johnny"

"Mom, I didn't think you'd -"

"I'm fine, Johnny, you and Mikey worry too much"

John came around the front of his desk to greet her with a hug.

"Well, you've worried about us long enough"

She looked around the office, "Makes it a lot more real, doesn't it?"

"Yeah" he said, "Bo cleared all of Dad's stuff out before I came back"

"Your father would be so proud of you, John. I hope you know that"

"I do, Mom" he said, "Bo's going to let me investigate his murder"

"If anyone can solve it, its you"

"I hope so" John said, "I'd like to make him proud"

"You don't have to try any harder to do that" she said, "He was proud of you long before this happened. When you graduated from the academy, I'd never seen him so happy, John. And then you went to the FBI-"

"Oh, he probably hated me for that one"

"He knew why you did it, though"

John looked down, "Well, I guess I ended up back home anyway. New home, but still"

"He was proud of that decision, too" she said, "He thought they should have made him step down for you. As far as he was concerned, you should have had this job awhile ago"

"How are you doing?" he asked.

"Oh, you know. I started back at the hospital, but home still feels terribly empty. I'll get used to it, you know? I'm just so used to the noises your father would make, you know? Tossing and turning, readjusting on the couch, turning on jazz when it got too quiet for him-"

"Yeah, he did like that"

"Listen, I was going through some things-"

"Mom, we told you, me and Mike will take care of that when you're ready-"

"Don't be ridiculous, you're busy, and it has to get done sooner rather than later"

"Mom, you don't have to-"

"Anyway, I found this" she said, handing him a framed picture, "I thought you might want it"

John looked at it for a minute. It was of he and Natalie, on prom night. She was wearing a blue dress, dark blue, but not quite navy, and it had matched her eyes perfectly. It was a halter dress, and showed off her curves beautifully, unlike the clothes she typically wore. It had rhinestones in the body and then flowed to her feet, hugging her hips perfectly. At his mother's direction, he'd worn the same color tie and gotten her a corsage with a white rose, blue baby's breath, and a blue ribbon. They looked so happy in the picture, and they had been, but that was something he couldn't imagine now.

"Wow" he said, leaning on his desk.

"You two made a quite a pair"

"I forgot how beautiful she looked that night" he couldn't take his eyes off of her.

"She'd be proud of you, too, John. Maybe more than any of us"

"I know" he said.

"I miss her, too, John"

"Maybe its because of Dad, I've been thinking about her a lot recently"

"That makes sense"

"Yeah, I guess it does" he said, "Dad had a case open on her"

"Are you surprised?"

"No, not really. But he started it way before she ever went missing"

"Really?"

He nodded, "I found out yesterday. I tried going through it, but-"

"I'm sure it's a lot" she said, "You know, John, Natalie would want you to be happy"

"I know, it's just real hard to be happy without her" he said.

"It's hard to believe I didn't like her at first" she said, "That changed pretty quick though. And you always knew I'd come around"

"Yeah, I did. You were both so strong, I never understood why you didn't see that in each other"

"She was so happy that day" she said, "So were you"

"She pretended to hate it" he said, "but I knew"

"You were good for each other"

"I still miss her. It's stupid, but sometimes I forget, even now, that she's gone"

She rubbed her son's shoulders, "You don't have to forget her to be happy, John. You just have to believe she'd want you to be happy without her"

He nodded.

"And your dad's with her now. You know how well they got along. She's not alone anymore"

He nodded again.

"So you'll keep it. I thought you might want it here, to remind you"

He nodded, "I'll keep it, Mom. Thanks"

 _"Can you believe it's been a year?" Eve said as she finished Natalie's hair._

 _"No, I can't" Natalie said, "and you, I never could have imagined I'd be so close to you"_

 _"Same here" Eve said, "What do you think? More curls, more up?"_

 _Natalie looked in the mirror Eve had curled all of her hair, pinning the back up and leaving the front tendrils down to frame her face._

 _"It's good" she said._

 _"Be honest"_

 _"No, really. I like it"_

 _"Alright, let me see that beautiful face" she said and Natalie turned to face her, "Are you excited?"_

 _"Yeah, I am. Don't tell John that, though"_

 _"He has a surprise for you"_

 _"I know you told him to get a corsage"_

 _"Well, yeah. But another surprise"_

 _"And you know?"_

 _"He wanted to okay it with Thomas first" Eve said, "That's all I'm going to say" she said, beginning on Natalie's eyes._

 _"Don't go too crazy, Eve, I want John to recognize me"_

 _"He won't be able to take his eyes off of you" she said._

 _"Please, there'll plenty of girls there"_

 _"Yeah, but none for John" she said, "besides, you deserve to be pampered"_

 _"Yeah, well, you're doing a bang up job of that"_

 _"Honestly, Natalie, I wish you just let me get you some make up-"_

 _"Eve, we've been over this. I don't see the point"_

 _"You're 17, now is the time to learn so when you get old and there is a point-"_

 _"Eve, really. I appreciate it, but, I really don't think I'm ever going to use it"_

 _"Fine" she said, "I suppose the next time you'll let me touch your hair or do your make up will be your wedding day"_

 _"What?" Natalie said, opening her eyes to look at Eve._

 _"Oh, Natalie" she said, "I didn't mean soon, I just- I see the way you two look at each other. That only comes around once a lifetime. You got lucky to find your one so early"_

 _"Oh, that's all" she said._

 _"I mean, I am counting on you two getting married before I kick the bucket"_

 _"Don't talk like that" she said, "I thought John might have said something-"_

 _"No, he wouldn't dare betray your secrets, try as we might" she said._

 _"We haven't talked about-" she lied._

 _"Sorry, Natalie, I guess I jumped the gun" she said, "but I will be doing your hair and make up on your wedding day"_

 _"Whatever you say, Eve"_

 _"Oh, to be young again" she said, standing back to look at her work._

 _"I'm done?"_

 _"You're done"_

 _Natalie turned to look at herself in the mirror. She had to admit, she looked good, she just didn't think she looked herself. Her eye shadow matched her dress, and she had a dark red lipstick on, and she looked so grown up._

 _"Ready?" Eve asked._

 _Natalie nodded and they headed out of her room._

 _He didn't understand the subtle "don't have sex" talk his father was giving him. He'd only given him an hour, not long enough for anything to happen. And yet, here they were, waiting for Natalie to come out of her room and talking about God. Fortunately, when they heard the door to Natalie's room open, his dad stopped talking. He stood as she entered, his eyes automatically reaching hers, and they somehow sparkled more than normal. Maybe it was the eye make up or the fact that her face was framed with her hair. His eyes finally wandered, and she was breathtaking. Her dress showed off her body in a way he hadn't been expecting and every curve was accented, and he had to remind himself to breathe._

 _"Wow" he said, in a voice just above a whisper._

 _He crossed the room, vaguely aware of his brother coming down the stairs, and he put his hands on her hips._

 _"You look beautiful" he told her._

 _His mother had also crossed the room, walking into his dad's arm._

 _"Don't get used to this" she told him._

 _"I wouldn't dare"_

 _And then, oblivious to his parents behind him or his brother behind her, leaned in to kiss her, full and deep. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he pulled her closer, his hand going to cradle her head._

 _That was when Michael gagged at both couples kissing and John stepped away from Natalie._

 _"John, you're lucky you didn't ruin her hair" Eve said._

 _Natalie laughed, and John went to get her corsage. After placing it on her wrist and kissing her hand, his mother ushered them all outside for pictures. After what seemed like hours taking pictures, they went inside to grab Natalie's bag and leave._

 _"I guess we'll be going, then" John said, just as he'd told his dad he would._

 _"Here" his dad said, tossing him his keys, "take the truck"_

 _"Thanks" John said._

 _"Be home by 2"_

 _John was sure his shock registered on his face, but he didn't question it, just repeated his thanks and he and Natalie were on their way. Once out of the driveway, Natalie asked what he'd been thinking._

 _"Did he say 2?"_

 _"Yeah"_

 _"And he meant 2 am"_

 _"Natalie, I am just as surprised as you are" he said._

 _"Does this have to do with the surprise?"_

 _"What surprise?" he feigned innocence._

 _"Oh, you think you're such a good liar, just tell me"_

 _"I don't know what you're talking about"_

 _"Fine" she said._

 _"Did I mention you look beautiful tonight?"_

 _"Yeah, you did. Punctuated with making out in the living room"_

 _"Not one of our finest moments, I guess"_

 _"You clean up pretty nice, too"_

 _"I hate monkey suits"_

 _"And I feel like a doll" she said,"so I guess we're a pretty good pair"_

 _"Thanks for agreeing to come"_

 _"Well I promised" she said as they pulled up to the school, "Alright, let's get this over with" she said._

 _"You're so romantic" he said as they headed inside._

 _As the prom was finishing, he and Natalie returned to their table to get Natalie's bag. He put his jacket over her shoulders and they headed out to the truck._

 _"Well since we have so much time, you hungry?" he asked._

 _"Starved" she said, "I'd love some fries"_

 _"We can do that" he said as he started to navigate his way out of the parking lot._

 _"So can we revisit this whole surprise thing?"_

 _"Yeah, I have a surprise for you"_

 _"And?" she prompted._

 _"And we can get fries on the way there" he said._

 _So, after a pit stop at McDonald's which they devoured before reaching their final destination, John continued to drive to the beach. He drove to an abandoned stretch of beach and turned the truck around so the bed was facing the ocean._

 _"John? What are we doing here?"_

 _"You'll see" he said as he turned the truck off and got out._

 _Natalie watched him walk to the bed of the truck and began to fold back the cover of the truck bed. Natalie kicked her heels off and got out of the truck to walk around the back as well. John finished folding it back, revealing a mountain of blankets and pillows spread out through the bed of the truck. He pulled down the gate and turned to her._

 _"Well?"_

 _She smiled, touched to her core,"It's perfect"_

 _Silently, he climbed into the bed of the pick up truck, and she followed in, jumping up to sit first and then crawling up to rest her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her, bringing her close. They looked up at the stars, silently and listened to the waves crash on the shore. After good chunk of silence, Natalie finally spoke._

 _"This is beautiful" she whispered, "Perfect end to a perfect night"_

 _"It's not over yet" he said, looking at his watch, "We still got a few hours"_

 _"This is perfect, John. Really. Thank you so much"_

 _"I'd hoped you'd like it" he said, kissing her head._

 _"The sky is so clear. It's beautiful. I could look at this forever"_

 _He turned his head to look at her, "I know the feeling"_

 _She leaned up to kiss him, "Sometimes, I can't believe I got so lucky with you"_

 _"I'm the lucky one" he said, "You're beautiful"_

 _"You sure the three pounds of make up isn't clouding your opinion?"_

 _He shook his head, running his fingers through her hair, "You're always beautiful. Right now especially, but not because of the make up, because of the star light"_

 _She leaned up to kiss him again, and when he went to deepen it, she let him, wrapping her arms around his neck, causing his jacket to fall off of her shoulders, but she didn't care. He grabbed her, bringing her close to him and kissing her again. He leaned her back, their tongues still intertwined and she dug her hands into his hair, bringing him on top of her, and his weight pressed into her and she wasn't sure she'd ever felt so much of him, he pressed into everywhere she wasn't, it felt glorious. He ended the kiss and began to kiss down the right side of her neck, and she felt his lips and tongue ignite her skin on fire. Soft moans escaped her mouth and then he was kissing her again._

 _He rolled back, bringing her with him, and he wrapped his arms around her, tangling one hand in her hair. Her hands disentangled themselves from his hair and found their way to his tie. She went to loosen it, not wanting to open her eyes to end the kiss, and fumbling._

 _When he realized what she was doing, he broke the kiss, panting as she was, and loosened the tie for her, taking it off over his head. He watched her, hypnotized as he did so, and then her hands went to the top button of his shirt and she began to unbutton it. He felt his heartbeat accelerate with every button she undid, waiting for her to touch his skin. He continued to watch her, and then when she'd reached the bottom, she grabbed at it, untucking it from his pants. She made quick work of the rest of the buttons and then looked back into his eyes, and then down to his chest. Panting, she put both hands on his chest and went to push the shirt off of him._

 _"Natalie" he moaned._

 _And then he was kissing her again, he leaned over her, rolling her on her back and shrugged his shirt the rest of the way off. Her hands explored his back, his bare skin under her fingers making her delirious with pleasure. She didn't stop as his mouth began to explore both sides of her neck, making her moan when he found a spot that must have been directly connected to her sex, which was now, she was realizing, getting wet._

 _"John" she moaned out when he didn't move and stayed in the spot that was making her throb between her legs._

 _He wrapped his arms around her and rolled onto his back, kissing her deeply so she felt it through to her core. She broke the kiss when she felt his erection press against her thigh._

 _He knew she could feel how hard he was, or at least he would if he were capable of thinking right now. All he could feel was her above him, pressed into him, taking up any piece of space he wasn't, and kissing him so deliciously he couldn't think straight. She stopped for a moment, only to catch a breath of air and then was kissing him again, and her hips began to grind into him, her thigh grinding right into his erection, driving him crazy. She stopped the kiss again, moving down on his body, her hips now grinding right into his now rock hard erection and she began to kiss along his collar bone and let out a strangled moan. God, he didn't know if he'd ever felt so much at once and she wasn't relenting, either._

 _"Natalie" he moaned and she looked up at him._

 _He tangled a hand in her hair and kissed her briefly. Then, he pulled the tie at the base of her neck and found the short zipper at the middle of her back, and unzipped that as well. She rolled off of him, and together they wrangled her out of the dress and pushed it aside, John taking her in his arms and feeling their bare skin against the other's. He leaned back to look at her, in strapless bra and a lacy pair of underwear, just looking at him, panting just as he was. God, she was beautiful. She sat up briefly, facing him, and unclipped her bra, her breasts were exposed to him. He moaned, going to kiss her, lying her back down, and gently cupped her right breast in his hand and her hips bucked into his. He leaned over her and began kiss down the left side of her neck, down to her chest and moved his body down on her so her breasts were in his face. He looked up at her, seeing she wanted this, too. He took her left breast in his hand, gently squeezing it, meanwhile he kissed her right breast, being sure to savor every inch and then taking her nipple into his mouth, sucking on it._

 _Dear God, she was certain this felt too good to be earthly. Her hips kept bucking into his stomach, and he surely knew how wet she was now, but she didn't care. His hands and lips felt so good, and it was making her sex throb, and when he sucked on her nipple, she wasn't sure if she screamed or moaned, but dear God, did her panties get wet. His hands and mouth switched breasts and she relished it all over again, how every nerve ending in her body was on fire and how good it felt and how it felt like her whole body was covered in goosebumps of the best kind, the rush she was getting. He took her left nipple in his mouth, and she couldn't help herself._

 _"Jooohnnn" she moaned, and she hoped he knew she wanted him to keep going._

 _He kissed his way back up to her mouth and rolled off of her. He grabbed her, pulling her on top of him, wanting to feel her bare breasts pressed into his chest, and he continued to kiss her. Her legs draped to either side of him, his erection now so present she could feel it against her backside, and she wanted it closer. She ground into him, and he had to stop kissing her to moan out._

 _She rolled off of him, onto her side again. She looked down at his pants, his erection noticeably pressing against them. She undid his belt, his button and zipper and could feel him panting against her face, and she was sure she was panting, too. She pushed his pants down with his boxers, only seeing his erection for a moment before he was kissing her again. Her hand, though, was rubbing it, feeling it. It was so soft, but so hard, throbbing just as she was. Unexpectedly, he put a hand between her legs, touching her panties and she thought he was taking them off. her breath hitched in anticipation and then he stopped kissing her. He moved his hand away._

 _"Natalie" he whispered, moving her hand from between his legs._

 _"John" she moaned, "don't stop"_

 _"We can't-"_

 _"John, I want you to, please don't stop"_

 _"I don't want to" he said._

 _"Then don't" she finally opened her eyes._

 _"I don't have protection"_

 _"I don't care" she heard herself say, though her brain was slowly starting to kick in._

 _"You don't mean that"_

 _"But I want you" she pouted._

 _"I know" he said, trying to get his breathing in control, "but I'm not going to risk it. You can't do everything you want to do if you get pregnant now"_

 _She nodded._

 _"You okay?" he asked._

 _"Yeah, I'm good"_

 _"You're beautiful"_

 _"That felt so good" she whispered._

 _"Someday" he said._

 _She nodded, "Someday"_

 _He readjusted his pants and offered to help her get dressed. Once they were both redressed, they sat. John looked at his watch._

 _"We can still stay for an hour. You want to watch the stars some more?"_

 _"Yeah, I'd like that" she said._

 _They laid back down, with her tucked into his side with his arm around her._

 _"I'm sorry I let it get that far"he said, quietly._

 _"John, don't be sorry. I'm not. I want that. Now, I'm ready"_

 _"Me too" he said, "I guess what I really meant was I'm sorry I let it get that far when we couldn't finish what we started"_

 _"I don't understand, though. If you planned this, why didn't you-"_

 _"I didn't plan-" he sighed, "All I wanted was some time by ourselves, to watch the stars. When I convinced my dad to let us have the time, he said he'd give me til 11, which means we only would have been here for a little while before we had to leave. If I'd've known he'd give us the extra three hours, Natalie, I would have gotten protection, believe me"_

 _"He told your mom" she said, "That's how we got the extra three hours. She told me you had a surprise for me"_

 _"Yeah, that must have been it"_

 _"I wish we could sleep here"_

 _"I don't think I'm going to be sleeping much anytime soon" he said._

 _"Yeah, I'm wide awake" she said, "I'm glad we did this, all of it" she said._

 _"I really wanted it to be special, you know, what with last year-"_

 _"You mean with my life falling apart? Yeah, this definitely tops that" she said._

 _"I don't know how you can joke about that. I'd never seen you look so scared and God, those bruises"_

 _"Hey" she said, looking up at him, "It wasn't all bad. After all, I still got you. and I got your family. And I got out. All thanks to you"_

 _"I always go back to that first time in my mom's car when we fooled around, and I was flat out lying on top of you, or at any given point I could have hugged you too hard-"_

 _"You never did" she said, "John, you never hurt me, I swear" she said, "Where's all this coming from, anyway?"_

 _"I should have known"_

 _"You couldn't have known"_

 _"I'm going to be a cop, Natalie, I should have known, I should have seen-something-"_

 _"John" she said, placing a hand on the side of his face, "I'd been lying about my mother's alcohol problem for sixteen years. I'd been lying about my stepfather for the six years they were married. You don't lie for that long without getting pretty damn good at it" she said, "cops that have been trained and on the job for years wouldn't have noticed"_

 _"Yeah, but you're not dating them"_

 _"Look at me" she said, "I wasn't lying to you because I wanted to. I was lying because that's what I did" she said, "And John, you made me feel safe when everything I knew taught me not to feel that way. I ran to you. You're the one that got me here"_

 _"I just- the thought of anyone laying their hands on you-"_

 _"Hey, that's all over now"_

 _"You didn't deserve that, though"_

 _"No one does" she said._

 _He kissed her head, "I just wish i could erase it"_

 _They were silent for a bit, looking up at the stars._

 _"Natalie?"_

 _"Yeah?"_

 _"Promise me you'll remember this"_

 _"Like I could forget" she said, "This might be the best night of my life"_

 _"I'm glad"_

 _"You want to talk about it?" she asked, when he didn't answer, "Fine. but I know you, John. You can be scared, it's okay. I know you're afraid to leave, even if you won't talk about it"_

 _"I just- I can't imagine not seeing you everyday" he said, "You know, what if the distance destroys us? What if you decide you want someone as smart as you-"_

 _"Hey" she said, "you are plenty smart, and you know it"_

 _"But when you go to college, you know there are going to be plenty of guys around, smart and career minded-"_

 _"And you could get a hot secretary and never want to see me again-"_

 _"Natalie-"_

 _"I mean as long as we're listing anomalies-"_

 _"That's never going to happen"_

 _"I know that" she said, "Just as sure as I know that there is no guy out there who I could love more than you" she said, "John, exactly a year ago you got me to believe in someday, got me to believe what we had was real. I'm not giving up on that, no matter what happens the next few years"_

 _He laid a gentle kiss on her forehead, "You make it all seem so easy, like its not a big deal"_

 _"Don't get me wrong, I think you graduating is a very big deal" she said, "But I also think you're ready for what's next, even that means not seeing me everyday" she said, "but you know what?"_

 _"What?"_

 _"I have a number to give you now"_

 _He chuckled. gently, he leaned down to kiss her._

 _"I want spend a night with you before I go"_

 _She ran a hand over his chest, "I'd really like that, too" she said._

 _"I love you" he said._

 _"I love you, too" she said, and leaned up for another gentle kiss._

 _"We should get going"he said._

 _After re-covering the bed of the truck, Natalie put his jacket back over her shoulders, even though she wasn't that cold, just to smell him. They got back in the truck and John started heading home. They were in the driveway at exactly 1:55, and John helped her out of the truck, walking her all the way to her room with his hand on the small of her back instead of bidding goodnight at the stairs like they normally did._

 _"All the way to my door, what a gentlemen" she said._

 _"I think we both know I haven't precisely been a gentlemen tonight"_

 _"Oh, so you're trying to get lucky?" she teased._

 _"Yeah, I wish" he said, "I just don't want it to be over"_

 _"It was the perfect night, John" she said, "I'm going to remember that as long as I live"_

 _She put a hand on his face, watched him lean into it. He leaned down to kiss her. Gently, he took his jacket off of her, slinging it over his shoulder, then kissing her again, and she framed his face. He leaned against the door frame._

 _"I'm really glad we did this" he finally said._

 _"Me, too"_

 _"Well, I wish it could have ended different-"_

 _"You know you can't come in"_

 _"Doesn't mean I don't want to"_

 _"If it's any consolation, I wouldn't say no"_

 _"I just want to sleep next to you"_

 _"Someday" she said._

 _"Yeah, someday" he said._

 _He leaned down and kissed her. She framed his face with her hands, deepening it._

 _"John?" they heard from upstairs._

 _They broke apart, but stayed close._

 _"I don't know how he does it" John muttered before answering, "Yeah, dad, I'm coming up"_

 _"Good night" she said, "I love you"_

 _"I love you, too" he said, "Good night"_

 _He leaned down to kiss her once more, and unable to resist, once after that. She smiled, then opened her door to go inside. He sighed, then headed upstairs to his room._


	8. Chapter 8

He had him.

He'd gotten the witness, gotten him to talk to a sketch artist, and now he had a perp.

David Vickers.

John couldn't believe it when he saw it. He'd personally arrested the guy before and he'd killed his father. The bastard was walking around town, living in one of the mansions to top it all off.

"Son of a bitch" he muttered.

He went to Bo's office, practically knocking the door down waiting for Bo to answer.

"Bo-" John stopped himself when he saw Rex sitting in the corner.

"Hey McBain" Rex said.

John forgot himself for a moment, as he usually did when he saw Rex. He still looked like a kid, and he always wondered what Natalie would think if she knew all that had transpired between her disappearing and now and how she'd react to her brother coming to Llanview to look for her. He thought about her all the time, but seeing Rex typically brought out the pangs of guilt he had for all the two of them had gone through. He'd long since schooled his face to stop reacting, but his mind wandered every time.

"Hey" John replied, "I have something for you to look at"

"Rex, do you mind?"

"No, I'll see you later" he said, taking his leave.

"So, what's he up to now?"

"I couldn't even tell you" Bo said, "Something about his girlfriend"

"He's staying out of trouble?"

"He's trying, which is really all we can hope for" he said, "So what do you need me to look at?"

John handed him the file. "Sketch of the bastard that shot my father, from a witness"

"That's David Vickers"

"I know" he said, "Believe me, I know"

"Did you send out for a warrant?"

"Yup. Probably won't hear til tomorrow, though"

"I don't believe it"

"You're telling me, I've arrested the guy before" he said, "He's walking out there for months, free-"

"He'll pay, John" he said, "It's getting late, why don't you pack it in for the night?"

"Yeah" he said, "Um, Bo?"

"Yeah"

"If Rex gets into trouble, just-"

"I know, John. You'll be one of the first calls I make"

John nodded, heading back to his office. He began packing the file back into the folder when a knock came on his door and Evangeline walked in with a smile.

"Hey" she said, causing him to look up.

"Hey" he said.

"So you've been working so hard these last few days, I just wanted to make sure you weren't avoiding me"

That was one of the things he disliked about dating a defense attorney, he never felt safe talking about his cases in front of her. As a result, she didn't know anything about his father's case or how long it took him to hunt down that witness and get him to cooperate. Then again, he wasn't so sure he'd talk to her about such a thing if she weren't a lawyer.

"No, it's just been hectic here, I have a lot of cases" he looked down, not wanting his eyes to give away his lie. Natalie had always said his eyes gave him away.

"Well, you look like you're about done, how's about dinner?"

"Sure" he said, "The Palace?"

"You read my mind"

Not really. It was the one restaurant in town she deemed acceptable for a date. She wouldn't be caught dead at Rodi's, where he and Mike would hang out after work, where he by far would prefer to be, not that it mattered. Sometimes he wondered what he saw in her or why he bothered keeping this charade up. Mike had asked him why she didn't come to Dad's funeral, and he didn't have an answer, other than that he didn't want her to.

He hated admitting it, even to himself, that for him it was really just sex. An outlet, something to distract him from the fact that his life was empty. She was the one that wanted more, kept saying so even though he wasn't agreeing to it. He long since knew his shot at happiness had disappeared five years ago. If he closed his eyes, sometimes he could imagine it was Natalie he was kissing, but they were just too different.

 _"One more thing, John" his mom said after his dad had gone to finalize some things at the station._

 _His parents were going to be gone for the weekend. He could hardly believe fate was being so kind to him. Sure, nothing could happen with Mike in the house, but he wouldn't squeal if he and Natalie broke their strict curfew. The curfew was really killing John now because he'd been in finals and in half days and Natalie had been in school on top of her new job, he'd barely spent any time with her alone._

 _"Yeah, mom?"_

 _"Michael is going to spend the night at a friend's. Jason's. You'll need to drop him off and pick him up"_

 _This couldn't possibly be real. His dad didn't know. He was sure of that, but he sure wasn't going to ask that question._

 _"Yeah, no problem" he said, already planning._

 _"You and Natalie will be fine?"_

 _"Yeah, um-" he said, "Could you not tell her? I think I'm going to surprise her and make her dinner"_

 _"Well in that case" she paused, "I won't say anything if a bottle of wine goes missing" she said, smiling._

 _John nodded and smiled more than he had in whole life. He tried not to get too happy, at least not while his parents were still home because surely something was going to ruin this. Yet, three hours later, he and Mike had wished their parents a happy anniversary and bid them off, he'd dropped Mike off at his friend's house and made a pit stop at the drugstore on the way back. This was really happening._

 _He set out a few candles on the kitchen table, lighting them and then moved one of the bottles of wine to the fridge, pouring himself a glass first. He raided the fridge for something to cook, finally settling on trying to replicate that chicken dish his mom did that Natalie liked a lot. He flipped the record player in the living room on, his father's jazz record filling the house. He could hardly believe this was real._

 _He heard the door open and smiled. It was starting to get dark, and he dimmed the lights in the kitchen as Natalie came into the room._

 _As she walked in to the kitchen and saw the candles on the table, she turned to see John dimming the lights and she felt butterflies in her stomach as he came closer to her, her smile widened._

 _"Hey" she said, "what's all this?"_

 _He wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her deep right away, and she was swooning, wrapping her arms around his neck. He stopped, resting his head against hers._

 _"What a welcome" she said, "But what's going on?"_

 _"Listen for a second" he said, not moving._

 _After a moment, Natalie finally spoke, "I don't hear anything but the music"_

 _John smiled, "We're alone"_

 _"What? how-"_

 _She was cut off as John kissed her again, and knowing no one would cut them off, she willingly forgot herself and got lost in him. They only stopped when they heard the kitchen timer go off. They broke apart laughing._

 _"Dinner's ready" he said._

 _"You made me dinner?" she asked._

 _"Hey, I can cook" he said, unwrapping himself from her and heading towards the stove._

 _"Should I be worried?"_

 _"I tried to make that chicken thing you like, we'll see how it turns out" he joked, "I made mac and cheese, too, just in case" he said, "Sit down. I got this" he said, smiling._

 _Momentarily, he was placing a plate of chicken and mac and cheese in front of her and then pouring her a glass of wine._

 _"Wine?" she asked._

 _"Mom said it was okay"_

 _"Is this real?" she asked as he sat down._

 _"Believe me, I didn't believe it until I got here and was alone"_

 _"So, how did this happen?" she said, beginning to eat._

 _"Well, my mom got a gig in Ocean City, four shows, tonight, tomorrow, and Sunday so she and my dad are staying there for the weekend"_

 _"How'd she get him to agree to that?"_

 _"Their anniversary is on Sunday, so it timed out pretty good for her to demand a weekend away"_

 _"And Michael?"_

 _"At a friend's house for the night"_

 _"Til when?"_

 _"Well, I'm the one that has to pick him up, so-"_

 _"And your dad knows all of this?"_

 _"I didn't ask" he said, "Mom waited to tell me until he was at the station to tell his boss he was leaving for the weekend"_

 _"So we have the whole night to ourselves?"_

 _"Yeah, kind of unbelievable, huh?"_

 _"I can hardly believe it" she said, "And you cooked me dinner, and it's probably not going to kill me"_

 _"I'll take that as a compliment" he said, "So how are you doing?"_

 _"Good" she said, "School was good, I had a quiz in chemistry, but other than that, pretty uneventful. Work was- well, it was work"_

 _"Yeah, I get that" he said._

 _"How was your final?" she said as he poured her another glass of wine and took her hand._

 _"It was a final" he said, kissing her hand._

 _"Well, did you feel prepared?"_

 _"I think I did okay" he said, "I never got the senioritis thing til now"_

 _"I bet" she said, "Any word from the Academy yet?"_

 _"I'll be living there five days a week"_

 _"Really?"_

 _"Yeah, apparently it's a new rule or something, but it's only six months now, used to be a year"_

 _"Start date yet?"_

 _"Not yet" he said, "I'd tell you"_

 _"I know" she said, "You scared?"_

 _He kissed her hand again, "I don't know"_

 _"You want help cleaning? I'll dry"_

 _After the dishes had been washed and put away, Natalie wrapped her arms around his neck, going to kiss him._

 _"Thanks for dinner" she said, kissing him again._

 _"I like my thank you" he said, kissing her._

 _"So what do you want to do with our night alone?" she asked, drawing a line on his chest._

 _"Hmm, so many options" he said, "I was thinking a movie, you know, make some popcorn" he said as she began to kiss along his jawline and down his neck, "maybe we could get real crazy and have a marathon or maybe go on a walk, get some ice cream-"_

 _She stopped kissing him and looked up at him, "Oh, shut up and kiss me"_

 _He kissed her, her tongue meeting his with equal fervor and she was reeling with sensation. They weren't keeping themselves in check tonight, that was for sure. He kept one arm around her waist, which kept her pressed against him, but the other arm wound up her back, her hair tangled in his hand. She dug her hands into his hair, wanting him as close as he could physically be._

 _He stopped, panting hard, as she was, and suddenly she was aware of his erection pressing into her stomach. She could feel his breath on her face as they were still holding each other close, and she watched his face, waiting for him to open his eyes._

 _When he opened his eyes, he finally spoke, "I want to make love to you tonight"_

 _His voice was husky, thick with desire, and it raised goosebumps over every inch of her skin. They didn't move from their hold on each other, maintaining eye contact._

 _"John-" she said, and she could hear the same desire in her own voice._

 _"Only if you want to"_

 _God, she loved him. He was always so concerned about her, and that made her want him so much more._

 _"Of course I want to"_

 _All of a sudden, she was lost in him again as he kissed her with more passion than she'd ever felt. She didn't know if it was the wine or the heavy making out, but her head was swimming, lost in the sea of his tongue and his smell. They broke apart again, and she wished she didn't need oxygen so he could keep going._

 _"We're really doing this" he whispered._

 _"Yeah, we are"_

 _"Where?"_

 _"What?" she couldn't concentrate with him so close, only a breath away._

 _"In my room or yours?"_

 _She disentangled her hands from his hair to focus better, though he didn't let her get any further away._

 _"Outside" she answered._

 _"Outside?"_

 _"Yeah. Like it would have been after prom, under the stars"_

 _"You mean it?"_

 _"It'll be so romantic"_

 _"Okay" he said, "we'll go outside. Help me get the extra blankets and pillows down?"_

 _"Wait" she said, "You have protection, right?"_

 _"Yeah, I got it this time" he said._

 _"I wish you'd told me"_

 _"What? Why?"_

 _"I got something to wear for you"_

 _"You got something to wear?"_

 _"Hey, this is what girls think about" she said, "You know, after prom when we talked about it, I wanted to make it special for you, too, so after I got my first paycheck-"_

 _"Natalie, you didn't have to-"_

 _"Well, I did"_

 _"Do you want to go change?"_

 _"You wouldn't mind?"_

 _"No" he said, "go change, I'll set up some blankets and pillows on the porch, okay?" he said, and laid a gentle kiss on her forehead before heading for the spare linen closet._

 _She disappeared into her room. Her heart was about to beat out of her chest and she leaned against her door for a moment, trying to get her brain to function and her heart to calm down, taking a few deep breaths. She tried to think. She'd shaved this morning, so that was one less thing to worry about. She'd put her lingerie in her underwear drawer, so she made her way into the room, stripping herself of the clothes she was wearing as she did so. Without thinking too much, she put on her lingerie and put her dirty clothes in her hamper._

 _She looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair always looked a mess, no matter what she did with it. Nonetheless, she dragged the brush through it, trying to make it look somewhat attractive. It seemed like she wasn't looking at the same person, as though the person in the mirror couldn't be about to have sex with her boyfriend. But he was John, and he thought she was beautiful no matter what she was wearing or what her hair looked like._

 _With that in mind, she abandoned her hair and headed out to the porch to meet him._

 _He'd set up all the blankets and pillows next to the furniture that lived on the porch. He'd put one condom on the coffee table next to the blankets. She still wasn't out of her room, and he smiled, looking up at the stars. This had been a good idea, the stars were out tonight, and although you couldn't quite see them as well as they had on the beach, it was still a beautifully clear night. She'd look beautiful under the starlight, and this would be a perfect first time for them._

 _He heard her behind him and turned to see her, a smile crossing his face. She was wearing a lacy black bra, her breasts spilling out over the top, and the fabric was thin, only the lace so he could see skin through it. Her panties matched, and they had a little ruffle that went around the top. They were high cut, leaving most of her ass uncovered and he couldn't wait to take them off of her._

 _"Wow" he whispered._

 _"You like it?"_

 _"You're beautiful" he said, coming to her and wrapping his arms around her._

 _Immediately, they were kissing again, and he was enthralled at feel of her skin under his hands._

 _She wasn't sure how she was going to take so much of this tonight. His kissing her was already sending her reeling. God, he was good this, and his hands on her bare skin, it was exhilarating. She broke the kiss for a second, wanting to feel his skin, too. She began to lift his shirt off of him, and he took it off, going back to kissing her the second it was off. She ran her hands over every inch of him she could that wasn't blocked by her body, pressed flush against his. His hands ventured lower than they normally did, going to her ass, barely covered by her lace panties and pushed her mouth closer into his, and her breathing hitched in excitement. She could feel his erection pressing into her bare stomach. It felt rough because of his jeans, and she felt herself getting wet at the sensation. All that, in addition to his glorious tongue still ruthlessly mating with hers._

 _She stopped again, looking down at his pants. She backed up a little, though his hands stayed on her bottom. Her hands ran down his torso, and then began to undo his belt, then his button and zipper and she pushed them down, and he was only in his boxers. Still panting, she took his hands, and looking him in the eye, turned them so she was walking backward towards the blankets. She sat, and he followed suit, and then he was kissing her again, and she laid down, bringing her with him. Her legs fell open to accommodate him and she felt his erection throbbing between her legs, separated only by the thin fabric of his boxers and her lacy panties. She felt a new wave of wetness flood her as he subtly began to grind his hips into hers, and she broke the kiss with a gasp. He continued his grinding, but his lips started a trail down the right side of her neck, then finding her clavicle and following it to the other side of her neck, where he also gave ample attention. She occasionally let out a soft moan when it sensation became too much._

 _He kissed her again, and then turned them so she was on top of him, and pressed into him by gravity, and it felt so sweet. All that separated them were a few measly pieces of fabric. He let his hands wander over her back and her sides, and as far down her legs as he could reach. His hands eventually landed at her ass, which felt so firm and yet so soft in his hands, and he kneaded the skin, subtly urging her to continue as she ground against his very erect member. God, this felt so good. She stopped kissing him, and after a moment, began kissing along his jaw, feather light kisses that felt like heaven. She began kissing his neck, her kisses slowly starting to be more intentional, and as she kept going lower, he moaned. She continued, her hands and mouth exploring his torso, leaving a trail of kisses after her. God, she was good, kissing him in all the place he hadn't known would feel so good. He closed his eyes, letting her continue exploring and giving himself over to the sensation, letting soft moans out every now and then when she got to his boxers, he opened his eyes and watched her take them off. Once off, she fondled his hard erection and he couldn't bite back the moan that bubbled to the surface._

 _"Natalie" he moaned out._

 _She crawled back up his body, kissing him again, deeply and god, she was delirious with pleasure. His fingers found their way to her bra clasp and with a pinch, it was undone. She kneeled up on her knees, straddling him with a knee on either side, and she could feel his erection pressing against her ass. John took the straps of her bra and took it off of her. He moaned, both at the sight of her and because she started to grind against his erection. He leaned forward, taking her right nipple in his and gently sucking, fondling her left breast in his hand._

 _She ground against him, letting her body take over and damn, it felt good, and her core was flooding. When he took her nipple in his mouth and gently fondled her other breast she had to let out a loud moan. She was on sensation overdrive, and she couldn't stop moaning as he continued his ministrations on her breasts._

 _"John" she moaned out, "god, so good uugghh"_

 _He stopped, tangling a hand in her hair and kissed her again, turning them over so she was underneath him and writhing as he continued. Then, he looked her in the eyes and began to worship each of her breasts and she was bucking her hips into his middle as he kissed and fondled and sucked as she went wild with want. God, he was so hard, he wasn't sure if he could do this much longer, but he didn't want to stop. she was moaning a lot, but he wanted her to moan his name again._

 _He kissed his way back up to her neck, the left side, he remembered there had been a spot that had made her go crazy last time. He knew he'd found it because she began moaning louder and bucking her hips into him again, teasing his aching member, but he was determined. He began using his tongue, nuzzling her and not relenting as she writhed under him endlessly._

 _"JOHN" she moaned, practically screaming._

 _He was relentless, and she didn't want him to ever stop. Her panties were soaked by now, she was sure as he continued to nuzzle that spot that was directly connected to her sex. He leaned up, looking at her and then deliberately reached for her panties, taking them off. He followed them all the way down her legs, and then was kissing her. She wanted him, now, she was sure. Suddenly, he stopped kissing her, going down her neck again, then following her clavicle to the middle of her body, then kissed a line straight down the middle and she found herself panting with anticipation as he inched closer to her sex. At her lower abdomen, he veered right, kissing her hip and down her right thigh._

 _"Jooohhnn" she moaned out, unable to form the words she needed._

 _He looked up at her._

 _"You're sure?"_

 _She nodded, and in moments he had the condom on, propping himself up on an elbow as he pushed her hair back._

 _"You ready?" he said, his breathing shaking._

 _She nodded again. He kissed her deeply, and then backed out as he thrust into her and past her resistance._

 _She let out a hiss of pain. That had been worse than she'd expected and she felt the tears coming and she tried to breathe through it._

 _"Ssh" he said, "You're okay. Breathe" he whispered._

 _He didn't know how he had the composure to do that as she felt better than anything he'd even imagined. He tried not to move as she adjusted, but he wasn't sure how much longer he'd hold out._

 _A few deep breath and the pain had started to subside and she became overpowered with sensation. She felt herself relax and give in to the sensations that were overtaking her._

 _"John" she moaned._

 _He felt her relax and moan his name and he began to move gently, in and out of her. He leaned down to kiss her, and she reached down his back, urging him on. She began meeting him thrust for thrust and he increased the tempo. He began kissing her neck again._

 _"uugghh" she moaned out._

 _"Natalie" he moaned, "god, feels so good" he moaned into her ear._

 _He kissed her again, and she wrapped one leg over his body, drawing him in deeper inside her and she moaned out. She felt a high building, and somehow she knew she wanted to feel it._

 _She wrapped her other leg around him and he knew he wasn't going to last much longer, he could feel his climax coming._

 _"Natalie" he moaned._

 _"John"_

 _One more thrust and he lost it, cumming into her, screaming her name. Natalie came as well, screaming his name and she swore she saw stars it felt so good. He collapsed on top of her, still inside and she felt so incredibly full._

 _He withdrew from her, collapsing again next to her. They were both panting._

 _"wow" she finally managed._

 _"Yeah, wow" he looked over at her, "come here" he said and wrapped one arm around her, bringing her to rest on his chest, rubbing her back._

 _She ran a hand over his chest. She felt so at peace and calm as she listened to heartbeat slow._

 _"I love you" she said._

 _"I love you, too" he said, "That felt-"_

 _"Amazing?"_

 _"That's one word" he said, "It was good for you, too?"_

 _"So good" she said, "John, I didn't know it would feel so good"_

 _"Does it hurt?"_

 _"No, not really"_

 _He kissed her head, "Outside was a good idea"_

 _"mm" she agreed, "I love it when you hold me like this"_

 _"I'm glad" he said, "When I dream about you, its like this"_

 _"You dream about me?"_

 _"All the time"_

 _"And this?"_

 _"This is so much better than anything I could have dreamed" he said, "And the best part is that tonight I can fall asleep next to you"_

 _"I've wanted that, too" she said, "Can we stay out here?"_

 _"It's going to get cold" he said, "and kind of want to sleep like this"_

 _"Naked?" she asked._

 _"Yeah, like that"_

 _"Whose bed?"_

 _"I don't care, as long as I'm next to you"_

 _"Mine, then?" she said, "I'd prefer our first night together not be spent next to Star Wars figurines"_

 _He chuckled, "You said you thought they were cute"_

 _"And I do" she said, patronizingly, "But I'd rather not feel like Hans is checking me out. This is for your viewing pleasure only"_

 _"Fair enough" he said._

 _"I don't want this to end"_

 _"Someday, I'll sleep next to you every night"_

 _"Mm, someday" she said._

 _"Shall we go to your room?"_

 _"Sure" she said, and went to stand._

 _As she stood, she was unprepared for the soreness in her vagina, and she let out a hiss of pain when she stood. John grabbed her waist, trying to steady her._

 _"Hey" he said, "you okay? Does it hurt?"_

 _"I'm fine. Just sore"_

 _"You're sure that's all?"_

 _"Yeah, I think" she said, "I'm fine, really, I just didn't expect that" she took a deep breath._

 _"Okay" he said, trying to gauge her reaction._

 _She looked down, seeing her legs and the blankets and realized for the first time that she'd bled._

 _"Oh, I bled" she said, reacting, "I didn't notice before" she said._

 _"Yeah, I didn't either" he said, also noticing the blood on the blankets, "Are you sure you're okay? That's a lot of blood"_

 _"Yeah, I'm fine" she said, "Um, I'm going to clean myself up a little, and we should wash that blanket"_

 _"I can take care of the blanket, you go take care of yourself"_

 _"Okay, I'll just be a minute" she said._

 _He kissed her forehead and she went inside._

 _A few minutes later, John walked into her room, carrying the clothes they'd taken off on the porch. As he shut the door, he turned to see her waiting in bed for him and he smiled, dropping the clothes on the floor and heading towards her._

 _"This is a sight I could get used to"_

 _"Come here" she said, scooting over._

 _He got under the covers, spooning her from behind, pulling her back into his chest._

 _"Yeah, I could get used to this" she said._

 _He kissed her shoulder, "Someday"_

 _"Yeah, someday"_

 _Gently, he began to kiss her shoulders and back._

 _"John, you already got lucky"_

 _"I know" he said, "Just showing some due appreciation"_

 _She rubbed her hand over his arm, "This bed's going to feel so lonely after this"_

 _"Someday, Natalie, I'll hold you like this every night. I'll fall asleep inhaling the smell of your hair, no one'll be able to stop us"_

 _"I can't wait for someday"_

 _"You and me both" he said, "This is going to have to do us til then"_

 _"I just feel so right"_

 _"You doing okay?"_

 _"I'm doing a lot better than okay"_

 _"It doesn't hurt anymore"?_

 _"I'm just a little sore"_

 _He nodded, "Anything i can do?"_

 _"Just what you're doing" she said, and smiled as he continued to place gentle kisses on her back, "How are you doing?"_

 _"Better than ever"_

 _"I can't imagine being any happier than this"_

 _"Me, neither"_

 _She sighed contentedly, relaxing more into his embrace. She turned her head towards him, "I love you"_

 _"I love you too" he said, and kissed her._

 _"I'm getting tired"_

 _"Go to sleep. I'm not going anywhere"_

 _"But I don't want tonight to be over"_

 _"There'll be other nights"_

 _"When?"_

 _"Someday"_

 _She smiled, "Yeah, someday"_

 _"Good night"_

 _"Good night"_

 _They kissed gently, falling asleep shortly thereafter._


	9. Chapter 9

_Natalie woke, and immediately tried to fall back asleep. She had enough cognitive thought to realize she was cold, so she rolled over to be closer to John and was disappointed when she was only met with more mattress. She sat, sad that he wasn't there, but pretty certain she heard him in the kitchen. She got up, finding his clothes from last night in her room, and putting his jeresey on, walking into the kitchen in just that, finding him in only his boxers. she loved stealing his clothes, they smelt just like he did. It was a perk of living with him, and he didn't mind her stealing things every now and then, but this was special, because no one else would see it, and she didn't feel the need to wear anything under it as she usually did._

 _She walked into the kitchen and his heart skipped a beat. She was wearing only his jersey, and it complimented her well. It was the perfect combination of leaving enough of her legs exposed to let him know how beautiful she was and leaving the rest of her gorgous body up to the imagination. God, she was beautiful. She came towards him, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. He wrapped his arms around her waist._

 _"Mm Good morning" he said, "did I wake you?"_

 _She shook her head, "I wanted to wake up next to you"_

 _"I was going to bring you breakfast in bed" he said, "But we could eat out here if you-"_

 _"I could get back in bed. As long as you come with me"_

 _"Deal" he said._

 _"You really didn't have to cook for me again"_

 _"Yeah, but I wanted to"_

 _She'd known what she wanted from the second she woke up, but somehow hearing him say that made her all the more aware of that._

 _"John?"_

 _"yeah?"_

 _"Did you get more protection than the one we used last night?"_

 _"Yeah, why?"_

 _"I've just been thinking" she started, "And last night, it was so special and it was so perfect. And I don't want to think about how long it'll be before we can make love again, and, I just want to take the time while we have it-"_

 _"Are you sure you're okay? You said you were still sore last night"_

 _"It doesn't hurt at all anymore. I promise"_

 _He kissed her._

 _"Get back in bed. I'll be in with breakfast in a minute"_

 _She nodded, smiling, and headed back into her room. He ran up to his room to grab a condom and then assembled the breakfast tray, two plates of eggs, two cups of coffee, two forks, and a condom._

 _"Coffee" she exclaimed when he brought the tray into the room, "You really are the love of my life"_

 _"I seemed to remember you liking that" he said, sitting next to her._

 _After she'd taken her first sip and he'd started as well, she smiled._

 _"So this is what it's going to be like, when we live together"_

 _"Yeah, I guess"_

 _"Not breakfast in bed, but you know, just the two of us, eating together, making coffee for each other, hanging out looking like this"_

 _"I could get used to that"_

 _"You know what the best part is? It'll be totally normal. This could be every weekend, not just one special weekend"_

 _"That's something to look forward to"_

 _"Someday"_

 _"Someday" he agreed._

 _They finished eating, and Natalie moved the tray to the side, picking the condom up off of the tray._

 _"Ready for round two?"_

 _"You're sure you're okay?"_

 _"I promise" she said, "John, please. It could be a year before we can do this again, I need to know I took every opportunity I had"_

 _"It won't be a year" he said, "We'll figure it out"_

 _She went to kiss him, "I'm sure we will, but right now, I just want you"_

 _She began to tug on his boxers, and he cooperated, letting her slide them off. He pulled his jersey over her head and kissed her, laying down as he did so._

 _"God, Natalie" he panted as he brought her to rest on his chest._

 _She panted against him, listening to his heartbeat. It was out of control, as she was sure hers was as well. She smiled and she could feel his breathing and heartbeat start to slow, and she was starting to get her breathing back under control as well. He kissed her head._

 _"That was-" he started._

 _"Amazing" she finished._

 _"Just as good as last night?" he asked._

 _She looked up, "I'd say better if that's even possible"_

 _he pet her hair, "No pain?"_

 _She shook her head, "None"_

 _He felt himself drifting to sleep, "I love you"_

 _"I love you, too" she said, "Do you think it'll always be this good?" she started to run a hand over his chest._

 _"Yeah, I do"_

 _"Even after we've been married forever?"_

 _"I know it will" he said, closing his eyes, "because I'll still love you then"_

 _"Me too" she said, feeling him getting sleepy, "So you admit we're getting married?"_

 _"Of course we're getting married" he said, "I've known that since-"_

 _"Since when?" she asked._

 _"You're going to laugh at me"_

 _"Try me"_

 _"The day you told me your favorite poem was 'She was a Phantom of Delight'" he said, "we were on the bus and you had this really bright headband in your hair and you told me that you liked it because Wordsworth was trying to describe his perfect woman as if she couldn't be real, but there was nothing unreal about her" he said, "and I remember thinking if that was true, then you were my phantom of delight and that I'd read it to you on our wedding day"_

 _"That was before I'd ever called you my boyfriend"_

 _"Yeah, but I knew you'd come around"_

 _"You know when I knew?" she said, though she was pretty sure he was half asleep already, "When we woke up that morning after I ran away. I was bruised all over, and I was sure you'd think I was helpless" she said, "But when you woke up, you looked at me the exact same. No pity, no sign that you thought of me any different. I knew right then and there I wanted to look into your eyes for the rest of my life" she smiled, "And that afternoon, you made damn well sure I knew you were in it for the long haul"_

 _She looked up at him, a smile on his face as he slept, and somehow she knew she'd heard him._

He woke with a start, and he wanted to cry, but he didn't know why.

 _I knew right then and there I wanted to look into your eyes for the rest of my life._

He remembered his dream, and the heartache followed swiftly. He tried to take a deep breath to bite back the tears.

"John?" Evangeline stirred next to him.

"Go back to sleep" he said. She was the last person he wanted to be around right now.

She sat, rubbing his shoulder in an effort to comfort him. She couldn't know that was making it worse. Like he was cheating on Natalie by being with her.

"Bad dream?" she asked.

Just the opposite, he thought. He wished he hadn't woken up.

"No, a- a memory, I guess" he said, turning away from her.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine" he said, getting up and getting dressed.

"You should probably get some more sleep"

He shook his head. He knew the dreams would just come again, and waking up with her there wasn't going to be easier the second time.

"I don't think I can sleep right now" he said, "I'm going to take a walk"

"It's 3 AM"

"Go back to sleep. I'll see you in the morning" he said, headed for the door.

No sooner was he out the door when the tears came. He felt immeasurably guilty, as though he was cheating on Natalie with Evangeline. He should feel the opposite, but he would never feel for Evangeline what he did for Natalie. He wiped the tears out of his eyes, tried to get a deep breath in. God, he wished he hadn't woken up. When he had dreams like that, where he was holding Natalie, waking up alone sucked, waking up with Evangeline just made me feel like he was worthless. He never could shake the idea that she was in trouble. That she was still somewhere out there and needed help. Everyone had told him that there was no way she was still alive, that after searching for as long as they had, if she had been able to be found she would have been. He'd never been completely convinced of that. He just thought that if she was gone from this world he would have somehow known, but every now and then, and more and more recently, he swore he could still feel her.

Which just made him feel all the worse. Because if she was still out there, then he really had given up on her. He really had cheated on her. And for what? Nothing worthwhile.

God, he just wanted to see her again. Five years had done nothing to erase the picture of her face from his mind's eye. He could still perfectly remember what she smelled like, how she felt pressed against him as she slept, breathing against him. If closed his eyes, he could still see her like he had that morning. The green of his jersey somehow brought out the color of her eyes, and set her hair off in stark contrast. He found something so reassuring in seeing his last name across her back like that, like it belonged there.

He'd give just about anything to see her again.

"Start talking, Vickers"

"Don't I get a phone call?"

"Look, I didn't sleep too well last night, so I'm pretty on edge, so how about we just make this easy" he said.

"I want a lawyer"

John threw the sketch on the table, "You think a lawyer's going to be able to make that go away?" he yelled, and when David didn't say anything, he added, "Nothing to say for yourself?"

"They got my nose wrong"

"That's all you got?"

"I want my lawyer"

John resisted the urge to punch the wall, "Fine" he said and stormed out.

"Well?" Bo asked as John stormed out.

"He's not talking without a lawyer"

"Did you expect anything different"

"He killed my father. Would a confession be too much to ask?"

"David has wrangled out of every crime he's ever committed, John. He knows what he's doing. You have to think one step ahead"

"There are no steps, there's just him killing my dad"

"John, I get it, but you're starting to scare me" he said, "You've never got this obsessed over a case-"

"Yeah, well, this is personal" he said and stormed off, "Tell me when his lawyer gets here" he shouted behind him.

When he got to his office, Evangeline was there. This was the last thing he needed.

"You were gone before I woke up this morning"

"Yeah, we got a break on a case" he said, "How long have you been here?"

"Only a few minutes, the secretary said-"

"Oh, okay" he said going to his desk and hoping she left.

"John, are you okay?"

"I'm fine" he snapped, "I wish everyone would stop asking me if I'm okay"

"Alright, guess I stepped right into that"

"It's just- I have a really uncooperative witness and -"

"I should've known you'd be busy, I'll just get going"

"Yeah, I'll see you later"

He didn't turn around as she left. She wanted him to tell her not to go, to talk to her. He wondered how long it would be until she figured out she wasn't the one he wanted to talk to. He ran a hand through his hair and sat down, making notes in his file to hand off to the DA. So what if the guy didn't talk, he had him dead to rights.

"It's happening, Dad" he muttered.


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N: I stole some of this from an actual scene back in 2006- it's one of my favorites, mostly because David is really good at one liners, and also because I think it shows how deeply John is affected by his father's death. Anyway, don't sue me, I don't own it._

 _When he finally found the family, they re-erupted and cheered. He laughed, wrapping one arm around Natalie and leaning down to kiss her._

 _"Congratulations" she said, smiling._

 _"I can't believe it's over"_

 _"How do you feel son?"_

 _"Old" he laughed, keeping an arm on Natalie's waist._

 _"Well, we're proud of you"_

 _"Thanks, Dad"_

 _"I don't believe it" Eve said, getting emotional._

 _"Mom" John said, "I'm not even moving out"_

 _"Oh, please" his mother exclaimed, "the weekend does not constitute living with us"_

 _"We're all going to miss you" Michael added._

 _"There's still plenty of time before I leave" he said, "Now, I am starving"_

 _John had gotten word his first day at the Academy was set for June 29 and he'd finish just before Christmas. He'd start work at the ACPD on January 4 when Natalie and Michael went back to school for after winter break. He'd decided to hold off on getting his own place until he started working for real, and of course that gave him and Natalie more time to figure out how she could spend time at his place once he got one. Until then, he took comfort in the fact that they'd live under the same roof. They went out to dinner, and his dad gave he and Natalie an extra hour on their curfew for the night, and they headed into his room so he could hang up his gown._

 _"So how you feeling?"_

 _"I don't know" he said,hanging up his gown and turning towards her, "A little sad, but I think I'm ready for what's next"_

 _"You mean your twenty four day vacation?"_

 _"Let's go to the boardwalk or the beach one of these weekends"_

 _"I'm in" she said, "Name the time and the place, I'm there"_

 _"And in a cute bathing suit" he mused._

 _"It's a lot more real now, isn't it?" she asked him, "You leaving"_

 _"I'm not leaving, not really, not yet" he said, "but yeah, it's a lot more real"_

 _"Will you miss me?"_

 _"I think- I'm going to miss you more than I know right now"_

 _"Here" she said, handing him a gift she'd held behind her back, "I know your party's not til next week, and you'll get something from me then, too, but- this is just a little more private, I guess"_

 _He smiled, opening it. It was a picture of the two of them, one of the ones his mom was always making them take. It had been a family trip to the boardwalk last summer, when Natalie was still being timid about living with them and he was working overtime to prove to her she was worth more than she thought she was. It looked candid, because they were laughing, but in actuality they'd been posing for his mom and Michael had tripped falling pretty much flat on his face. His arm was slung around her waist and she had her arm around his waist, an arm on his chest, and her head resting on his shoulder as she laughed. She looked beautiful. She had a blue tank top on, and he could see the string of her bikini underneath it, and he remembered seeing her in that bathing suit for the first time, trying to control his reaction with his whole family nearby._

 _It was in a faux-wooden frame, and the words "Love never fails" were engraved in black lettering. He smiled._

 _"Thanks" he said, "I really like it. Especially the frame"_

 _"Well, I knew you liked that passage"_

 _"So why this picture?"_

 _"I don't know" she said, "When I asked Eve to steal one she just gave me a pile. That one jumped out at me"_

 _"I really like it. that was a good day"_

 _"Yeah it was" she said, "I want you to take it with you"_

 _"I will" he said, and he pulled her down on his bed with her, drawing her into a deep kiss._

 _"Door" she murmured against his lips._

 _"Damn parents" he muttered back._

 _They reconvened themselves against his headboard and they stared at the picture for a while. She rested her head on his shoulder and he wrapped an arm around her, keeping her close._

 _"I'm going to miss you so much" she whispered._

 _"We'll be okay" he said._

 _"I know we'll be okay" she said, "It's just going to be so different"_

 _"You know I want this passage read at our wedding"_

 _"Oh you do?"_

 _"Mmhhmm" he said, placing a kiss on his head, "Mom and Dad had it read at theirs"_

 _"How does it go?" she asked._

 _He rested her head against hers, whispering "Love is patient, love is kind. Love is not jealous, it is not pompous, it is not inflated. Love is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick tempered, it does not brood over injury. Love does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in truth..."_

"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails" he muttered.

As if that were true, he thought.

And yet, as soon as he thought it, he realized it was. Because he still loved Natalie, wherever she was now. That endured time and whole lot else, and he still hadn't given up hope on that, try as he might.

He didn't know why he was thinking all that now as entered the courtroom. His mind should anywhere but there,on her. He sat down next to Michael.

"Hey" he said, "How are you?"

"I don't know" Michael answered, "Mom didn't want to come"

"I can't blame her"

"So this is it?" he said, "Months of missing him and, now what?"

"We'll see, I guess" he said.

They stood as the judge entered and the case was announced.

"In the case of the Commonwealth vs. David Vickers, the defendant is accused with the death of Thomas McBain and is hereby charged with murder in the second degree. How do you plea?" the judge read.

"My client pleads not guilty" the lawyer answered.

John withheld his outrage. He had no leg to stand on, what the hell.

"Noted" the judge said.

"Your Honor, we ask that bail be set-"

"Your Honor" the DA interrupted, "the defendant is a serious flight risk, he has a history of travel and access to large sums of money"

"Yeah, I'm rolling in it" David answered.

"To clarify" Hughes responded, "He has friends. His brother and his former fiance-"

"Your Honor, I assure you my client is not going anywhere" the lawyer jumped in, "He's been cooperative, he's innocent, and I intend to prove it"

"Save it for the jury" the judge said, "bail is set at one million dollars"

As the courtroom adjourned, Michael nudged him.

"I want to talk to him" he said, "Can I do that?"

"Yeah, I can make that happen" John said, standing and asked the guard attending to Vickers to leave them alone for a minute.

"What do you want?" the lawyer asked.

"My head on a platter" David answered.

"Oh, i got nothing to say to you" John said, "My brother wants a few minutes"

"That's not a good idea" Hugh said, in the background.

"I just want to tell him something" Michael said, "I'm not going to hurt him. That's not going to bring my dad back"

"Give us five minutes" David said.

As everyone but the two of them filed out of the courtroom, Hugh started to apologize about the bail. John was only half listening.

"John?" he asked, "Where are you going?"

"Anywhere but here"

He walked to his car, getting in and driving back home.

In five years, he'd wanted to pick up his phone and call Natalie more times than he could possibly count. But none of that compared to how much he wanted to call her right now. If he could talk to her, he wouldn't feel so alone. He wouldn't feel like everything he'd done since his dad had died had been worthless. He wouldn't feel as though his career was worthless. Maybe he wouldn't feel like all his efforts had been in vain. He'd promised his dad justice, and he was still nowhere near that. He opened his door, turning on the radio to the jazz station, trying to forget.

The DJ gave a news update, which informed John that bail on Vickers had been posted. He grabbed the baseball bat out of his closet and smashed his radio to pieces.

She'd know the right thing to say. She'd kiss him and make him forget. If only she were still here for him to call.

 _He'd hugged his brother and his mom. His dad went to hug him._

 _"I'm so proud of you, John" he whispered._

 _Somehow it meant more to John now, in this moment that his dad was proud of him._

 _"We'll see you on Friday" his dad said, and he nodded._

 _Silently, they all stood there, looking at Natalie. She put on a good face, but he could tell she was fighting tears._

 _"Natalie" Eve said, "We'll wait for you in the car, okay?"_

 _She nodded. The second the three of them were out of the room, John had her in his arms and she let her tears out._

 _"Hey" he said, "ssshh. It's going to be okay"_

 _"I just miss you so much already"she said, looking up at him._

 _"You haven't had the chance to miss me yet" he said, wiping her tears out of her face._

 _"Still" she said, "What am I going to do without you?"_

 _"It's only five days"_

 _"We haven't been apart a full day in over a year"_

 _"I know" he said, "But hey, you're the strongest person I've ever met. You're going to be fine"_

 _She leaned up to kiss him, and he kissed her deep._

 _"You brought the picture, right?"_

 _"Yeah, I brought it"_

 _"I love you so much" she cried_

 _"Ssh, I love you, too, Natalie"_

 _She leaned up into his lips again._

 _"I know you want this, I'm not trying to make it hard, I just-"_

 _"Hey" he said, "i know it sucks. But it's just temporary. Just a pit stop on the way to someday"_

 _She teared up again, "I don't know what I'm going to do without you"_

 _"Hey" he whispered, "don't do this to me. You know I won't let you go if you cry"_

 _"I'm sorry, I'm really not trying to-"_

 _"Hey take a deep breath" he said, and as she did, he said, "Listen to me. I'm coming home to you every Friday for the next five months. Five days at a time. You can do that, I know you can"_

 _"That doesn't sound so bad"_

 _He kissed her once more._

 _"I love you" he whispered._

 _"I love you" she said, "Alright. Five days" she said, and after one more kiss was gone._

 _He watched her leave, feeling the magnitude of his new living situation fully for the first time. The picture she'd given him was on top of his suitcase, and he took it out, admiring her again._

 _"Love never fails" he whispered, placing it on his dresser._

 _That night as he and his new roommate hung out after orientation, he was asked about the picture._

 _"That your girl?"_

 _"Yeah" John said, "That's my girl"_

 _"How's she taking this?"_

 _"Not well" he said, "but she will. She just needs the time adjust"_

 _"She's real pretty"_

 _"Yeah, she is"_

 _"You love her?"_

 _"Yeah, I love her" he said, "I'm going to marry her. Someday"_

 _"You sound sure"_

 _"I am sure"_

 _That Friday, when they were released, he drove straight home. He knew he'd miss dinner, because they didn't get out until 6, but all he wanted was to see Natalie. He saw her hair in her bedroom window as he drove into the driveway. She was waiting for him. His heart swelled at the thought._

 _He'd only made it to the hood of his car when she ran into his arms. He caught her, taking a step back as she kissed him fully. He could feel her tears against his face, but maybe they were his._

 _"I missed you" she said, and those three words conveyed so much._

 _"I missed you, too" he said, and kissed her again._

 _He was sure his brother and parents were watching from the door, but at this moment he didn't care. After he and the family caught up, he and Natalie ended up in her room, sitting on her bed, just catching up, talking as they always did. Slowly, they ended up laying down, John holding her against him, his head resting on hers, tucked in the crook of his neck. She could tell he was tired, and she wished he would just go to sleep, but he wanted to wait until 11, take every minute of the time they had. She was telling him about the schools she was thinking of applying to and what she and Michael had been doing in their spare time when she became certain he was asleep. She smiled up at him, and kissed the side of his face. She carefully got out of his arms and headed out, closing her door behind her._

 _"Natalie?" she heard Thomas._

 _"Hi" she said._

 _"What's going on?"_

 _"I'm going to sleep on the couch" she said, "John- we were talking and he fell asleep. he has to wake up so early in the mornings, I didn't have the heart to wake him up to tell him to go upstairs"_

 _"He misses you, you know. I don't know if you can see it the way I do, the way he looks at you. Like he has to memorize every curve of your face before he leaves again"_

 _"I do know" she said, "Doesn't make it any easier"_

 _"Yeah" he said, "It'll get easier, I promise. When you start school again, you're not just thinking about him all the time"_

 _"Yeah, I know" she said, "i just worry about him, you know? He's so wonderful and he can get so lost himself-"_

 _"Yeah, except for when you're around" he said, "You're so good for him"_

 _"I hope so. So much of who I've become is because of him"_

 _"Why don't you go back to bed?" he said, "He can stay down here for the night"_

 _"Really?"_

 _"Yeah" he said, "it's been a rough week for both of you"_

 _"Thanks" she said, going back into her room and cuddling back into his side._

 _"Natalie?" he groaned, feeling her back._

 _"Ssh. Go back to sleep. You can stay here for the night. Thomas gave the okay" she lightly kissed him._

 _"I love you" he said, wrapping his arm around her again._

 _"I love you, too, John" she said._

"John, I want to finish this as much as you do, but without a weapon, it's not going to be easy" Hugh started on him.

"He's hiding the gun"

"Then get a warrant"

"That means interrogating him and he won't talk without his lawyer" John said.

"John, you're going to be able to figure this out. You're the most qualified person to do it"

"All of my qualifications don't mean anything if I can't get him" he said, "If I could just figure out how Truman fits into this-"

"Truman?"

"His brother shoots my dad and his ex operates on him drunk. You wanna tell me there's no connection there?"

"Do you have any ideas?"

"I think Truman's pulling all the strings. Vickers is too stupid to cover this up on his own"

"So go to Spencer"

John shook his head, "Truman's reaping the benefits"

"What do you mean?"

"He has them both in the palm of his hand. He ain't giving that up"

"So what's your plan?"

He took a breath, "Paige"

"I don't know John-"

"Our other option is cutting Vickers a deal, and I don't want to do that yet"

"Alright. Keep me posted"

"John, I want to help, but I signed-"

"As far as I'm concerned this can stay off the record" he said, "I know I can't go after you, because believe me I would have"

Paige didn't say anything.

"What I don't understand is that you were chief of staff. You could have had anyone do that operation. So why you?"

"I-"

"There were three other surgeons on staff that night. And enough nurses were in that room to have noticed you couldn't see straight-"

"What are you insinuating, detective?"

"Why did you and Dr. Truman split up?"

"I don't see how the two are related"

"Yeah, your shock tells a different story" he said, "Look, you got your sanctuary. My dad's dead. I just want answers"

"Me and Spencer split up years ago"

"Why?"

"He had some dirt on me- the alcoholism, and he got me to do so pretty awful things so it would stay hidden. Eventually, I got him to agree to a divorce-"

"How?"

"I guess he realized that just because we would separated didn't mean the blackmail had to stop"

"So he's still blackmailing you"

"I've been sober for years"

"You didn't answer my question"

"Yeah, he is, on occasion" she said, "All those things he got me to do, I still did them and he has proof"

"You want that to stop?"

"What?"

"You tell me what he has to do with all of this, he could go away for a very long time"

"John, I know you want answers, but you have them. I botched it, you know that"

He shrugged, "You're the one getting blackmailed"

He walked out of interrogation and back to his office. That confirmed it, he knew Truman was in this up to eyeballs. If only he could figure out how. He still had so many questions for Paige, something didn't quite add up.

 _I've been sober for years_.

Except she hadn't been. She'd been drunk operating on his father, so why did she say that? Recovered alcholics typically took their sobriety seriously, and it didn't make sense to him that she would say that when it wasn't true.

Unless it was true.

All the nurses present in the OR had been given severance and fired, which meant there was no witness of Paige's state when she was operating. It made sense, but it was also a perfect story to cover up something.

He started making calls.


	11. Chapter 11

_He was sworn in, wearing his new dress blues. He felt so different, as though in the five months he'd been doing this he'd grown. And yet, some things never changed. Natalie was beaming, he'd seen her from the stage. His dad was beaming, too, and he wasn't sure he'd ever felt like he deserved that so much. As he approached them, he kissed Natalie and she whispered her congratulations against his lips._

 _"You ready to join the force?"_

 _"As ready as I'll ever be" he said, "I'm looking forward to three weeks off"_

 _"yeah, I bet" Michael said, "5 AM wake up call every day. I don't know how you did it"_

 _"Me neither"_

 _"Well, let's get going" Eve said, "I'm going to make your favorite for dinner, John. Roast chicken with all the fixings"_

 _As they all headed to the cars, John kept his arm around Natalie as they stayed just a little behind his parents._

 _"You know, you look pretty good in that uniform" she said, so only he could hear._

 _"Oh yeah?"_

 _"You have no idea what it's doing to me" she practically purred against him._

 _He kissed her head, "You're going to be the death of me"_

 _"I know it's not what you want, but, I really am glad to have you back under the same roof as me, even if it's just for a little while"_

 _"We'll figure it out"_

 _"I'm proud of you" she said, "I wish we could celebrate tonight the way I want to"_

 _"Me, too" he said, "but someday we're going to make up for that"_

 _"Someday"_

 _Once alone in the privacy of his car, she gave him her gift._

 _"I know you said to wait for Christmas, but, well, this isn't a Christmas present"_

 _"Natalie-"_

 _"Just open it"_

 _He opened the small box to find a small, round stone like thing with the words "Be safe. I need you here with me." engraved in it. He smiled._

 _"You need me?" he said._

 _"It's um a pocket token" she said, "It's supposed to go in your pocket on your uniform, and protect you, you know, if you get hit or something-" she said, looking down, "I'm not so sure i believe that, but that's how I feel, so-"_

 _"I love it" he said, "I'll keep it in my pocket everyday"_

 _"I do need you"_

 _"No, you don't. " he said, " But so long as you think you do, I'll keep it" he smiled, "And hey, I plan on staying safe, okay? I'm not going anywhere"_

 _Be safe. I need you here with me_.

He fingered the metal token. When he'd been a cop, he'd worn it in his pocket everyday. When he'd ran away to the FBI it had been one of the few things he'd taken with him. Now it lived in his top desk drawer, only coming out once in awhile, when he found it absentmindedly or was thinking about it.

"I need you here with me" he muttered to himself.

He'd always wanted this life, it was the life his dad had led, and he had never doubted it was what he wanted, too. Natalie had been so proud of him after every step on the journey, but he knew she was scared. He hadn't seen it right away, not til that day, when she gave it to him, that she was afraid of losing him.

Losing her was not something he'd counted on. She was the one thing he was always sure about. He figured he could move, get relocated, his mom's career could take off or Mike could go Harvard Medical, but the one thing he'd always been sure about was the fact that she'd always be there with him. When she'd gone missing, he was sure his life was over. It wasn't until then that he realized just how much he needed her in his life.

Some life it was without her.

A knock came on his door, and before he could answer, Bo walked in and John put the token away.

"Hey, I-" he watched his friend fumble in his desk, "what's up?"

"Nothing" John said, "What can I do for you?"

"John, tell me" Bo said, coming to his desk.

John sighed, handing over the pocket token to his friend. Bo looked at it, immediately understanding his friend's face.

"That's nice" he said, "I guess Natalie gave it to you?"

"Yeah" he answered.

He handed the token back to John, who put it away in his top drawer, "If there was one thing I wish I knew more about-" Bo said wistfully.

"you know you can ask me anything" John said, more for his friend's benefit than his.

"Do you mind?"

John shook his head, not sure what he was about to get himself into.

"How was she about dating a cop?"

"Well, she knew that about me for awhile before, so I guess she had time to get used to it"

"She was never scared?"

"No, I'm sure she was. She'd watched my parents, and you know, she and Mom talked about it a lot, so she knew what she was getting into. She was just- really careful. She kept a copy of her class schedule on file at the station in case something happened. My emergency contact sheet had our number, the number of the school and extension numbers for all her classes and the bar she worked at, she wanted to know if something happened to me. I came home after working a night shift a couple of times and found her asleep in clothes she could leave our place in, and the phone next to her or clutched in her hand" he said, "But, you know, she wanted me to be happy and do what I wanted. She was good to me that way, she never asked me to change my mind about it. Every morning she'd just tell me to come home to her, but I knew it was more of a plea than a demand. She wouldn't have been angry if I got hurt"

"Sounds like she got you pretty good"

"Yeah, she got me"

"I wish I'd gotten to meet her"

"Me, too. she would have liked you. A lot"

"You think so?"

"Yeah" he said.

"Thanks, John" he said, "But, anyway, I found out about the bail"

"Yeah?"

"David's brother bailed him out, Spencer Truman"

"Of course he did"

"You aren't surprised"

"Truman's in this up to his eyeballs" he said, "I just need proof"

"How do you figure?"

"Vickers, his brother, shoots my dad. My dad gets operated on by Paige, his ex wife, a recovered alcoholic, who operates on him drunk" he said, "and now, the guy, who has never lifted a finger for his brother, drops a million dollars to post his bail" he shook his head, "I don't buy that he's got nothing in this"

"You got anything to go on?"

"I talked to Paige"

"John-"

"She said she'd been sober for years"

"Well, that can't be true, because she was drunk in the operating room, and that was only a few months ago"

"Exactly, and from what I can tell, she takes her sobriety pretty seriously. Add to that, she was chief of staff with everything to lose and had other surgeons on duty that night. There was no reason she was the one that had to operate"

"So why did she?"

"I don't think she did" he said, "I think she took the fall. She said Truman had some stuff on her, had proof. What's losing her liscense to practice compared to jail?"

"Any proof?"

"There's got to be something" he said, "someone in that hospital that wasn't fired had to have seen something"

"What about the people in the operating room?"

"I tried. Mom agreed to a settlement, so most of them got nice severance packages, signed a waiver that said they wouldn't talk about it. Plus, Truman would have had plenty of time to get to them"

"Try the custodial staff?"

John nodded, "Yeah, that's a good idea" he said, "I wonder what Truman has on his brother. If we could get him to flip"

"That involves him confessing" Bo said, "That's not going to happen. Especially til we get the gun"

"Yeah, well. He's not talking without a lawyer, so the odds I can get something out of him are-"

"Yeah" Bo said, "CSU didn't find it in the alley-"

"I've been over that alley more times than I can count, if it were there, I'd've found it"

"Which means it's gone or he has it"

"Did you check Paige's signature?"

"No" he said, "I'm going to go to the hospital, get that checked out"

 _There were a million reasons he shouldn't sneak downstairs to see her. Actually, there were only two, and they were both sound asleep, but they were also both nefariously light sleepers. He tried to talk himself down. He was an adult now, he was well within his rights to see his girlfriend whenever he wanted. He'd snuck out to see her once before and hadn't gotten caught._

 _He made it downstairs and into her room. He took a minute to watch her sleep. She was beautiful. She looked so happy and at ease, a slight smile on her face, and he wondered what she was dreaming of that had her so happy. His arms ached to hold her, but he knew already how painful it was to readjust to sleeping without her next to him. The few times they'd done so had been so wonderful and natural, like he was supposed to sleep next to her. It took him days afterward to get used to sleeping alone again, to not have her breathe against him or inhale the smell of her hair all night. He couldn't wait for the day where he didn't have to readjust ever again. He smiled when he realized she was wearing one of his sweatshirts. Finally, he sat down on her bed and gently shook her._

 _"Natalie" he whispered._

 _"John?" she groaned, waking up, "John?" she asked again, now clearly actually realizing he was there._

 _"Hey" he said._

 _"John, what are you doing?_

 _"Ssh" he said, "They're sleeping, but you know how light they sleep"_

 _"It's 2 am, what are you doing down here?"_

 _"I couldn't wait"_

 _"For what?"_

 _He kissed her, "Merry Christmas"_

 _She smiled, "That's all?"_

 _He pulled out a small box from the pocket on his robe, "I was going to wait for the next time we were alone, but I didn't want to wait and I didn't want to give this to you in front of everyone else" he said._

 _She smiled, "You knew I didn't want anything, just having you here for awhile-"_

 _"Just open it"_

 _She pulled the ribbon off the box and opened it. Inside, there was a necklace with a washer on it with the words "My heart belongs to a police officer" and a small badge with the number 825 engraved on it. She smiled._

 _"John-"_

 _"That's my badge number" he said, "They said only to share that with loved ones, just in case. Dad asked for it already, but I wanted you to have it-"_

 _"Shut up" she said, and kissed him, "this is- perfect. Thank you"_

 _"I'd hoped you like it"_

 _"I love it" she said, "especially right now. Since we don't know what's next"_

 _"We'll figure it out. If I know one thing, its that you and me, we're good"_

 _"I know that, too" she said, "I hope you didn't get me anything else"_

 _"Well-" he started._

 _"John. You're not working yet"_

 _"Yeah" he said, "but I needed you to have this" he said, motioning to the necklace, "and the gift for tomorrow, well, everyone expects me to give it to you and Mom actually asked why I didn't give it to you yet. I guess it's well past due"_

 _"I am so confused" she said._

 _"You'll see. Its nothing big, I swear" he said, "Just- something I should have given you a long time ago"_

 _"You don't have to get me anything"_

 _"Nonsense" he said, smiling._

 _"You know you're the best thing to ever happen to me" she said, "sometimes I wonder what the hell I did to deserve you, or why the hell you were so nice to me in the beginning"_

 _"Hey" he said, "I fell in love with you. I was helpless to your wit"_

 _She laughed, "Yeah, well, guess I fell pretty hard for you, too"_

 _"I love you"_

 _"I love you, too, John, so much" she said, "I don't suppose we could get away with you staying with me the rest of the night"_

 _"No, probably not. Mike still wakes up pretty early for Christmas"_

 _"Alright" she said, "Merry Christmas"_

 _"Merry Christmas, Natalie"_

 _They kissed again, and then he left._


	12. Chapter 12

_Later in the morning, when everyone was awake and still in pajamas, they all gathered in the living room. It was earlier than most would have liked, but Michael wasn't about waiting much longer. Michael was already tearing into his presents, John sat down next to Natalie, handing her a cup of coffee._

 _"Oh, thank you" she said, accepting the mug._

 _He leaned down to gently kiss her, "Merry Christmas"_

 _"Merry Christmas" she said through a smile._

 _"Gee, Nat, thanks" Mike said, when he opened her gift. She'd gotten him a medical dictionary, knowing he'd like it and hopeful that it'd keep him hopeful in being a doctor._

 _John rubbed her leg, saying low so no one else could hear, "You know you already won him over, you don't have to keep trying"_

 _"Well, I have to make sure he still likes me better" she teased, "and, you know, I miss having a little brother. He's not half bad in that department"_

 _He kissed her head, rubbing her thigh again._

 _"Guys, aren't you going to open yours?"_

 _"Yeah, sure, Mike"_

 _After indulging him and opening his presents for them, John opened Natalie's to find she'd gotten him an ACPD sweatshirt. It seemed like everyone was watching her open his present. It was a sterling silver ring, with two hands holding a heart in the middle, and a crown over the heart._

 _"John, its so beautiful' she said._

 _He smiled, kissing the side of her face._

 _"Well, I guess it's time for breakfast"_

 _"But Mom, you and dad didn't give anything to John or Natalie" Michael pointed out._

 _"We're going to give your our present later" Eve told them._

 _"Why?" Michael whined, and followed his parents into the kitchen._

 _John and Natalie laughed, not moving yet._

 _"This is really is beautiful" she told him again._

 _"You don't know what it is"_

 _"It's a ring"_

 _"Yeah" he said, taking her hand and the ring box, "but it's a special kind of ring"_

 _"What?"_

 _"It's called a Claddagh ring. It's an Irish tradition" he said, taking the ring out of the box, "When you have one, but you're single, you wear it with the heart pointing out the world knows you're ready for love" he said, "but, when you're in a relationship, you wear it like this, with the heart pointing in" he said, putting her ring on her, "to show your heart's taken" he said, "and it represents three aspects of a relationship. The hands are friendship, and the crown is loyalty, and the heart is love"_

 _"Wow" she said, "and it's pretty to boot"_

 _"You like it?"_

 _"Yeah, I really like it"_

 _"Good, Mom would have my hide if you didn't wear it. Dad was disappointed in me, too"_

 _"It goes on the left hand?" she asked._

 _"Not necessarily" he said, "but, as far as I'm concerned, you can consider that a place holder" he said, kissing her left hand._

 _"Deal" she said, smiling, "So what's up with your parents?" she asked, quietly._

 _"I have no idea" he said._

 _"Well, thanks" she said, and kissed him, "someday I'll show you how much I like it"_

 _He smiled, "someday" he kissed her again, "it's been too long" he whispered._

 _"Promise me someday you'll make love to me on Christmas morning"_

 _"Someday" he whispered back, and kissed her again._

 _After that, they walked into the kitchen and Eve grabbed Natalie to see it._

 _"Oh, it's so nice" she exclaimed._

 _"Yeah" Natalie agreed._

 _"You know, Thomas gave me one when we were dating" she said, "For our six month anniversary" she added, most definitely to mock John._

 _"Well, I like it just the same" she said._

 _"You're too good for him, Natalie" Eve said._

 _"I've said that all along" Michael added._

 _"I'll keep him" Natalie said, shrugging and smiling at John across the table._

 _It was after breakfast and dinner and a mysterious talk between Thomas and John that they all sat down in the living room again. Michael was bouncing around in anticipation and Eve had asked them to wait there for a minute while they went to get the presents._

 _"So, what was that talk about? Do you know what's going on?" she asked, quietly so Michael wouldn't hear._

 _"I have no idea. It was another sex will send you to hell talk" he answered, "I don't know what to expect"_

 _That was when Eve and Thomas returned, each with a small white box and ribbon. They sat down across from them, and asked them to open their presents. Inside, they each found a key. They looked at each other, still confused, and then looked to Thomas and Eve._

 _"Mom, Dad, I don't-" John started._

 _"We found you an apartment" Thomas said, and then looked to Eve, "for both of you"_

 _Natalie could only gape, not quite sure she could believe this was real._

 _"You mean, you got an apartment and we-"_

 _"The two of you are moving out" Eve said, "we want you to live together" she said, "We saw how hard the Academy was on you two, being separated and you shouldn't have to go through that again"_

 _"Your first months rent is covered, we got you a good deal, all your bills are covered by rent, and it's still going to be affordable. We're going to cover half until Natalie graduates" Thomas said, "And Natalie, it's going to be a bit longer to get to school, but we're going to keep you listed as living here so you can graduate at the same school. We'll figure out college when the time comes"_

 _"It's furnished, and I stocked your pantry and your fridge" Eve said._

 _"Your lease starts on the 1st, and the three of us will help you move"_

 _"And we expect you here for Sunday dinners. Both of you"_

 _"Oh, my God" Natalie said, "This is really happening?"_

 _"yeah, it's really happening, sweetie"_

 _"I just- I can't believe it" she said, "You didn't know about this?" she asked John._

 _"I had no idea" he said, "I just- thank you, thank you so much"_

 _"You two deserve it" Eve said._

 _"And you're okay with this, Dad?" he asked._

 _Thomas looked down, "I think you are an adult, and I think Natalie is by far more mature than you are" he started, "And we knew you wanted to do this and I saw how much it took out of both of you to be away from each other while you were in the Academy" he said, "so when Eve brought up the idea that you might want to move out and take Natalie with you, the first thing I thought of was you sitting on that couch and assuring me that one day the two of you were going to get married and that when that was considered, everything else was relative. I didn't belive you then, but I believe you now, and you're right. it is relative. so yeah, I think the two of you are going to be fine"_

 _"Thanks, Dad"_

 _"Seriously, thank you so much" Natalie echoed._

 _"Well, it's getting late" Eve said, "We can talk logistics in the morning, I'm sure the two of you have some things to discuss, so we'll get out of your hair"_

 _Natalie hugged each of them before bidding them goodnight._

 _The second they were upstairs, John pulled her into his lap and kissed her._

 _She rested her forehead against his and whispered, "I don't believe it"_

 _"Looks like someday just got a little closer" he whispered before kissing her again._

 _"You two are gross" Michael said, finally speaking._

 _"One day, you'll find someone and you'll understand" Natalie said, putting her arm around John's shoulders as he kept her on his lap._

 _"This isn't fair. I thought I had another year before you left" Michael said._

 _"Hey" Natalie said, "You're not losing us. You heard Eve, Sunday dinners every week"_

 _"I know. I just figured with you here for another six months John would have a reason to come by and get both of you for another year"_

 _"Hey" John said, "We're not dying. We're just moving"_

 _"It won't be the same"_

 _"No" Natalie said, "but now you have a cool older brother with his own place"_

 _"You mean I can come over?"_

 _"We'll work out the details later. You know Mom and Dad will have rules" John said._

 _"I am happy for you guys" Michael said, "I'm just going to miss you"_

 _"We'll be hard to miss" Natalie said._

 _Michael nodded, "Good night guys"_

 _John kissed her on the cheek._

 _"I'm moving in with you" she said._

 _"Yeah" he agreed, "we made it. No more curfews, no more parents down the hall, no more sneaking time alone, no more backseat of a car-"_

 _"Wow" she said, "I still can't believe-"_

 _"You know what the best part is?"_

 _"What?"_

 _"Knowing there's only seven days of my life left where I have to sleep without you next to me"_

 _"Seven days" she said, "That's not a lot of time"_

 _"Next year I can make love to you on Christmas morning like you wanted"_

 _She shook her head, "I just feel like all our dreams are coming true"_

 _He kissed her, "They will. Someday"_

 _"Someday" she repeated, "You think we can do this?"_

 _"I have no doubt"_

 _"None?"_

 _"Not with you"_

"Hey, brother I heard you were here" he heard from outside the closet he was given to work in.

"Oh, hey" he said, "this was supposed to be fast, I didn't think I'd have time to say hi" John answered his brother.

"How much longer do you think?"

"At least an hour"

"I'm off in an hour, you want to grab a beer when you're done? I've been meaning to catch up with you"

He nodded, watching his brother walk away.

An hour and a half later, the two of them walked into Rodi's, got a beer each and sat a table.

"So, how you been, Johnny?"

"Same old" John said, "What about you? How's Marcie?"

"Marcie's good. She'd be happy to cook you dinner if you ever want to eat something outside of the station"

"It's an important case, Mike"

"I know" he said, "I just- Dad wouldn't be happy with you running yourself to the ground for him, either. I want you to nail the guy, but I want you to live to see the end"

"You don't have to look out for me"

"Any new leads?"

"Working on it" he said, lying. Michael was a Truman fan since he'd been promoted to chief of staff, promoting Michael to lead physician as a result, "we're trying to find the gun, I was trying to see if anyone on staff at the hospital saw Vickers around that day and if he still had it"

"You think he came to the hospital?"

"It's a possibility. I'm trying to cover all the bases. He won't talk, so-"

"Of course not. He's a good liar"

"Yeah"

"You're going to get him John, if anyone can, it's you"

"Thanks for the vote of confidence"

"What's up with you?"

"What?"

"You're just, I don't know, different"

"It's not easy working on this case"

"Yeah, I bet" he said, but knowing there was more, "What about Evangeline?"

"I don't want to- "

"I know you don't" he said, "She came to see me the other day"

John looked up. There was no way this could be good, "Why?"

"She's confused about you"

"What is there to be confused about?"

"She said you haven't been talking to her about Dad or the case or anything, really"

"She didn't know him"

"Still, shouldn't you want to talk to her about it?"

"Well, I don't" he said, "You have Marcie, and that's great, and I'm happy for you. But me and Evangeline are not you and Marcie"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"We're not serious" he said. We're not really anything, he added mentally.

"That's not the vibe she got"

"Okay, tell me, what the hell have I done to convince her I'm serious about this? Cuz I assure you I'm not"

"John, she asked me not to-"

"Oh, please, you don't owe her anything"

"She said-" he started, "She said she found a ring"

John almost choked on his beer. That was impossible. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"She said she found a ring" he said, "John you can't make something like that up"

"Well, she must be, cuz there ain't a ring in my place" he said, even though that wasn't the truth.

"I asked to double check, you know, cuz I know you, I know you're not ready for any sort of commitment" he said, "She said a few weeks ago, right after you got promoted she went looking for you, grabbed the spare key from Roxy, went to go see if you were in your room-"

"Unbelievable. She didn't call to ask me-"

"Yeah, anyway. She said that your closet door was open and she'd never seen it that way, so she went to close it and that there was a box propping it open and on top of that box was a ring"

John shut his eyes. Natalie's ring. He felt nauseous. Evangeline thought Natalie's ring was for her. The feeling that he was cheating on Natalie had never been this bad, and he wished more than anything he'd been smart enough to put that box back in the closet when he'd woken up that morning.

"Alright, well judging by that reaction, I can guess there is actually a ring, so you want to start backtracking"

"Nope" he said, taking a pull on his beer.

"What?"

"Its not for her"

"What do you mean it's not for her?"

"I mean the ring is not for her" he said, as though that were the only question to be answered.

"Well, then why do you have an engagement ring hidden in your closet?"

John looked down at the table, not wanting to answer.

"You're going to answer that question, John. You may not be serious about Evangeline, but if there's someone else, she deserves to know"

John laughed mentally. It was kind of ironic, really. His brother thought he was cheating on Evangeline, when in his mind, he was cheating with Evangeline, she was the someone else.

"No, there's not someone else" he answered.

"Well, then John, who's it for?"

"It's for Natalie" he answered, "or it was supposed to be"

"For Natalie?" he asked, and John nodded, "Alright, I'm going to get another round and you're not going to go anywhere"

After Michael came back with two more beers, he asked the question again.

"It was Natalie's?"

"It was supposed to be" he said, "but I never got the chance"

"I don't understand"

"I was going to propose after her graduation ceremony. But, well, you were there-"

"Yeah, I remember" Michael said, "I didn't know you-"

"Yeah, well. Dad was the only one that knew"

"All this time, you never told anyone?"

He shook his head.

"And you kept the ring?"

"I kept all of her stuff, at least the stuff Mom didn't get rid of. I can't get rid of it"

"The box"

"Yeah" he said, he took a pull on his beer.

"So, if you keep this box in your closet, what was it doing out?"

"I'd just gotten, um, Dad's file on Natalie, he had all this stuff I hadn't seen before and- I had a few too many beers and-"

"Oh" he said, "I'm sorry, I just-" he paused, "You two used to talk about getting married, but I never thought, you two were just so young, younger than I am now"

"We were together for six years" he said, "through her moving in and the Academy and her going to school, Mike we'd been through the worst already"

"I guess" he said, "I take it Evangeline doesn't know about Natalie"

John didn't answer. He couldn't tell Evangeline about Natalie. He couldn't explain why, but he knew he couldn't.

"It's been five years, John" Michael said, "Don't you think it's time to move on?"

"I know, it just" he paused, "I've been thinking about her a lot recently"

"Why now?"

He sighed, "I don't know. Maybe it's losing Dad-"

"You know it's not your fault"

"I-" he started.

"John, you nearly killed yourself looking for her, you did all that you could have done"

He shook his head, "I don't know. I just wonder, you know? If I had done something different-"

"What could you have done, John? You looked everywhere, we all thought you'd lost it, you wouldn't stop"

"I don't know" he said, "I just-"

"I miss her, too, John" Michael said, "I know it's not the same. But she was like my sister, especially those months before you guys moved out"

"I know, Mike"

"You know, when to talk to Marcie about her, I always think- she and Marcie would have gotten along real well"

"Yeah, they would have"

"You know, to me, you two were everything. I looked at you and I thought- that's what I want. That's how I want someone to look at me. Mom and Dad loved each other, but you two- you were something else" he said.

John looked down again. No one had ever looked at him the way Natalie had, and that was one of the things he missed the most.

"Do you think about what would have been different for you? If she was still here?"

"Yeah" he said, "We'd be married. She probably would have wanted to follow Mom and Dad here. She always wanted kids" he said.

"You with kids, there's a thought"

"Yeah" he said, "but she made it seem okay. Like I could do it"

"You still talk about her the same way, you know that?"

"Yeah, well, not that much has changed"

"You still love her"

"That doesn't just go away"

"No, I guess it doesn't. But John, she's gone"

"Not to me"

"You still want to be with her?"

"Mike, there isn't a thing on this Earth I wouldn't give or do to just have one more day with her"

"she'd want you to be happy" he said.

"I don't know how to do that anymore" he said, "I don't know if I want to"

"So what are you going to do about Evangeline?"

"I don't know"

"So what? You're just swearing off love because she's gone?"

"Mike, you only get that kind of love once. You know, those years, she was everything. And yeah, it wasn't normal by any means, but I didn't go anywhere or do anything without thinking of her. I'm done. There isn't anyone else out there like her"


	13. Chapter 13

_It had been seven hectic days as they tried to pack everything they owned in boxes that would fit in only two cars and the pickup. Eve, Thomas, and Michael all stayed and Eve cooked them all dinner once they were moved in. It was a good transition, really, they were all unpacked and goodbye that wasn't really a goodbye had time to be had, and by the time the three of them left, no one was really sad. Eve was emotional, but she always was._

 _The apartment really was beautiful for what they were paying. It was two and half rooms, a bedroom and a kitchen/living room with a bathroom in between the two rooms. The kitchen was small, but not unbearably so, with wooden cabinets, a marble counter top and an off-white tile floor. The stove had four burners, and an oven. Above the stove was their microwave, and on the far left side of the small u the kitchen made was their fridge and freezer. They had a small table set up off the side of the kitchen and a couch and a chair pointed in front of a small TV which constituted their living room. The couch was a deep blue color and was extra wide and was actually really comfortable and it was easy to imagine the two of them relaxing on it while watching TV. Their bedroom which was through a small hallway to the left of the living room, had gray carpeting, which gave the room a nice, homey feel. Their bed was a queen size, not too big, but bigger than the twins they'd had before. Eve had gotten them an off-white bed set with a comforter that was extra large for the bed, so they would be extra comfy. She could imagine how John would look sprawled out, sleeping in their bed. Their bed was set up parallel to the window, and they had a nice view of the area they were in. On the far right of their room were their closets, two separate ones that were side by side, and their dressers on the wall to the right of their closets._

 _At last it seemed that they were alone in their new home, standing by the door after the three McBains had gone._

 _"Wow" Natalie said to break the silence, "We did it"_

 _"Yeah, we did" he said, putting his arm around her shoulder._

 _"So, now what?" she asked._

 _"Well, I say first things first" he said, pulling her into a heated kiss._

 _She melted into him, needing this just as much as he did. He put his other arm under her knees, picking her up, and carried her into their bedroom. He laid her down, gently laying on top of her, and they lost themselves in each other._

 _Afterwards, as he held her against him, her head on his shoulder, she smiled and turned her head into him, placing a chaste kiss on his shoulder._

 _"I love you" she told him, running her hand along his chest._

 _"I love you, too" he said, placing a kiss on her forehead._

 _"It has been way too long since we've done that"_

 _"Way too long" he agreed._

 _"It must have been, like six months since that night"_

 _"Well, at least we'll never have to go that long again" he said._

 _"I can't believe it" she said, "Tomorrow, I'm going to wake up in your arms and know that you'll hold me that night, too"_

 _"That's just the first, of everyday, for the rest of our lives"_

 _"this is just so wonderful"_

 _He kissed her head, "get used to it. Short of me working a night shift, we can do this every night"_

 _"You really think we can do this? Make this place feel like home?"_

 _"I got you. As far as I'm concerned, that's all I need to feel at home"_

 _"You mean that?"_

 _"Of course I do" he said, "We're in this together. Don't go doubting me now"_

 _"I'm not, it's just-" she paused, "I'm so happy. I don't want to lose this"_

 _"We won't" he said, rubbing her back, "cuz I'm not losing you"_

 _"You know, we do have three whole days before life starts again"_

 _"You're ambitious" he said, smiling._

 _"We don't have to get out of bed for three days"_

 _"I have to say, this whole adult thing isn't so bad" he yawned._

 _"Get some sleep" she said, "I'll be here all night"_

 _"Mm good night" he said, leaning into kiss her, "I love you"_

 _"I love you, too" she said, "good night"_

He stood in the alley. He'd been there a dozen times since he started this, and yet, he still felt like he was missing something.

"If I shot a cop, what would I do with gun" he muttered.

David must have turned to run in the opposite direction, but David, according to his interrogation stayed away from the violent side of the "business" he'd inherited. So he probably didn't know what to do with the gun.

"I'd drop it" he said.

But CSU had been over the alley a million times. It didn't make sense.

His phone rang.

"McBain" he answered.

"John, I hope you're sitting down" he heard Hugh start.

"Yeah, why's that?"

"Vickers changed his plea"

"What?"

"He changed his plea guilty. I requested he be held immediately. He's in holding right now"

"I'll be right there" he said, and hung up.

It seemed he only ever had more questions. Maybe this time he'd get some answers, starting with why he'd changed his plea. It had to be Truman, there was no other explanation, but maybe he'd get an answer to why this time.

He got down to holding, half expecting it to be too good to be true.

"Well, this is interesting plot twist"

"Yeah, I bet your the edge of your seat" Vickers replied.

"So, mind telling me what happened"

"I'm guilty. I shot your father"

John looked down, needing a minute to compose himself. He wasn't sure what he thought this moment would get him, but somehow he knew it wasn't over.

"Didn't you know that already?"

"Where's the gun?"

"What?"

"You confessed. You think I'm going easy on you for that? I won't" he said, "I am going to do everything I can to nail you to the wall. Where's the gun?"

"I don't know" he said, "I dropped it"

"Where?"

"I ran like a bat out of hell, I couldn't tell you"

"You think you got anything left to lose?"

"Fine" he said.

John handed him a pad of paper and a pencil.

"Draw the alley" he said, "Show me where you were standing, where my father was standing and where you dropped the gun"

"This is a very boring picture" he said as he began to draw, "Art school would be displeased"

"I'm sure" John said, "You're sure this is where you were standing?"

"Yes"

"And that's where you dropped the gun?"

"Yup"

"That doesn't make sense" he muttered.

What David was saying didn't match the autopsy report, which said that his Dad had been shot at from the right, but David was saying that he'd been shot at dead in front of him. He'd have to check the autopsy report again. then, he realized where the gun had been dropped.

"Storm drain" he said, "Damn forensics"

"You're welcome?"

"Yeah, thanks" he said, looking at the drawing still.

"So you gonna ask why I changed my plea?"

"We'll get to that" John said, "Meanwhile, enjoy your stay"

Within the hour John had CSU back in the alley and digging up the storm drain. Sure enough, there it was covered in muck.

"that's it" he muttered, "That's the gun that killed my father"

"Lutenint" the head of CSU got his attention, "You wanna look?"

"yeah, Gilbert" he said, taking the gun, "You guys think you're going to be able to get any ballistics on that?"

"We'll do our best"

John looked at it for a moment, feeling the gravity of the situation. He wondered for the thousandth time what his dad must have been thinking in his last minutes alive. He opened the gun, wanting to see if there was any ammo left in it. There was, he took a bullet out, not entirely sure why.

"What the hell?" he whispered, "That can't be"

The bullets were blank. Which means this wasn't the gun that killed his father. But it had been exactly where Vickers said it would be. That didn't make any sense.

"Gilbert" John said, "Forget your best. I need a full ballistics report on this"

"Alright, Lutenint"

John put the gun in the bag, standing and walking away. Just more and more questions.

 _"Hey" he said, seeing her at the stove when he came in._

 _"Hey" she said, and leaned up to kiss him as he came in, "How was your first day as an employed officer of the law?"_

 _"Okay, I guess" he said, "All the new people had to go through orientation for the building, learn our beat, stuff like that"_

 _"Did you see your dad?"_

 _"Yeah, for a minute. We didn't get to talk, though" he said, "Mac and cheese?"_

 _"Hey, I'm learning" she teased._

 _"I'll take it" he said, "Though this is setting a dangerous precedent for me, you know. One day in and dinner's ready when I come in-"_

 _"Yeah, don't get used to it"_

 _"I wouldn't dare" he said, "I'm going to change out of this"_

 _"But you look so good in it" she teased._

 _He rolled his eyes, and went to the bedroom, shouting behind him, "So, did you turn in your applications?"_

 _"Yeah, I did" she said, "Now I just have to wait"_

 _"How long you gonna have to wait?"_

 _"March"_

 _He came back into the kitchen, in a t shirt and sweats, "Only two months"_

 _"You hear only two months, I hear fifty something days that will never end"_

 _"Hey" he said, "You're going to get in"_

 _"I hope so" she said, starting to fill two bowls with mac and cheese._

 _"Natalie. Listen to me. You're going to get in, I know you are"_

 _She smiled, "Thanks"_

 _"So how was your ride to school?"_

 _"Long" she said, "The way back isn't as bad, you know, since work's about halfway"_

 _"That sucks"_

 _She shrugged, "It's only another five months"_

 _"I guess" he said, "I just feel bad"_

 _"This is so normal" she said, "this is awesome"_

 _"Yeah, it's pretty awesome"_

 _"I think you're right. We can do this"_

 _"I know we can" he said, "and I know, this is good mac and cheese"_

 _She laughed._

"John, I've read the autopsy before"

"Yeah, I know, it's just with the new evidence, I wanted to revisit it" he said, sitting down across from his boss, not sure how to go over all that he'd learned.

"What's this?"

"That's Vickers' account of where he was standing and where he dropped the gun"

"That's where he was standing?"

"I double checked with him"

"That doesn't make sense with autopsy report"

"Well" John said, "It makes a little more sense when you look at the ballistics"

"Blanks?" Bo said, "He was shooting blanks?"

"His fingerprint's on it"

"It wasn't him"

John shook his head, "It looks that way"

"Now what?"

"Well, he could have reloaded, I guess"

"You know he didn't" he said, "So what are you thinking?"

"I want to know who gave him the gun"

"You think it's Spencer"

"It wouldn't surprise me" he said, "I'd also like to know why he changed his plea, but I'm willing to bet that has something to do with Truman, too"

"We have to let him go, John"

John shook his head, "I don't want to do that, Bo. He could go right to his brother, and then we lose him"

"That's unlawful imprisonment"

"He doesn't know that"

"John-"

"I just want one more go at him before we cut him lose, that's all"

"Fine, I can't stop you anyway" Bo said, "And John?"

"Yeah?"

"Check the bullet against the gun?"

"You know what that's going to come up as"

He shrugged, "Just in case"

Before going to get Vickers, he went to the lab to request the test for bullet. Then, he got Vickers out of holding and got his files.

"You again?" David asked, as John entered.

"Did you reload after you fired?"

"I don't know how to reload a gun" he said, "I thought I made that clear, I don't do guns"

"Yeah, well, you had one that night"

"Believe me, not willingly"

"Where'd you get the gun from? It's registered to your father"

"Yeah, he left them for me and Spencer. Spencer keeps them both, I don't care about them that much"

"Spencer gave you the gun?"

"Yeah, he had me to a run- I didn't want to, I try and stay out of that part of my life as much as I can, but Spencer-"

"What?"

"Well, he's got some stuff on me, so when he asks me to do stuff, I listen"

"So why'd you change your plea?"

"I'm guilty"

"You were guilty before you changed your plea"

"I grew a conscience?"

John laughed.

"Hey, it could happen"

"No" he said, "You would've let that hot shot lawyer do his best to get you out of paying for what you did. So what changed?"

"Spencer"

"What did he do?"

"Told you, he's got stuff on me. And proof. I was going to jail one way or another"

There was a knock on the door and the lab guy came in. It was precisely the results he expected, but it did show it was the same make and model-

"You said Spencer had two guns"

"Yeah"

"Same make and model?"

"Yeah"

"Was he in the alley that night?"

"What?"

"Was he in the alley with you that night?"

"I don't think so, but I didn't look around" he said, "John, why does that matter?"

"Your gun was loaded with blanks"

"What? I was shooting blanks?"

"Yeah, but, the bullet that killed my father was the same make and model as yours-"

"Spencer-"

"You're going to get released" he said, "You don't leave town, you don't tell anyone about this, you got that?"

"Yes, sir"

John rubbed his face, "I'll get Hughes to sign off, you breathe a word to your brother-"

"Yeah, yeah, you want to kill me, I get it"

John left the room, heading back to his office, determined now more than ever to find proof.


	14. Chapter 14

_She was laying on their bed in her bathrobe, crunching some numbers when he came in._

 _"Hey" he said, kissing her exposed shoulder as he went towards the closet to change._

 _"Hey" she said, "how was work"_

 _"Great, arrested a streaker"_

 _"Good day" she noted._

 _"Yeah" he said, then joining her on the bed, "So what are you working on"_

 _"I'm just trying to figure next year out" she said._

 _He looked over her shoulder at her bank statements._

 _"Natalie, that's enough for a car"_

 _"It's one semester's tuition" she said, "which means I need to double it between now and August"_

 _"Or get a car"_

 _"Did you listen to a word I just said?"_

 _"Yeah" he said, "but you have all summer and you can work a lot then"_

 _"I guess that's true" she said, "Just a little afraid, I guess"_

 _"It'll work out" he said, "and if you change your mind, you could get a decent car"_

 _"I'm not getting a car"_

 _"I know" he said, "but I worry, you know? You're on the bus before the sun's out some days"_

 _"Yeah, well. No one said it would be easy" she said, "Besides, I don't know the first thing about buying a car"_

 _"I'd go with you"_

 _She smiled, "I'll keep that in mind" she said, pushing her papers away, "so, tell me about this streaker"_

 _She hadn't walked in the door before it all hit her again. This was real. She was so lucky. She looked at the clock, and couldn't remember when John said he'd be home that day. She picked up the phone, calling the station._

 _"ACPD Precinct 3"_

 _"Hey Jackie, it's Natalie"_

 _"Oh, hey Natalie, you want me to put you through to John?"_

 _"Um no" she said, "Could you tell me when he gets off? I got some really good news, I want to surprise him"_

 _"Sure thing" she said, "He's scheduled to get off at 5"_

 _"Alright, thank you, and don't tell him I called"_

 _"You got it, have fun"_

 _She had an hour. She looked in the fridge, she could probably make chicken parm if she started now, but then she wouldn't have time to change. That cheesy chicken dish didn't take so long, so she decided to start on that and once it was in the oven, she went to change. Not into a dress or anything, just matching lace underwear, red, one of his favorites. God, she hoped he'd be happy. Of course he would, he was always happy for her. She was going to throw her clothes back on, but then she heard his key in the door, and she just threw her bathrobe on._

 _"John?" she ran out of their room to see him just coming in the door._

 _"Hey" he said, "What's up?"_

 _She smiled, "I have news"_

 _"Yeah?"_

 _"You still want to take me car shopping?"_

 _"What?"_

 _"I got a full ride to NJU" she practically exploded._

 _"Natalie" he exclaimed, and she ran into his arms._

 _He took her in his arms, picking her up off the ground as she squealed in excitement. He smiled into her neck, he was practically busting he was so proud. He could feel her still reeling into his neck, and he kissed the side of her face._

 _"I knew they'd want you" he said, "I am so proud of you, Natalie"_

 _She kissed him, and he deepened it._

 _"I can't believe it" she said, "I was so afraid-"_

 _"Not so hard to believe, you're smarter than anyone"_

 _She kissed him again, "It means a lot you know, to have you always believing in me"_

 _He kissed her, "We have to call Mom, she's going to be over the moon"_

 _"She knows" she said, "The message for me to come over, she got the package, that's why she called. We went to the admissions building today, signed the papers, it all happened so fast-" she paused, "she wanted us to come over to celebrate, but I told her you were working late, I wanted to celebrate with just us tonight, we have to go over there tomorrow"_

 _"That sounds good to me" he said, and kissed her again, "I'm just so happy for you"_

 _"Thanks, that means a lot"_

 _"You're going to wipe the floor with the forensics team at the station"_

 _"Let's not get ahead of ourselves, I still need to finish high school" she said, "I made dinner"_

 _"You expect me to eat with you dressed like that?"_

 _She rolled her eyes at him, and he let her go, her feet touching the floor again. She began to get dinner ready. Once she joined him at the table, he held her hand._

 _"I'm proud of you"_

 _"I know. Thanks"_

 _"I'm dating a college girl"_

 _"Yeah, you are"_

 _"So, you really want to get a car?"_

 _"Yeah, I think so"_

 _"What kind?"_

 _"Red"_

 _"This is why girls don't go car shopping alone" he said, "I meant like, model wise"_

 _"I don't know. A car"_

 _"God, Natalie-"_

 _"I meant, like a car car. not a truck or a jeep, just a car"_

 _"Now we're getting somewhere" he said, "You want to go this weekend?"_

 _"That soon?"_

 _"Hey, why not?"_

 _"I can't believe I have all this"_

 _"Yeah, well, believe it. I do"_

He picked up her file again.

He wanted to think more about his dad's case, he really did, but all he could do was come up with more questions. Questions he didn't know how to answer, or even get the answers. He knew now that it was Truman, he was sure, he just didn't have any proof to back it up.

His dad's file was much more comprehensive, and when added to the stuff he had, it painted the full picture. The abuse, how smart she was, her high school transcripts, college grades, what he knew now was the forged birth certificate and documents from the hospital to show she'd been left there. He had so many questions for the old man, what was he trying to figure out, why had he started the file so long before she'd gone missing? The back of the file held all the police reports from when she'd gone missing, everywhere that had been searched, where her car'd been found. Despite all the information, there was still no indication of where she'd gone.

They'd searched for six months, only to find next to nothing. The only real shred of evidence they'd ever found was the footage on the security camera, going into her professor's office, coming out and leaving the building. He'd personally interrogated the guy, and he was just as surprised that she was gone. There was no footage of the parking lot, and her car had no signs of forced entry, if she'd reached it at all.

He'd gone over that parking lot more times than he could have counted, but he never found anything, not a hair, not a fiber, nothing. As if she'd just vanished into thin air, too good for the world she was stuck in.

Behind all that, was something he hadn't noticed before, something his dad must have gotten but he hadn't. there was a print on her car that wasn't hers and wasn't his, it was unmatched, no hits in the system. He wondered if he ran them again if that would be different, making a note to do so when this was all over. It was the least he owed her.

 _"Congratulations" he said, embracing her once she found them all._

 _"Thanks" she said, and leaned up to kiss him._

 _"Natalie, I'm so proud of you" Eve said, "And now college, for free-"_

 _"Eve, c'mon. this isn't that big a deal. Save the waterworks for this one" she said, pointing to Mike._

 _"Nah, I'm going to graduate a lot if I get through medical school" he said, "by then she'll be over it"_

 _"Never" Eve said._

 _"How's it feel to be done with high school?" Thomas asked._

 _"Good. I'm ready for what's next"_

 _"Taking NJU by storm" John said._

 _"Yeah, and then I'm coming for the two of you" she said._

 _"Yeah, well, forensics could use some brains" Thomas said._

 _"And some beauty" John added, winking at her._

 _"You two have plans, or do you want to join us for dinner?" Eve asked._

 _"We'd love to" Natalie said._

 _Later that night, she laid in John's arms after they'd made love and he'd made her feel so loved and special, she couldn't help but smile and place a chaste kiss on his chest._

 _"That was wonderful" she said, looking up at him and smiling._

 _He pet her hair back, "I'm glad" he said, "that was something, watching you graduate, knowing I'll be doing that again in a few years"_

 _"You know how much I love knowing you're behind me on everything?"_

 _"I wouldn't want it any other way" he said, kissing her hand, "Speaking of-" he said, and let go of her, sitting up and reaching under the bed._

 _She sat curious as to what he was doing. He placed a large gift bag between them._

 _"Congratulations" he said._

 _"John" she chided, "You shouldn't have-"_

 _"Hey" he said, "You only graduate high school once"_

 _"Still, you-"_

 _"Hey, what good is it to have a girlfriend if I can't spoil her once in awhile?" he smirked, "Open it"_

 _She pulled a leather bag out of the gift bag with two handle and one long strap. It was big enough to carry her books and was so nice. She smiled at him._

 _"John-"_

 _"Open it"_

 _She looked at him, but opened the zipper to the bag, finding inside a few single subject notebooks in different colors, a pack of highlighters, an NJU sweatshirt and an ACPD travel mug. She was overwhelmed at how thoughtfully he'd put it together, and when he started rubbing her back, she felt her smile widened._

 _"Thank you" she said and leaned over to kiss him._

 _"I'd hoped you like it"_

 _"Of course I like it, you're so-"_

 _"Charming?" he finished for her, kissing the side of her face._

 _"Perfect" she finished, "I'm so lucky to have you"_

 _"Yeah, well, you're pretty perfect too"_

 _"I just, you know, sometimes it hits me, what could have been different if I'd turned down their offer or ran away instead of running to you"_

 _"You were this smart before any of that"_

 _"Yeah, but I didn't have this kind of support"_

 _"You still would have had me"_

 _"You think?"_

 _"You'll always have me"_

"Always" he muttered.

He was waiting for Bo and Hugh to get in to run the idea by them. It was going to take some convincing, but it was the best thing he had to go on. As he waited he picked through the file again, wishing something would jump out at him. It never did. Slowly, his attention started to wander, and he picked up Natalie's file again, staring at the print.

There'd been no signs of forced entry, though, so what was the print doing there? And why hadn't he seen it before?

He was interrupted by a knock on the door, and he was hopeful it was someone that he needed. When Evangeline he came in, he mentally groaned.

"Hey" she said, coming towards his desk.

He immediately put Natalie's file in a drawer where she couldn't see it. The guilt he felt right now over this was tremendous, it always was, but now he knew what she was looking for, and he knew it was never in the cards for him, at least not again.

"Hi" he said, looking back up at her.

"That confidential?" she asked.

"Yeah" he answered. It wasn't entirely the truth, but he'd say anything to not discuss Natalie with her.

"I've missed you. it's been awhile"

"I guess" he said, "I had a big break in a case, or at least I thought I did" Vague was his friend when it came to her. He'd say anything to ensure that she didn't pry too much into those cases.

"Did it fall through?"

"Sort of"

"That sucks" she said.

"I'll figure it out"

"You always do" she said, "I just wanted to see you"

"I'm busy, as soon as Bo gets in I have to run some stuff by him"

"You're always busy" she said.

He didn't say anything, knowing she'd continue if he waited her out long enough.

"I miss you" she said, and came around to his side of the desk, beginning to touch his chest, and he wanted to shrug her off, "I was hoping we could spend some time together-" she cut herself off and took her hands off of him, "Who's that?"

He followed her gaze to the picture on his desk. The prom picture. He'd gotten used to it being there, actually kind of liked it, being reminded of how happy they'd been then.

"John, who is that?"

He didn't know how to answer, so he didn't.

"John, I demand an answer, who is she?" He couldn't stand the tone she was using, as if Natalie was somehow beneath her. Had she been this condescending all along? How had he not realized that?

"I'm not talking about her with you" he made that quite clear.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that it's none of your business"

"I think if there's a picture of another woman on your desk, it's my business"

"Drop it" he said, firm.

She stormed out of the office without another word. Well, maybe that had taken care of itself. He picked up the prom picture, smiling at her again.

"Yeah, you'll always have me" he whispered.


	15. Chapter 15

_"You're still here" he said as he walked through the door to see her in a cami and a shorts, trying to beat the heat, cooking for them anyway._

 _"Where else would I be?"_

 _"First day of college, I don't know. Aren't you supposed to drink yourself stupid or something? Party all night long"_

 _"I could go all night" she said, turning to kiss him._

 _"I'll hold you to that" he said._

 _"Go change, I'm sure you're hot in that uniform"_

 _"I'm hot for more than one reason" he muttered into her hair, playfully slapping her bum before going to change._

 _"God, Natalie, how many books do you need?"_

 _"I have to take an English class, so most of it's just novels"_

 _"How were your classes?"_

 _"Good" she said, "I only had half of them today, the other half is tomorrow. bio and chem are tomorrow so-"_

 _"Oh, so that's when the real fun starts?"_

 _"I have to do all the sciences for foundation before I can get into the forensics stuff"_

 _"You'll be great"_

 _"How was work?"_

 _"Same old" he said, "Nothing too exciting today"_

 _"Well, I suppose that's good" she said._

 _He came out in just a wifebeater and gym shorts. Natalie almost swooned at the sight. He'd gotten so strong at the Academy, and he'd kept it up, and now his pecks and abs were clearly defined, and his arms were distinctly cut. She bit her lip to keep from moaning. Yeah, she knew what they'd be up to tonight._

 _He saw her reaction and smiled. He began to grab plates for dinner and wanted more than anything just to throw her on their bed, but he was also pretty hungry and knew that he would be better off eating first._

 _"How was your commute?"_

 _"Not bad" she said, "And once I get there, I can just walk between classes, so, it's actually pretty good"_

 _"Good" he said, "I knew you'd need a car sooner or later"_

 _"I love that thing" she said, "I don't know how survived without it"_

 _"I know" he said, "So what about your classes?"_

 _She filled him in on everything, her morning, the people she'd met and had lunch with, her afternoon her shift at the bar. Her banter lasted them through cleaning up._

 _"Sounds like you love it"_

 _"I do" she said, "but, I miss you"_

 _"Let's fix that" he said._

 _She was lost in him, their kiss turned to a make out session rather quickly. Suddenly, he broke the kiss, and threw her over his shoulder. She laughed at the absurdity and the urgency, but then he laid her down on their bed, still laughing, and he removed her cami, kissing the delicate skin of her stomach, and she closed her eyes, forgetting everything else for the time being._

"You're not gonna like this" he said, "but it's Truman. I know that. Now we just need to prove it"

"What do you have to prove it, John?"

"David said so"

"That's not enough for a warrant"

"I know" he said, "But I also know that something's up with the operating room, too"

"Did you get any custodial staff? Her signature?"

"It was her signature, I sent it to a lab to check for forgery" he said, "No one on the custodial staff will talk"

"Truman got to them" Hugh said.

"He is consistent" Bo said, "So what's your idea, John?"

"Well, we should be getting word on the signature soon, assuming it comes back forged-"

"That renders Paige innocent which means she's the fall guy" Bo said.

"I say let's throw Paige and David together and see what happens" John said, "If they don't think they're being monitored-"

"That won't hold up in court" Hugh said, "especially if they we don't get consent"

"Well, they're not going to talk if they know they're being recorded"

"I can't use it in court, it's-"

"Maybe we don't need it to use in court" Bo said, "They could give something up and then we drag it out of them in interrogation. At the least, they could give us something to go on, something to look for"

"Yeah" Hugh agreed.

"Alright, let's get them in here" John said.

 _It was the summer after her freshmen year, and she couldn't believe it had gone by so fast. She and John had been living in their place for over a year, and she knew she'd never been happier. She was just getting home from a double shift at the bar when she heard the phone beep, alerting her that she had a message. She hit play and went to change._

 _"Hi Natalie, it's Jackie at the front desk of the station" Natalie stopped in her tracks, "John was in an accident, he's at the hospital-"_

 _She didn't bother listening to the rest of the message as she turned right around and left. She acted before she thought, and within twenty minutes had arrived at the hospital, finding him in a cubicle in the ER._

 _"Natalie, how did you-"_

 _"What happened? Are you okay?"_

 _"I'm fine-"_

 _"Are you sure? The message said something about an accident, I left as soon as I heard-"_

 _"Natalie, calm down" he said, grabbing her hand and pulling her next to him on the bed, "I promise, I'm okay"_

 _"Okay" she whispered._

 _"I was on my beat, the cruiser got rear-ended. I'm only here because it's policy, check my back and my head to make sure nothing got hit too badly"_

 _"And they checked you out already?"_

 _"Yeah, they took an x-ray, they should be back any minute to tell me I'm fine"_

 _"You're sure you're okay?"_

 _"I'm fine. I promise" he said, "You okay? I didn't they'd call you for something so small"_

 _"Yeah, I'm okay" she said, running her hand through his hair, "Now that I know you're fine. I got the message, I just- reacted, I guess. I didn't think, I didn't process, I just got in my car and left to get here, it wasn't until I hit a red light I thought-" she looked down._

 _"Hey" he whispered, "I'm right here"_

 _"I know" she said, "but you know, it could've been different"_

 _"Natalie-"_

 _"I know this is what you want, I'm not trying to- I want you to do this, too. I just worry, you know?"_

 _"Yeah, I know"_

 _"I need you here, with me"_

 _He pulled his pocket token out of his pocket, and put it back in, "I know"_

 _She smiled, "I love you"_

 _"I love you, too, Natalie"_

 _She leaned over to kiss him, and when she leaned out, she stayed close, "I'm going to try to get better at this"_

 _"Don't worry about it" he said, "You and me, we're going to be just fine. No matter what"_

He took a deep breath. This was it, if he got nothing out of this, he had nothing to go on. David was sitting in interrogation, thinking he was waiting for him. John opened the door for Paige, showing her in.

"I'll be with you in a minute"

"Why's David here?" she asked.

"He's a person of interest" he said, "Bo's stuck in a meeting with mayor, so I'm swamped right now, if you two would just wait a while-"

"Yeah, no problem" Paige said and entered the room.

John closed the door behind her and headed back to his office, where Bo was already watching the conversation unfold.

"Anything yet?"

"Nothing much" he said, as John picked up the other set of headphones.

"I thought they couldn't touch you" David said.

"They can't. But I've been cooperating" Paige answered.

"Why?"

"I feel bad for John. He and Michael lost their father. I oversaw Michael's training, you know? And I feel responsible-" she trailed off, "What about you? Why are you a person of interest?"

"Oh you haven't been kept in the loop, you'd think Spencer would have told you"

"Told me what?"

"That after paying for my lawyer and my bail, he told me I had to fess up"

"Then why are you free?"

"I was shooting blanks"

Paige shook her head, "How is that possible-?" she said, "You were so sure you'd done it, when I saw you-"

"Yeah, well, I was. He died right in front of me, seemingly from my gunshot"

Paige sat down, trying to process all that, "I don't understand-" she started, "Does Spencer know?"

"Of course not" he said, "I think Spencer shot him"

"He couldn't have"

"I ran, and I headed for the hospital, hoping to find Spencer, and that's where I found him"

"And you told him you shot a cop?"

"What else was I supposed to do? I had already heard the sirens, I knew they were coming for him-"

"After everything Spencer has gotten you do, after everything he has on you, after all the proof he's compiled, you think-" she realized how loud she was getting and quieted back down, "you thought telling him you shot a cop was a good idea?"

"I didn't know who else to turn to"

"Anyone"

"Not the cops"

"Yeah, well, look where we are now" she said, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be on you like that. I know what it's like to be Spencer's thumb. And, it's all my fault anyway. I was the one that killed him"

"No, you weren't"

"I mean, I didn't shoot the guy-"

"Paige you know just as well as I do you were not the one in that operating room"

"Son of a bitch" John muttered.

"Of course I was-"

"Yeah, I know" he said, "Cuz I saw you passed out in your office, cuz I went there after talking to Spencer, and you were out. I don't want to think about the level of shit he must have given you-" he said, "and I hid out there, didn't want to be seen. Spencer came back, eventually, told me no one be any wiser"

"You knew?"

John threw his headphones down, looking to Bo, "got him"

"Now we need to get it out of one of them in interrogation"

"I mean, I couldn't say anything, but now I know Spencer's guiltier than either of us" he said, "He supposed to be on call that night. He told me he was going out with Blair and couldn't cancel because it was his one night off. Which means he had to know to get to the hospital, which in my mind means he shot him, too, then finished the job in the OR"

"David, there are a lot of things we could go to jail for. Spencer could have us both killed"

"Yeah" he said, "but for the first time in my life, I got something on my brother"

"Except you don't. We don't have any evidence"

"Let's change that" John said, "I'll go at Vickers, you want to go at Paige?"

"Sounds good" he said, as they went out.

 _"Hey" he said as he entered the bar._

 _"Hey" she said, "What are you doing here?"_

 _"It's my 21st birthday"_

 _"I know" she said, "I thought you were going out with-" she paused when she realized he was with people, "oh"_

 _"I've never been here before, so I figured, why not?"_

 _"Alright" she said, "don't try to tip me" she said._

 _"I wouldn't dare"_

 _"What would you like?"_

 _His friend, another officer Natalie recognized only barely, answered,"We'd like a round of tequila shots"_

 _"Comin up" she said._

 _"You okay?" he asked._

 _"Promise me you're not driving"_

 _"I'm not driving" he said, "Aaron's going to have two drinks and drive everyone home at the end of the night"_

 _"Okay" she said, "I'm off in two hours, so-"_

 _"Natalie" he said, "you don't have to stay, I know you have class in the morning" he said, "this weekend, I'll get us a handle and we'll celebrate then, okay?"_

 _She nodded._

 _"Have fun"_

 _Natalie watched the guys down shot after shot, switching to mixed drinks after that, and starting on beer shortly thereafter. She watched the guy who was supposed to drive, and he seemed fine still, but she was nervous about leaving. John was most definitely drunk, and she prayed he'd make it home okay._

 _"I'm leaving" she said, putting her hand on his shoulder._

 _"Already?" he asked, clearly drunk out of his mind._

 _"Yeah, my shift's up" she said, "I'll see you in the morning"_

 _"You can't stay?" he asked._

 _"Yeah, stay" his friends asked._

 _"No, I have some reading to do, you stay, okay? I'll be home when you get there"_

 _"I love you" he said, taking her hand_

 _"I love you too" she answered, and he wondered how much of this he'd remember in the morning._

 _"You're so pretty" he said, "I forget that sometimes"_

 _She didn't answer, waiting for him to let go of her hand so she could leave. Meanwhile, his friends, who were also drunk, she reminded herself, began to wolf whistle at her._

 _"I'm going to miss you"_

 _"John, I'm leaving" she took her hand out of his._

 _"I'll see you at home, in bed" his friends all laughed_

 _She kept walking, all the way to her car, not stopping until she was inside and driving. She took a deep breath. He was drunk, he didn't know what he was saying. He didn't know what his friends were doing. She'd seen it plenty of times before, been hit on and whistled at within those same walls. She took some deep breaths. He'd be mad enough at himself in the morning for both of them. right now, she just wanted to get something in her stomach and go to sleep._

 _She'd been asleep for a few hours by the time he staggered into their bedroom. She didn't bother to pretend to be asleep, rolling over to see that he was okay. He looked fine, just drunk, staggering in his closet. She wondered if he'd locked the door and got out of bed to check. He'd locked the lock, but not the deadbolt and she re-locked the door, climbing back into bed. He'd given up on changing, and she saw him in bed in his clothes, jeans that had only been unbuttoned, and he was seemingly already asleep. She sighed, settling back into slumber herself._

 _Her alarm went off and she sat up to turn it off. She heard him moan and throw the pillow over his head. She smiled, shaking her head. She went to get the phone from the living room._

 _"Call in sick" she said, handing him the phone._

 _He moaned again when he heard the dial tone. She thought he moaned the word "loud" but it was barely audible. She listened to him call in sick as she changed and got ready. He put the phone on his bedside table. She went into the bathroom. When she came out, he was still hiding under the pillow._

 _"John" she whispered, and he looked at her, not saying anything. She handed him two pills and a glass of water, "Take these"_

 _He grimaced as he swallowed._

 _"Good" she said, "Try and drink the glass of water when you wake back up" she said, "I'll be home this afternoon, I'm not working tonight"_

 _"Natalie?"_

 _"Yeah?"_

 _"I don't remember-"_

 _"We'll talk about it later. Go back to sleep"_

 _When she came in that afternoon, she headed right for the bedroom. He was still in bed. She sat down next to him._

 _"Hey" she said, "You manage to get up at all?"_

 _"Yeah" he said, going to sit, grimacing as he did so, "I threw up three times"_

 _"You eat anything?"_

 _"No" he shook his head._

 _"How you feeling?"_

 _"Like I ran into a brick wall"_

 _"You look it" she said, "You drank water?"_

 _"Some" he said._

 _"You remember anything?"_

 _"Yeah" he said, looking down, "I'm sorry"_

 _"You didn't know what you were saying"_

 _"No, but, I still shouldn't have-" he said, "and they, they shouldn't have-" he said, "I made you uncomfortable and embarresed you, and I never should have done that. I'm so sorry"_

 _"Thanks"_

 _"I'm really mad at myself, you didn't deserve to be hit on like that, not by me, not by anyone"_

 _"Well, looks like you got your just desserts"_

 _"You're really okay?"_

 _"I was angry last night, but, you guys didn't know what you were doing. Besides, not my first time getting hit on by a drunk guy"_

 _"What?"_

 _"I work at a bar, John. Drunk guys are our bread and butter"_

 _"That's how most drunk guys act?"_

 _"More or less" she said, "Look, I can handle guys, I can handle the whistles, the looks"_

 _"But I said-"_

 _"Yeah. that was new"_

 _"I'm sorry, you don't deserve that, from anyone, but especially from me"_

 _"Yeah" she said, "I'm not mad"_

 _"I wouldn't blame you"_

 _"I knew you'd be hard on yourself"_

 _"Yeah, well, you deserve better. And especially with what you went through growing up-"_

 _Natalie shook her head, "John, this has nothing to do with that" she said, "I know you're not an alcoholic, at least not yet" she said, "Yeah, I know what drunk looks like, I know what a hangover looks like, that was a big part of my childhood, but" she paused, "it was your 21st birthday. You were well within your rights to get that drunk. I was more pissed off that you didn't tell me you coming to my bar. I could've traded shifts or at least prepared myself" she said, "and I'm not mad, I swear, I just wish you hadn't talked to me like that in front of people where I work"_

 _"I wanted you to be there"_

 _"I figured" she said, "and if I had been there as your girlfriend, it would have been different. but I wasn't, I was the bartender"_

 _"Not to me"_

 _"I know" she said._

 _"I really am sorry"_

 _"I know" she said, "it's okay, just, now you know" she said, "How's pizza sound?"_

 _He shook his head._

 _"You need to eat something. It'll help the headache plus once you have something in your stomach you can take more asprin"_

 _"You really do know how to do this"_

 _"Yeah, I do, so you should listen to me"_

 _"Then pizza it is"_


	16. Chapter 16

"Vickers" he said, "You know what we haven't talked about?"

"My stamp collection?"

"After you shot my dad"

"We've been over this. I dropped the gun, you found it-"

"No, not that" he said, "Where did you run to?"

"I wanted to find Spencer, so he'd know, so he could cover-"

"Where?"

"The hospital"

"Records indicate he wasn't working that night"

"Well, he was there"

"Look, Vickers, we got it all on tape, you want to just agree to testify already?"

"What?"

"You and Paige, I got the whole thing on tape"

"I'm pretty sure that's inadmissible"

"Which is why you should testify"

"You have to understand my brother is going to hire a killer lawyer. He could walk"

"Murder in the first? Doubtful"

"He could have me killed pretty easily. At least send me to jail with him and do it himself there"

"So what? You want a deal?"

"A deal is not going to protect me from him"

"So you won't testify?"

"I want to" he said, "Look, isn't a statement enough"

"He'll contest on the grounds that his lawyers can't cross examine"

"Isn't there someone at the hospital who could place him there?"

"I already asked all the nurses that were in the OR, they're not talking. Custodial staff has been paid off or something-"

"There was someone at the nurses station, she pointed me to him" he said, "I think her name was Jonas"

"Unless she can place him in the operating room" he said, though making a note.

"A janitor let me into Paige's office. Charlie"

John made a note, "I'll look into it. But to really nail him to the wall, we need a testimony"

"Yeah, I'll think about it"

"Do you know where he would keep the gun?"

"He has a safe in his room. I'm pretty sure that's where they are"

"Anywhere else?"

"He has a safe deposit box in the bank. It's under our dad's name"

"Alright, thanks. You'll be hearing from DA Hughes about testifying"

"I do want to help"

"Prove it"

 _"Natalie?"_

 _"Bedroom" she answered back._

 _As he entered their bedroom, he got an eye full as she lay on her stomach, showing her cleavage as she read the book on the bed. Her cami was riding up, exposing the small of her back, and she had on a pair of pajama shorts that covered little, leaving her legs and a hint of her ass uncovered. He felt his reaction to her state of undress immediately. He walked into his closet, going to change out of his uniform._

 _"What are you up to?" he finally managed to ask._

 _"Studying" she said, "what time is it?"_

 _"About 5:30"_

 _She moaned, "Not already"_

 _"Afraid so" he said, sitting down._

 _"I still have so much to get through"_

 _He kissed her head, "I'll cook"_

 _"Thanks" she said, already reemerged in the textbook._

 _She hadn't moved to eat, studying right through dinner and John joined her, mostly just watching. He cleaned as well, and then joined her back on the bed._

 _"Natalie take a break" he said, "you've been at this for hours"_

 _"Not now" she said, "I'm almost done"_

 _He ran a hand up her uncovered legs, "I'm sure you could spare a few minutes-" his hand rested on her butt._

 _She looked at him, "It's 84 and humid, John. I'm hot"_

 _"I noticed" he said._

 _"After this week, you have fifteen glorious weeks of me dressed in minimal clothing to get me out of, but right now, I really need to study"_

 _"Not even five minutes-"_

 _"Man, you are desperate"_

 _"I'm not ashamed of that"_

 _"Couch" she said._

 _"Natalie-"_

 _"John, if I don't do well on this final because you are distracting me I will walk around in a bikini for a week before I let you touch me again"_

 _"You're so tense-"_

 _"Finals" she said._

 _"Yeah, yeah" he said._

 _"I'm sorry, John, just another few hours" she said, "watch TV or read or something"_

 _He kissed her shoulder and left the bed, sitting on the couch and flipping the TV on. Every once in a while, he'd sneak a glance at her. One of her cami straps had fallen off of her shoulder, which exposed a large section of her breast, and he was driving himself crazy thinking about it._

 _After what seemed like hours, she shut the book, and he was on the bed with her in minutes. He began rubbing her back, working all the kinks out of her shoulders and her neck._

 _"mm, you're good at that"_

 _"I have a vested interest"_

 _"I'm sorry I get so crazy during finals"_

 _"You're entitled"_

 _She smiled, "You only have to deal with this two more times, then I'm done"_

 _"I can handle that"_

 _"Yeah?"_

 _"I can handle anything when it comes to you"_

 _"John?"_

 _"Yeah?"_

 _"Make love to me"_

 _"Happily" he said, smiling, as he kissed her._

"Did you get anything out of Paige?"

"She wouldn't budge. What about David?"

"Sang like a canary"

"Really?"

"Yeah" he said, "problem is that Truman's got so much dirt on him, he won't testify"

"This guy is thorough if nothing else"

"He gave me two people at the hospital to look into who saw Truman that night in the hospital"

"Yeah?"

"Well, one saw Truman, the other saw Paige passed out"

Bo nodded, "We'd need both"

"Yeah, assuming Truman hasn't gotten to them yet"

"And I think I know where the gun is"

"Yeah?"

"Truman has a safe deposit box under his father's name"

"We need a warrant"

"For what?" Hugh asked, joining the two in Bo's office.

"Ned Truman's safe deposit box"

"Spencer's father?" Hugh asked.

"Is dead" John answered, "It's Spencer's"

"And what's your case?"

"We know he has the same make and model as the gun that killed my father and it was part of a matching set. We just need the gun to prove it. We already have Vicker's saying Truman operated and two possible witnesses to back it up"

"Really?"

"Yeah, you're going to need to convince him to testify, though"

"Well, it's a start"

"Start?"

"It's not enough John"

"Hughes-"

"Get those witnesses, you get your warrant"

John sighed.

"John?" Bo asked, "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

He nodded, following Bo into his office and taking a seat. Bo leaned against his desk.

"What's up, boss?"

"Viki and Clint wanted me to invite you to dinner"

John looked down. He'd only met Natalie's biological parents a handful of times, and only really talked to them once. It was uncomfortable for him to be around such wealthy people to begin with, but the situation, all the questions, just made him feel all the worse. He just never felt like his answers would adequate, he couldn't just use words to describe Natalie, she was beyond what words could describe.

"I don't know, Bo, you were there last time, with Mom and Dad-"

"Yeah" he said, "I figured you'd say that. I just wanted to try to ask again"

"Sorry" he said, "I don't know if Mom's up to it-"

"John, you knew her better than anyone. That's why they're inviting you" he said, "I know it's hard on you, but you're the closest thing they're ever going to have to her"

"Bo, I'm not her" he said, "I'm not even close. there aren't enough words in the world that I could say to do her justice"

"Can I ask you something?"

He nodded.

"What made you fall in love with her?"

"I don't know how to answer that" he said, "I guess I fell in love with her everyday with a thousand little things" he said, "In the beginning, it was her sass and her spunk. She wouldn't shut up, but when I held her hand she'd smile this cute little smile. And then, when she moved in with us and I knew about the abuse and everything else, I saw how strong she was and all I wanted was for her to see her the way I did, because she was so convinced she was worthless and couldn't understand how much I loved her, and I just wanted her to know" he said, "And then we moved in together and I was just constantly reminded how smart she was, how dedicated she was. I got to watch her fall asleep and wake up, every little moment in between I just fell for her more"

"Was she easy to live with?"

"Mostly. she was good to me. We had such a normal life, it was beautiful, really. She'd make dinner for when I'd get home, she usually got back from work an hour before I did. She'd do her homework and we'd catch up, we went to sleep together almost every night. Finals week was always different"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, she was a basket case, she'd study for hours on end, forget to eat. She stressed herself out over nothing. She always got A's, she was just so smart"

"It always gets me"

"What?"

"How you talk about her" he said.

He looked down, "yeah, Mike says the same thing"

"Think about dinner?" Bo asked, "I know it's not what you want to do with yourself, but- they never got to know their daughter. Don't you think it would do them good to see how you talk about her, how much their daughter was loved?"

"I'll think about it"

 _"What's up, Johnny?" his dad finally asked when they sat down._

 _He'd asked his dad to take lunch with him, saying he had to talk to him about something. They'd eaten at the place by the station and walked along the boardwalk a little, and now they sat on a bench. He wasn't sure what the reaction to this was going to be. He hadn't planned on telling anyone, but he'd always told his dad everything, and he felt like someone else had to know so he didn't chicken out._

 _"John?" his dad asked._

 _"Natalie's graduating tomorrow"_

 _"Yeah, your mom and I are proud of her"_

 _"Me, too. She's getting her test results back today"_

 _"For certification?"_

 _"Yeah, she's really nervous"_

 _"She's got nothing to be worried about"_

 _"Yeah, but you know Natalie"_

 _"Yeah" he said, "It's hard to believe there was a time she wasn't a part of our lives"_

 _"I can't imagine my life without her" John said._

 _His dad smiled at him, "That's love, John"_

 _John took out the box that had been burning a hole in his pocket all day. He'd saved for it for three months, and had started looking for it in March. He was sure, he just didn't know what everyone else was going to think._

 _"I got this for her"_

 _His dad opened it, and smiled when he saw the ring. That must have been a good sign, he thought. He'd looked everywhere, malls, jewelry stores, finally finding it in a thrift store on the boardwalk of all places. It was one carat, round, and the band was an antiquated silver. It was simple, but he knew Natalie would love it._

 _"Does she know?" he asked, handing it back to her._

 _"No" he said, "I want to surprise her"_

 _"She's going to love it" he said._

 _"I hope so"_

 _"You're sure?"_

 _"I don't think I've ever been this sure" he said, "I don't think I can wait anymore. I've known I was going to marry her for almost five years now. She's done with school tomorrow, we'll both be working, it's just time"_

 _"I think so, too" he said, "So when are you going to ask her?"_

 _"Tomorrow. After the ceremony"_

 _He smiled, "Your mother's going to cry"_

 _"Please don't tell her, she'll tell Natalie"_

 _"I won't" he said, "I'm proud of you, John"_

 _"So?" he asked, immediately as he came in, finding her in the kitchen, the starting of mac and cheese on the stove._

 _"So what?" she feigned as though she didn't know what he was asking._

 _"So am I living with a newly certified forensics tech?"_

 _"I passed" she said, smiling as he wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug._

 _"Congratulations" he said, "I knew you would"_

 _"Only one diploma away from a real job"_

 _"Are you excited?"_

 _"Well, I need to get the job first"_

 _"They'd be stupid to turn you down"_

 _"Thanks" she said, smiling still._

 _"I took tomorrow off"_

 _"Why?"_

 _"You're graduating"_

 _"Not til 5" she said, turning back to the stove._

 _"I thought we could spend the day together"_

 _"Oh?"_

 _"Natalie, c'mon this is big. You're graduating from college"_

 _"We're going to have the weekend"_

 _"Yeah, but my parents are going to want to see you and-"_

 _"I was going to run errands"_

 _He shrugged, "I'll go with you"_

 _"Really?" she looked at him questioningly._

 _"Sure" he said, "Look, I just want to spend some time with you. Mom and Dad and Michael are going to be all over you this weekend"_

 _She smiled, leaning up to kiss him, and wrapped her arms around his middle, "You know no matter how much they hog me this weekend, it's you I want to celebrate with"_

 _"We will celebrate" he said, "I just- you know how Mom gets"_

 _"Yeah" she said, and turned back to the stove, the mac and cheese done._

 _"Are you excited about tomorrow?" he asked her._

 _"Yeah, I am" she said, "I just keep thinking, once I thought I'd grow up to be like my mom, at a job I hate and stuck- and now I'm not"_

 _He smiled at her, "You're too smart for that, you'd have figured a way out"_

 _"Do you know how much it means to me to have you always believe in me?"_

 _"For the record, it feels pretty damn good to know you're behind me, too"_

 _She smiled, "So what do you want to do tomorrow?"_

 _"Whatever. As long as I get to see you graduate"_

 _"Oh, don't worry about that" she said, "I'm getting that diploma come hell or high water"_

 _"You earned it"_

 _She smiled, finishing her mac and cheese. Together they cleaned the kitchen and sat on the couch, flipping the TV on. They watched for awhile, but as John held her into him, he felt himself harden for her. In his mind, he relished the thought that after tonight, he'd make love to his fiancee and not his girlfriend, and immediately wanted to make love to her for that reason alone. Gently and lovingly, he began massaging her shoulders and kissing her neck._

 _She could feel him harden and that alone was enough to make her want him, but when he began kissing her neck, she could feel herself start to get wet. God, he was good, he knew exactly how to get her going._

 _"John" she let out a soft moan._

 _That was enough for him to turn off the TV and carry her into their bedroom._


	17. Chapter 17

_Natalie sighed contentedly as she snuggled into his side. They'd made love three times and she felt so wonderfully loved and full. Seemingly, they were sated for the night, but she knew they'd be doing this again over the weekend, and she smiled into his chest, placing a kiss there as he hugged her closer into him. She placed one leg over his so she was flush against him and ran her hand across his chest as he placed a kiss on her forehead. She looked up at him and kissed him._

 _"I love you" she said._

 _"I love you"_

 _She smiled and resettled back on his chest, "You know we've been together for six years?"_

 _"Mmhmm" he said, running his fingers through her hair._

 _"And we've lived together for four"_

 _"Best four years of my life"_

 _"Mine, too"_

 _"I'm glad" he said, "cuz we got a lot of years ahead of us"_

 _"Yeah" she said, "I'm excited for what's next"_

 _"You should be. You've earned it" he said._

 _"I guess, but, mostly because I know you're behind me no matter what"_

 _"Always" he said, "You're not getting rid of me"_

 _"I wouldn't want to"_

 _He kissed her, "I love you"_

 _"I love you, too"_

 _"Get some sleep. We can do more of this tomorrow" he said._

He woke up breathing hard again, needing to close his eyes against the heartache. God, he hated waking up sometimes. Reality sucked.

In reality, they'd never gotten that tomorrow. He'd woken up to her getting out of bed and telling him to go back to sleep, which he had, and then finding the note telling him where she'd gone.

He hung his head in his hands and for what must have been the thousandth time thought of everything he would have done differently if he'd known he'd never see her again.

He wouldn't have told her to go to sleep. He would have kissed her, rolled on top of her and made love to her until morning. He would have taken time to memorize every inch of her, how she felt underneath him writhing in pleasure and how she felt on top of him, taking up any piece of space he wasn't.

He would have watched her sleep, her face relax and her breathing even out. He would have inhaled the scent of her hair until he was sure he'd get enough of it to last him the rest of his life. He would have held her tighter, to give his body the chance to remember what she felt like when she was pressed against him and breathing against him.

He would have held her tighter so he would have been more awake when she woke up. He would have convinced her not to leave. He would have gone with her. He would have at least kissed her goodbye.

If he had known he'd never see her again, he wouldn't have let her go. He would have wrapped his arms around her and held her tight and told her he loved her.

What haunted him most was the thought that he had offered to go with her the night before, and if he had maybe she wouldn't have disappeared. Maybe whatever happened to her would have happened to him, too, and at least they'd still be together.

Even if everyone else was right, and she really had died, at least he would have died with her. It was a morbid thought, dramatic even, but to him that seemed easier than spending five years going over and over everything he could've done differently or looking for answers that seemingly didn't exist.

Not that he'd ever believed she'd died, anyway. Some part of him knew she was still out there, somewhere.

 _"Hi John" he was greeted as he met the rest of his family at the commencement tent._

 _"Hey" he said, fingering the box in his pocket._

 _"Natalie's not with you?" his mom asked._

 _"No, she left this morning to run errands, said we'd meet up here"_

 _"I hope I get to see her before the ceremony" his mother said._

 _Me, too, he thought. He wasn't nervous, he knew she'd say yes, but he had this anxious feeling he couldn't quite shake. Seeing her would at least calm him down._

 _"You know Natalie, graduates had to be here half an hour ago, she's there" his dad said._

 _His mom and his brother took seats, but his dad grabbed him before he could sit._

 _"You okay?"_

 _"Yeah"_

 _"Not nervous?"_

 _"Anxious, I guess" he said._

 _"You know she's going to say yes"_

 _"Yeah" he said, "I just have this feeling something's going to go wrong"_

 _"Don't think like that" he said, "Let's just relax and watch Natalie get her diploma"_

 _Natalie wasn't at graduation._

 _He'd sat through the whole ceremony, waiting to see if by some mistake they'd missed Balsom, even though graduates walked through alphabetically. As the graduates walked by, he stood, looking for her bright red hair._

 _She was nowhere to be seen. His heart was thumping away wildly and he felt like he couldn't breathe._

 _"John?"_

 _"Did you see her?"_

 _"I was going to ask you the same question" his dad answered._

 _"John, do you think she got sick or something and went home?"_

 _He shook his head, trying to think straight through the panic that was ensuing in his brain._

 _"I don't know" he said, "She was fine this morning"_

 _He was still looking around him to see if he'd see her._

 _"John" his dad said, "go home and see if she's there, and we'll wait for you at the house"_

 _He nodded, walking back to his car, continuing to look around for her. She had to be at home. She had to be. His heart was still thumping away and he couldn't get anything more than a shallow breath in. He tried to find her bright red car in the lot, but didn't see it, and kept his eyes peeled for it even as he sped home._

 _He fumbled with the lock, his heart hammering away and his hands shaking as he unlocked both the deadbolt and the doorknob._

 _"Natalie" he called into the apartment, "Natalie" he repeated as he walked into their home, into the kitchen and living room, and then the bedroom._

 _She wasn't there. he'd never been so scared in his life. He tried to think straight, but the fear and panic over took him. He had to get to the house. She must be there. He tore out of the apartment, unsure if he even locked the door behind him._

 _When he got to the house, he walked right in._

 _"Natalie?" he called, praying she'd answer him this time._

 _"John?" his dad answered, coming to meet him at the door._

 _"Is Natalie here?" he asked immediately._

 _"No" he answered, "She wasn't at your place?"_

 _John shook his head, "Where is she?"_

 _"John, go sit"_

 _"How can I sit while she's missing" he exploded._

 _"I'm going to call the station to see if anyone's heard anything and if they haven't I'm going to report her missing. But you need to sit" he said, dragging him into the living room and pushing him onto the couch._

 _He hung his head in his hands, unable to breathe or do anything. His mom tried to get him to eat something, but he couldn't focus on anything but Natalie. He listened to his dad on the phone, gathering that nothing had happened, no Jane Does, no accidents, nothing that would indicate she'd be in the hospital or at the station. That should have come as some relief to him, but he couldn't find it in him to feel that way, the panic was too strong. His dad began to report her missing, and he tried to focus to see if he left out any important information, but all he could hear was his heart thumping on overdrive in his throat._

 _"John-"_

 _"I need to find her" he said, getting up and heading towards the door._

 _"You're in no condition to drive"_

 _"I'm fine" he said, even though he was anything but._

 _"John, you're no good to Natalie if you-"_

 _"It doesn't matter if I'm good or not, what matters is that's she's missing"_

 _"John, listen-"_

 _"No" he said, "I can't just sit and wait and- "_

 _"John-"_

 _"I need to find her" he said and stormed out._

 _"Thomas" Eve said, "How does this happen?"_

 _"I don't know" he said, "I saw her just a few days ago-"_

 _"Thomas, you're a cop, you must have some idea-"_

 _"I got nothing" he said, "No word or sign of forced entry at home, I'd think she ran away, but-"_

 _"Natalie did not run away"_

 _"I know, but I can't think straight right now. None of it makes any sense"_

 _"John's torn apart"_

 _"I need to go find him"_

 _"He could be anywhere"_

 _"Eve, he can't be out there looking for her like this, he's too emotional-"_

 _"His girlfriend just disappeared, what do you expect of him?"_

 _"I expect him to be doing exactly this, but he's going to get himself hurt if he's not thinking straight and then I have two kids to worry about"_

 _"Fine. Go. Be careful. And get him to come back here"_

 _Thomas kissed her cheek before leaving, then headed out._

 _It was nearing three in the morning when he circled back to the school, where in one of the parking lots he found John sitting on a car. Upon getting closer, he saw it was Natalie's car, with his parked next to it. He got out of his car and walked up to John, who was crying._

 _"John"_

 _"She's gone"_

 _"John, we'll find her. We're just not going to find her tonight"_

 _"Her car's locked. Someone took her"_

 _"It looks that way" he said._

 _"She came here this morning. She's been missing since this morning and I didn't know. She could be anywhere" he was hyperventilating._

 _"John take a deep breath" he said, "you know the station. You know they're going to do everything they can"_

 _"Too much of a head start. She could be anywhere with anyone"_

 _"You need to get some sleep, John"_

 _"I'm not going to be able to sleep" he said, "I haven't slept without her next to me in four years"_

 _"You're not going to be able to find her if you're running on empty"_

 _"She left before I woke up. I didn't tell her I love her"_

 _"She knows, John, she knows that"_

 _"I love her so much, Dad"_

 _"I know you do" he said, "She'll get found, John. But right now you need to let me drive you home"_

 _"Not home, not without her"_

 _"Our house, then" he said, "so you can get some sleep and some food in the morning, and we'll figure it out then"_

 _John nodded, following his father into the car._

 _"Natalie?" he groaned, waking up, "Natalie?" he said again, opening his eyes when he didn't feel her._

 _He was in his room, alone, and everything from the day before came back to him, and immediately he felt like he couldn't breathe. It was only 7:30, but he knew wouldn't sleep long without her next to him. He made his way downstairs, finding his dad already awake._

 _"You okay?"_

 _"Is there any news?"_

 _"No, not yet"_

 _"I'm going to look for her" he said, turning towards the door._

 _"John, at least eat something first"_

 _"I'm not hungry"_

 _"Coffee?"_

 _"There'll be some at the station"_

 _"John-"_

 _"I need to do something. I can't lose her" he yelled and left._

"I need a nurse Jonas" he asked at the nurse's station.

"She's on rounds, she should be back in a few minutes"

"So she's here?"

"Yes"

"I'll wait for her, thank you" he said, "and um, do you know if there's a Larry on custodial staff?"

"I believe he's on today as well" she said, and then pointed behind him, "Actually, that's him"

John turned to see him, "thank you so much" he said and was then off.

"Larry?"

"Yeah, what's it to you?"

John flashed his badge, "Can I ask you a few questions?"

"Depends"

"About Dr. Miller"

"I don't-"

"Did you ever see her in a compromised state while she was here?"

"Well, what do you mean by compromised?"

"Drunk?"

"No, not drunk, at least, I don't think so, but I heard-"

"Yeah, I know" he said, "What did you mean by you don't think so"

"I found her passed out in her office once, but maybe it was from alcohol, that was the day she killed a guy in the OR"

"Can you give me a time you saw her passed out?"

"I was on the night shift, so maybe 11:30"

"Thanks, that's all" he said, turning back to the nurse's station.

"Hello?" a nurse said, walking towards him.

"Nurse Jonas?"

"Yeah, that's me"

"I have a few questions for you"

"So I heard. What I can I do?"

"Were you on duty the night of December 21?"

"Yes"

"And was Dr. Truman here that night?"

"Yes, he was"

"Thank you"

"Is that all?"

Well, since she asked, he figured, "Could you show me where Dr. Miller's old office was?"

"Actually, if you turn that corner over there, it's right there. It's Dr. Truman's now"

"Yeah, i figured" he said, "Thank you"

He walked to the door, seeing it was shut. He looked around and saw no one, so he did some quick work on the lock with his credit card. He stepped in, looking around the ceiling for what he was hoping to find.

There it was. A security camera was placed in the back of the office. He smirked, and left the office as quickly as he'd come in.

 _It had been a month she'd been gone and he hadn't brought himself to step foot in his apartment yet. He was still looking with everything he had, but urgency at the station had died down. Her odds got worse daily, and he knew it was likely the case would get moved to cold cases soon. He took a breath, trying to convince himself he'd be fine and he turned the lock._

 _He was taken aback by how unchanged it was. He knew it would be, but it didn't seem right that his life had turned upside down and his home, the home he and Natalie had made together was unscathed. He walked further into the room, seeing the couch and the tv, and the coffee mug she'd left drying on the dish rack. He stepped towards their bedroom, slowly making his way inside. He took out the engagement ring from his pocket and hid it in one of his drawers. He hadn't changed his mind, but he had to stop carrying it all the time, and he didn't want Natalie to somehow come home and find it and ruin the surprise. He looked in her drawers and her closet, seeing that, as he'd believed, it was all still there. If it hadn't been for her car and her untouched bank account, the PD would have declared her a runaway, even though he knew otherwise._

 _"Where are you, Natalie?" he whispered._

 _He made his way into the bathroom, finding his desired object as soon as he stepped inside. She'd left her robe hanging on the door. He picked it up and inhaled her scent, still on the fabric. He closed his eyes against the tears that threatened to fall._

 _He didn't know how to do this._

 _He'd spent six years building a life with her, coming home to her every night. They'd sit and tell each other about their days and eat dinner and watch TV. He fell asleep holding her every night. He didn't know how to live without her any more. He didn't think he'd ever have to._

 _He turned to look at their bed. Natalie loved the view out of the window the bed faced, she'd said it was one of her favorite things about this place. They'd spent so much time in that bed, he wasn't sure if he could bring himself to sleep here without her._

 _It was like he was living in a perpetual nightmare. it couldn't possibly be real, because she wasn't there for him to tell someone, and he wondered if he'd be able to keep doing this._

 _He sat on the bed, inhaling her scent off of the robe one more time. He knew he was crying, but again felt that if Natalie weren't here for him to share that with, it might as well not be real anyway._


	18. Chapter 18

_He woke early the next morning, his hand clutching the robe held right below his face. He didn't remember falling asleep, but smelling her all night had given him some way to sleep even a little, even if his arms felt unbearably empty. He made his way through the kitchen, seeing for the first time the pile of mail that was by the door. He picked it up, it was mostly junk, and then he saw her diploma and put it aside. He didn't want to open it without her. Under that was a letter addressed to him from the state of New Jersey._

 _He opened it, seeing test results. He'd passed his detective exam, he'd actually done really well. He'd forgotten he'd even taken it._

 _He'd done so in the madness of Natalie starting to study for finals, so she didn't even notice, and he'd hoped it would come as a nice surprise for both of them, hopefully a promotion, and some extra money to help them pay for the wedding._

 _He put it down and left, now uncaring about any of it. If he didn't find her, what was his detective's test worth anyway?_

"I got the witnesses"

"And?"

"They both put Truman at the hospital that night"

"Probable cause, I guess" Hugh said.

"I also found out there are security cameras in what was Paige's office"

"Do we have footage?"

"I'm working on it. But we know what's on them" he said, "You heard David on that recording. Truman knocked her out"

"That's inadmissible"

"That's why I want the footage" John retorted.

"I can get the process on a warrant started, if nothing else he killed your father on the table, regardless of if he was the one to shoot him"

"He was"

"Get me the gun" Hugh said.

"Get me the warrant to search his safe deposit box, then you get your gun"

"Deal" Hugh said, heading off.

 _Six months. It was nearing Christmas and he still hadn't found her. She loved Christmas. Once, they'd promised each other that as long as they were together, they'd make love on Christmas morning. He wasn't so sure he could get through the holidays without her. She made it all bearable, the visits to family and his mom going crazy with shopping and food. It would be the first time in years he wouldn't kiss her at midnight on New Year's. He wasn't sure that was the start he wanted, like it was an omen or something._

 _"I can't do this without you" he whispered into their bedroom._

 _His parents hadn't wanted him to come back to the apartment, but he couldn't stand the pitying looks they gave him now. Especially since the case had changed._

 _It had been moved to cold cases and no one was really looking anymore. But what he knew, what everyone tried to avoid telling him, was what the cold case stamp meant. For all intents and purposes, she was presumed dead._

 _She wasn't, he was sure. He didn't know why he was so sure, but he just felt like if that were true, he'd know somehow, he'd feel more dead on the inside than he did already. He couldn't imagine a world where she didn't exist, it seemed as though if she really were gone, the world would dim somehow, but that energy was still out there, it just wasn't with him._

 _He picked up the mail, seeing a large manila envelope addressed to him. It didn't have a return address, but he opened it anyway, seeing the FBI letterhead._

 _He'd done better than he'd thought on his detective exam, apparently scoring in the top 5% of all candidates. The FBI wanted to know if he was interested in taking a job with them. '_

 _He wanted to tell Natalie. He wanted to talk it over with her, see what she thought, if she'd be up to moving to DC with him. He didn't want to go without her._

 _And yet, with no one there to ask and no Natalie to take with him, it seemed like an inviting offer. He'd get away from this apartment, he loved it but at the same time, a new place wouldn't be haunted with memories and maybe in a different bed he'd actually sleep at night. It was a hell of a lot more dangerous, but if he didn't have anyone to come home to, he wasn't sure that he cared. It would get him away from his parents pitying eyes, trying to tell him she was gone and that she wasn't coming back._

 _He was going. No one would know any better at the FBI to look at him as though his heart was in a million pieces. No one would know how close he came to marrying the love of his life. No one would be waiting at home, worrying if he got hurt. And if he did get hurt, there wouldn't be anyone left in a lurch like he was right now. And maybe, just maybe he could use some of the federal resources to help him find Natalie._

"So where did you land on dinner?" Bo asked.

"Bo-"

"What if I go with you?"

"It really means that much to you?"

His friend just shrugged, "I had a niece that I never got to know and she fell in love with a friend of mine. She must have been something special"

"She was" he looked down.

"They just want to know about her. The way you talk about her-"

"Okay" he said, "You owe me a whole lot of alcohol"

"Sounds fair" he said, "And John? I know this isn't easy on you"

"Nothing's been easy in five years"

"Her sister's going to be there"

"I just hope I don't disappoint"

"You ready?" Bo asked as they stood outside the door of Llanfair. It was the biggest house in town, a mansion really, and it struck John again how different everything could have been.

"As ready as I'll ever be" he said.

Bo rang the door bell and they were greeted by Natalie's mother by biology and shortly ushered into the dining room. Dinner was served (by maids) and they made some polite conversation about the station and weather and stuff like that. Eventually, Jessica, Natalie's sister asked him first.

"So you loved her?"

"Yeah" he answered.

"How long were you together?"

"Six years"

"She was so young, you were both young. How'd you do that?"

"it was just right. She was real mature for her age, she had to be. She made me grow up a lot"

"Natalie was in college, we found out" her mother added.

"Yeah, she was. She got a full ride to NJU, she'd been saving for like a year or something for tuition and then the two of us went and got her a car after she got the full ride. My mom probably still has her diploma"

"She finished?" her dad asked.

"Yeah, she did" he didn't say anything else about that day, and he didn't want to.

"So she was smart?" her sister asked.

"God, she was so smart. That's how she won my mother over. Even before she moved in with us, she was getting straight A's and could talk about these poems like, nothing else, I guess. She and my brother used to plan these experiments and I couldn't follow them, they went a mile a minute"

"Was she studying medicine, too?" her father asked.

"No, forensics. She got certified to practice right before-" he finished.

They all got quiet for a minute, and John was starting to think this was a mistake.

"What was my sister like?" Jess asked.

"Perfect" he said, "She was spunky and kind and smart. She- there aren't enough words in the world to do her justice"

"When did you know you were in love with her?"

"After the first dinner she ate with my family. She tried so hard to win them over and it didn't matter to her that my mom wasn't budging, she just kept trying. She wouldn't admit she was nervous. She didn't like to come off as weak"

"From everything I've heard, she wasn't. She must have been quite strong" her mother said.

"John" Jessica said, "I can't imagine how hard this is for you. But, thank you, for giving me the chance to know something about my sister"

John nodded.

"There is one more thing-" she paused, "Is there anything- the two of us- is there something-"

"Your eyes" he said, "They're a little different, but they're the same shade of blue"

"You think?"

"I couldn't forget"

"Maybe I shouldn't ask, but you were together so long-" her father started, "did you guys ever talk about getting married?"

"Clint-" Bo started.

"No, Bo, it's fine" he said, "She wanted to finish school and get a job. I told my dad when I was seventeen I was going to marry her, I was just waiting her out"

"She sounds so career focused" Jess said.

John held his tongue. He didn't want to say that she had to be, that when you didn't grow up as an hieress it was kind of necessary to plan your life by your career. And it wasn't that she was only focused on her job, either, they got by just fine with both of their jobs. It was one of those things that him angry for all she had to go through when in reality she shouldn't have had to go through any of it.

"You make her sound so real" Viki said, "sometimes it's hard to realize she had a life completely separate from us. but the way you talk about her, it must have been a good life"

"What do you miss most?" Jessica asked.

"Everything" he said, "Coming home to her, talking to her. You know, she always thanked me for taking care of her and I don't know if she ever realized or I even did how much she took care of me, too. She'd make me dinner, or get me to sleep when I didn't want to. She got me through my first hangover, she- she was everything I needed"

"Do you ever think about what would be different, if she was still here?"

"All the time" he said.

"You think she would have wanted to know us?"

"Yeah, I think she would have"

"I guess we should get going, John"

Silently, John nodded and the two of them headed out towards the foyer. As they reached the door, Jessica came up behind them.

"John, can I ask one more question?" she asked him, and he nodded, "Do you ever wonder- was she worth all this? Would you take back your years with her to not have to deal the pain of losing her?"

"She's worth it" he said, without any hesitation, "I wouldn't give up those years for anything. those years I had with her, those were the best years of my life. I wouldn't trade them for anything"

"For a few years, my sister was really lucky to have found a guy like you"

"I've had a few years to think about it, and the more I do, the more I think I was the lucky one"

"Thanks, John"

Bo and John headed outside after that.

"You did a good thing, John"

"I guess" he said, "I just wonder what difference it makes"

"To them, it makes a whole lot of difference, I'm sure"

"Yeah, but I'm still not her"

"No, but I'm sure if she were still here and we found her, she'd be asking you to come to dinners like this every once in a while"

"I guess"

"I wish I could've seen it"

"What?"

"The two of you together. Your dad used to tell me every once in a while, but I can't see you the way he described it"

"I was different then"

"I guess" he said, "You want a drink"

"Rain check?"

"Sure" he said, "Thanks for coming, John"

 _He'd agreed to stay over Christmas. He knew it was just because they were afraid of what he'd do if he were alone, but he supposed it was all just a matter of time, anyway. He was leaving on the 1st for DC, already made arrangements with his super to keep the apartment on the off chance-_

 _He stopped thinking. it was hard enough being in his parent's place, she was everywhere in here, too. it was just as bad as the apartment, really, with just as many memories._

 _"What is it, Johnny?"_

 _"You know" he answered simply._

 _His dad sighed, clearly having expected some more than that._

 _"I have some news" John said, an effort to change the subject._

 _"Yeah?"_

 _"I passed the detective exam"_

 _"Oh? I didn't know you were planning on taking it"_

 _"It was- it was supposed to be a surprise. I forgot about it with everything else going on"_

 _"So you going to put in for a promotion"_

 _"Well, actually, I did really well. I scored in the top 5% of the country"_

 _"Wow"_

 _"So I'm joining the FBI"_

 _"What?"_

 _"I leave in a week"_

 _"John, did you think this through? I mean, you-"_

 _"Just say it , Dad"_

 _"Running away from what you're going through isn't going to bring her back. Natalie isn't going to magically appear in DC when you get there"_

 _"I know"_

 _"Running away from the people who care about you isn't going to make it any easier. You have no support system in DC, the FBI is going to put you through hell in training"_

 _"Dad, I know you and Mom are trying to help, but you're not going to replace her. No one is"_

 _"We don't want to, John-"_

 _"You can't. No one can. She was it, that's it, I'm done. There's nothing else for me here anymore. I'll always have you but I need to leave now"_

 _"You don't-"_

 _"I do. Because she's everywhere, Dad. Here, my place, there's not a part of my life that doesn't remind me of her and I just can't be staring it in the face anymore"_

 _"It's not going to be any easier"_

 _"No, it's never going to be easy"_

 _"So then stay here, where you know and love people and know the area and know your job-"_

 _"No. I've made up my mind. She was supposed to start at the station a few months ago. I can't live with that"_

 _"The training they put you through really is hell"_

 _"I'm already in hell, it can't be worse than this"_

 _"Natalie wouldn't want this for you"_

 _"Natalie would want what's best for me. Right now, this is what's best"_

 _"She wouldn't want you so far away from your family"_

 _"DC's not that far"_

 _"It's more dangerous. You know she'd have a problem with that"_

 _"She wouldn't want me to get hurt. But if she's not here, I don't really care if I get hurt"_

 _Thomas shut his eyes, hearing the harsh truth behind those words, and knowing that maybe this was what John needed. "Promise me one thing"_

 _"Yeah?"_

 _"If you do find her, you bring her home"_

 _John just nodded._

 _"Doesn't mean I approve"_

 _"I don't need you to"_

 _"I suppose you don't" he said, "Be safe"_


	19. Chapter 19

John was again lost in his head as he waited for some news on something the next morning. Sometimes he missed the FBI. There was far less procedure to follow there, and more often than not, you didn't get reprimanded for not following it. This waiting nonsense was what killed him. As it always did, his mind wandered over to Natalie's case. He picked up the file again, reading over the notes, both he and his dad's from when she'd gone missing. Seemingly, she'd just vanished into thin air, but he supposed there had to be more to the story than that.

He was interrupted by a knock on his door, followed by Hugh coming into his office.

"One warrant" he said, dropping it on his desk.

"To search the box?"

"To search the box" Hugh said, "You get me that gun and that footage, I can get another one"

"Footage should be in tomorrow. They're cooperating, no coercion at all"

"Then let's get that gun"

Ten short minutes later and he was in the Bank of Llanview, being shown to the safe deposit box. he wasn't entirely sure if Truman had heard about the warrant yet, and if he had, he was sure the gun was gone.

"Alright, open her up" John muttered as the bank personnel shuffled about getting the box open.

Momentarily, the box was open and John knelt down to look in it, holding his breath. This could be everything or another bump in the road.

There was the gun.

"Got you, you son of a bitch" he whispered to himself.

He pulled the gun out using a handkerchief and put it into an evidence bag. He began rifling through the other contents of the box, content that he had what he needed. He ended up bagging a few other items as ammo in case nothing else stuck, but John left that bank with a good feeling.

"Let's see you weasel out of this one" he muttered as he left.

 _It had been three years and yet he still felt like he was a new recruit. They'd recruited five times since he'd been part of the Bureau, but he still thought it was just temporary for him. But then again, everything was temporary for him. Less surprisingly, it had been close to four years and he still felt like he couldn't get through a day without her._

 _As he did before every mission he went on, he muttered first an apology to her if something bad were to happen and quick prayer and then he and the team were storming the house._

 _They'd tracked this couple across the country, only to find them in a suburb of DC. The couple had killed twenty people in a string of murders and probably had laundered money up the wazoo, but they finally had them._

 _John led the pack into the house, finding the main den quite easily. He busted the door down, seeing the guy behind the desk. He began to recite his Mirandas and put him under arrest._

 _Out of nowhere, the women they'd been following busted out of the closet, and shot._

 _He went down, and shortly thereafter everything went black._

 _They'd been called almost as soon as he'd been shot, and been in the car approximately five minutes after that. After what seemed like an eternity driving from Pennsylvania to DC, they finally walked into the ER of George Washington to get some kind of news and told he was in surgery and that someone would be out to talk to them in a little while._

 _"I don't like this Thomas"_

 _"Eve, we need to stay calm"_

 _"My baby boy was shot"_

 _"It's part of the job, Eve"_

 _"He shouldn't have taken it"_

 _"You and I know that, but he's young and heartbroken and he doesn't know any better"_

 _"I miss her, too, Thomas, but this was not the way for him to be dealing with it. can you imagine what she'd be going through right now? The poor thing would be in agony"_

 _Thomas held her hand, "He's John. He's going to pull through"_

 _"We can't know that" she said, "I already lost her, I can't lose him, too"_

 _"We're not losing anyone today" Thomas told her, determined._

 _"You're here for John McBain?" a nurse asked them, and they nodded, "This way" she said._

 _They followed the nurse through a maze of hallways, eventually stopping in front of a room._

 _"How is he?" Thomas asked of the nurse._

 _"Surgery went well. He was shot in the shoulder, a little close too close to the heart for comfort, but it missed all the vital organs, just some damage to the muscle. They got the bullet out with no complications"_

 _"So he's going to be fine" Eve asked._

 _"He should make a full recovery"_

 _"Thank God" she whispered._

 _"How long will he be out of it?"_

 _"At least another hour, but he's definitely starting to come through"_

 _"Oh?"_

 _"He's been talking since we got him out of surgery"_

 _"Really?" Thomas asked, "He's not much of a talker"_

 _"He's been asking for someone, that's really been it"_

 _"Who?" Eve asked._

 _"Natalie" the nurse asked, "Is she on the way? He's been saying her name every few minutes"_

 _Eve and Thomas just looked at each other for a minute, having a whole conversation that went entirely unspoken, but still unsure of what questions to ask next._

 _"Um" Thomas turned to the nurse, "Is there any chance of memory loss?"_

 _"There shouldn't be, his head was entirely uninjured" she said._

 _Eve and Thomas just looked at each other again. It had been four years since she'd gone missing, and while they didn't think he'd get over her, they'd clearly underestimated how much he still wanted her back._

 _"Can I ask about Natalie? We try and help our patients as much as we can, if he's asking for her-"_

 _"Yeah, he would be asking for her" Thomas said._

 _"Will she be coming?"_

 _"No" he looked down, "she won't"_

 _"Is there anything I can do, make a phone call-"_

 _"No. Natalie's been gone for four years"_

 _"Oh" the nurse said, "You're free to go inside"_

 _Thomas held the door for Eve and the two of them headed inside, taking the seats by his bed. Eve immediately took his hand and Thomas rested a hand on her shoulder._

 _"Natalie" John whispered, though he was still out pretty cold._

 _"Thomas, this isn't right" Eve said, tears forming in her eyes, "He should be waking up to her"_

 _"I know" he said._

 _"He's probably dreaming. He's going to be so heartbroken when he wakes up. They were so young, they had their whole lives ahead of them-"_

 _"Hey" Thomas said, "John's okay"_

 _"I know, but sometimes I forget. He really loved her. I mean I always knew, but back then, it was right in front of me, I couldn't ignore it, now-"_

 _"I get it" Thomas said._

 _"I wonder if there will ever come a day when he doesn't dream about her"_

 _Thomas didn't answer, just rubbed his wife's shoulder. John said her name every few minutes, and he wondered not for the first time, if he was looking to get hurt, as if somehow Natalie would find out and come for him._

 _"He needs to come home" Eve said, "I can't do this again"_

 _"Natalie?" John said and then opened his eyes._

 _"Mom? Dad?" he asked, "Where am I? What happened?"_

 _"You got shot at, Johnny" his dad answered, "Do you remember?"_

 _"I think" he said._

 _"Are you in any pain?"_

 _John shook his head._

 _"Did you dream?" his mother asked._

 _He always dreamed. It was always better than waking up, he was sure of that. It had just seemed so real this time, he was sure he was going to wake up next to her in their bed this time. It must have been the drugs he was on making it seem more real._

 _"Yeah" he said, and he didn't plan on elaborating anymore. The last thing he needed was his parents concerned for his mental health or that he wasn't getting over her fast enough. As if there would ever be enough time for him to do that._

 _"You know we moved" his mother started._

 _John nodded._

 _"So it seems like now would be a good time for you to join us there. It's so different, it's a suburb, it's so quiet at night"_

 _Because that was what he needed. Quiet. More time for his brain to work on overdrive and retrace all her steps again._

 _"Mikey got a job at the hospital. So we're really just missing you" his dad added._

 _"I don't know. Suburbs don't sound like my type of place"_

 _"The PD is run by a great guy. He promoted me to Lutenint, I'm sure with your qualifications-"_

 _"And I sing every weekend" his mom added, "And Mikey's got a girl"_

 _John looked down, "I'll think about it. I can't do much thinking right now, the drugs are still-"_

 _"Yeah, I bet" Thomas said, "And John? no pressure, we just miss you"_

 _He nodded._

 _"We're glad you're okay" his mom said, "get some rest"_

"Give me everything you can get off of this" John had said to the team in forensics once he'd gotten back to the station.

"Alright" the lead FT had said.

He hesitated before he left, wanting to watch them do their work. He didn't trust them as far as he could throw them, especially with the glitches they'd had in the past. As the lead FT gave him another death glare, he grudgingly headed back towards his office, with the same thought he always had: Natalie would do it with no problems.

"If only" he muttered, and went back to his desk, looking right at the picture from prom.

Almost immediately, Bo came into his office with a package.

"You won't believe what got delivered early"

"The hospital tapes?" he asked.

"Let's see what we got" Bo said, and John followed him back to his office where the TV was already set up, "You're in a good mood" Bo noted as he began to fiddle with the TV.

"The gun was in the safe deposit box. It's getting a full forensics run up now"

"This could be the last nail in the coffin" Bo said.

"Here's hoping" John said.

Bo hit play and they began to fast forward through the day. After what seemed like an eternity, John saw a figure that wasn't Paige enter the room.

"Wait, play it here" John told Bo, and they watched.

There wasn't any audio, but they could see a man come into focus, and then they saw it was Spencer Truman.

"That's him" Bo said.

John nodded, watching the screen.

He got closer to Paige, and he said something, and Paige shook her head violently. Spencer seemingly pushed the matter, and the two got heated in conversation. Then, Spencer shook his head and his hand went to his pocket, pulling out a needle and a vial. Paige backed away, shaking her head and then Spencer cornerd her, sticking her with it, and she went down, passed out.

Bo paused the tape.

"What's the time stamp?" John asked.

"10:30"

"We got him"

"Dead to rights"

"We'll have the gun done in a few hours, might as well wait get him on both fronts" John said.

"I'll tell Hugh to start working on it" Bo said.

"I got him, Dad" John whispered to himself as Bo left.

 _He still didn't understand why he'd agreed to move to the suburbs, but he supposed they were all right, he couldn't keep waiting anymore. His mom had said when they moved, she'd packed up his apartment, and he didn't quite know what to expect._

 _He'd been out of the hospital for only a day, his parents had left ahead of him for Llanview, their new home. He was supposed to meet them at their new house today and find his own place that week, start at the PD on Wednesday. It felt like a career move backwards a million steps, and yet, he knew they were right. Natalie would want him close to his family._

 _He opened the door to what used to be their home. It was remarkably empty. All her things were gone, her closet empty, and the pictures taken off the walls. That was a good sign, his mom wouldn't have thrown out the pictures, and maybe that meant the rest wasn't really gone, either. He went into his dresser, putting the contents into a suitcase, pausing when his hands closed around the ring. He took a deep breath and took it out of his drawer._

 _"Someday" he whispered._

 _He put the ring in his suitcase as well, despite all the odds working against him, he had no intent of giving up the idea that somehow, some day, he'd marry her._

 _A small kitchen, a living room, a bedroom, and a bathroom. It was nowhere near as perfect as their apartment, but he supposed without her anything would look drab. She'd hate it, he was sure, nothing matched and there wasn't much light in the room. It suited how he felt._

 _Unpacking her things, or what was left of them, became a dance. Where did he want to see them and how often?_

 _"Hey brother"_

 _"Hey, Mikey" John said, turning towards the door._

 _"Didn't think they'd get you to come out here"_

 _"Well, you know Mom"_

 _"How's your shoulder"_

 _"It's alright. Still there"_

 _"You ready to work under Dad again?"_

 _"I don't know. We'll see how it goes"_

 _"I am glad you're here, John"_

 _John nodded, not knowing what else to say._

 _"Natalie'd want you here, too"_

 _"I know" he said, "if she didn't kill me for getting shot at"_

 _Michael smiled, "Yeah" he agreed._

 _"You're in this building, too?"_

 _"Yeah, I am, but Marcie's in the one across town"_

 _"Oh"_

 _"You need any help?"_

 _"Nah, I'll be fine"_

 _"Alright, I'll see you around brother"_


	20. Chapter 20

John put his notes from the video in the file folder on his dad, then set that one aside. They were still waiting on the warrant, but overall, he felt good about it. Like it was over, that someday very soon, he was going to be able to tell his mom and his brother that he'd done it.

He picked up Natalie's file, right below it, and opened to the page with the unidentified fingerprint. He pulled fingerprint, thinking he would run it today, when there were a few less people in the squad room who would see. He started reading the papers behind it. His dad had documented every effort seemingly either of them had made to find her. Maybe it was the lack of burden he felt weighing down on him, but he felt like he was reading some of these notes for the first time.

There was an interview with someone from the hospital he'd done, asking about the night she was dropped off, lists of places he'd searched and people he'd asked about her. He'd kept at it even when he'd gone off to the FBI, and, he guessed, once he'd moved to Llanview he was still making phone calls about her, or digging around her new-found family to maybe get some sort of information.

If he'd thought it would get him anywhere, he'd do the same thing, but he knew her family didn't know anything more than he did. In fact, they knew even less.

He wanted to call her and tell her he'd done it. There wasn't a moment that went by where he didn't want to talk to her, but he always liked sharing good news with her. She'd get a big smile on her face and rush to hug him. He loved when she did that, when she hugged him it felt so right, like he was meant to be doing that.

Then again, he was meant to be with her.

 _"You must be John" he hear upon following his dad into the station._

 _"Yeah" he answered._

 _"Bo Buchanan"_

 _"Nice to meet you, Commissioner"_

 _"Come into my office" he said._

 _John followed, taking the seat offered to him, and wondered if this was an interview or an interrogation or just par for the course in such a small town._

 _"I have some questions"_

 _"Okay" John said._

 _"First off, are you still in the FBI?"_

 _John chuckled, immediately seeing why his dad liked this guy so much._

 _"I guess you and my old man have some things in common" he said, "No, I'm not in the FBI"_

 _"I don't like interference. If you're undercover, I demand to know now, and believe me there will be hell to pay if you lie to me"_

 _"Believe it or not, I didn't like interfering, either. I'm not undercover, I'm not still with the FBI"_

 _"Good" he said, "Your dad talks you up quite a bit"_

 _"Yeah, well, he's proud he got one son in the force. Out of the feds"_

 _"We're glad to have you" he said, "But, I'm just wondering why you're here?"_

 _"What?"_

 _"You had a job with the Bureau with ACPD you scored really well on the detective exam"_

 _"Time for a career change"_

 _"This seems like a step backwards for someone with your credentials"_

 _He was quiet, after all he agreed with him._

 _"So why the change?"_

 _"Look" he said, "I got shot at, my mom freaked out, I got spooked, she wanted me closer to home, and here I am"_

 _"This isn't your home"_

 _He shrugged, "I guess it is now"_

 _"I know your mother. She can drive a hard bargain"_

 _"Yeah, that sounds about right"_

 _"So it was that easy? Just up and move?"_

 _"Pretty much"_

 _"No girl to say goodbye to or convince to come with you?"_

 _John looked the older man in the eye, "And what have my parents told you about that?"_

 _"Nothing" he said, clearly confused, "I just figured, you're a young guy, you must have someone-"_

 _John looked down, "No, there's no one for me"_

 _"I take it there was once"_

 _John didn't say anything, not quite sure that there was anything to say._

 _"That's about the same response your dad gave me" he said, "Well, I'm not quite sure I understand why you're here, but I'll have you as long as you are. I'm sorry I can't offer you a better position"_

 _He shook his head, "A change of pace will be nice"_

 _"That'll be all, Detective"_

 _"Thanks, Commissioner"_

"You got your warrant" Hugh said, walking into his office, placing the warrant on his desk.

John picked it up and took a deep breath. This was real. All he had to do was arrest the guy.

"You ready?" Hugh said.

"I've been ready for a few months now" John said.

"I hope you're proud" Bo said, standing in the door way.

John looked down, "It's not over yet, Bo"

"No" he said, "But your dad would be very proud of you. After this, it's all out of your hands"

"Let's get him" John said.

"Take two uniforms with you" Bo said, "and no complaints. We're doing this by the book. I don't want your father's murderer getting off on a technicality"

John nodded.

The two uniforms watched him carefully. They'd driven in a cruiser, and he'd taken his own car, sure that if he was left alone in small confines with Truman, he'd do something he'd regret. He knew his reputation of a bad guy preceded him, but these two looked scared out of their minds. They stood outside his door, and John could feel his heart rate rising. This was it.

"Lutenint?"

"Yeah, let's do this" he said and knocked on the door, "Police, open up"

There was no answer, but John could hear quick feet on the floor inside and some muffled conversation. As any cop would assume, John thought he was making a run for it.

"Pull your weapon" John ordered of the two uniforms and as he drew his, kicked the door down, and the three of them headed in.

"Truman" John yelled, seeing him come out of his bedroom.

"Now, there's no need to yell, I was just in the other room, what can I help you with, Lutenint?" Spencer started.

"Oh, don't worry, i didn't come for your help" John said.

"Then what is the purpose of your visit? And was knocking the door in really necessary?"

"Spencer Truman, you're under arrest for the murder of Lutenint Thomas McBain" John said, and went to handcuff him.

"I assume you have a warrant and this isn't one of your lawless brigades?"

John pulled the warrant out, "Read it and weep, Truman. You're going away" he said, "Now put your hands behind your back"

Spencer sighed, "I hope you know this is all in vain. I didn't kill your father"

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney and to have one present with you during questioning. if you cannot afford an attorney one will be appointed to you. Do you understand your rights as I have explained them to you?"

"Yes, I do. I do not understand why I am being held responsible for a crime I did not commit"

"Aren't you-"

He was interrupted by a loud thud from his bedroom, followed by a muffled "OW". Then, John heard footsteps.


	21. Chapter 21

"Truman, what is that?" he asked.

"What?" he feigned.

"Oh you really are unbelievable" John said, then redrew his gun, "Olson, keep your eye on him" he ordered to the uniform and then went to Truman's bedroom.

He walked into the room and turned to his left. His eyes met hers and they were the exact shade of blue he remembered. He lowered his gun. His heart skipped a beat, and he felt his lungs expand. It was Natalie, he was sure. She was there, standing in front of him, looking at him as though she was afraid he would vanish. Her eyes glimmered, and he realized she was nearing tears. She looked the same, the years having not changed her at all, and he began wondering if this was real or if it was just another dream he'd wake up from and cursing the fact that he to continue on without her.

As though she could read his mind, she spoke.

"I knew you'd find me someday"

"Someday" he repeated.

All his doubts were gone. This was Natalie, not some impostor and certainly not a dream.

"Natalie" he whispered, and in seconds she was in his arms again.

He was sure she was crying, and knew he was, too, but as he rested her head against hers, he wasn't sure he'd ever felt so happy. He held her tight against him, feeling every fiber of her being pressing into him, and he remembered how right it felt. He inhaled the scent of her hair, unchanged over the years, and he was sure he would lightheaded from the exposure. All he'd had to go off of were the memories, and those had faded substantially over the years.

"I missed you" he said, trying to tell her how much, "I missed you so much"

"I missed you, too, John" she whispered into his shoulder, "God, I missed you so much it hurt"

"I thought I'd never see you again" John said, "I didn't know how to function without you"

"I love you, John"

"I love you, too"

Gently, he kissed her, and she opened her mouth for him, and for the first time in five years, he really felt alive. She breathed the life back into him and when he leaned out, she cried fresh tears. Gently and lovingly, he wiped her tears away.

"I'm so happy" she said, through her tears.

"I'm right there with you" he said, unabashedly crying now as well, "I feel like I can breathe for the first time in five years"

"It's been that long?" she said.

"Just about" he said, "It seems like a lifetime"

She buried her face back in his shoulder and he rested his head against hers. He rubbed her back, but knew stopping the tears was futile at this point.

"He killed Thomas" she whispered.

"I know" he whispered.

"I'm so sorry, John"

"I'm sorry. If I'd've known he had you-"

"You found me"

He opened his eyes, seeing the rope and the bandanna by the bed.

"Natalie, did he have you this whole time?"

She nodded, though she didn't move.

"Did he hurt you?"

She nodded, and he felt a pit of rage building in his stomach, and he knew some of it was directed at himself.

"I'm so sorry, I should have known-"

"You found me"

He shook his head, "I should have known, I should have come sooner"

She laid a hand on the side of his head, "It's over now. You're here" she leaned up to kiss him.

"Lutenint?" they heard from the doorway.

John wiped the tears from eyes and turned towards the doorway, instinctively taking Natalie's hand, "Yeah Daniels?"

"We were just wondering if you needed backup?"

"No" he said, "Take Truman to the station, book him"

"And-?" the officer asked, looking at Natalie.

"Ms. Balsom will be driving with me"

"Yes, sir" the officer said, and headed back out.

"Lutenint?" Natalie asked, a teary smile on her face.

"I have so much to tell you"

"I'm proud of you" she said, "I'm sure Thomas is proud of you, too"

He nodded, "C'mon. There's a lot we got to get through today"

She nodded, and followed him to his car.

"You still have this car?"

"Yeah"

"Well, then I guess not everything has changed"

John took her hand as he drove, "Look, a lot has changed. I have so much to tell you, I don't know where to start, I'm sure you have questions. but one thing's never gonna change, I love you, no matter what"

"I know that" she said, "That's what got me through"

 _John had been on the job three months. It was much more boring, but he could see how happy his dad was that he didn't hate it. Moreover, Bo was a pretty good guy, and he and his dad were rather close friends, and John found himself liking the guy a lot. He'd come to dinner once in awhile at his parent's house or join he and his dad and Mike for a beer at the bar after work. If he had to be stuck in a town as small as this, at least he was working for a guy like Bo._

 _It was just after lunch when he was in the squad room talking over a case with his dad when Bo asked to see his dad. It struck John as a little peculiar, but then again, he supposed there could be a number of reasons the two of them had to talk._

 _"What's up, Bo?"_

 _"I've been doing a little private investigating for a family matter" Bo said, "And I bumped into your name"_

 _"On what?"_

 _"Well, about twenty or so years ago, my brother's wife gave birth to a girl, my niece" he said, "And well, my brother at the time had a pretty serious drinking problem and his wife suffers from a mental illness. So after one girl was born, my brother went to drink and my sister in law blacked out. And as we found out about a year ago, she had another baby girl, who was kidnapped"_

 _"Bo, this is a very sad story, but I don't see how I-"_

 _"Well, all this happened in Atlantic City, and we found out who took her, and from there I found out that they dumped her at another hospital and then I found out who ended up taking her home" he said, "And this morning I got a phone call from Atlantic City, and it turns out that you arrested her step father and there's no real trace of where she went after that. She graduated high school, but-"_

 _"Bo, I arrested a lot of people-"_

 _"Her name's Natalie. Natalie Balsom"_

 _Thomas knew his face fell. of all the things Bo could have said, that was not one that he'd expected._

 _"So you do know her"_

 _"Yeah, I know her" he said, "For a few years, she was practically my daughter"_

 _"What?"_

 _"She lived with us after I arrested her step father" he stood, going to the door._

 _"Thomas, I have so many questions, please don't-"_

 _"I'm going to get John. He needs to hear this, too"_

 _"I just want to know if you know anything"_

 _"We don't. I wish we did. But that's John's to tell, not mine"_

 _"I don't understand"_

 _"You will. Natalie- she was practically my daughter, but she was everything to John" he said._

 _"Could you tell me about her?"_

 _"John could do a better job of that than I could" he said, "But Bo, I'll tell you now, he's not going to take this very well"_

 _Thomas left, finding John in the squad room. He was still looking at that case file. He knew this was going to be a hard pill for him to swallow, and he wished he could make it easier for his son. He almost wanted to not tell him, but he also knew he deserved the right to know. He'd been through hell trying to figure it out, and any piece to the puzzle could help, he supposed._

 _"Johnny" he said._

 _"yeah"_

 _"Bo would like to talk to you"_

 _"About what?"_

 _"Something personal" he said._

 _John followed him into Bo's office, sitting on the couch next to his dad. His dad had an unreadable expression on his face, and Bo looked rather confused._

 _"John, your dad said you knew about something- someone I've been looking into. I was wondering if you could tell me about her"_

 _"Who?"_

 _"Her name's Natalie"_

 _John looked to his father. The look on his face made a lot of sense now. He wasn't sure what to say, so he didn't say anything at all._

 _"John, I hope the last few months have proven I'm not out to hurt you. I'm genuinely interested in her, I just want to know something, anything, really"_

 _John again looked to his father. He gave him a reassuring nod. For some reason he didn't understand, his dad wanted him to do this. He trusted his dad, so he'd do it, but he still didn't understand why._

 _"Natalie, she was my girlfriend. We were together for six years"_

 _"How did you meet her?"_

 _"We rode the same bus to school. She needed a seat, so she sat down next to me"_

 _"Thomas said she lived with you guys"_

 _"Yeah" he said._

 _"Why?"_

 _John looked to dad again, hoping he'd take this one. He wasn't sure he could get through it, the memory of that night would forever haunt him, the look that was in her eyes when he let her into their house, how scared she was and how much she was shaking, the bruises on her face. His dad just nodded at him, and he tried to breathe, still unknowing of why he was forced to go through this torment._

 _"She ran away from her stepfather. He was abusing her, but the reason she ran was because he tried to rape her. Mom and Dad took her in after that night"_

 _Bo's face fell, clearly not having expected that answer. The questions John had piled up in hsi brain, but he couldn't vocalize them for the pictures of that night playing out in his head right now, and the rage that still burned for that man._

 _"You loved her?"_

 _"Yes" he said._

 _"And you took care of her?"_

 _"We took care of each other. I needed her just as much as she needed me"_

 _"Do you know where she is?"_

 _John looked down, "Bo, if I knew that, I'd be with her"_

 _"What happened?"_

 _"She disappeared without a trace. No evidence to get us anywhere. Just- gone" he said._

 _"How long?"_

 _"Four years"_

 _"John" Bo started, "What do you know about my family?"_

 _"What do you mean?"_

 _"Have you heard about my brother and his wife and their- issues"_

 _John nodded. The Buchanan drama was well documented throughout the small town. They were the richest people in town- they had more money and power than God did in this town. They were the type of people he thought of as fake, but he liked bo a lot despite all that._

 _"Well, I've been investigating something for them- they had a child who was kidnapped years ago and no really knew-"_

 _John's heart skipped a beat. This couldn't possibly be happening._

 _"And the girl they had that was taken, it was Natalie"_

 _"No" John said, shaking his head, "No, that can't- there's no way-"_

 _"She was dropped off at hospital in AC and brought home by who she must have thought was her mother-"_

 _"Her mother was an alcoholic. As was her stepfather. She was abused for six years by that bastard" he said, his anger and outrage now getting the best of him, "And you're telling me she had more money and should have grown up in a mansion instead of that shack that didn't have any heat or enough food-" he said, "She spent years of her life being hungry and you people- you just noticed she was missing last year" he exploded, "She's a wonderful, caring, perfect person and you didn't even know she was missing. She didn't have to deal with any of that bull she had to growing up all because you people in your comfy mansions didn't think to look for her?" he yelled, "Do you know how hurt she was? Do you know how long it took me to convince her I loved her? How long it took her to believe she wasn't worthless?" he knew he was out of control, but he didn't care, "She's just some case to you, something to find. She was the most loving, kind person I'll ever know and she's gone- she wouldn't be gone if you'd cared to look for her sooner"_

 _He stormed out the office and out of the station, unsure of where he was going, but knowing he had to be out of that place._

 _Bo and Thomas sat in silence for a few minutes, processing what had just happened._

 _"It's not your fault she's gone" Thomas said, "He didn't mean that"_

 _"It could be true" Bo said, "In the whole time John's been here, I've never seen him like that"_

 _"Well" Thomas said, "you've never talked to him about Natalie"_

 _"He must have really loved her"_

 _"I think he still does. I don't know if he'll ever get over her"_

 _"It's all true, then" he said, "how she grew up"_

 _"For the first sixteen years, anyway" he said, "The last six, well, I'd like to think they were better for all of us"_

 _"You've never mentioned her before. I've never seen pictures-"_

 _"I'm not proud of that" he said, "I'm more than proud of that girl. I guess, at least sometimes, it's easier to forget than to remember what you lost. Ask Eve one of these days, she has loads of pictures"_

 _"So that's it? She's just- gone. That doesn't make any sense"_

 _"No, it doesn't" he said, "John knows better than anyone. Whoever got her, they just had too much of a head start. He'll never forgive himself" he rubbed his hand over his face, and got up._

 _"Thomas, I hope I didn't-"_

 _Thomas shook his head, "You have just as much a right to wonder as any of us. John just-"_

 _"He should be angry. I would be"_

 _"I think I should go talk to him"_

 _"Do you think- if it's not too much- you could tell us about her?"_

 _Thomas nodded, "Eve would just about talk your ear off"_

 _"This has to be a lot for you, too"_

 _"It's been four years since I found John crying at her car after she went missing- I'll never forget that as long as I live. I just wanted to fix it, but-"_

 _"Go" he said, "John could use his dad, whether he likes it or not"_

 _He stood, facing the water. None of it made sense. How could an heiress go missing for so long and no one notice? How could her family have not noticed? What was wrong with them, didn't they know what they lost on out? How wonderful and perfect she was?_

 _He would never get over the abuse. The fact that she'd been so hurt for so long and that he didn't see any of it. This was just another layer, the fact that she shouldn't have been there in the first place, not with those people who were so incapable of taking care of her. She could have- she should have had everything at her fingertips. She wouldn't have had to work so hard, she wouldn't have had to worry about school, even if she got a full ride. she would have had a car sooner-_

 _He missed her. Sometimes he swore he missed her so much it hurt just to breathe without near him._

 _He was aware of the person behind him, and knew it was his dad when he stood next to him silently, looking out over the water as well._

 _"I come down here to think, too" he said._

 _"It's the closest thing to a boardwalk" he said._

 _"It's quite a lot to take in"_

 _He shook his head, "She was hurt. They were hurting her and she shouldn't have been there in the first place"_

 _"You're right" he said, "It's not right"_

 _"I'll never forget that night. I want to, God I want to" he closed his eyes against the images._

 _"I know" his dad said, "Sometimes, I wish that, too"_

 _"It's not fair, how hard she had it, and instead she should have-"_

 _"You wouldn't have met her, John" he said, "None of this would matter, because she wouldn't have been a part of our lives"_

 _"We would have met. Somehow, I know it" he said._

 _"She wouldn't have been the person you fell in love with" he said, and was met with silence from his son, "Even if you had met, somehow, she would have been completely different, she wouldn't have had to go through all of that"_

 _"I didn't love her because they hurt her"_

 _"No, you loved her because of how strong she was. How independent. How caring she was. All that could have been different if she hadn't been taken"_

 _"Doesn't make it right"_

 _"No, not at all" he said, "But would you give up what you had with her for a promise that she'd be safe?"_

 _"I don't know" he said, "I wouldn't want to live without her, but- she shouldn't have been hurt like that"_

 _"No" he said "but, you fell in love with her anyway. We are always real proud of you for that"_

 _"Like I had a choice" he said, "I wish I could back in time-"_

 _"Me too" he said, "Me and your mother used to lie awake at night and try and figure out how to send her home with a meal or report her stepfather- "_

 _"What?"_

 _"Before she came to live with us, we tried to figure out how we could get her out without doing anything legally-"_

 _"You knew?"_

 _"All the signs were there" he said, "I thought about finding a way to arrest him near everyday when she went home. Her mother got arrested almost weekly- she would have been put in foster care" he said, "And we couldn't take her away from you"_

 _"I didn't know" he said._

 _"I've always wondered- I wouldn't ask then because then I would have had to do something- did you ever know? Or had any idea?"_

 _"I don't know" he said, " I remember, I asked her for her number once and she made this whole thing about how I couldn't possibly want it, and finally she told me she didn't have one. I remember her mom in the supermarket that one time" he said, "I go back now, and I can see the signs, I just, guess I couldn't see them then"_

 _"Hindsight's 20/20" he said._

 _"Yeah, i guess" he said._

 _"You know, you got her for six years and I know how much that meant to you. But, the Buchanans, they never got to know her at all. So yeah, they might have more money than you or I will ever see, but we got the real treasure"_

 _John shook his head, "I don't get it"_

 _"Sometimes, we aren't supposed to get it" his dad answered, "You knew her better than anyone, you think she would have wanted to know them?"_

 _"Of course she would. She'd let anyone into her heart"_

 _"If they're good enough for her, maybe they're good enough for us"_

 _"Dad-"_

 _"It's your choice, Johnny. You can hate them if you want, but you know they didn't have anything more do to with it than either of us. You can help, if you want"_

 _"I don't know what I'd say. Where would I even start?"_

 _"She'd like Bo"_

 _"She could run laps around those FTs"_

 _Thomas chuckled, "Yeah, probably"_

 _"I miss her"_

 _"We all do, son. Not the quite the same, but you're not alone" he patted John on the shoulder, before he left._


	22. Chapter 22

He tried to focus on driving, knowing he somehow had to keep his cool. He couldn't let go of her hand, he was afraid she would disappear again. The number of thoughts he had right now, he couldn't figure out what to focus on. The fact that she was alive and next to him, the fact that he'd just arrested her captor, the fact that her captor had killed his dad, how he was going to explain this to Bo-

Bo.

He'd know. He had to give her some warning.

"Natalie, I have so much I need to tell you-"

"I know the feeling" she said.

"I really don't want to overwhelm you, I just don't know how-"

"Tell me. You can tell me anything"

"You were kidnapped when you were really young"

"I know" she said.

"You know?"

"He told me" she said, "He was the one who kidnapped me"

"What did he tell you about your biological family?"

"Well, I know he doesn't like them. I take it they have a lot of money"

"Yeah" he said, "The reason I wanted to tell you- I work for your uncle"

"Oh" she said, "Well, okay"

He pulled into the lot behind the cruiser.

"I know it's a lot" he said, "I wish there was a better way. But he's a really good guy. Dad and he were best friends, he's been real good to me and Mom"

"I didn't think this would be happening this fast"

"I wouldn't have told you, but he knows-"

"So they do know about me"

"Yeah, they know about you"

"I have so many questions"

"I'll answer what I can" he said, "You ready to go inside?"

She nodded, "yeah, just- don't leave me, okay?"

"You think I'm letting you out of my sight any time soon?"

She smiled, and as soon as they were out of the car he took her hand. He saw her smile out of the corner of his eye.

"You still smile over a little thing like this?"

"It's just- it's been so long since I felt this safe" she said, "I've always felt safe when I'm with you"

"I hope we can keep it that way" he kissed the top of her head.

"I hope you enjoy your time, Lutenint McBain" they heard from behind them, "You never know when it'll get cut short again" Truman taunted, "Some police work. She was under your nose for over a year and you had no idea"

"Shut it" John yelled, "Olsen get him in a cell" John ordered and he let the two uniforms in the door before entering with Natalie.

Momentarily, John and Natalie walked by the officers and Truman in booking and made it to the squad room, where Bo and Hugh were waiting.

"John" Bo greeted, and then paused when he saw Natalie, "John?" he asked.

"Yeah" John answered, "Um, this is Natalie" he introduced her.

"You must be Bo"

"Your uncle" he said, "Did you-"

"I know" she said, "Spencer had me. He told me"

"John's told me a lot about you" he said.

"Good things, I hope" she said, smiling.

"All good" Bo said, "I can't believe you're here- that Spencer had you all this time"

John looked down, he couldn't believe it either, and he felt beyond guilty. All this time, he'd felt like something was wrong, but he couldn't put his finger on it. He wasn't even looking, not seriously, and Truman had never come up as a possible suspect. He hated that he hadn't figured it out, but he was beyond grateful that by some miracle it had all worked out.

"I don't know what to say- John told me you'd be here, I don't-"

"No, it's fine, I- I can't imagine what you've been through" he said, "Um, we're going to need a statement so we can press charges against him for holding you"

She looked down, "Yeah, I can do that"

She felt her heart weigh heavy on her. She wanted to tell John, she really did, all that had happened, but she couldn't form the words. She felt so safe, so happy with him near her again. She didn't want him to change the way he looked at her, didn't want there to be any pity in his eyes.

"John, why don't we set her up in your office, I'm sure you have a lot to say"

He didn't know the half of it. She just nodded. Momentarily, she was sitting at John's desk, pen and paper in hand.

"Write everything you remember. Anything that can help us get him behind bars for good" John said.

She nodded, "This might take awhile"

"Take all the time you need" he said.

Bo nodded his agreement, and she began to write.

"John" Bo said, "Can I talk to you?"

"I'm not leaving her" he said, quite determined.

"Just outside, in the hall" he said, "please, I know you don't want to leave her"

John went to Natalie's side, "I'm going to step outside the door for a second. Will you be okay?"

She nodded, "Just don't leave me"

"I won't"

John followed Bo to the hallway, standing so that he could still see her at his desk, and he again found himself fighting tears for the fact that she was alive.

"How are you doing?"

"I don't know" he said.

"How did she get to Truman?"

"I don't know, Bo. I walked in, she was there, my heart stopped for a second, I couldn't think of anything else"

"I can't imagine" he said, "Did Truman say anything?"

He shook his head, "If he did, i didn't hear him"

"Are you going to tell anyone she's here?"

"I'm going to let her decide. God knows what she's been through, I'm going to let her go at her own pace"

Bo nodded, "I have to tell Viki and Clint"

"I get that" John said, "But I'm not going to make her do anything she's not ready for. Bo, depending on what's in that statement-" he looked back at her, again fighting tears.

"You got him, John. You did what you could. It's all out of your hands now"

"I could kill him, Bo" he said, "He better go away, for all he did-"

"I know, and he will, John. You have to let Hugh do his job now. You got her" he said.

"Not that I was looking" he said.

"Don't beat yourself up" he said, "You know how good he is at covering his tracks"

"I've been living here for over a year, and she's been down the street the whole time and I didn't-"

"You couldn't have known" he said, "I don't want you to come in tomorrow"

"I appreciate that"

"Take as much time as you need" he said, "You two have lost a lot of time, you can take a few days and just be"

"She'll come around on the family, I know she will"

"she needs you more than any of us right now"

They were interrupted by Natalie coming up to them.

"I finished" she said.

"You're sure?" John asked.

"I'm sure" she said, "But, um, can I ask you not to read it? At least, not til I've told you?"

"Yeah, I can do that, if that's what you want"

"Thanks" she said, and handed her statement to Bo, "Is there anything else you need from me?"

"No, not today" Bo said.

"Has he been booked?" she asked, "Is he in a cell? I want to see him"

"Natalie-"

"John, he took five years away from us. I've waited a long time to see him in a jail cell"

"Yeah, you can see him" Bo said.

"I'm going with you" John said.

"Well, I assumed as much" she said.

"Well, look who it is?" Spencer said when they went into the cell block.

"Look who's talking" Natalie said, "I've waited a long time to see you as the prisoner"

"Just temporary, I assure you, Natalie"

"That's what you think" John said, "I promise you, it ain't temporary"

"Oh, Johnnie, you're just bitter. You know you don't have anything to keep me here"

"I got plenty" John said.

"You're angry that I got five years with this one that you didn't. You must be curious as to what happened during those five years? And I'm the only one that knows both sides of the story-"

"You didn't ruin us, Spencer. You can try all you want, God knows you did, I still feel the same way about him"

"But will you when you learn about the last five years?" he taunted, looking at John.

The pit of rage John had for this man just continued to grow, "I don't know why the hell you hate me so much, but believe me, you're not getting away with this"

"We'll see about that"

"You listen to me, Truman, you somehow get away with all this, I'll deal with you myself"

"I would take so much pleasure in getting your badge taken away from you" he said, "i can't wait for that day to come"

"Go to hell" Natalie said, and she turned, the two of them walking away.

As soon as they were back upstairs, she turned to him, and he put his hands on her waist.

"I don't know why I thought that was a good idea" she said.

"He's an ass" John said, "Don't let him get to you. He's going away for a long time, life if i have anything to say about it"

"He's been getting to me for five years"

"You wanna get out of here?"

"Yes" she said.

"You don't have to come with me if you don't want, if you're not ready-"

"John" she said, putting a hand on his face and making him look at her, "Of course I want to go with you"

"Let me get my keys"

As they went into his office and grabbed his keys and jacket, she smiled.

"I'm so proud of you"

"Thanks. I'd hoped you would be"

"You still have this picture" she said, picking up the picture on his desk of the two fo them at prom.

"Well, mom found it and gave it to me" he said, "She said she wanted me to have it. It's been nice, having it here"

She smiled, "We were so happy"

"Yeah" he said, "And you look so pretty in that dress"

She smiled, "it's not too late for us, is it?"

"Never" he said, "Let's go"

 _"Why did I agree to come?" John asked as they stood outside the door. He couldn't get over the house. It was larger than any mansion he'd ever seen. Again, he was struck by how unfair the entire situation was._

 _"It's the right thing to do, Johnnie" his mom answered._

 _"You loved her. They never got the chance" his dad said, "We can share what she was to us with them"_

 _His mother rang the bell. A woman, a maid, he realized when they were ushered into the house and at the dinner table that could have sat twenty. The table was set with three forks, three knives, and a spoon. Their glasses were crystal and rimmed with gold leaf. The woman was wearing a pantsuit and Bo's brother was wearing a three piece suit. John immediately felt judged for his jeans and simple overcoat. He felt so out of place, and he knew Natalie would have, too. She never liked fancy places, she only ever wanted to go out for a drink or a burger, indulge in ice cream, but never a candlelit dinner at a five star restaurant. No, if they were going to do fancy, they did it at home, where they could have complete privacy and not keep themselves in check. One time, she'd surprised him with a romantic dinner, served only in her bra and panties. Yeah, that was the type of thing they did. Living here, in this mansion, getting dressed up for every dinner, that was not the type of person Natalie was._

 _"John, Thomas, Eve, this is Clint and Viki" Bo said, "Natalie's parents"_

 _"Bo didn't tell us much, said that you could tell the story better" Viki said, "So tell us about Natalie"_

 _"Natalie was a very special girl. She lived with us for a little bit, before she and John moved out" Eve started, "And she was just so smart, she like the daughter I never had. She and John used to to homework after school and I'd watch her do math in circles around him. And then she took all these upper level science classes"_

 _"Science?" Clint asked._

 _"Yeah, she wanted to be a forensics technician" Thomas said, "We rubbed off on her, I guess"_

 _"So why was she living with you?" Clint asked._

 _The three of them were silent for a little longer than comfortable. Finally, Thomas spoke up._

 _"She was being abused. When we found out, we took her in" Thomas said._

 _"Why?" Clint said._

 _"Because I love her" John said, "They took her in because we were together and I'd fallen for her"_

 _"How old were you"_

 _"She was sixteen, I was seventeen"_

 _"That's too young to be in love" Clint said._

 _"You don't get the right to say that. You weren't there. You didn't even know she existed until she was already gone. You don't get to sit in your fancy mansion and tell me that everything we went through wasn't real" he spat in response._

 _"John" his mother exclaimed._

 _"Son, you're in my house"_

 _"I'm not your son" John said._

 _"John, you need to calm down" his father said._

 _"I think you should listen to your father" Clint said, "You'd do well to remember who you're talking to"_

 _"You think just because you have money you're any better? You were so drunk you didn't know you had another kid. Another amazing kid and for all she had to go through, how hurt she was and you sat here, building your empire while she went hungry only an hour away"_

 _"John-" his dad tried._

 _"She was the best thing to ever happen to me. And you didn't even know what you were missing. I'll miss her for the rest of my life and you won't even get to know her. And you think you're better off" he stormed off, out of that house before dinner even started._

 _He never asked what else his parents told hers. He was too angry to care._

He held her hand as they drove over to his apartment. He looked at her hand, noticing the Claddagh ring he'd given her so many years ago.

"You still have the ring"

"Yeah" she said, "He tried to take everything away from me, but I wouldn't let him take that. I still have the badge necklace, too" she said, touching the necklace around her neck.

"I'll have to get you a new one, with my new badge number"

"Yeah" she said, "It made me feel closer to you"

"I'm glad" he said.

"So, I guess we're not in AC anymore" she said.

"No, we're not" he said,"It's Llanview. A suburb outside Philly"

"John McBain in the suburbs. I never thought I'd see the day"

"Yeah, well. It wasn't quite my own decision" he said, "mom took advantage of a situation to get me here"

She laughed, "That sounds about right"

"So" he said, pulling into the lot, "This isn't the place we had in AC. And its' just me in there, so-"

"John, I'm sure it's going to be fine"

He put the car in park, and the two headed inside and up to his room.

"I'm really sorry. I know you're not going to like it, but-"

"John, it's fine, I swear"

John unlocked the door and they headed in.

"I know you're going to hate it, because I hate it"

"Then why do you live here?"

He shrugged, "It had a bed, seemed good enough"

"It's not so bad"

"You're a liar"

"I do hate this couch. Who picked out that color?"

"The coffee table, too, is really just-"

"Yeah, not so great" she said, "But, this is where you are. So it's already better than the last few years"

"It feels better already" he said, putting his hands on her waist.

"Seriously, an orange couch?" she said, making a face.

"It's a dive" he said, "But I wasn't looking for something permanent"

She smiled, "And now?"

"You're here. It doesn't seem so bad after all"


	23. Chapter 23

A/N: Truth be told, I know nothing about med school, so if Michael could have made it through by now, I have no idea, but for purposes of plot, it makes more sense. Besides, I can bend time however I want, it's my story :) Also, a lot of catch-up in this chapter, a little boring, I guess, but I think the two need to have the conversation. Anyway, on with the show.

"John" they heard outside the door.

"Michael?" she asked.

"And he doesn't sound happy" John noted.

"John I saw your car, I know you're here" he knocked, pounded actually.

John smiled, put a finger over his lips, telling her to be quiet, and said, "Come in"

Michael came barreling in, "I heard the news. You arrested Spencer for-" he paused when John stepped out of the way and he saw Natalie. His mouth hung agape in disbelief, and she was smiling just like she used to.

"You know you really should be nicer to your brother" she said.

"Natalie?" he asked, as though he still didn't believe it.

"Yeah, Mike, it's really me"

"God, Natalie, I missed you" he said, and went to hug her.

She smiled into his hug, "I missed you, too, Mike" she said, tears spilling out.

"We all thought you were gone for good" he said, and then looked at John behind her, "Well, I guess not all of us"

"It's okay. It's over now"

"I can't believe it, where have you been?"

"With Spencer. He took me"

"So it's all true. He's as awful as you thought" Michael said.

"Mike-" Natalie started.

"Dr. Truman was my mentor at the hospital"

"So you did it. Made it through med school"

"Yeah, I did"

"He was a good liar, Mike" she said, "I heard him do it, time in and time out, to anyone who'd listen"

"I'm so glad you're here" he said, "I could've used you these last few years. God knows I'll need you to get through this trial"

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else" she said.

"Does Mom know yet?"

"No, not yet" John said.

"I won't tell her" Michael said, answering his brother's unasked question, "I'm sure the two of you could use a night with no intrusions"

"I do want to see her" Natalie said.

"Yeah, but she's not going to let you out of her sight once you do" Michael said.

She smiled, "You look good, Mikey"

"Thanks"

"I'm proud of you"

"That means a lot" he said, "But I'm sure John has a hell of a lot more to tell you than I do"

"You know I'd listen to you whenever you need"

"I do" he said, "But John needs your attention more than I do right now" he said, "I am going to tell Marcie"

John nodded, "Mike's girlfriend"

Natalie's smile lit up, "I have to meet her"

"Yeah, soon" Mike said, "I'm so glad you're here Nat"

"Me, too"

After another hug, Michael took his leave and Natalie returned to John's arms.

"He didn't turn out so bad"

"No, he didn't" John said, "Better than me, that's for sure"

"Well, that was always the case" she teased and then kissed him.

 _"I'm looking for someone- Buchanan?"_

 _"The Commissioner is the only Buchanan on the force"_

 _"Then I want to see him"_

 _"He's not in this morning, I can get you the Lutenint"_

 _"Alright"_

 _The kid sounded annoyed, and John was glad he wasn't on desk duty. He turned his attention to the case in his hand. About five minutes later, the kid came out with his dad._

 _"Johnnie" he said, grabbing his attention._

 _He looked up. His dad's face was pretty serious, and the kid was looking at him quite thoroughly. He felt like he'd seen the kid before, but he couldn't figure out where, "Yeah?"_

 _"This is Rex"_

 _Rex. Of course. Natalie's brother, the one that got shipped to Michigan when Natalie got left behind._

 _"Rex is Natalie's brother" his dad continued._

 _"I know" he said._

 _"You were the guy in the grocery store" the kid finally spoke._

 _"Yeah" John said._

 _"Why don't the two of you get out of here. I'll cover for you" his dad said and then walked away._

 _The two of them stood, staring at each other for a minute before he found it in himself to speak._

 _"Can I buy you beer?" he asked._

 _Rex nodded and the two left, walking to Rodi's in silence. He didn't know where to start. When Rex left, they hadn't left Natalie an address or a phone number to keep in touch. What did he know? Was he looking for something? Upon sitting at a table, the two of them simply sat, one beer each._

 _"Your dad told me she's gone" Rex started._

 _"Yeah" he said._

 _"You were together when she disappeared"_

 _"Yeah, we were"_

 _"So you were together all that time in between?"_

 _He nodded, "For six years"_

 _"I found out about her biological family, I thought maybe she would have found out and been here, too"._

 _"No, she never found out. She disappeared before I did"_

 _"I've been trying to figure out where she was- I looked in AC but-" he paused, "I've missed her so much"_

 _"She missed you a lot" he said, "She used to tell me stories about when you two were younger, she had all these ideas about the person you'd grow up to be. She talked about the two of us going to Michigan to hunt you down"_

 _"That sounds like Nattie" he said, "Did you love her?"_

 _"Yes. More than anything"_

 _"So, can you tell me about her, what she did before she went missing"_

 _"She moved in with me and my family. She ran away from your mom and stepdad"_

 _"Good for her" he said, "She used to protect me from them, when it was bad. She took the brunt of it all the time. She said it was her job, cuz she was my older sister. I wondered what happened after they took me"_

 _"I went to see her on Christmas that year. She was so upset, she wouldn't tell me why. It took her two months to tell me"_

 _"She didn't trust too easy. She didn't believe anyone should take care of her, that she didn't deserve that"_

 _"It took her a really long time to believe I loved her. But once she did- she loved me so whole-heartedly"_

 _"That's the only way she did it"_

 _"We moved in together- my parents actually let us live together before she graduated. Those were the best yeas of my life" he said, "She went to college and worked, I joined the force. We had this beautiful, normal life"_

 _"I didn't know she wanted to go to college"_

 _"She didn't either" he said, "Once she got to trust my parents, she figured out what she wanted to do with her life. She wanted to be forensics tech"_

 _"She wanted to be a cop?"_

 _"Not quite, but yeah"_

 _"She graduate?"_

 _"She finished. She disappeared before the ceremony"_

 _Rex pulled on his beer, "My sister was the strongest person I've ever known. It just doesn't make sense-"_

 _"None of it makes sense, four years later, and I still don't believe it"_

 _"I can't believe she's gone. She was, she was the best"_

 _"Your sister might be the only one who ever got me. Even before she let me in, she just got it, who I was, what I wanted"_

 _"She told me about you that night, before I left. She tried to hide it, but I could tell she was happy. She never did anything for herself, and I thought, if this guy's going to treat her right, maybe it was worth all the risks she took"_

 _"She was happy" he said, "I may not have anything to prove it, but I know she was happy"_

 _"Would you still be with her? If she was still here?"_

 _"Yes"_

 _"You don't have to think about it?"_

 _"There's nothing to think about. She was the most wonderful, the most loving, the most beautiful- she was everything. I want nothing more than her back in my life"_

 _"You really loved her"_

 _"More than anything"_

 _"Well, its good to know she wasn't alone all those years, that she was taken care of"_

 _"So, are you staying around this place?"_

 _"I don't know yet" he said, "I'm a PI, I can work anywhere"_

 _John nodded._

 _"Thanks for the drink and for taking care of my sister all that time"_

 _"She took care of me, too"_

 _"Thanks" Rex said simply, leaving._

 _Maybe it was the knowledge he wasn't working tomorrow, maybe it was the fact that he'd just spent so much time talking about her, maybe it was the memories, but all he wanted to do was forget. He ordered whiskey, and he kept ordering. Maybe enough of them would numb his pain or at least get him to sleep tonight. He wasn't sure._

 _His head was throbbing. He tried to open his eyes, but the light hurt and he squinted. It was then he realized he was unclothed. He looked next to him, seeing another unclothed person. He wanted to throw up. He hadn't so much as kissed another woman since Natalie, much less slept with someone else. He couldn't remember how they got back here, much less how this had happened. He tried to remember._

 _He'd drank a lot. She'd been there, drinking, too. She had come up to him, they'd talked and drank some more. After that, he had nothing._

 _"John?"_

 _He'd met her before. She was a defense attorney. Tall, skinny, and brunette. She was the exact opposite of Natalie._

 _"Evangeline?"_

 _"So you do remember"_

 _"Not much" he said._

 _"I kissed you" she said, "You invited me back here"_

 _"I did?"_

 _"Look" she said, "We didn't do anything wrong. You and I had some really good sex"_

 _He didn't say anything._

 _"I don't see why we can't keep doing this. It's not like there's other people involved"_

 _He again didn't say anything._

 _"I take it you don't make a habit of this"_

 _"No, I don't"_

 _"Well, you certainly had a lot of pent up aggression. It couldn't hurt to have an outlet"_

 _"I don't-"_

 _"Alright" she said, "Look, think about it, I got your number"_

 _Momentarily she was gone and he laid back down, trying to find a way to look himself in the mirror._

"So now what?" she asked.

"I don't know where to start" John said.

"Yeah, me neither"

"How about dinner?"

"Yeah, dinner sounds good"

He took her hand, taking her to the small kitchen.

"I don't have a whole lot- I've been eating at the station recently, what with the case-"

"Whatever's fine"

John opened a cabinet, finding some mac and cheese and started on that. She smiled and hopped up on the counter.

"Can I ask about my family?"

"Of course you can" he said.

"Have you met them?"

"Yeah, I met them"

"Can you tell me about them?"

"Well, there's your mom, Viki Buchanan. She runs one of the newspapers, she's very proper. Your dad runs the biggest business in town and he owns almost half the town. You have a sister"

"I have a sister?"

He nodded, "A twin. She has your eyes"

"I'm a twin and they didn't know I was missing"

"I didn't believe it either" he said.

"And they're as rich as Spencer said?"

"Yeah, they're rich. You're rich"

"I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about that" she said.

"I got angry. Real angry"

"I just- all that time and I- and we-" she paused, "the amount of times we had mac and cheese just because its because what we could afford"

"Yeah, I was pretty angry at first" he said, "And then, my Dad told me that if you had known or they'd found you earlier, we wouldn't have had any of that. And, even with how hard it was sometimes, I don't think I would have given it up"

"No, I never would have given you up" she said, "Do you like them?"

"I don't know. The jury's still out. I like Bo plenty, and your sister was very nice when I met her, your parents- I don't know, they make me nervous, you know?"

"Do they like you?"

"And why does that matter?"

"How could I be a part of their lives if they don't let you in, too?"

"I don't know" he said, "I went off on your dad when we first met, cuz I was so angry, and I don't think he's going to let go of that. But I don't think they ever thought of me as someone in their lives, just someone that had a connection to you, not someone they had to live with"

"There's just so much to understand"

"They have a lot of problems"

"So he wasn't lying. The alcoholism, the DID, its real?"

"Yeah"

"Wow, maybe I did get off easy"

"You still had it pretty bad"

"But I got you"

He smiled, and handed her a bowl of mac and cheese, "Always"

"So tell me about the last five years, what have you been doing"

"I stayed in AC until the New Year"

"Six months"

He nodded, "I looked for you everywhere, long after everyone else stopped. I thought if I tried hard enough-"

"That must have sucked"

"Then, I went to the FBI"

"The FBI?"

"Yeah"

"How'd that happen?"

"I had taken the detective's exam and did really well, so they asked me if I was interested"

"When did you take it?"

"While you were in finals"

"You didn't say anything?"

"No, I didn't want you to be any more stressed out than you were, and that wasn't that big a deal"

"Not a big deal? John it's a very big deal" she said, "And you did well enough for the FBI. That's- amazing. I can't believe-"

"Dad said you wouldn't want that for me. I knew he was wrong"

"I'm sure he was just worried. Did you move to DC?"

"Yeah. I had to get away. I couldn't sleep at our place, not without you, Mom and Dad's was just was bad, they'd want to eat on the porch or Dad would play jazz or anywhere, really, I'd just think about any of the thousand moments we had there"

"Did it get easier?" she asked, looking down. She knew it must have been hard on him, but the way he was talking, she didn't know how he'd done it. Her heart broke for him.

"I don't know. It was easier because the physical memories weren't staring me in the face, but I still couldn't sleep, I still wanted to come home to you everyday and couldn't"

"Did you like DC?"

He shrugged, "It's not AC. And you weren't there"

"Did you like the FBI?"

"Yeah, I did" he said, "It was a lot more free, I got to do what had to be done I didn't have to wait for the whole process"

"So why'd you leave?"

"Mom made me" he said, knowing the reaction he was going to get if he told her the truth.

"Yeah, right. Eve wouldn't do that with no reason, so spill"

"I got shot"

"You got shot?" she practically yelled, "John, did you get hurt?"

"I got a scar, it wasn't a huge thing, just got scared and Mom took advantage of it"

"She must have been terrified, I can hardly blame her"

"Hey, I'm here. Nothing happened"

"Yeah, but it could have been different, and-"

And that was a world she didn't want to live in. Knowing he was gone would have been the last nail in her coffin. She'd barely hung on by a thread some days, knowing he was out there was the only thing that kept her going sometimes.

"Natalie" he said, "I'm here. I'm with you"

She smiled, "so they all moved out here?"

"When Mike got hired" he said, "Mom actually sings at one of the clubs pretty regularly and Dad was lieutenint at the PD"

"Sounds like it was good for awhile"

"Not without you" he said, "You probably don't want to tell me everything just yet- and you don't have to"

"I do want to, I just, I haven't had to say any of it out loud yet"

"You can tell me whatever you want. I don't want to push you, you've been through enough"

"He took me that morning"

"I know. I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for not going with you"

"It was your day off"

"I didn't know you were missing until that night"

"I was afraid of that" she said, "he said he knew who I was and had some questions about a job I'd be interested in. He walked me to his car, to get a business card, he said, when I got there he got me with chloroform"

"There was no evidence anywhere, it was past midnight when I found your car and realized how long you'd been gone and by then-"

"We could have been anywhere" she said, "which was apparently here"

"He kept you here the whole time?"

"He moved me a few times, but yeah"

"I've been here for over a year, I should have known"

"You had a lot to deal with"

"Not more important than you"


	24. Chapter 24

"I spent near every night wishing you were holding me like you used to, and tonight-"

He smiled at her. "I dreamed about you" he confessed.

"Me too" she said, "Sometimes, it was the only thing that got me through. Sometimes, it made me want to crawl up and never wake up again"

"Yeah, that's about how I felt too"

She reached out to him, running a hand through his hair, "Your hair's longer"

"I keep forgetting to get it cut"

"And to shave, apparently" she teased, running her fingers over his scruff.

"I was trying to look older at the FBI"

"You do" she said, "I like it"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah" she said.

"I'm not the only one that's different, ya know" he said, running his hand through her hair, "Your hair got longer too"

"I haven't gotten it cut, either"

"You lost weight"

"I didn't always trust what he was feeding me"

"You look beautiful"

She leaned into his lips. He deepened the kiss instantly. God, she was melting, she was sure. He was so gentle, but he was everything she needed. It was exactly like she remembered. He didn't stop, and she felt herself get lost, getting as close to him as she could. Next thing she knew, she was straddling his lap, her hands dug into his hair keeping him right underneath her lips, and he continued his delicious attack on her. His hands had been tangled in her hair, but then she'd started grinding into him and he'd slid his hands down her body to her hips, urging her on. God, she felt good, better than he remembered, and he was sure he wouldn't be able to stop even if he wanted to.

But he had to.

He back down and felt her panting against him.

"John" she moaned.

He panted, feeling her moan go right to his core, and finding all the will he could muster to do the right thing and not throw her on his bed like he wanted to.

"Natalie" he whispered.

"No, don't stop" she whimpered.

"I need to"

"I can feel you"

"Don't make this harder than it has to be"

"You're pretty hard already"

"This isn't right"

"I guess some things don't change" she smiled, resting her forehead against his, placing a chaste kiss on his lips before sliding off of him and onto the couch.

"I'm sorry" he said, biding time. He didn't want to do this, but he knew he had to.

"For what?" she asked, "not for that, I hope"

"It's too soon, you just got back to me, I don't want to hurt you-"

"You won't. You'll never hurt me"

"Don't say that"

"John?"

"There was someone else"

Her face fell. She blinked, fighting tears. Of course there had been someone else. It had been five years, it would have been ridiculous to think there hadn't been. Yet, she found it hard to breathe now that she knew.

"Oh" she couldn't look at him.

"Natalie" he said, making her look at him, "Not like that"

"And what's that supposed to mean?" she wanted more than anything to overcome the tears right now.

"It wasn't serious" he said

"It's over"

"Yeah"

"I'm not sure how you expect me to feel about that"

He looked down, "I don't either, but I figured you had the right to know"

"How long?"

"A few months"

"What was her name?"

"Evangeline"

"She sounds pretty" she said.

"She couldn't hold a candle to you"

"But she was here"

"It was just sex Natalie"

"Was that all I was to you?"

"You know that's not true"

She turned away.

"Natalie, there hasn't been a day that's gone by where I haven't thought about you. I love you, that's never going to change"

"But you slept with-"

"It was a distraction"

"How am I supposed to know that I'm any different?"

"Don't you know that you are? You're everything to me"

She was quiet.

"How about you get some sleep? I'll sleep out here"

She nodded. He stood, going to the closet. He opened the box, going to retrieve her robe. The ring laid on top of the box, and he uttered a silent prayer that he hadn't screwed up too badly. He moved some of the other things in the box around, her robe becoming visible and grabbing that. He put the ring away, going to her. He handed it to her.

"Mom took most of your stuff before I could get at it, I still have that"

She nodded, going to the bathroom to change.

 _He looked around. There was no reason anyone he knew would be here. Rodi's was where all the cops hung out and Capricorn was where his Mom was at, so the Palace seemed safe for this to be happening. He almost wished he could have drank before this happened again, because for the life of him he couldn't figure out why he was here in the first place. Of course when he'd texted her last night he'd had some dutch courage behind him._

 _"I have to say I wasn't so sure you'd actually be here" she said upon seeing him at the bar._

 _"Yeah?"_

 _"I mean it took you a full week to text me"_

 _"I haven't done this in awhile"_

 _"This?" she asked, suggestively._

 _"Anything"_

 _"Well, why don't you buy me a drink and we can get back to doing this so you can stop thinking about whatever's running around your mind right now"_

 _"Do you come here often?" he asked, signaling the bartender for 2._

 _"Yeah, I like this place" she said, "It's nice and sophisticated, don't you think?"_

 _He nodded, though he had no idea what was supposed to read into that._

 _A few hours later, and the two of them laid in his bed trying to catch their breath._

 _"You know you're better at that when you have full control of all your faculties"_

 _"Oh?"_

 _He felt the guilt creeping up on him, with no alcohol to blame this time._

 _"So that's what I got to look forward to. A girl could get used to that" she turned to him, "Good for you, too?"_

 _"Yeah" he said, and he wished sleep would just take him. He wasn't sure how much longer he could be awake and not throw up from the guilt._

 _"There's nothing wrong with this" she said, seemingly reading his mind, "One day you'll agree with that"_

Except he never did. He'd set himself up on the couch and tried to sleep, but the fact that she was in the same place as him and not in his arms was keeping him awake. He hadn't slept in five years the way he used to and he knew if he was just in his bed, he'd be able to.

She had every right to be angry at him. She'd been through enough and he hadn't even been looking for her- and he knew he still didn't know everything she'd gone through. He wanted more than anything for this to be okay. He didn't know how he'd keep going like this. He needed her, and if she thought he was only in it for sex- he'd just have to prove her wrong.

She tried to fall asleep. The tears spilled out, but she couldn't find it in herself to be that angry. He'd been really hurt when she'd suggested she was no different from this Evangeline, which made it seem like she was. But he wasn't the type of person to need sex, at least not from what she remembered. But it had been five years, and he could have changed.

He still looked at her the same. She felt whole when he looked at her, something she'd really only felt when she was with him. She wondered if that would ever change, if when he knew all of the horrible things that had happened, that would change. She thought back to when she'd ran away to him, bruised everywhere and scared for her life, and he hadn't looked at her any differently. When they'd woken up that morning, that was the first time she'd thought of him as anything more than just right now. That was when she'd known he was hers forever. She needed him.

She got up, walking towards the couch. In the four years they lived together, they'd only spent the night apart if he was on the night shift, and she didn't want to start sleeping apart now. He was staring at the ceiling, wrapped up in thought. She smiled, maybe he wasn't that different at all.

"John" she said softly.

He looked into her eyes, and smiled.

"Hold me?" she asked simply holding out her hand for him to take.

"Natalie-" he started. There were plenty of reasons he shouldn't.

"Please?"

He nodded. He couldn't say no, not to her, not like that. He took her hand and let her lead back to his bed. Once in the bed, she laid down, and he laid down next to her, spooning her from behind, bringing her flush against him. He rested his head in her hair. For a moment, he just breathed her in.

"I'm so sorry, Natalie" he whispered, unmoving.

She ran a hand up and down his arm, trying to find the strength to find out what she was most afraid of.

"Did you love her?" she finally managed.

"No"

There was something in answer, how sure he was of it, that made her believe him. She turned to face him.

"How do you know?"

"She wasn't you" he looked right into her eyes, pushing a stray hair back in place.

He meant it, she could tell, and she believed him. His touch made her want more details.

"Care to elaborate?"

He smiled, knowing she believed him, and answered her, "I felt guilty every time I was with her, I tried to imagine she was you, but I couldn't" he said and watched her lean into his hand on her face, "When we lived together I looked forward to seeing you everyday and I could have cared less if I saw her on any given day. And looking at you- I could lay right here for the rest of my life and be happy. I never felt like I needed her, but I spent five years feeling like I couldn't breathe because you weren't here"

"I love you" she said, "I didn't mean it"

"I know" he whispered, "You're right to be mad"

She leaned into him, kissing him, and rested her forehead against his. He had to know. She had to tell him. She didn't move, drawing on his strength to tell him everything.

"He raped me" she whispered.

John opened his eyes and looked at her, seeing how scared she was about it. She was trying to be strong, but he could tell she was afraid of how he'd react. He kissed her forehead.

"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to"

"No, I want you to know, I need you to know" she said, tears coming down her face now, "Not at first, not all the time. Just once in a while, he'd get drunk and- I couldn't stop him, he was too big" she said, "I felt so dirty afterwards so sick"

"Its not your fault" he said, pushing her hair back and wiping away her tears.

"He beat me, too" she said, "That started almost right away. Anytime I'd say something he didn't like. I tried to refute everything about the Buchanans, I tried to tell him you'd find me, he'd just hit me and I tried not to cry, but, sometimes he wouldn't stop" she said, "He was afraid I'd run for it, so any time he left, he tied me to his bed. I tried fighting, but if I fought he'd drug me and I wasn't sure what he was giving me, so I stopped fighting. I felt so weak-"

"You're anything but weak. You're the strongest person I know. No one could have made it through that for five years, you did"

"There were times I thought it would be easier if I didn't make it. But I knew you'd find me"

He looked down, "Natalie, I wasn't looking for you, at least, not really" she looked at him, and he wanted to explain, "I didn't think you'd be here of all places, I had nothing to believe that, and all my energy went into Dad's case-"

"It had been five years and all evidence would have pointed to me running away"

"I knew you didn't run away" he said, "they all tried to tell me you had to have passed away, but, I couldn't believe that"

"The fact that you were looking, even a little, that you didn't believe I was gone that you didn't believe I ran away from you-"

"I never believed that" he said, "the night before-"

"I've thought about that night more times than I could count. It got me through five years with that bastard"

He kissed her forehead, "He's going to pay, Natalie. I swear, he will"

"I know he will. I'll testify, that alone- and with murder-"

"You're pretty unbelievable, you know that?"

"And why's that?"

"You would have slept with me, even after all that, you're not afraid"

"Not with you" she said.

"I love you"

"I love you, too" she said, "I'm still upset"

"You have every right to be" he said, "But I proved to you once that you were worth it. If I could do that, I can convince you that I'm in it for the long haul"

She smiled, kissing him, "It's not going to be that hard" she whispered.

He kissed her, "I don't have to work tomorrow. Bo said to take as much time as I wanted"

"I want to see Eve tomorrow"

He nodded, "She's going to be over the moon"

"Does she still make you go to Sunday dinners?"

"No, not since the FBI"

"I think we should re-institute them. And Michael should bring his girlfriend, too"

"You know, I could get behind this idea" he said, and kissed her head, "We can talk more tomorrow, get some sleep"

She kissed him, "Good night"

"Goodnight, I love you"

"I love you, too"

 _He knew it was late and that he should have gone by now, but his dad said he'd buy him a drink when he was done, and he wanted to hang out with his dad. He knew his dad had difficult case, and he couldn't blame him if he lost track of time, because he knew the feeling. He missed it, actually, when he was the FBI, he'd lose himself in a case for hours. It was the only time he didn't think of anything else._

 _Now that his mind was idle, he opened his bottom drawer and took out her file. He took a moment to look at her picture, and he felt his heart fragment a little bit. He again leafed through all the evidence he had compiled in the four years since he'd been looking for her. he wished he had a new idea of where to look, but he'd been over all his evidence so many times things stopped jumping out at him, he had every word memorized. He stopped at the picture of her car. He smiled, remembering how excited she'd been when she'd gotten it. She loved that thing, it was bright red, and he'd made fun of her endlessly for her choice, but she was so happy to own it. He knew it made no sense to be upset that the ACPD had taken it for property and likely sold it by now, but he hadn't wanted to let it go, he knew she'd be upset when she learned of it._

 _As he did nearly every night, he wished he was going home to her._

 _"I thought I'd find you here" he heard, and he immediately put the file away._

 _"Evangeline" he said, "I wasn't expecting you"_

 _"I figured as much" she said, "So what was that?"_

 _He shook his head, "Just a case. What brings you here at this hour?"_

 _"I had a really long day. I could use a drink, and maybe after-"_

 _John looked down, his stomach turning flip flops. He knew he wouldn't say no, but he wanted the will to. He wanted to tell her he didn't have feelings for her, that when she left, he was disgusted with himself. But he wouldn't._

 _"Hey Johnny-" his dad came out of his office, and John felt immeasurably guilty. Like he'd been caught sleeping with her, even though there was seemingly nothing wrong with the interaction he was having right now. His dad was clearly confused as to why she was here now, and he should be._

 _"Hello, counselor"_

 _"Hello, Lutenint" she answered._

 _"Give me a minute"_

 _"Sure" she said._

 _John and his dad went into his office._

 _"Dad, I'm sorry-"_

 _"Don't be"_

 _"No, we had plans, she wasn't-"_

 _"I didn't know you were dating again"_

 _That was the last thing he was doing._

 _"I'm-we're not-"_

 _"John, its been four years. I'm proud of you. Natalie would want you to be happy. You don't have to feel guilty about moving on"_

 _"You sure about that?" he asked._

 _"She would want you to be happy" he said, and John remained silent, he leaned against his desk, "Do you remember right when she moved in? And you had pretty much stopped hanging out with your friends. You wanted her to know she was okay to be there, and you knew she still thought she was there because she was dating you and you were showing her she deserved to be treated well?"_

 _"I remember" he said._

 _"And when she figured out you hadn't seen your friends, she told you your life couldn't be just about her. That as much as she loved you, you couldn't keep doing this to yourself, because you owed it to yourself"_

 _"She told me I had to go to the team dinner, because she and Mike were going to watch a documentary about some doctor and that it would be lost on me and it would be too much effort to explain it to me"_

 _"She did want the best for you. Always"_

 _"I know" he said._

 _"Maybe that defense attorney isn't the answer. Maybe you'll never find someone like her" he said, "but don't you owe it to yourself to try?"_

 _"I'm not replacing her"_

 _"I know. I don't think you can" he said, "But hey, you don't have to hide this from me, okay?"_

 _"It's new, I didn't-"_

 _"Oh, well, then, go out"_

 _"But we were-"_

 _"There's always tomorrow, John"_


	25. Chapter 25

He woke up the way he'd always wanted to. He'd slept with his face in her hair, and her back rested against his chest. His arms were wound around her, one around her waist, the other hugged her from underneath, resting affectionately under her breasts. He took a deep breath in, inhaling the wonderful smell that was uniquely Natalie. For the first time in five years, waking up didn't make him sad, but instead he believed for the first time in five years that this would be a good day.

A few minutes later, she turned her head towards him. She kissed him.

"mm Good morning"

"Good morning"

"I haven't slept so well in so long"

"Same here" he said.

"I tried to remember what this felt like, on the weekends when we'd sleep in and you'd hold me like this and we'd look out our bedroom window, the view was always so nice, and you'd bring me coffee-"

"I remember"

"Was it hard to stay there?"

"Yeah. Mom and Dad didn't let me go back right away, but the house was just as bad"

"Do you think we're going to be okay?"

He pushed her hair back, "Do you want to be?" he asked and she nodded, "Me too. That's enough for me to believe we'll make it"

"God, I missed you. You always believe in me. In us"

"We've been through enough to make it through this, too"

She smiled, kissing him, "I love you"

"I love you, too" he said.

"There's still things we haven't talked about"

"You don't have to rush-"

"No, um, before we see Eve-" she started, looking down and then into his eyes, running a hand through his hair, "I'd like to know what happened to Thomas"

She watched his face fall, and he held her a little tighter, but he looked back at her.

"I thought you knew"

She could see the tears forming in his eyes, and they were in hers, too, "Not much. Just that he came back one day and after he untied me, said that he'd shot him and finished him on the operating table and that no one would ever figure it out"

"Yeah, that's the gist of it"

"But what about you? How did you handle it?"

"You know me"

"John" she said, "I do know you. And I know you probably didn't handle it so well" she could feel her tears starting to fall, "You love your dad. You looked up to him-" she stopped and took a breath, "Tell me what happened, I want to know, I should have been with you-"

John took a breath, held her a little tighter and began to recant the tale.

 _It was almost Christmas again. He didn't remember the last time he'd seen his mom so happy, with both her boys home for Christmas again. He and his dad sat at Rodi's, having a drink after a long day, and he was telling him about all the preparations that were already happening._

 _"It sounds like old times" John said._

 _"Yeah, this will be one for the books, that's for sure"_

 _"It'll be good, I think, to have it like it was"_

 _"Do you want to bring Evangeline?"_

 _He looked down. He couldn't believe his dad was asking._

 _"No, she's going out of town for the holidays"_

 _"Oh" he said, "Well, anyway, we're glad you're back, Johnny"_

 _"Me, too"_

 _"I think about Natalie a lot this time of year"_

 _"It was her favorite" John said._

 _Thomas smiled, "I remember. She used to make you take her to tree lighting in AC every year"_

 _"Yeah, she loved it. I hated the crowds, but it was worth it to see her so happy. She'd jump and down like a little kid while they counted down"_

 _"She did get pretty excited about Christmas"_

 _"Yeah, she did"_

 _"I bet you miss her a lot this time of year"_

 _"Yeah, I do"_

 _"We'll make a good one, John, she'd be proud of it"_

 _"Yeah" he agreed._

 _"Well, your mother want me to pick some things up on my way home, so, I should get going"_

 _"Alright, Dad, thanks, I'll see you tomorrow"_

 _He walked home with memories playing out in his head. The tree lightings, the shopping trips, decorating, she loved all of it. She made the season, which sometimes felt far too cheery for him, seem much more comfortable. If he closed his eyes, he could still see her wrapping on the floor or helping Michael decorate the tree. Every Christmas he remembered how they'd promised to make love when they woke up in the morning. Not for the first time in the five years she'd been gone, he opened his door surprised she wasn't waiting for him on the other side._

 _"I'm home, Natalie" he whispered to the empty room, feeling more alone than ever._

 _He shut the door and headed to his kitchen to find something to eat. He had barely stepped foot in the kitchen when he heard his phone ringing. He answered._

 _"McBain"_

 _"John" Michael said, "You have to get to the hospital"_

 _There was something in the way that Michael was talking that made John react before he asked questions, he was heading back out the door before he even answered him._

 _"Mike, what's going on?"_

 _"It's Dad, he was shot, they just brought him in"_

 _John stopped dead in his tracks, and he swore his heart stopped._

 _"John?"_

 _"I'm on my way, Mike" he said, and got into his car and drove._

 _His mind was going so fast, a million thoughts racing around. Had his mom gotten called? How had he been shot? Who shot at him? What were his odds? He couldn't lose his dad. He couldn't deal with that. He was without Natalie, he shouldn't have to face the world without his dad, too. He didn't know if he could make it through that kind of loss again. He parked in the first spot he found, walking into the ER in a huff._

 _"John" Michael said upon him entering._

 _"Hey, how is he? Where's Mom?"_

 _"He's in surgery, they got him in right when they got here. Mom's here, c'mon"_

 _"How long?"_

 _"He's been in for a few minutes, there's no telling how long he'll be in there"_

 _"How's she holding up"_

 _"Not good"_

 _Finally, they arrived at the waiting room their mom had been shown to._

 _"Oh, Johnny" she went to hug him._

 _"Hey Mom" he said, into her hug, "Dad's going to be okay"_

 _"You don't know that, John"_

 _"He's going to pull through" he said, "He has to"_

 _"Your father said the same thing when you got shot" she said._

 _"I'm still here"_

 _She nodded._

 _"Do you need anything?" Mike asked._

 _"No, I have my boys, what more could I want?"_

 _The three of them sat, mostly in silence for what seemed like hours. John prayed and cursed and hoped. Even now, he found himself wishing Natalie were here. She'd hold his hand and hug him close. She'd know what to say to his mom, weeping silently. She'd hold him so he could fall asleep when this was all over. He knew he wouldn't be sleeping anytime soon. The look on his mom's face would haunt him for many nights to come, and he felt guilty knowing that he was the reason she'd been through this before._

 _"I wondered if this would happen so many times" she said, "I thought when we left AC it was over, he was in a higher position he wouldn't be in danger so often- he wasn't even on duty-"_

 _"Mom-"John started._

 _"I know, John. I know this was the life he chose, I know you chose it, too. I'm worried. I always worry, about the both of you"_

 _John looked up to see Bo coming towards the three of them. He stood to greet him._

 _"I came as soon as I heard, Eve, I'm so sorry-"_

 _"What happened, Bo?" she asked._

 _"It looks like he went into an alley because he heard something suspicious. He had his gun drawn and he flashed his badge, we don't know what happened between the two, but whoever was there shot him"_

 _"We have a perp?"_

 _"No, ran away" he said, "Eve, I-"_

 _"He wasn't on duty, Bo. There was nothing you could have done"_

 _"I'm going to go to the station, try and find anything out, I'll call you if I find anything" he told John._

 _"Thanks, Bo"_

 _"That's just like Dad" Mike said._

 _"Yeah" John agreed._

 _His mother looked more worried than ever. It seemed like the night would never end. The three of them waited for what seemed like forever. Eventually, a nurse came to them._

 _"Are you here for Thomas McBain?"_

 _"Yes, I'm his wife" she was on her feet in an instant._

 _"I'm sorry to tell you"_

 _"No" Eve said, already knowing what was following that, "No, no, no"_

 _"Lutenint McBain didn't make it through the surgery" the nurse finished anyway._

 _"NO" Eve yelled, and John and Micheal caught her as she collapsed._

 _Briefly, they looked at each other, both already crying. Their dad was gone. They got their mom into a chair and then sat on either side of her, each holding one of her hands, and the three cried. They waited for their mother to speak, not knowing how best to help her right now. John felt like he couldn't breathe. After what seemed like an eon, she spoke._

 _"It's late" she said, "We're going to have a lot to deal with tomorrow. Let's all go home"_

 _"Mom, I don't think you should be driving right now" Micheal said._

 _"Yeah, let me drive you home" John said._

 _"Don't be ridiculous, John, I can get myself home"_

 _"Mom, I would feel a lot better if you let me drive you home"_

 _"Fine" she said, and the three of them headed towards the parking lot._

She wiped away the tears that fell from his face.

"I'm so sorry, John" she whispered, "I should have been with you"

"I sure could have used you that night, and lots of nights after that"

"I knew you had be in pieces it killed me-"

"Hey, you must have been in pieces, too. You loved him, too" he said, wiping the tears from her face.

"Yeah" she said, "I miss him. I hate that I couldn't go to the funeral, that I knew you were hurting and I couldn't-" she paused, "I needed you"

"I needed you, too" he said, "But you're here now"

"Too late"

"Never"

"Is there anything I can do?" she asked.

He shook his head, "You're doing it"

She smiled, "How's Eve been?"

"Awful at first, but, she's getting better. She started going through his things without any help, that's how I got that picture on my desk"

"I wonder what else she'll find"

"She might have some of your things, when I got shot, she packed up the apartment for me"

"I didn't even think of that, I have no clothes"

He raised his eyebrows suggestively, "No complaints here"

She laughed, "Well, I guess I can wear what I was wearing yesterday, I guess I probably don't have any shower stuff either?"

"No, sorry"

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised" she said, "I'll have to run by a store"

"You want to shower?"

"I'd like to rinse off"

He nodded, "Do that, then how about I buy you breakfast and we can go see Mom"

"I'd love that" she said, and went to kiss him.

Once seated at the Diner, Natalie ordered pancakes and John ordered eggs and toast, and each got a cup of coffee. John watched Natalie excitedly drink her first sip.

"Good?" he asked, taking her hand across the table.

"Very" she said, "That's the first coffee I've had in five years"

He kissed her hand, "I would have brought you coffee in bed this morning, but I couldn't bring myself to leave you"

"You have coffee in that place?" she asked.

"I don't know" he said, "I haven't been spending much time there recently. but maybe I will be now"

She smiled, as he kissed her hand again.

"So is this place any good?"

"Yeah, I like it. Mostly for the coffee"

"It is good"

"He really didn't give you-"

"No, and I asked" she said, "He knew everything about me, he knew I liked it, so-" she shrugged, "He said he'd watched me for a while'

"Son of a bitch"

"I agree" she said, "but he's going to rot in prison for the rest of his life"

He lace his fingers through hers, "He will" he said.

She smiled, watching their hands, "This is nice. I could get used to this"

"You better" he said, kissing her hand again, then readjusting their hands so he was looking at the Claddagh ring.

"I remember when you gave that to me, and your whole family was on edge"

"It's been awhile"

"I'm still a fan"

He smiled, "It was meant to be a placeholder"

"I remember" she smiled, too.

Their food came at that moment, and they let go of their hands to eat.

"So what have you been eating over these last few years?" he asked as she greedily dug in.

"Toast usually, sometimes I'd get room service for dinner, but usually he gave me a soup"

"No wonder you lost weight"

"I managed" she said.

"I can't believe you did" he said.

"Hey, I'm here" she said, "And I'm not leaving you again"

"I know" he said.

"I've dreamed about food like this"

"And here I thought you dreamed about me"

"A girl can't help but dream about food every once in a while" she said.

John finished his eggs and drank his coffee, watching her, smiling. She really was enjoying her breakfast. He'd missed this about her, how excited she got over little things like this.

"You like it?"

"Yes, I do" she said, "and apparently, it's amusing to you, too"

"I just miss you"

She smiled, "Thanks for breakfast"

"The first of many to come, I hope"

"Mm, I think I prefer it when I get breakfast in bed"

He smiled, "We'll have to go shopping before that happens again"

"Bachelor life ruined you"

"I don't think I'm cut for it" he said.

"Good" she said, smiling.

John threw some bills down on the table and they headed out.

"Ready to go see Mom?"

"I'm so ready" she said as they got in his car.


	26. Chapter 26

A/N: So, I feel I should make a confession: I'm really bad at falling action. There's a few more chapters of fluff, mostly just because there are scenes I wanted to see play out before I ended it. So, here's some fun-filled, sugar laced fluff for your enjoyment.

"She's going to be so happy, she's missed you a lot"

"It's almost bizarre to think of it now, my life without her in it"

"She feels the same way. So did Dad. You were family for us"

"I got pretty lucky to find you, all of you"

"You know, sometimes I think back to when you first lived with us and how timid you were about being a part of the family, and how different it was by the time you disappeared"

"I still can't believe he robbed me of that much time"

"We'll make up for it" he said, parking in his parent's driveway.

"This is the house?"

"Yeah, it's smaller, but Mom loves it"

"It's so beautiful"

He smiled, "They thought so, too" he said, "So you want to surprise her or go in from the start?"

"Let's surprise her" she said.

So they devised their plan, and after a minute, John went in, with Natalie following quietly behind him.

"Mom?" he called out, headed towards the kitchen.

"Johnny?" she said, "I wasn't expecting you. I heard you made the arrest yesterday"

"Yeah, I got him. Spencer Truman"

"Your father would be very proud of you"

"Thanks, mom" he said, "But I actually came for another reason." he said, "It turns out, Dad wasn't the only person Truman took from us"

"What?" she asked.

Natalie walked into the kitchen, and Eve gasped, running to her and hugging her immediately. John watched as his mom and Natalie both cried.

"Natalie, honey, oh God, I've missed you"

"I missed you, too, Eve" she whispered, "I'm so sorry about Thomas"

"I thought you were gone, too"

"I'm still here. John found me when he arrested Spencer"

"John" she finally turned to her son, "You knew she was alive, all this time, we all doubted you"

"There was no reason to believe me" he said.

"He was a mess without you, Natalie, he really was. It broke my heart to see him like that"

Natalie looked at John, who looked down, which gave her all the validation she needed to know Eve was telling the truth.

"Hey, Mom, I'm still here" he said, trying to shove the attention off of him.

"Oh, sorry" she said, "Have you two eaten, would you like breakfast?"

"John took me out to breakfast" Natalie said, "But thank you"

"You've lost weight" she said, "What did that evil man do to you? You know what? I don't want to know" she said, "I think I have some of your things downstairs, stored away"

"I was hoping you'd say that" Natalie said, smiling.

"Let's go look through everything" Eve said.

John's phone rang. He looked at it, seeing it was the station.

"You two go ahead, I'll catch up"

The two went down the stairs to the basement, smiling.

"McBain" he said, answering.

"Hey, John" he heard Bo on the other end, "How is she?"

"Good, all things considered" he said.

"Viki and Clint want to know when they can meet her"

"I told you, I'm not-"

"I know, when she's ready. I told them, but Clint's not having it"

"Well, he's going to have to cool it"

"I'm starting to believe it"

"What?"

"What your dad said about the two of you"

"I love her. That means if she doesn't want to, I'm with her on it"

"Alright" he said, "Well, anyway, the reason I called, I'm sorry-"

"I'm not going to like this, am I?"

"His arraignment got pushed up to tomorrow" he said, "Hugh wants you to walk him through the evidence one more time"

"You have got to be kidding me" he said.

"John-"

"It's fine, I'll be there soon, but I'm not staying long"

"I'd hope not" he said.

He grudgingly went downstairs, finding Natalie and his mother going through a bunch of her clothes. He put his hand on the small of her back.

"Hey" she said, turning to him, "Who was on the phone?"

"The station" he said, "I have to go in for a little bit"

"Oh" her face fell and turned to Eve.

"Listen" he said, "Why don't you stay here with Mom? I shouldn't be that long"

"You're sure?" she asked.

"Yeah" he said, "Bo will be there, it'll be faster if I just go on my own"

"Okay" she said.

Not caring that his mother was standing next to them, he wrapped his hands around her waist and pulled her into him, kissing her.

"I love you" he said.

"I love you" she said right back, "Get back soon"

"Promise" he said, and kissed her again.

Afterwards he let her go and left. Natalie watched him leave, touching her lips.

"I forgot the way you two look at each other" Eve said.

Natalie looked down. John's gaze always made her feel special.

"When he got shot, Thomas and I rushed down to DC. He was out cold, but he kept calling out for you. My heart broke for him, knowing he was dreaming about you and that you wouldn't be there when he woke up. I didn't think he'd ever forget about you, but I didn't think almost four years later, you were still what he dreamed about"

"We talked last night, I- he still talks about us the same, he still looks at me the same"

"He never fell out of love with you"

"I didn't either" she said, "He walked in yesterday, it all came back to me"

"Oh, dear" Eve said, coming to Natalie and pushing her hair back, "You're so good for him. He has life in eyes when you're here. He's been so miserable these last few years- I can't imagine all you've been through"

"It sucked" she said, "But I'm so happy he found me and that we got last night together"

"Lots of nights to come, I hope" she said.

"Most definitely" Natalie smiled.

The two turned back to the bin with all her clothes.

"So why didn't you get rid of this stuff?"

"I don't know" she said, "When I saw Johnny still had all of it, I didn't have the heart to get rid of it"

"He kept it all?"

"Exactly the way you left it" she said, "I wasn't prepared for that when I went to pack"

"Wow" she said, "I don't know what to-"

"He was really convinced you were going to come back. More convinced than anyone, than logic-"

"How was he that night?"

Eve put down the clothes she was folding, "Natalie, I don't think I'd ever seen him in so much pain. He cried, he lashed out, he wouldn't sleep-" she said, "I was afraid I was going to lose him , too"

"Hey" she said, "You didn't lose me" she said, and changed the subject, "Do you know about my biological family?"

"Yeah, we were all surprised at that one"

"Have you met them? John didn't say much-"

"Yeah, we all went to dinner once, John wasn't ready for that yet, Thomas and I were a little cooler about it" she said, "Your- father, I guess,- he basically told John the two of you couldn't have been in love, that you were too young for that and John- well, John didn't believe that and he told him so and stormed out and left" she said.

"Well, I guess the guy had it coming" she said.

"After that, Thomas, he set them straight, in that way he did that was so unassuming, and he told them that the two of you were very much in love" she said, "And he explained why we got the two of you an apartment and why you wanted to go into law enforcement, which, I might add, your- father- was not happy about. Bo, on the other hand"

"I met Bo"

"He and Thomas were good friends, John, too, after a little bit" she said, "Your mom and I talk sometimes. I've shown her some pictures and told her about what you're like and moments I got to witness in your life"

"What's she like?" she asked.

"She's very nice. Very proper. She blames herself for not knowing and everything that happened to you" she said.

"You know I don't regret that, right? For everything that happened- I got you, I got John, and that never would have happened-"

"For a year I let you go home to-"

"Hey, you don't like me for a good chunk of that year"

Eve wiped a tear from her eye, "Worst decision ever" she said, "Tell me John's doing okay, I've been so worried about him"

"Oh, Eve, I think he's just as happy as I am to be together again" she said.

"He was a basket case without you"

"Well, I didn't do so hot either" she said, "He was going to sleep on the couch. He's so good to me"

"Thomas would be proud to hear that. Please tell me he didn't"

"We haven't spent a night apart unless he was working and I'm not about to start now" she said.

"Good" she said, "It'll do him a world of good to have you back"

"John" Hugh said as John entered Bo's office, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize Bo had given you leave-"

"Yeah, yeah, it's fine, let's just- get this over with so I can get back to Natalie"

"You didn't leave her alone, did you?" Bo asked.

"No, she's with Mom" he said.

"And how's Eve?"

"She's pretty happy" John said.

"I'm sorry, I must have missed something" Hugh said.

"The prisoner Spencer was holding- that's Natalie" Bo said.

"Your missing niece" Hugh said.

"She's also my girlfriend" John said, "We met when I was seventeen, she was kidnapped five years ago"

"OH, wow, I'm- I'm really sorry, I didn't know-"

"It's fine. But I do want to get back to her" John said.

"Yeah, I can only imagine" he said, "So we're adding some charges based on Natalie's statement, John, have you read it yet?"

"She asked me not to" he said, "She wants to tell me herself, and I don't think I've heard everything yet"

"The arraignment's tomorrow"

"I haven't told her that yet"

"John-"

"I will, I just- wanted her to have some time with mom"

"I'm going to go for no bail"

"Good" John said.

"Evidence wise, we're set, you'll testify, um, Natalie-"

"She'll testify. She wants him away"

"Well, good then. Why don't you look through all of the stuff I have and make sure its all there"

"Take her statement out" he said, and then took the file, beginning to flip through the evidence, "So why did his arraignment get moved up anyway?"  
"He got a good lawyer" Hugh said.

"Damn attorneys" John muttered.

"Actually, John, there's something you should know-" Bo started.

"Commissioner, I'd like to see my client" they heard and all looked up.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me" John said.

Evangeline smirked as though she knew she'd get this reaction, "Lutenint, I was under the impression you had a leave"

"Not from this" he said, "You know he's guilty right?"

"Everyone is entitled to a defense, Lutenint"

"Counselor, the desk Sargent will let you down to see your client" Bo said.

"Thank you Commissioner" she said.

"I didn't want to tell you on the phone" Bo said.

"I shouldn't be surprised" John said, "Just more things to tell Natalie" he said, "You have everything" he told Hugh, "Now get him in prison for the rest of his life"

"There's no way he's getting away with all of this" Hugh said.

"I'll see you tomorrow, for now, I'm going to spend some time with Natalie"

The three walked into the squad room to find Clint Buchanan waiting. John turned to Bo.

"I didn't tell him you were here" Bo said.

"John" Clint said, "Where are you keeping my daughter?"

"I'm not keeping her anywhere. Natalie is where she wants to be right now" he said.

"She should be with her family"

"She is" he said.

"You can't hide her forever. I know the arraignment's tomorrow"

"I'm not hiding her" he said, "if she wants to meet you, I will support her, but until she's ready for that, I'm not going to make her do that"

"It's not up to you"

"No, it's up to Natalie" he said, "And something you should get used to- I'm in her life. I love her. Nothing is ever going to change that. So you may as well get used to me" he said, "I'll see you tomorrow Bo" he said and left.


	27. Chapter 27

He walked into his Mom's kitchen to see his Mom and Natalie having coffee and Natalie in a new change of clothes. He stopped for a minute, admiring both how good she looked and how normal the two of them looked. They were smiling and drinking their coffee, probably talking about him, just like nothing had ever happened.

"John, you're back" his mom said.

"Hey" he said, walking right to Natalie and placing a light kiss on her lips, "You look real pretty"

"Oh, this old thing?" she joked, "Thanks"

"So, what did you need to do at the station?" Eve asked.

John looked down, "Well, you should both know, Truman's arraignment got pushed up. To tomorrow"

Eve looked down, "Well, I guess it's good they can move this fast"

"They know, the Buchanans?"

"Yeah, they know" John said.

"They're all going to be there"

"Yeah" John said, "But if you're not ready-"

"No" she said, "I'm not hiding from them" she took a breath, "Actually, I should see them. Today"

"If you don't want to-"

"John, it's inevitable at this point. And I'm not going to let circumstances win"

He smiled, "You haven't changed at all"

She smiled, too, "You're coming with me, right?"

"You couldn't get rid of me if you tried"

She leaned up to kiss him.

"Did you guys find your stuff"

"Yeah, we found a lot. I have clothes again"

"That all you find?"

"For now" Eve said, "We still have a few boxes to go through. Now you have to come back"

"Of course" Natalie said, "I'll see you tomorrow"

"I'll see you both tomorrow"

Holding hands, the two of them headed to John's car.

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure" she said, "what? Scared?"

"Well" he said, "You won my parents over pretty easily. What if I don't do the same?"

"Doesn't matter" she said, "You were my world before I ever knew about them"

"I ran into your father at the station. He's still not my biggest fan"

"Well, you're not going anywhere" she said, "Hey, we're a package deal. If they don't get that, they aren't going to have much luck with me"

He smiled, "Alright" he said, and pulled into the Llanfair driveway.

Natalie gaped when he eventually parked.

"This is where my family lives?"

"Well, your immediate family. Your dad's half has another mansion across town"

"You have got to be kidding me. This isn't real. This is huge"

"I think the same thing every time I sit here" he said.

"Alright" she said, "Let's do this"

As soon as they were out of the car, John took her hand again. She smiled as they got to the front door.

"I missed you"

"I wasn't gone that long" he said.

"I know" she said, "but it was long enough"

"Well," he said, putting his hands on her hips, "I'm here now"

"Mmhmm" she said, wrapping her arms around his neck and bringing his lips down to hers.

He went to deepen the kiss and she let him, melting into him as he pulled her closer. She didn't know that they would have stopped had it not been for the door opening and the person on the other side clearing their throat. They both turned to the door, and readjusted themselves now in front of her parents.

"Natalie" her mother said, and her hands flew over her mouth to cover her surprise.

"Welcome home" her father said, "Why don't you come in?"

John and Natalie crossed the threshold and were ushered into the house's library. They sat next to each other on the couch as her parents began gushing over her and telling her the story, which she already knew, but she couldn't bring herself to stop them.

"And all this time, you were in Llanview-"

John looked down, and Natalie squeezed his hand. She wasn't about to let him feel guilty when they were finally together again.

"Spencer's arraignment is tomorrow" she said.

"He'll pay" Clint said.

"Yeah, he will" John said.

"But how have you been, Natalie?" Viki said, "It must be a lot for you to handle, everything must be different"

"It's been crazy, and I don't know Llanview all that well, accept for the inside of that hotel room, but John found me, and I've already seen Michael and Eve, so, somethings are the same"

"Yes, John and his family were very kind to us and told us about you every now and then" Viki said, "I can tell by the way they talk about you how much they all love you"

"I got pretty lucky" Natalie said, smiling at John.

Viki smiled at the two of them, so clearly in love.

"So, would you like to meet your brothers and sister?"

"Plural? I knew I had a sister, but-"

"Yes, one sister, two half-brothers, and hell of a lot of cousins and nieces and nephews and aunts and uncles" Clint said.

"Wow, I didn't know-"

"I'm sure it's a lot to handle" Viki said, "No one's here right now, but maybe next time?"

"yeah, I'd like that" she said, "Maybe not all at once, I've already met Bo, he's been so nice, and I know he and John are friends, and that he was friends with Thomas, too"

"Yeah" Clint said, "So, Natalie, are you interested in the family business?"

"Um, I don't know much about business-" she said, not sure how he was going to take this.

"That's no matter, I'm sure you'll learn quickly, John's parents told us you were very smart"

"I'm sorry" she said, and took her hand out of John's, "but I don't think that's the best choice. I have no experience or training in business"

"That doesn't matter. You're a Buchanan"

"That's not right" she said, "I can't just walk into a job because of my DNA, I don't have any idea how this corporation works. I'm sure there's someone else-"

"They're not family"

"I'm sorry, I'm really just not interested in participating in such an unfair practice"

"And what are your plans?" Clint asked.

She looked at John, "Well, I haven't really thought that far yet. The most important thing right now is to help John and Eve and Michael get through this trial. After that, if I thought about it, I'd like to get into forensics, I'd probably need a refresher course, and I never did get to practice, but, that's what I want to do"

"You're going to go into police work?"

"It's what I'm interested in"

"You have a trust with millions of dollars in it and you want to-"

"I haven't decided if I want the money" she said.

"It's your birthright"

She looked down, "So far as I know, my birthright was simply being lucky enough to be alive. That was about the only thing that I got as a right when I was a kid"

"We want to make up for all that" her mother said.

"I need to think about that. I don't know that I feel comfortable taking it-"

"Surely, there must be something you want to do with it" Clint said.

"You're right- I'd love to have my own car again, but I've never gotten anything I didn't earn myself"

"At least promise us you'll think about it" her mother said, "we'd love for you to really be family, like you were always meant to be"

"I'll think about it" she said.

"Well, would you like to see your room?" her father asked.

"Clint" her mother hissed.

"My room?" she asked.

"Of course we have a room for you"

She looked at John, and then down at his hand, resting on the inside of her knee like he used to.

"I'm staying with John"

"In that fleazy hotel"

"Believe me, I've seen worse" she said.

"Are you comfortable there?" her mother asked.

Natalie smiled, "Very"

"I have no doubt he treats you very well"

"He does alright" she said, giving John a smile and a little bump on the shoulder, and he ran his thumb along her knee.

"I don't think it's right" her father said, "You're not married"

"That's irrelevant" she said, "John and I lived together for four years before I was taken, and I don't have any plans on living any differently now"

"I will never understand that. Your father was a good Christian man, I don't understand why he was so willing to let the two of you live in sin-"

John looked down, and Natalie knew he was trying to suppress his anger on her behalf. She slid her hand into his and smiled at him. Screw it, that comment was enough for her.

"Don't you dare talk about Thomas like that" she said, "Thomas was the nicest, most caring man I've ever met, at least aside from John. He took me in when he should have shipped me into foster care. He and Eve got us that apartment because they saw how hard it was on the two of us while John was in the Academy and they didn't want us to have to carry on like that once he started working. Thomas gave me all the love and support that I didn't get growing up. He was the father I didn't get to have"

"And he wasn't happy about it. But he put our happiness ahead of that" John said.

"I have no doubt that the two of you are perfectly happy together" Viki said, "I can tell in how you look at each other. that only comes around once in a lifetime"

They just looked at each other and smiled.

"I'm sure you have plenty you want to be doing, Natalie. Why don't the two of you enjoy your day? We'll be at the arraignment tomorrow"

"That sounds good" she said, and they stood to go, with Viki walking them out.

"We'll see you tomorrow" Natalie repeated, not sure why they were followed.

"Yes" Viki said, "And I'm very sorry about your father, he-he has a very specific way he thinks things ought to be"

"Well" Natalie said, "he's going to need to adjust"

"He'll come around" she said, "Enjoy the rest of the day, I hope we didn't put too much of a damper on it"

"Thanks" she said, and the two of them left.

Once in his car, they both just sat for awhile.

"I see what you mean about Clint"

"Yeah" he said, "and thanks. It means a lot that you stuck up for me and Dad"

"Hey" she said, "I may have had a really bad five years, but I'm still me. And I ain't going to let anyone speak ill of you or Thomas. You mean too much to me"

"Back at cha" he said, "And I'm glad you want to say with me, when you could be staying in a mansion"

"There wasn't a choice to be made. I spent five years without you and I don't plan on spending any more time away from you"

"I don't know what I'd've done if you said you wanted to stay with them" he looked down.

"Hey" she said, framing his face so he'd look at her, "You're not getting rid of me any time soon"

"You are so strong"

She smiled, "Do you think I'm being stupid about the money?"

"I don't know" he said, "but that's your decision and I'm behind you either way"

"I do want a car"

He smiled, "When they took your car, I tried to get it released back to me, for when you came back, I knew you'd want it back, but, they couldn't, cuz it was the only real evidence we had to go on"

"I loved that thing"

"I know" he said.


	28. Chapter 28

"So now what?"

"How's dinner sound?"

"It sounds great" she said.

John quickly whipped out his phone to send a text, then starting on their way.

"What was that about?"

"You'll see" he smiled.

"Well, where are you taking me?"

"Rodi's. It's a bar by the station. You'll love it, its casual, and there are pool tables and darts and burgers-"

"mm more real food"

"I thought you'd appreciate that"

"Is this where you hang out?"

"I guess. This is where I'll meet up with Mike and where Dad and Bo used to go after work"

"No friends?"

"I don't know, Bo, I guess, and the DA's a good guy, too"

"The more I learn about you, the more I worry" she said, "You went through all that with no one to lean on"

"No one's like you" he said, parking.

She smiled. As they made their way in, John ordered them a beer a piece, and ordered each of them a burger, just the way she liked it.

"I'm sorry, I hope you still like the same things"

"You remember" she smiled.

"Like I could forget"

"I think there's a table open"

"You break" he said.

She smiled as they racked and began playing. Natalie was in the middle of taking a turn when she heard a voice she never thought she'd hear again.

"Nattie?"

She turned to the voice in disbelief, "Rex"

"It's true" he said, barely a whisper and she ran into a hug. John watched the two, smiling.

"I missed you so much" Natalie said, "I wondered if I'd ever see you again"

"I missed you, too, by the time I could try to find you, you were already gone"

"You look good, baby bro" she said, crying.

"McBain texted me to get here, I didn't really think-"

She turned to John, "You told him to come?"

"You needed to see him"

With tears in her eyes, she went to hug him. She kissed the side of his face.

"Thank you so much" she whispered.

She went back to hugging Rex and the three of them sat and ate and drank while Rex and Natalie caught up. Natalie questioned him endlessly about Michigan, and school and the girls he'd dated and who he was dating now and how he got to Llanview and why he stayed. It was many hours later when they all finally left, with promises to see each other again soon.

When she and John walked through his door, she turned back to him.

"Thank you, again"

"You don't need to thank me" he said, "I know how much you missed your brother all those years"

She went to kiss him.

"The arraignment is tomorrow" she said, "I think you should hear the rest of what happened"

"If you don't want to-" he started.

"John, I want you to know" she said, "And you know about the rape and the lies and the abuse- there's really just one more thing-"

"Okay" he said.

They sat on the couch, and he wouldn't let go of her hand as she began. She smiled at how he was so willing to stick with her even though she knew this wasn't going to be easy.

"So it wasn't long after he took me that he explained why, that I was the missing Buchanan heiress and that he hated them and by taking me he was going to hurt them. He hates them, he never really said why" she started, taking a breath, "And he wanted the Buchanan empire to crumble. He wanted there to be no more Buchanans"

"Did he try to kill you? We can add attempted murder"

"No" she said, "He said I much more of an asset alive than dead, in case he needed ransom money. He's loaded, I don't know why he even thought of that, but it kept me alive" she said.

"So what are you trying to tell me?"

"One day, he brought me to the hospital, told me I was going to get check out. I should have known better. He drugged me, put me under and operated on me"

"What did he do?"

"I don't really know the specifics of what he did, but I know the outcome" she said, "I can't have kids"

"Natalie" he whispered, "I don't know what to say"

"He didn't think of what he was taking away from me or from us, just what he was taking away from the Buchanans" she said, "I've had time to think about it and get to be okay with it and accept it, I guess, but this affects you, too"

"You always wanted kids"

"So did you"

"And you're okay with it all?" he asked.

"I mean I think so, but, now there's us to take in consideration, and I know that was something we had wanted-"

"Do you still want that?"

"I wasn't so sure I'd ever get the option" she answered honestly, "What about you?"

"Honestly, being a parent scares the hell out of me"

"Yeah, it is kinda scary"

"And think about all the unprotected sex we can have" he said.

"John" she said, "be serious"

"I know" he said, "And in all seriousness-" he pushed her hair back, "you are the most loving, caring person I have ever known. And I have no doubt that if we decide we want kids if we adopted, you'd still love them and you'd be a great mother, no matter what"

"And what do you think about that option?"

"With you it doesn't seem so scary"

"Same here" she said, "Thanks. I really didn't know how you were going to handle that"

"I think the two of us, we can handle anything"

"Well, now you know everything I went through. I mean, in Reader's Digest version, but, I don't want to deal with all the details when I have you here. It's over now, and we're together and that's really all I could ask for"

"You ready for tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I've waited for this for a long time. and you'll be there" she said, "Are you guys ready for tomorrow"

"Yeah, the DA read over your statement and me and Bo have been ready for this day from the moment we started"

"You think the DA will do a good job"

"Yeah, he's pretty good" he said, "There is something you should know-"

"What is it?"

"When I went to the station, I ran into Truman's lawyer-"

"Of course he hired a good lawyer, John, he's loaded and he's not an idiot"

"Well yeah, he hired a good lawyer, but, um-"

"What is it, John?"

"It's Evangeline"

"Oh" she said, and looked down.

"I didn't think she'd-"

"You dated a lawyer?"

"Dating is pushing it"

"She's good, isn't she?"

"Yeah, she is"

"She took the case, even-"

"We didn't end things on a good note" he admitted.

"How bad?"

"She had-started wanting a relationship and I- well, I'm still in love with you" he said, "so I started pushing her away and then one day, she saw our prom picture on my desk-"

"So real bad" she said.

"Yeah, I guess"

"You think this changes his odds"

"No" he said, "there's too much evidence, too many counts against him. He's going away"

"So I guess I'll meet her tomorrow" she said.

"Hey" John said, "There was nothing between the two of us. I only got eyes for you. you're it for me"

She smiled, framing his face with her hand, "Eleven years later, and I'm still so glad I sat down next to you"

"Me too" he said, pushing her hair back, "I was thinking, tomorrow, if you're up to it, we can talk to Bo about getting you hired"

"And you're okay with that? Working in the same department?"

"Of course, I was okay with it-"

"But that was in AC, not some suburb, the force has to be much smaller-"

"Yeah" he said, "but I'm really not opposed to you working just down a flight of stairs or being able to take you out to lunch- and besides, our CSI is not that good. You'll run circles around them"

"I don't want to be just McBain's girl"

"Don't you know you're more than that?" he said, "I give it a week before you show everyone how smart you are, they'll forget about me"

She smiled, "Like anyone could forget about you. You're a hero, you caught Thomas's killer"

"I would have done it faster if you were the FT"

She smiled, "Thanks"

"I want to show you something" he said, getting up, but motioning for her to stay on the couch.

He went into the closet behind them, into the back left corner, and opened the box. He took a deep breath, somehow knowing she would want to know he had all of this. Before standing to go back to her, he pocketed the ring in his jacket, plans already in the works, and then he grabbed the box and set it on the coffee table.

"What's this?" she asked.

"I told you when I got shot, Mom packed up our place-" she nodded, "well, these are the things she missed"

Cautiously, Natalie peered into the box, first taking out her jewelry box, holding mostly earrings and some nicer necklaces that she didn't wear too often, then she took out the small stack of books that were next to it. The anthology of classics John had given her for her eighteenth birthday, one of her forensics books, and one of the novels she'd had read freshmen year that she hadn't wanted to sell back. She smiled, running her hand over the cover of the anthology and a single tear rolled down her cheek.

"I don't believe you kept all this" she said, "Eve said you kept the apartment the same, but-"

"She never asked me about it-"

"Can you blame her?"

"No" he said, "There are some pictures in there, too"

She leaned into the box and grabbed the envelope, smiling as she flipped through them, aware of John looking as well, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. There were pictures from high school, college, his graduation, graduation from the Academy in his dress blues, random Sunday dinners where Eve went crazy with the camera, it painted a pretty picture of their life. Natalie stopped on a picture of the two of them at his parents house, taken candidly by Eve, she was sure, it had to have been taken after they moved out, because she was wearing the necklace John'd given her that Christmas, and they were lounging on the couch, probably listening to Michael rant about which colleges had what pros and cons and where he wanted to end up. But what made her stop at this one was how they looked. She was leaning into him, curled up against him on the couch, and he had an arm around her as she rested her head on his chest. She was looking at something off camera, which was why she thought Michael had been talking to them, but John was looking right at her, and the love shone clear in his eyes.

"I don't remember this one" she said.

"It's a pretty picture of you" he said.

"I love the way you're looking at me" she said, "We should get this one framed"

He smiled, "I'd like that, too"

"I know I went through some awful things, but I can't believe you had it any easier. At least I knew you were safe"

"Like you said, there's no point in thinking about all that now. We're together, and that's all that matters"

"You still look at me the same"

"So do you"

They leaned in for a kiss.

"How do you feel about some ice cream?"

"Of course you have ice cream in here, but actual food, no"

"It's Ben and Jerry's"

"Is that even a question?"

He kissed her head, "Why don't you put that away?" he said, nodding towards the stuff on the coffee table.

"Away?"

"Well, you live here now, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do" she smiled.

Natalie put her books on the desk and the jewelry box on the lone dresser in the bedroom, leaving the envelope of pictures on it as well, the one they'd been looking at she left leaning against her jewelry box. For the first time in five years, she took off her necklace and her ring, now knowing she had a place to find them in the morning and no worry that they'd be gone.

John watched her, smiling and sat on the bed, her joining him and taking a spoon. She smiled when she realized it was Chocolate Therapy, the kind he'd get her during finals season when she was way too stressed out.

"Do you get this often?" she asked as they both started in on the pint.

"No, actually, I got it because I knew I was closing the case and, I don't know, i guess I thought it would be like my own way of celebrating with you"

"This is so good"

"Before, when I said you lived here-"

"You're right. I do"

"I know" he said, "but I know this isn't ideal, it's not like our place in AC"

"John-"

"I think, when all is said and done and we're both back at work and Truman is away, we should get a new place"

"Okay" she said, "No orange couches"

"Deal" he smiled.

"And we don't have to if you don't want to. Isn't Michael down the hall?"

"Yeah, but he spends most of his time at Marcie's anyway"

"Ooh, serious?"

"Yeah, they've been together a while. She's good for him, keeps him in line, listens to his crazy rants"

"Good. He deserves someone good" she said, "Are they going to come to the trial tomorrow?"

"Probably, she was at the funeral"

"That's good, she must love him"

"Yeah, I think she does" he said, "and Mike's told her about you, and she got it, everything and she was never jealous about your place in our lives or how Mike talks about you-"

"She sounds perfect" she said, "Did she win over Eve?"

"It took her awhile, but she came around"

"I can't wait to see them together"

"I'm sure Mike's excited, too"

"Alright, stop me now" she said, handing the spoon to him, "We've already eaten half of it"


	29. Chapter 29

He smirked and rolled his eyes, putting it back in the kitchen where it belonged. He returned to seeing Natalie stretching out on the bed.

"Tired?" he asked, joining her.

She shook her head, "Just really happy"

"I'm glad" he said, "You look real pretty"

"I love you"

"I love you, too"

She leaned over to kiss him, and when he went to deepen it she let him, her tongue mating with his deliciously. She grabbed at him, bringing him closer, and wound her arms around his neck, one hand digging into his long hair to keep him close. He wound one arm under her and around her waist, hugging her flush into him and his other arm wound up her back and into the locks of her hair, also keeping her close. They backed out to breathe occasionally, only diving right back in. Natalie could feel him against her, taking up the space she wasn't, and it felt delicious, and she could feel him hardening through his jeans against her abdomen, and she felt a surge of wetness flood her core. She moaned into his mouth and he continued his onslaught until he had to breathe.

"John" she moaned as they breathed against each other.

"Natalie" he whispered.

She could see his control slipping before her eyes. He so wanted to wait for this, until she was ready, until she was comfortable around him again. Didn't he know she was ready and she'd never felt comfortable with anyone but him? It just made her want him even more.

"Don't stop" she begged, and went to kiss him again.

His resolve was slipping, he wanted her, he always wanted her, and that tone and this kiss, it was enough to make him forget she'd been hurt this way. But damn, if this kiss wasn't making him forget all that or the way she was ever so slightly swaying her hips into him. She leaned out to breathe, and they breathed against each other, the feeling only adding to how turned on he already was.

"Natalie" he whispered, attempting to try again to put the brakes on.

"John" she whispered back, "I haven't been loved like this in five years" she said, and she began to undo the buttons on his shirt, "Love me" she pleaded and kissed him again.

That was his undoing. He finished his shirt, taking it and the jacket off and tossing them aside, vaguely he heard them hit the floor with a thud. He found the hem of her shirt and began to lift it off of her, and they broke their kiss and they both got it off of her. Panting they smiled, as they took each other in.

"You're beautiful" he whispered.

She grabbed his neck and brought him on top of her and they were kissing again, and he was on top of her, his glorious weight pressing her into the mattress felt so sweet, and she could prominently feel his member through their pants, hard against her thigh. he broke the kiss and began kissing down the side of her neck and she let out a sigh and the sensation.

"John" she sighed, as she ran her hands up and down his arms, holding her from underneath, "Oh, John" she got louder when she felt her core flood even more.

He moved just a little, but his hardness was between her legs, and she wanted to feel him throbbing. She flipped him, with herself on top and in seconds she was undoing his belt, buttons and zipper and his member was released from the painful constraints of his pants. She smiled, rubbing him up and down and watched his face as he moaned loudly.

"Natalie" he moaned, and she swore the sound made her wetter.

He tangled a hand in her hair and brought her to kiss him, and her hips ground against his member, making him even harder. She was kissing him with purpose and he let his hands wander, finding the clasp of her bra and unhooking it, flipping her back under him. He leaned out of the kiss and gingerly removed her bra, watching her breasts heave as she panted in anticipation.

"Natalie" he moaned, and then began worshiping her breasts, kissing and fondling, sucking and squeezing just the way she liked it.

"John, oh, ah" she was moaning and writhing in pleasure as he continued his ministrations on her breasts. She was bucking her hips into him, and she could feel her high building.

John kissed his way back up to her lips, and start to grind into her center, and because of the denim that was still on her, she couldn't feel near as much as she wanted to, but then John was on her neck, and she could feel her sex throbbing, she was overcome with sensation, she couldn't do anything but moan out his name.

He couldn't take much more, and her continually crying and moaning out his name made him want her all the more. He kissed down the middle of her body, feeling her shudders of anticipation and her breathing hitch as he began to undo her pants. First the jeans all the way off, and then he took a look at her panties. They were soaked and he could smell her desire. They were black, standard bikini fit, but they still turned him on. He slid them off of her as well, then grabbed her right leg, kissing his way up as he felt her continue to shake with anticipation. He leaned back over her, kissing her.

Trying to be smooth, but too overwhelmed by the endorphines he had running around his body, he grabbed at the drawer of his nightstand, opening it loudly in his attempt to find a condom quickly.

"John" she moaned, putting a hand on his chest, "No"

He used the hand he had opened the drawer with to push her hair out of her eyes, "You're sure?"

She nodded, "Come inside me" she begged.

He leaned down to kiss her, and her legs fell open for him and as he propped himself on one elbow, they just looked at each other for a second, watching each other, and he thrust into her. They didn't break their gaze, as he buried himself in her to the hilt, each smiling, shedding a single tear for joy of being together again. After a moment, he couldn't stay still much longer.

"Natalie" he let out a low moan"

"John"she moaned.

He began thrusting slowly, but neither could maintain that for long, and Natalie began to push him, forcing him to up the tempo, her high so perilously close. he was close, too, and in a second he stopped thrusting and began grinding into her, sure he had seconds at best. Natalie kept up the tempo, and he was grabbing at her leg, at anything that would link him back to the world he sure to float out of, he buried his head in her neck, nuzzling her, taking in the taste of her skin and her unique scent. She ran her hands along his back, sure the end was near, she could feel his muscles rippling as he tried to stay in control, but she wanted his control to break surely as her was about to. He nuzzled on that spot that drove her wild, and that pulled her over the edge.

"JOHN" she screamed as she began to fly, riding the waves of pleasure gladly.

"NATALIE" he yelled as he came, her orgasming core pulling him down with her.

They rode the waves together, continually, her core keeping him inside her with a vice like grip he'd never felt before. As they shook together, he wasn't so sure they'd make it out alive, but damn if he cared right now.

It was after they had calmed that John had gotten them under the blankets and Natalie rolled onto her stomach, sighing contentedly. John propped his head up, watching her still in bliss, and began to idly trace patters on her bare back. She closed her eyes and smiled.

"That was something" she finally managed.

"Good something?" he mused, continuing to run his fingers along her back.

"Very" she purred, "For you, too?"

"Good is an understatement" he said, beginning to pet her hair, "You okay?"

"I'm better than okay" she said.

"This is better than I remember" he admitted.

"Me too" she said.

"I love you" he said.

"I love you, too, John"

He took a breath, lying down and bringing her close to him, so she was practically on top of him, still on her stomach, her head resting on his chest.

"This is nice" she said, smiling up at him.

"I could get used to it" he smiled, too.

"Do you think about what would be different if I'd never been taken?"

"I've spent the better part of five years thinking about that"

"Me too" she said, "we made so many plans"

"Hey" he said, "it's not too late for any of that"

"You think?"

"Hey, we said someday it wouldn't be so hard, right? And that someday we'd live together. We got that someday"

"And someday we'll get married"

Someday soon, he thought, though he still wanted to surprise her, so instead he just responded as they always did, "Someday"

"You're right" she said, "it's not too late. And it's not scary, not with you"

"Cuz I love you"

"And I love you"

"And that's all I need" he said.

"Thanks" she said, "Good night, John"

"Good night" he said, and kissed her.

Natalie awoke to an empty bed, but once she opened her eyes, she saw John coming towards her with two cups of coffee. She smiled, sitting up, and glad he hadn't bothered to put a shirt on. He had his boxers back on, but that did little to hide his physique. His ab lines were faint, but there, and his pecks hadn't disappeared over the years, either. His arms were just as strong as they'd been before, and she loved how tightly he wound himself around her as they fell asleep. He sat down extending one cup to her and kissed her.

"Good morning" she said through a smile.

"Good morning" he said, "You sleep okay"

"Better than I have in quite awhile"

"You earned it" he said.

"Thank you" she said, motioning to the cup.

"Worth it" he said.

"So you do have coffee in here?"

"Guess so" he said, "If you're up to it after the trial, maybe it's about time I hit up a grocery store"

She laughed, "Yeah" she said, "How many of my estranged relatives do you think are going to show up?"

"Your guess is as good as mine" he said.

"And we have to start moving some of my stuff out of Eve's" she said, "Which means rearranging your drawers and closet space"

"Worth it" he said, "Just temporary, anyway"

"Maybe we can recruit Michael to help"

"You could probably get him to do anything right about now"

"And you?"

"You can always get me to anything" he said, low, running a hand on her arm.

She raised her eyebrows at him, turning to her coffee, "This is good"

"I thought you'd appreciate it"

"Very much so"

"And the sight isn't so bad, either"'

"Same here" she said, "So now what?"

"Now" he said, as he put both their mugs on the night stand, "I want to do something for you"

Her heart fluttered in anticipation, "What?"

"Lay down" he said, and as she did, he leaned over her to kiss her, deep and full of passion.

She lost herself in the kiss, her legs immediately fell open, and she was getting wet already. Oh, he was good. He broke the kiss and worked on her neck, and she could feel his effect over every inch of her skin. He made his way down to her breasts, and he kneaded her left breast while sucking on her right nipple, then switching. He continued his journey downward, as she gasped and moaned as he inched closer to her sopping opening. without stopping, he plunged his tongue inside her, lapping her up, tasting her, and she reacted. He moved against her with delicious friction and she responded in kind. In minutes, she came and he drank her in greedily.

"John" she sighed as he kissed her.

"Good morning"

"I'll say"

"That was better than coffee" he said.

"You-" she started.

"All for you, sweetheart"

She smiled. He leaned down to kiss her, "I'm going to shower, we have some time, get some rest"


	30. Chapter 30

"How are you doing, Natalie?" Bo asked.

"Alright" she said.

"I'm glad to hear it" he said, "I'm glad to hear you went to see Viki and Clint. It made a world of difference to them"

"Yeah, well, I'm not so sure we'll be invited back anytime soon"

"That's not what I heard" Bo said.

"Well, one day at a time. That's my philosophy right now"

"Not a bad one" Bo noted, "So, I happen to know you studied forensics and that your grades were pretty damn good"

"And who did you hear that from?" Natalie asked, looking at John.

"Actually, Thomas, he was pretty proud of you"

She smiled, "I know" she said.

"Well, are you looking to practice?"

"Yes, I'd love to" she said.

"Well, when the two of you have taken some time, we'll talk. But I want you to take all the time you need. Both of you"

Natalie nodded, and leaned into John, knowing he maybe needed the time more than she did. She didn't know precisely, but she was pretty sure he hadn't taken much time after Thomas had died, and now that she was here, she wanted him to know that she'd be here for him.

"That's good" John said, once Bo had gone to talk to Hugh.

"Yeah" she said, "Maybe I'll get my car sooner than I thought. Not that I mind having to be with you all the time"

"No complaints here"

Then, Michael walked in with a short redhead and Natalie gasped, "Is that her?" she whispered to John.

"Yeah, that's her" John said, "c'mon" he put his hand on the small of her back as they went over to them.

Michael hugged Natalie.

"It's good to see you" he said.

"Same here" she said, "You look so grown up, I can't get over it"

"Well, Natalie, this is Marcie"

Marcie extended her hand, "I've heard so much about you-"

"Well, that's never good" she said, shaking Marcie's hand.

"No, all good. I don't think Michael has one bad thing to say about you" she said, "When he told me yesterday, I could hardly believe it"

Natalie looked back at John, "Yeah I couldn't believe it either'

"Michael has told me so many stories- you- you're so important to these two, I'm just so amazed at the whole story"

Natalie smiled, "Well, if you ask me they're the amazing ones"

"Oh, they are two very special guys" Marcie agreed, "Michael always said he wanted what the two of you had, but it sounded so much like a fairy tale, I didn't believe him, but-"

"I told you" Michael said, "I didn't know until I was in high school everything, but, even before that I knew they loved each other"

"Well, I can't believe you put up with this doofus" John said.

"Oh, be nice" Natalie said.

"I've been dating Michael for over a year and I've never seen John smile like that"

Natalie smiled up at him, "I love his smile"

"That's why I keep you around" he said.

This was when Eve came up to the four of them.

"I've been waiting for this moment for quite a while"

"You must be so happy, Eve" Marcie said.

"I am, for both my boys" she said, and she pushed Natalie's hair back, "And I'm just as proud of you now as ever. Look how happy you all are, John especially, and that's thanks to you"

Natalie smiled, "I'm starting to remember how it feels to be right where I belong"

"I'm so glad, dear" she said, "Why don't all of you come for dinner tonight?"

"It's not Sunday" Natalie said.

"No" Eve said, "But I'll have you on Sunday, too" she said.

"Marcie has to come" she said

"Of course" Marcie said.

"And Natalie, you and John can start to move your things out of the basement"

"Yeah, I was hoping to get some of that stuff out of there" she said.

"I suppose we should find some seats" Eve said, "The entire Buchanan clan will be here soon, you know they'll take up a lot of space"

"You want to meet the DA?" John asked.

She nodded, and together they went up to the DA.

"Hugh" John said, "You ready?"

"Yeah" he said, turning to face the two of them, "No way he's walking out of here today"

"This is Natalie"

"I assumed as much" he held his hand out for her, "I'm Hugh"

"It's nice to meet you" she said.

"If I hear right, you might be joining us at the PD soon"

"Well, once we're settled, anyway" she said.

"We could use some brains in CSI" Hugh said.

"Ain't that the truth" John muttered.

"So your case is solid?" she asked.

"Yeah, its solid. We added the charges from your statement, and soon, you and I will talk about you testifying"

"Anything to put him away"

"I can't imagine how much you want that" Hugh said, "I'm going to do my damn best to make sure it happens. For the both of you"

"Thanks" she said.

"You know, I've been working with John since he got here last year, and- well, he's never been one to talk much, but I knew from Thomas and Bo what your story was, and I'm not about to let him get away with it"

"You must be a good friend" she said.

"I'd like to think so. I don't have many of those, Bo and John have been great" he said, "And you must be very good for him. I've never seen John this happy" he said.

Natalie just looked back to John.

"Hugh's the best lawyer I know" he said, "If anyone can do this it's him"

"Well, I guess it's time I earn that title" he said, "Excuse me"

John pulled her into him, kissing the top of her head, "You do make me happy" he muttered so only she could hear.

She smiled, "Same here"

That was when they saw Spencer and Evangeline walk in.

"You ready?" he asked her.

"That's her?"

"Natalie-"

"No, I'm not starting anything I just- I didn't think you were serious about her defending him"

"Yeah, well-"

"Are all them Buchanans?" she asked, noting about fifteen people had entered the courtroom since they'd talked to Hugh.

"Yeah" he said.

"Alright then" she said, "Do you want to sit up here or with your mom?"

"With Mom" he said, "You think I have a choice with you around?"

"Figured I'd ask"

Momentarily, they sat with Natalie between Eve and John, John rested his hand on her knee, just like always.

"The state charges Dr. Spencer Truman with murder of Lutenint Thomas McBain, accessory after the fact to the murder of Lutenint Thomas McBain, two counts of medicinal malpractice, the abduction, unlawful imprisonment, and rape of Natalie Balsom" Hugh stated.

"Dr. Truman how do you plea?"

"Not guilty on all counts, your honor" Spencer said.

"Is he insane?" Natalie whispered to John.

"No, he has a good lawyer" he whispered back.

"Very well" the judge said, "Trial will begin next week"

"Your Honor, in the matter of bail-" Evangeline started.

"Your Honor, the People wish the defendant be held without bail. The severity of crimes committed, in addition to the fact that the McBain family and Natalie Balsom are still very much affected by this man's actions-"

"Save it for the trial, Hughes" the judge said, "counselor, are you aware of the number of counts against your client?"

"I intend to have them all struck down, your honor" she answered.

"That may well be, but I cannot in good conscience allow bail for someone who is up for eight counts in criminal court. Bail is withheld. This court stands adjourned until a future date. I'll be in touch with both of you"

"That's it?" Natalie asked.

"For now" John said, "it's good. He wasn't granted bail, that means the judge already thinks he's guilty"

"Well, he is"

"It's not going to be short"

"Clearly" she said, and took a breath, "they're all looking at me aren't they?"

John nodded, "It is a lot to take in. They didn't know all the charges, or everything that happened"

She sighed, "I guess I'll go talk to them" she said, "will you save me in a few?"

"Sure" he said, "I'll tell Mom we're going to go grocery shopping and then we'll be over after"

She nodded, "Wish me luck" she walked over to her new family.

John turned to his mother.

"John, I had no idea-" she said, "How is she doing?"

"She's Natalie. She's strong"

"She is very strong" she said, "and how are you?"

"I have Natalie, so I'm already better than I have been in quite awhile"

"What's the other count of medicinal malpractice for?" Michael asked.

"That's for Natalie to tell" he said.

"She okay?" Michael asked, nodding towards the Buchanans.

"You know as well as anyone that she can hold her own" John said.

"You're still coming over? So we can pack her things up?"

"Yeah, um, we're going to go run some errands and then come over"

"Some time alone might be good for you"

"Yeah" he said, his hand going in his pocket and fingering the box.

"What is it, John?"

"Do you know where her degree is?"

"What?"

"Her college degree. You must have it, because I don't"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I know where it is" she said, "Why?"

He shrugged, "She never got to go to her ceremony. I was thinking, maybe we could make it a little bit of big deal of it. It doesn't seem right that she just packs it up with the rest of her stuff"

"You're right" she said, "But what are you up to?"

John took his hand out of his pocket, sure he'd been figured out, but he played it off cool anyway, shrugging, "I'm not up to anything" he said, "And if I were, I would never tell you"

"John McBain"

"Mom, you know as well as I do that you can't keep a secret to save your life" he said, "so will you find it before we come over?"

"Yeah, I will" she said, "I'll see you in a bit" she said, giving each of her sons a hug before she left.

"We'll see you at dinner, John" Michael said.

"You sure will"

"I'm glad to see you so happy" Marcie said, "I didn't think you were capable"

"I'll see you soon, Marcie"

"Hey" Hugh said, coming up to him, "Good start. It felt good to see that look on Evangeline's face"

"I bet" John said.

"I take it they didn't know about the charges"

John shook his head, "I can't blame her, they only just met"

"I've never seen you smile so much" he said, "she must be good for you"

"She's the best" he said.

"You did good, Hugh" Bo said, joining them.

"Thanks" he said, "Only step one. And I know Evangeline is going to bring her A-game, too"

"Yeah" Bo said, looking at John.

"I'm not making any comment" he said, "Are they going easy on her?"

"She holds her own" Bo said.

"Oh, believe me, I know that" he said, "I'll see you guys around. I think it's time me and Natalie got out of here" he said, and he headed over, placing his hand on the small of her back, getting there in enough time to hear her sister.

"I can't believe you went through all that. You were under our noses the whole time-"

"You couldn't have known. Spencer is the best liar I've ever-"

"He'll go to jail" her father butted in.

"Yeah, he will" Natalie said, "He is guilty on all counts"

"Ready to go?" John asked.

"Oh, you're leaving?" her sister asked.

"Yeah, me and John have plans with his mom" she said.

"Maybe we can get together some time soon? John speaks so wonderfully about you, I'd like to get to know you for myself"

"I've never had a sister" Natalie said, "I'd like that"

"Family dinner, maybe?" Viki interjected.

"Maybe" Natalie said, "but we really should be going"


	31. Chapter 31

Once in the safety of his car, Natalie let out a large breath.

"I didn't think of how they were going to take all the charges" she said.

"You did good" he said.

She sighed, "I'm just really looking forward to an hour alone with you"

"Shopping isn't alone" he said.

"Maybe not" she said, "but we won't run into the Buchanans"

They'd successfully gotten actual food from the grocery store, and made it back to the room. They'd been putting things away, and it was incredibly, beautifully normal. After they'd finished, John grabbed her around the waist and she smiled.

"I already feel at home" she said.

"I feel so much more at home"

"It's funny, how much time we spent apart, but it feels like no time at all, we're exactly like we used to be"

He pushed her hair back, watching her lean into his hand, "I knew we would be. there's nothing we can't handle"

"You always believe in us"

"You make it easy to do that" he said.

He leaned down and kissed her, cradling her head in his hand. She wound her arms around his neck, digging one hand into his hair to keep him close. The kiss was slow and sensuous, promising of something more to come. They leaned out to breathe, only to dive right back in. Natalie was reeling in sensation, and she knew if she didn't stop soon, she'd be a goner.

"John" she whispered.

"Yeah?" he whispered, though going to kiss her again.

For a second, she gave in, he was so deliciously tempting, it took everything in her to back out again.

"We have to go" she managed.

"Not yet" he went to kiss her again.

She didn't let him get to far this time.

"We have to go see your mom" she said, putting a hand on his chest to keep his distance.

"Well, that definitely dampens the mood"

She smiled, "Don't worry, I'm all game for later tonight"

"Can't think of that and Mom at the same time" he said, shaking his head.

"Alright, let's go" she said.

It was a few hours later, John's car was full of Natalie's boxes, and Michael and Marcie had joined them at the house. Eve had a bottle of wine open and dinner was a few minutes away when Eve pulled John away from the others.

"Natalie and Marcie get along so well" she noted.

"I always thought they would" he said.

"Her diploma's upstairs" she said, "I also found her cap and gown from high school- it's not the same, but I thought-"

"Yeah, that's a great idea"

The two of them then spent a few minutes concocting a plan for after dinner, then rejoining the three at the kitchen island.

"Dinner should be ready" Eve said, "Boys, will you set the table?"

Marcie watched in amusement as the two brother set the table.

"They're so good" she whispered to Natalie.

"Oh, yeah, they are" she said, "After dinner, she'll make them load the dishwasher, too. They're momma's boys"

"I can't get Michael to do anything" she said.

"You just have to learn the right buttons to push" she said, "I used to get John to cook for me by pouting"

"John can cook?"

"Oh, yeah, he can" she said.

"I've never seen him like this" she said, "I really didn't think he could be this happy"

"Hey" he said, coming up to Natalie, placing a hand on the small of her back, "Quit talking about me"

"Not you, Michael" she said.

"Well, then, continue"

"No" Eve said, "Dinner is ready"

After they were all situated at the table and another bottle of wine had been opened for dinner, conversation flowed easily.

"So, Marcie, how did you and Michael meet?"

"Well-" Michael started.

"I asked Marcie" Natalie said, teasing.

Marcie laughed, "He was the doctor on call when I sprained my ankle. I thought he was cute, so I kept going back for check ups until he asked me out"

"That's adorable" Natalie said.

"They are good together, Natalie" Eve said, "Marcie knows how to keep him in line"

"Which, with him, is largely necessary" John added.

"I doubt I have as much pull over him as you do" Marcie said.

"Well, that'll only last so long" she said.

"Michael told me you went into science, too" Marcie said.

"Yeah, forensics" she said, "I never got to practice, but I finished my degree"

"She's leaving out that she finished with a 3.8 GPA" John said.

"Wow" Marcie said, "They weren't kidding when they said you were smart"

"Well, we'll see if I'm still smart"

"Of course you are" Eve said.

"Bo's going to hire her" John said.

"Maybe"

"Definitely" John said.

"How are the Buchanans?" Michael asked.

"I don't know" Natalie said, "They're overwhelming, that's for sure"

"I bet" Marcie said.

"So are you rich or something now?" Michael asked her.

"I haven't decided if I'm taking the money yet" she said.

"Good for you" Marcie said.

"John, what do you think about it?" Michael asked.

"I think that it's Natalie's decision and I'm behind her either way" he answered.

Michael made a whipping sound.

"I can still beat the shit out of you" John said.

"Language" Eve said.

"Sorry Ma"

"Doubtful" Michael said.

"I'll remind you that one of us has been through intensive physical training. Twice. The other spent some years struggling to lift textbooks"

"Natalie wouldn't let you" Michael retorted.

"Mmm we'll see" she said, smiling.

"They're always a team" Michael said.

"Hey, sometimes I side with you"

"Only if it's in John's best interest"

"Well, someone has to keep that in mind"

"Eve, I can't believe you dealt with this all the time"

"It's good for me to be surrounded by youth" she said.

"Natalie and Ma are always thick as thieves" Michael told Marcie.

"Used to give Dad a headache"

"I used to give your father a headache?" Eve exclaimed, "The two of you were the source of his high blood pressure. Making out in the living room, 2 AM curfews that you took every minute of-"

"Sounds like young love" Marcie said.

"It was" Michael said.

John and Natalie just smiled at each other.

"Well" Eve said, "I think it's about time to load the dishwasher"

John and Michael immediately began to clear the table and load the dishwasher as the three girls stayed at the table to enjoy the last of their wine.

"How do you do it, Eve?" Marcie said.

"Thomas taught them chivalry. And they don't think I can handle myself" Eve said.

"Michael makes you happy?" Natalie asked her.

"Yeah, he does" she smiled.

"Good. I knew he'd make someone happy someday"

"I can't get over how he looks at you. I mean, it's been five years, but-"

"It's always been like that" Eve said.

Natalie smiled, "He's something else" she said, "I got pretty lucky"

"Only you would think that" Eve said, "Everything you've been through-"

"Hey, I'm still here"

Eve saw the boys disappear out of the corner of her eye.

"I want to show you something" she said, and led the two of them upstairs.

"You and Mom planned this in one minute"

"Yup" John said, fiddling with the stereo, "Got it"

"This isn't something you'd do"

"No" he said, "but it's something I'd do for her"

"I get the feeling there's something you're not telling me"

"Because you'd be right" John said, smirking.


	32. Chapter 32

"Eve, I don't think this is necessary" she said at the top of the stairs.

"Don't you think I deserve to see you get your diploma"

"You know guilt gets always gets me"

"And John really wanted to surprise you"

"Well, alright then" she said, donning the cap, "Let's go"

Eve and Marcie gleefully descended, telling her she'd know when to go downstairs. Natalie smiled, shaking her head, but in a minute she heard "Pomp and Circumstance" and she started down the stairs. Her eyes met with John in the middle of the living room with his brother and Marcie on one side and Eve on the other, smiling at her, and she couldn't stop herself from smiling back at him. As goofy as this was, she was glad he'd done it.

Michael turned the music down, and John took her hand.

"Not the same as the ceremony, but congratulations just the same" he said, handing her the diploma.

"I never thought I'd see this" she said, "Thank you. This is so special" she said, and turned the tassel, "I feel like I really graduated"

"Well" John said, "Now we get to the real surprise"

"What?" she asked.

"You graduating wasn't the only thing that was supposed to happen that day" he said, and he took her diploma and set it on the table, taking both her hands, looking into her perfect eyes. He wasn't nervous in the least, "No one knows what I'm about to say, unless Mike's figured me out by now" he took a breath, "You came into all our lives and at the time, you thought you were a hassle, when you were anything but that. You were so smart, so funny, so wonderful. To all of us. The first time I told you I loved you, you couldn't tell me yet, you just said-"

"You're the best thing to ever happen to me"

"And all these years later, you're still the best thing to happen to me. Then, you moved in and- I'd never been so angry or scared in my life, and I still haven't. But a lot of good came out of that night. I slept next to you for the first time, you finally told me you loved me. You told me that afternoon you thought you were worthless. But to me, then, and now, you're worth everything" he stopped, trying not to cry just yet.

"John-"

"And starting that day, we all got you in our lives, forever. You became the daughter my mom never had. You make her so happy, from the second she realized how wonderful you were, up til now, I'm pretty damn sure she'd trade me for you in a heartbeat. You were the best sister Mike could have had. God knows where he'd be if he didn't have you to encourage him and teach him not to be a stupid boy all the time. And you sure gave my dad a run for his money, too. He was always so proud of you, your grades and then college, wanting to go onto police work. He'd never bargained for a daughter, much less one like you" he paused, "And me- well, you had me from about the moment you started reading my poetry books over my shoulder. I can't believe I didn't want you to sit down next to me that day, but I'm so glad you did. Living with you, being loved by you, that's all I want. You make life seem so colorful and worthwhile and- I love you, so, so much"

"I love you, too" she said, and he could see the tears forming in her eyes.

"You're my best friend. If the last five year have proven anything to me, it's that I don't like living without you. And I don't want that anymore"

"Hey, I'm here"

"I'm so happy you're here. You're everything to me. My life was so empty without you. We had so many wonderful years together and I just want that again, I want you." he said, "You know you've been a McBain for quite a while now, but I'm ready to make that official" he took her left hand, starting to take off her Claddagh ring, "and I think it's about time we retire this, don't you?"

"What?" she asked.

Once he'd taken it off, he knelt in front of her and took the engagement ring out of his pocket. She immediately burst into tears.

"Natalie, I fell in love with you watching you read poetry on the bus and watching you win over my brother and my parents. I have loved you everyday since then, I have fallen in love with you over every little thing you do. I spent five years wishing you were by my side. I don't want to spend one more day without you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, making you happy, waking up next to you and falling asleep next to you, sleeping in and drinking coffee on the weekends, making you smile. I was ready five years ago, I've been ready for this since the day you moved in with us. We always said someday- someday is now" he was near tears, too, so he finally choked out, "Natalie, would you marry me?"

She'd been fighting tears since he started speaking, but once he was kneeling in front of her she couldn't stop herself from blubbering. Seeing him fight the tears wasn't helping her composure either. In fact, it just made her love him all the more.

"Yes" she managed to squeak out.

Before she could say she loved him, his lips were on hers, and she felt his tears mixing with hers on her face.

"I love you" she whispered against lips.

"I love you" he whispered right back as he kissed her again.

"You're sure about this?" she asked, even though he hadn't backed away from her, "with everything that happened, I've only been back-"

"I've never been more sure of anything"

"No doubts?"

"None, not with you"

She kissed him again. He backed out, finally putting the ring on her finger, and she cried fresh tears. he tossed the box aside, kissing her full and deep, passionate, and he was crying, too. He'd never been so happy. As he wound his arms around her, his fingers went into her hair, causing her cap to fall off. They broke apart, laughing.

"We're getting married" she said.

"About time" he said.

He hugged her into him, composing themselves for a second before remembering everyone else that was there. When they finally faced his family, John kept his arm on her waist. Natalie wiped her tears away, seeing for the first time that Eve, Michael, and Marcie had all been crying, too.

"Welcome to the family, sis" Michael finally said.

"I knew you were up to something, oh, Natalie" Eve went to hug her.

Hugs were exchanged by everyone, and congratulations were shared. Then, John grabbed her around the waist and kissed the top of her head. She finally looked at the ring for longer than a second.

"John, this is beautiful"

"I'd hoped you'd like it"

"You've really had this for five years?"

He nodded, "I wasn't about to wait anymore. We'd been together for so long-"

She smiled, "It is time" she said, "someday"

"It's someday" he whispered, going to kiss her again.

"You need to pick a date" Eve said.

"Mom, give them a chance to breathe, will ya?" Michael said.

"Sorry, I'm just- I've been waiting for this just as long as you have" she said.

"Don't you worry Eve" Natalie said, "I'll need all your help with planning"

"You're really going to be my daughter"

"I've been your daughter all along" she said.

"You're right" she said, "I don't believe you didn't tell me you were doing this"

"Because you would have kept that secret?"

"I-"

"Mom" Michael cut in.

"Fine" she said, "I'd love to have you stay and talk, but I'm sure you want to celebrate on your own. I'll see you soon?"

"Most definitely" Natalie answered.

They all hugged once again, and shortly, Natalie and John were on their way home. Once in the parking lot, John turned to Natalie.

"So, this is all going to take awhile to unpack"

Natalie leaned over, placing her hand strategically over his member and stroking it with just enough pressure.

"I don't want to unpack tonight. Do you?"

John leaned in and kissed her deeply.

"Not even a little bit" he said, and got out of the car.

Natalie followed him quickly, the two racing up the stairs, and the second the door was open, they were in a make out frenzy, tearing their clothes off and making their way towards the bedroom.

After a few hours, they lay, catching their breath, John holding her against his chest.

"John" she said, not moving.

"Yeah?"

"I never asked you what you thought about the money"

"You know what I think"

"No" she said, finally looking up, "I know you're behind me no matter what, but I don't know what you think I should do"

"Natalie-"

"You're allowed to have an opinion"

"I really don't know" he said, "On the one hand, you could essentially not have to do anything for the rest of your life and we'd be comfortable. On the other hand, that's not you. You've worked hard for everything, for as long as I've known you." he said, "And as far as me, well, you shouldn't take me into consideration"

"John, that's-"

"Listen" he said, "The FBI paid me well, suburbs are apparently where money is- we're going to be fine, no matter what. My pride- it isn't worth giving it all up if that's what you want to do"

"I just don't know"

"Hey, it's not going anywhere"

"That's true" she said, "I just wonder what difference it would make to them"

"who knows?" he said.

"I'm not tired yet"

"Oh, well, in that case-" he leaned down to kiss her, and she pulled him on top of her.


	33. Chapter 33

It was daylight, and they had barely slept, but Natalie still felt as though she could have continued. John was next to her, recovering as well.

"What a night" she said.

"You know" he said, "I got nowhere to be today"

"Oh yeah?" she said, biting her bottom lip, and he leaned over her, beginning to kiss her.

Then, there came a knock at the door.

He leaned out, sighing.

"No" Natalie whimpered, and flipped him under her with all her force, causing her to be pushed against him, and she kissed him.

"Natalie" he began to protest.

"Ssh" she said, "Ignore it, they'll go away"

And she began kissing him deeply again. At first he didn't respond, but after a moment, he got lost in the kiss and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her back. The knocking continued, but they didn't care. Natalie began to kiss his jawline, on the way to his neck.

"Natalie" they heard, "It's your mother and your father"

She leaned into his face and made a sad sound, "Well, that's that"

"Yup" John said, "I guess we should put some clothes on"

She sighed, getting off of him. They quickly dressed and made the bed.

"What do you think they want?" she asked, as the began pulling the sheets back in order.

"I'm sure they just want to talk" John said, as they moved on to the comforter.

"Is one day really too much to ask?"

"They don't know we got engaged" John said.

"They don't know we got engaged" she said, "do we tell them?"

"They're your parents" he said, "run a brush through your hair"

The knocking came again.

"Natalie" her father called.

"Damn, he's impatient" she said, as they made their way to the door, finally opening it.

"Hello" she said, much more dapper than she'd sounded only a few minutes ago.

"What took so long?" Clint said, letting himself in.

"Please come in" Natalie said, quietly.

"I think your father meant to say hello"her mother added, "I hope we aren't interrupting any plans-"

"No" John said, "No plans today"

"We figured we'd come down and see your place" Viki said, "And, well, selfish maybe, but we just wanted to see you"

"Well" she said, "that's nice of you"

"Bo said he wants to hire you" Clint said.

"Well, we only talked about it briefly" she started.

"If that's what you want, Natalie, I think you should do it" Viki told her.

"I mean, I probably will" Natalie answered, "I just- we need some time"

Viki smiled, "Yeah, I'm sure John has missed you more than anyone else could possibly imagine"

Natalie ran her hand up John's arm, and he smiled.

"So you like this place?" Clint asked.

"I like it fine" Natalie answered.

"There's enough room for both of you?" he asked again.

"Well, my stuff hasn't made it out of John's car yet" she admitted.

"Hmm"

"Me and Natalie were actually talking about finding a new place when she starts working again" John added.

"Oh?"

"I never intended to live here permanently. I never meant to stay in Llanview for long- But well, now that Natalie's here-"

"That's lovely" Viki said.

"Well, I'd like to feel like a real home again" John said.

Natalie smiled.

"Jessie was asking about that dinner" Viki said, "Would you like to come tomorrow?"

"Um, sure" Natalie agreed.

"Great, Jessie will be so pleased" Viki said.

"And maybe I can convince you to come work for me" Clint added.

"Unlikely" Natalie said, smiling so it didn't seem rude.

"How was dinner with Eve?" Viki asked.

"It was lovely" she said, smiling at John, "we used to have family dinners every Sunday. It brought back a lot of good memories. and it was good to be with Eve and Michael like that again. And get to start making new memories"

"For all that happened, I'm glad you found such a lovely home with John's family" Viki said.

"They are very wonderful" she said, smiling at John.

"My mom always loved Natalie" John told them.

"Well, not always" Natalie corrected.

"Really?" Viki asked, "What caused the change?"

"John decided, one day in high school, that he would pick a fight with someone because they whistled at me"

"Mom blamed Natalie for a while, then she actually met Natalie and decided that it was my fault" John added.

"And it was. because I told him not to do it" she said, "He got suspended"

"For 2 days" John said, "And besides, you agreed to be my girlfriend after that. So it was worth it"

"That's a cute story" Viki said.

"I think so" John said.

"Was pretty much your girlfriend before you punched the guy" Natalie said.

John shook his head.

"It sounds you two have quite a love story" Viki commented.

Natalie subconsciously looked down at the ring and smiled, "Yeah, I'd say so"

John smiled too.

"Do you have pictures, from back then?" Viki asked.

"Actually, yeah" Natalie said, and went back to the bedroom to retrieve the envelope.

Viki and Clint began flipping through the pictures, asking questions every so often about what they were doing or what was going on. Viki was particularly interested in the pictures of them from high school. She stopped at one that was right after their last day of school the first year she'd lived with them. As partaking in McBain tradition, they had gone to the boardwalk to throw their worst grades in the ocean. Natalie leaned over their shoulders to point out how short Michael used to be when her father grabbed her hand.

"Is this-" he started, pointing to the engagement ring.

Natalie gaped for a minute, but then recovered, "Yes" she said, "John asked me to marry him last night"

"Oh, Natalie" Viki exclaimed, "That's so wonderful. This is beautiful- I'm so happy for you, and John-" she paused, "You must be so happy to have Natalie back in your life"

"I sure am" he said, kissing the top of Natalie's head.

"Have you talked about details yet? Oh, I'm getting ahead of myself, I just love weddings" Viki exclaimed, "Tell me all about it"

"It was very sweet. They were all putting on this show to give me my diploma and no one knew, it was just perfect"

"That's adorable" Viki exclaimed and hugged Natalie.

"Where'd you get the ring?" Clint asked.

"A shop on the boardwalk" John said, "I looked everywhere. I wanted it to be perfect"

"It looks like an antique" Clint commented.

"I love it" Natalie said, smiling up at him.

"I thought you were a respectable man, John. You didn't even ask her father's permission" Clint said.

"Permission? Excuse me?" Natalie started.

"Natalie" John said, putting an arm on her shoulder, "With all due respect, I was planning on this five years ago when we didn't know who you were" he said, "I didn't think it was necessary" he said, and then added after a look from Natalie, "And Natalie's always done what she wanted, I don't think she would have appreciated me asking, either"

"Still" Clint said, "I don't think-"

"Clint" Viki said, making him come to a screeching halt, "I think we have taken enough of their time today, don't you? I'm sure you want to be celebrating and planning" she said, "We'll see you tomorrow, for dinner?" and when she nodded, she continued, "Natalie, you're just so different from Jessie, I don't think anyone knows how to handle it. Good news always brings people together, just you wait and see"

Natalie nodded, and shortly the two were out the door.

"Well" Natalie said, "at least that's over" she said, and fell into him, "I don't know how to do this" she whined.

He kissed the top of her head, "Hey, at least they weren't disgusted by the idea"

"So now what?"

"If I may make a suggestion?" he said, "I think we should take this time and unpack your stuff, and then I could use a nap. and maybe after- dinner?"

"Mm sounds good" she said, "I hate unpacking"

"Well, there's two of us" he said, "and then you'll really be home"

"Why did I agree to this?" Natalie asked as they rang the doorbell.

"Because they'd just interrupted us having sex and you didn't know what else to say" John answered.

She punched his arm, "I hope those aren't the types of answers you used to give them when they asked about me"

"Interestingly, they never asked me about our sex life"

"Hmm I wonder why" she quipped, "Jessica seemed nice enough"

"She is. She was really nice the last time I was here. She really wanted to know about you, and us"

"Does she live here?"

"I think so, but I'm not sure" he said, "Just wait til you experience dinner here" he noted, "The first time, when I came with Mom and Dad, I just- wow"

"Interesting" she said, "Like the food, or-"

They were interrupted by the door opening and a maid greeting them and bringing them to the dining room.

"A maid?" Natalie mouthed to him, and he simply nodded.

When the reached the dining room, everyone stood as they entered, and Natalie immediately felt under-dressed, though she couldn't really find it in herself to care. She hadn't foregone the jeans as John suggested, but she was wearing a nice, black blouse, and she'd even put on one of her nicer necklaces. Her twin was dressed in dress pants and a shirt with a blazer, and she and John sat opposite her and her mother, with Clint at the head of the table.

"Natalie" she exclaimed, "I'm so glad you came"

They all sat, and shortly a salad was brought to them. John wasn't kidding about being wowed. This was not what she'd expected at all, though she supposed she shouldn't have been surprised.

"Well, it seemed like a nice enough idea" Natalie said, "And besides, it's one less day I'm doing the cooking"

She and John laughed.

"You know how to cook?" Jessica asked.

"Yeah" Natalie said, resisting the urge to laugh at how big a deal this seemed to Jessica.

"Natalie's actually really good at it, too" John added, "She made dinner for us last night, I don't think I've eaten so well in five years"

"He's exaggerating" Natalie said, "He also hates cooking, so he thinks by keeping me buttered up, he'll have to do it less"

"I wouldn't dare assume that" John teased.

"I wish I knew how to cook" Jess said, "if a way to a man's heart is through his stomach-"

"Oh, don't let anyone tell you that" Natalie said, "then you're learning for all the wrong reasons. You should do it because that's what you want"

"Huh" she said, "I've never thought of it like that"

"Jessie, you don't need to know how to cook, we have a cook" Clint said.

"Yeah, but I'm not going to live here forever" Jessica said.

The salads were taken away, and the main course was brought out.

"Mom and Dad said you got engaged" Jessica said.

"Yeah" Natalie smiled, and showed her the ring, "it was quite a surprise"

"That's beautiful. I'm so jealous. I'm single right now, and I miss being in a relationship" she said, "You must be so happy. John told me last time he wouldn't trade in time with you for anything. Both of you must just be ecstatic"

"Yeah" John said, "we're pretty happy"

"Have you started planning the wedding?"

"No" Natalie said, "There's a lot going on right now, and we haven't had time, we just moved all my stuff out of Eve's basement and into John's place-"

"We'll start planning soon. I've waited long enough for this to happen" John said.

"Adorable" Jess said, "I could tell how much John cared about you when he talked about you when he came for dinner last time. My heart broke for him"

"I haven't been this happy in quite a while" John said.

"It shows" Jessica said.

"So Jess, what do you do?" Natalie asked.

"I split my time working between BE and the newspaper Mom runs" she said, "I really like working at the newspaper, but it would be hard to just stop working at BE"

"Do you write for the paper?"

"Yeah" she said, "And edit"

"That's really cool"

"And are you going to be working with me at BE?"

"No" Natalie said, "I'm going to go back into forensics"

"Oh really? That's cool. I'm sure Uncle Bo will happy to have you"

"Yeah, he's already asked me about it. Some people were bragging about my qualifications" she said, looking at John, "I have a lot to live up to"

"And you'll surpass those standards easily" John added.

"It's so nice that you have such faith in her John" Viki said.

"Well, it's not hard. She's really smart"

"Well, here's hoping" she said.

"Will you wait until you're settled in your job to plan the wedding?"

"Yeah, probably" Natalie said, "One day at a time right now. There's a lot to handle all at once"

"Yeah, I bet. Still, it's nice that you're able to carry on just like you were five years ago"

"It wasn't that hard. I knew after a day back it was the right thing to do" John said.

"Oh, all this talk about marriage reminds me, John, I have a pre-nup for you to sign" Clint added.

"Clint" Viki said quietly.

"Pre-nup?" Natalie exclaimed, "What?"

"It's a fairly standard contract" he said, "just a singed agreement that if you were to divorce, he couldn't take anything that rightly belongs to the family"

"You mean the money" she said, "the money that I haven't even decided to take yet"

"Natalie, it's your birthright, and as a woman with a certain stature marrying-"

"Do you hear how ridiculous this sounds?" Natalie said, "This isn't normal"

"It is for this family" Clint said.

"I'll sign it" John said.

"John, this is crazy"

"I agree" he said, "but we're not getting a divorce so I don't see what difference it makes. He wants to know I don't care about the money. You know I don't, so what's the harm?"

"You really think-" Natalie started.

"We're not splitting up" he said, "so to me, I don't think it even matters what he has written in that contract"

"You're right" Natalie said, "Fine"

"Well, I admit, it's usually the fiance that puts up the fight" Clint commented.

"Yeah, well, I could care less about the money" John said, "We didn't have much before, we did just fine"

Natalie smiled.

"I never doubted that" Viki said.

"You're pretty lucky Natalie" Jess said.

"Yeah, I think so" she said.

"Well, I think it's time for dessert" Viki said, "It should be in the library by now"


	34. Chapter 34

A/N: So here's the end! Thanks to everyone who read and those that left reviews (though I wouldn't be opposed to more, cough cough, lol). Admittedly, I had a few other scenes in mind for this one, but they didn't seem to fit and the story seemed to be lagging a little bit. Here's hoping you enjoy the final scenes :) I guess it's time to start on the other two stories that have been rattling around my head for a while.

"Alright, let me know what you think" Eve told her.

Natalie turned and looked at her hair in the mirror. Eve had put it half up, half down with a beautiful amount of curls framing her face.

She fought the tears, "I like it" she said.

"Alright" Eve said, "Let me see your face"

Natalie blinked a couple times and turned back to Eve, who was outwardly crying.

"Eve" Natalie said, tears forming now, too, "We can't start now"

"I just- I never thought this day would come" Eve said, "and now it has, and Johnny's never been so happy-"

"There were a lot of days I didn't think this day would come either" Natalie said, "I've dreamed about this everyday for I don't even know how long-"

Eve smiled, "Okay. Enough blubbering. Let's get your face on"

Eve had started on her face when a knocking came at the door.

"That better not be John" she muttered.

"You know John, Eve" she said, "Once he sets his mind to something-"

"I gave Michael very strict instructions"

"Natalie?" her sister popped her head in, already dressed, "Girlfriend, you better be getting dressed soon"

"Just because you're the maid of honor, does not mean you get to boss me around" Natalie said.

"I'm pretty sure that's exactly what it means" Jess rebutted.

Natalie laughed, as Jess came over to join the two of them.

"How does it look out there?" Eve asked her.

"Good. It's pretty full"

"And John?"

"No sign of him"

"Good" Eve said, "That means he's no looking for you and I don't have to lecture Michael later"

Natalie laughed.

"Thanks again, Natalie" Jess said, "for asking me to be a part of this"

Natalie smiled. It hadn't taken much time to get close to Jess, and she actually had learned to love having a sister. The two had gotten close rather quickly, and Natalie was certain she wouldn't be on good terms with the rest of the Buchanans without Jessica. Jessica had supported her decision to put her inheritance in a trust for any kids she and John decided to have and not take any of it for herself. Jessica was also the first of the family she'd told about not being able to have kids and had helped her tell everyone else. It had been so long since Natalie had a girl friend to confide in, and Jessica was everything she needed.

"Don't thank me. I wouldn't want anyone else up there with me"

"Alright, let's finish getting you ready"

"You need anything brother? Pep talk? Drink?" Michael asked.

"Nah, I'm good" he said.

"You sure? You're about to get married, aren't I supposed to remind you not to run away?"

"It's Natalie, Mike. Nothing is going to stop me from marrying her today"

Michael smiled, "Still no doubts?"

"Not with her. This has been a long time coming"

"I guess it has" he said.

"Maybe I should be asking you if you're doing okay. It's a big day for you, too" John said.

"Natalie's practically been my sister for quite a while now"

"You know what I'm talking about" John said, and Michael looked down, "Mike, she's held onto you for what, almost three years? She's going to say yes"

"You think?" he said, clearly nervous, playing with the ring in his pocket for the millionth time.

"Yeah, I do" John told his brother, "and so does Natalie. And you know she's never wrong"

"You two are something else, you know that, right?"

"Yeah, I think so, too"

"I'm sure Dad's really happy right now" Michael told him.

"I hope so" he said, "He was happy when I told him all those years ago"

"He would be. I think Natalie won him over the day they met"

"She won you over that day, too" John said, "and almost everyday after that"

"She's the best sister" he said, "And I'm sure he's happy you put Truman away"

John nodded. The trial was a six month process, with Evangeline pulling out all the stops to try and rip a hole in their case, but she'd been largely unsuccessful. The gun had buried Truman on the count of murder and Natalie's testimony had been heart breaking to watch. He'd held her for hours after that as they both needed it to recover from the emotional toll it took on them both. Evangeline in her cross examination had been beyond cruel and the jury had found him guilty on all those charges as well.

"Yeah" he said, "He won't be bothering us anymore"

"I'm really happy for you, John" Michael said.

"Thanks, Mike" he said, "And come a few hours, I'm going to be really happy for you, too. Marcie's going to be so surprised. The girl wants to marry you"

"You think?"

"I mean, unless she comes to her senses in the next few hours-" he joked.

Michael laughed, "Alright, let's get this show on the road.

The bridal march began to play as Jessica walked down the aisle. Then, the doors opened and Natalie walked down, escorted by Rex. Her hair framed her face perfectly, and her eyes were gleaming with love at him. Her dress was white, and the straps and cut of it complimented her well. He was sure he'd never see a better sight as long as he lived. The priest asked for her to be given away and Rex answered, and John took her hand. He kissed the side of her face.

"You're so beautiful" he whispered before the ceremony started, and he was met with her gleaming eyes and dazzling smile.

The ceremony began, and it was beautiful. The priest then asked the two to exchange their own vows.

"For transient sorrows, simple wiles, praise, blame, love, kisses, tears, and smiles. And I now I see with eye serene the very pulse of hte machine; a being breathing thoughtful breath, a traveler between life and death; the reason firm, the temperate will, endurance, foresight, strength, and skill; a perfect woman, nobly planned, to warn to comfort and command; and yet a spirit still and bright with something of angelic light." he started, "When I was seventeen on a bus ride to school, you told me that Wordsworth had it all wrong. His perfect woman wasn't a vision he wanted, just a real woman. And I thought to myself, I guess I'd found my phantom of delight. That was also the day I knew I'd marry you. After all, if I found my perfect woman, what more could I want? We still had a long way to go, but by then I'd fallen for you. I don't think you knew that yet, or believed me, but I knew you were it for me. Losing you was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Bo asked me once how I knew I loved you, and I told him- I fell in love with you everyday, with a thousand little things. Once you opened your heart up, you loved me with everything you had and coming home to you was everything I ever wanted. That's only become more true since you came back to me. I fell in love with you all over again welcoming marcie in, and then your family and Rex- and you've made me whole again. Knowing I'm going to spend a day with you makes getting out of bed in the morning worth it. You threw yourself back into forensics, worked to make new relationships with the family you didn't know you had- all that you still love me. You're worth everything to me, Natalie, I will always love you for that"

"When I was sixteen I found myself in a new place, on a bus where no one wanted me to sit with them. For some reason, I sat down next to you and my whole life changed. You were the reason I got out of bed in the morning. You were the reason I made it out of that house alive. We always said someday. At first, someday was a magical place where you and I were together and everything else that was going on didn't matter. And then, you me to believe in someday as if it were real. And now it is someday. You're my best friend. I spent five years missing you and hoping that one day we'd be together again. I wouldn't be here without you, I have no doubt in my mind. I didn't think I'd ever amount to anything, but you always believed in me, right from the beginning, when I couldn't believe in myself. For all we've been through, I know with my whole heart that we can handle anything life's going to throw at us. The first time I told I loved you, I wasn't sure what tomorrow held. I love you, and I love knowing that every tomorrow from now I'm going to spend with you"

"The rings?" the priest asked Michael.

"John, as you place this ring on your bride, say "With this ring, I thee wed"

"With this ring, I thee wed" John repeated.

"Natalie, as you place this ring on your groom, say 'with this ring, I thee wed'"

"With this ring, I thee wed" she repeated.

"I know pronounce you husband and wife" the priest announced, "You may kiss the bride"

John framed her face and kissed her deeply. Natalie reacted, kissing him as well, and they were oblivious to the church applauding them.

"I love you" he whispered against her lips when they leaned out to breathe

"I love you, too" she whispered right back, and kissed him again.

When they finally came up for air, she smiled.

"We did it. It's someday"

"Happy someday, Natalie"


End file.
